Daugter school Director accuses us of "Educationally Hindering" WTH!?!?!?!?

[aynekal]

So DH and I have a daughter who is almost 5. We are originally from St. Louis, MO, but my DH is a Marine and we have been stationed in Washington, DC since earlier year.  She attends a Montessori school which I am NOT totally in love with, BUT I DO love what she is learning.  She has adapted VERY well AND she has had sooooo many playdates that I am quite jealous of her ever expanding social calendar :) j/k.  I am a HUGE technology buff as both my undergrad and grad degrees are in Software Engineering, needless to say my technological obsessions have impacted my child as well.  I have EVERY Apple product known to man, and have also made a few purchases for my daughter.  Yes, she has her own MacBook Pro (Which I purchased quite cheaply for her as the company I work for sells our pc's to us once we have been upgraded), and an iPod touch, and I am planning on purchasing an iPad for her for Christmas...Ok, so where am I going with this post....Well the director of her school pulled both me and my husband aside claiming that we are "educationally hindering" our child by "spoiling" her with the latest and greatest technological advances.

I took great offense to that because I see nothing wrong with letting my daughter experience technology.  I obviously control what apps and songs are downloaded to her iPod and she only plays reading games (Oh yeah she is 4 btw and can READ, not recognize words but actually sound them out and READ them) on her MacBook.  Am I wrong???  Am I really hindering my child educationally for the rest of her life???? Thoughts please!!!!!

[la mamita]

I would meet with the director and get more specifics. What are they specifically worried about? Not reading physical books? Not wanting to use the school's outdated computers? Is she not getting enough imaginative play time? Does she get bored with outdoor time? Is there a Montessori philosophy against technology (I thought Waldorf was anti-technology...)? Not asking you to answer these, but I'm trying to come up with some questions as to why this person would have said that.

For my family, that sounds like a bit much on the technology side, just because the cost of the equipment probably outweighs the time that I would let me kid spend on the screen(s), but to each their own. Education is getting more and more technology-heavy, so I can't see how this would be a disadvantage---unless the screen time is taking away from other kinds of learning (imaginative play, physical activity, crafts, etc).

[LessTraveledBy]

I don't understand the school's comments but I have to say that I would find a lot of exposure to technology quite unhealthy for a 4 yo. I know what computers do to me (quite the stimulant) and I do think that too much computer usage kills the very things a child should be involved in... exercise, creativity, etc.

[kittie313]

The school is being melodramatic I think.  But then, I also think you are on overkill with technology at the same time.  Its hard to find the balance between technology and real-world, and you have to be careful with it.  Before I'd brush off the school's statement though, I'd ask WHAT they meant by it exactly and look at it from that view?  Is she refusing to learn addition facts because that's what a calculator is for, or is it that she prefers to read books on the iPad screen instead of a book?  I'd have issues with tech. if my kid was refusing to work on addition facts to do them without a calculator because calculators are just so much faster, but then I also can't disagree with wanting to read on a screen instead of a piece of paper because I do 100% of my college online and do a lot of computer stuff there.  I think you need to dig deeper to the root of the statement before you can get miffed by it.

[LynnS6]

How many hours a day does she spend on technology? We try hard to limit screen time to 60 minutes a day. Typing that out, it sounds like a lot, but really, it's one TV show plus some time on the computer. It hasn't educationally hindered our kids, nor has it stunted their imagination. I confess that during winter break, they'll probably get more than that. Dh and I have just recently decided that we'll have no more screen time after 7pm  because the kids weren't settling well to go to bed.

So, if she's not spending excessive amounts of time with technology, I don't think that access to technology is bad.

[aynekal]

My DH and I have called a conference to ask for specifics as he was REALLY upset about it.  My daughter is VERY healthy and has a VERY healthy imagination.  She is NOT spending hours a day on the computer.  The onset of technology in our home stems from my job, I work as a project manager responsible for large-scale enterprise software implementations, and since I have flexibility to work from home we are surrounded by computers.  On Saturday mornings, before I get out of bed and begin prepping breakfast, my husband and I are usually in the bed on our laptops, Kyndall used to join us with a doll, book, or whatever her choice was, but was always asking to play on our laptops.  So it has kind of became a Saturday morning ritual, I am up web surfing, shopping, or working, or the like on my laptop, she comes in with hers and we power up one of her educational games and once she has completed a round of spelling, or math, or short reading, we power down and get our day started. Also, since moving to DC we are soooo far away from our families, that we often iChat or Skype to stay close to family that is back home. It is something my DH and I enjoy exposing her to and that SHE has expressed interest in, and it is NOT for llllooonnnngggg endless hours.  I dunno, I really don't see anything wrong with it, especially since she is NOT sitting at her computer for hours on end....

[sapphire_chan]

Yep, I'd find out exactly what the director observed that made them make the comment and then decide if that's something you care about.

[Linzie2]

I completely understand where you're coming from.  Each parents interests, hobbies and profession affects what and how they teach their child.  In our country life, we deal with death frequently in order to eat our daily food, through natural causes or to end suffering.  I'm also a nurse, and my children have accompanied me to see sick and dying grandmothers which may have been too disturbing for other children.  For us, that's our norm and for our children too.  So that's the same thing that you're saying about your daughter.  You feel like her technology use is well balanced with other aspects of her life and that is enough.  It's good that you are having a discussion with the school so that you may both understand each other better.

[Tigerchild]

Add me to the tribe of people who are not afraid of technology and don't see it as the bogeyman.

I will say, though--is it possible that your DD nonstop talks about her techgrrl gear?  I have had to set quite a few teachers/parents straight when they presumed to lecture me about my boys playing console games.  They constantly talked about it (like another child might go on and on about dinoaurs) so that meant it was assumed that I was a neglectful parent who had fried my children's brain into uncreativity by allowing them to play on the Wii 24/7.  In actuality, my kids get 6 hours of screen time.  Total.  (That includes TV/DVDs, Wii, DS, and computer)  A *week*. About 4 hours of that is console games because they're not allowed to play console or handheld at all on weekdays, and so they currently choose to give up all TV during the week so they can play Wii/DS on the weekends and so we can do a family movie night on Friday.  My kids also spend easily two or three times that (or more esp. in the summer) playing outside and running free on our wooded property rain or shine--which tended to be far more than the snobby lecturer's kids did.  My kids have built their own forts, followed bobcat trails, made clay pots with clay they harvested themselves (I helped with the wedging), hunted for nests of baby bunnies to observe, have their own garden patch, yadda yadda--also more than most generic critquers can say.

So, as the kids have gotten older, I've encouraged them to show other sides of themselves in their writing and discussion.  Hard to do with younger kids though.

I have found that people back off when I state the specifics.  My kids get X amount of screen time per week.  Yes, I'm aware that you probably ignorantly assumed from talking with a 5 year old about their favorite subject that that was all they ever do.  Ooops, I guess you were wrong.  Is there any true academic concerns, or were you operating on assumptions?  No academic concerns?  They're actually accelerated?  Okay, glad we could clear that up, thanks for asking.  Let's both encourage them to talk about something other than their current obsession (fueled by the fact that they don't get to do it every day)--because I'm sure you're as tired of hearing about it as I am.  Problem solved.

[lonegirl]

Your daughter and lifestyle would mesh well with ours.  My son just turned 4 on Wed.  He has had his own Itouch for about a year now, He is currently using dh's Ipad.  He too can read...sound out and recognise both.  I do attribute much of his academic success comes from our lifestyle and his love and knowledge of technology.  We have a Wii, multiple Xbox 360s, he has my old laptop and a touchscreen pc on his desk (for fun, educational games....played fairly rarely but enjoyed immensely,), we each have a ds. He is completely capable of using the xbox to access netflix to find his favourite programs (we limit times on this).

We are of the belief that knowledge, interest, and respect of technology are good qualities to have.  DS has used and has had access to all our technology since but a year old....he has always treated them well and learned from us how to properly use them. 

[aynekal]

Ok, so I had a brief discussion this morning with the director as I was dropping off my DD at school.  Her "concern" was that my DD was able to "troubleshoot" ( and I use this term VERY loosely) a technical issue in her classroom.  Their classroom computer was not working during a classroom exercise, my DD suggested that the teacher "re-boot" the computer and maybe it would work.  When this obviously solved the "issue" this caused "grave" concern that our daughter is being exposed to too many technological influences...GIVE ME A BREAK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  REALLY!!!!!!!!!!!! It seems as they should have thanked my kiddo, and kept it moving...why are they NOT focusing on her problem solving skills or the mere fact that she took initiative to speak up and assist.  *Sigh* I am trying to calm myself down and not get too disgusted..but seriously..can you believe this!!!???!!!?!?!?

[angelpie545]

I'm really confused as to why the directer feels it is her place to even say something about it.  All because she knew to reboot the computer? Maybe the director is intimidated by all the technology she has access too? I'd probably politely thank her for her concern, but explain that your choices are none of her business-in a kind, non-confrontational way.  Is the director older? In our parents' time, technology usage wasn't anywhere as widespread or necessary as it is today. 

[aynekal]

Yes, she is much older and kind of strange.  Like I mentioned before I am NOT a huge fan of the school, but my daughter is learning A LOT and has adjusted VERY well and I think it would be devastating to her to be moved, but I don't really care for the schools administration. I was just really taken aback by her comments, all I could do at the time was smile, node, and LEAVE!

[AbbieB]

My first thought after reading your OP was to tell the teacher something not suitable to write her at MDC.

I love tech stuff too and wish I had the budget to indulge. My DD (now 7) has been using computers, my old iphone (so basically an ipod touch), video cameras, digital cameras, wii, etc... for years. She also watches as much "TV" (DVD's, netflix, limited Internet, no cable or network programing) as she wants. She's a happy, well adjusted, healthy, active, intelligent child.

I personally do not believe that all screen time is the same. I think it matters what you are doing with it. there is a big difference between watching a nature show and being inspired to learn more about lets say volcanoes or sharks and watching hours of mindless dreck like iCarly (and other shows like that in the Disney line up) or Jersey Shore. I also think commercial free screen time is a million times better than kids being bombarded by all of the messages in between shows on TV.

I'm guessing that the teachers opinion comes from holding a philosophy about Montessori education and what that means children should be doing and maybe a little fear of technology more than anything else.

I would not worry about her opinion on this and look to your daughter. If you are happy with her development than that's all that really matters.

[sapphire_chan]

Originally Posted by aynekal 

Ok, so I had a brief discussion this morning with the director as I was dropping off my DD at school.  Her "concern" was that my DD was able to "troubleshoot" ( and I use this term VERY loosely) a technical issue in her classroom.  Their classroom computer was not working during a classroom exercise, my DD suggested that the teacher "re-boot" the computer and maybe it would work.  When this obviously solved the "issue" this caused "grave" concern that our daughter is being exposed to too many technological influences...GIVE ME A BREAK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  REALLY!!!!!!!!!!!! It seems as they should have thanked my kiddo, and kept it moving...why are they NOT focusing on her problem solving skills or the mere fact that she took initiative to speak up and assist.  *Sigh* I am trying to calm myself down and not get too disgusted..but seriously..can you believe this!!!???!!!?!?!?

Seriously? Seriously?

Sadly, yes, I can believe it, but I'm still hoping there was some horrible mistake.

I hope you gave the director a shocked and disgusted look. And I'd be going in to ask exactly what they do to encourage problem solving skills and helping others (both things that are a big part of Montessori) since they felt those were signs of a problem in your dd.

(Also HIGH FIVE for having a kiddo who knows about rebooting computers. Geeky mama heart flutters, yes??)

[AllisonR]

Originally Posted by Tigerchild 

I have found that people back off when I state the specifics.  My kids get X amount of screen time per week.  Yes, I'm aware that you probably ignorantly assumed from talking with a 5 year old about their favorite subject that that was all they ever do.  Ooops, I guess you were wrong.  Is there any true academic concerns, or were you operating on assumptions?  No academic concerns?  They're actually accelerated?  Okay, glad we could clear that up, thanks for asking.  Let's both encourage them to talk about something other than their current obsession (fueled by the fact that they don't get to do it every day)--because I'm sure you're as tired of hearing about it as I am.  Problem solved.

I realize this has now been resolved by the reboot, but this post by tigerchild cracked me up. So true. Some people will assume and judge you, no matter what you do. I've gotten comments because my 3yo has her own G5 Mac "she shouldn't be on that at all" and because we bike home 1 mile per day in the wind, rain, snow, sleet.... "it's too dangerous for a 3 yo to bike in the snow" blah blah blah. Water off a ducks back, let it all roll off and do what works for you and your family.