decluttering is a huge problem for me... we just moved back to az from alaska and we had to downsize..... and we had too much stuff for our house up there to handle... the problem is my dh has a REALLY hard time when i try to get rid of things... and it doesn't help that he doesnt mind coming home to a mess..
Just on the decluttering, one option if your DH hates getting rid of things, admittedly it's a bit underhand. If you've got a box of stuff that you haven't opened since moving, and you know it's stuff you don't actually need, can you go out without DH knowing and take it to the charity shop/tip/wherever you go to get rid of stuff? Or, put some things into a box and if he doesn't notice for some time, then dump them without telling him. Chances are he won't remember you had all the stuff in the first place, or if he does you can blame it on things going missing during the move.
This might not be possible though given how busy you must be with the children. I say this based on the fact that I moved house nearly a year ago and we are still missing things that we definitely had - now I haven't dumped them and I know DH hasn't, but they don't seem to be here! So it's easy to see that things get lost during a move.
Obviously there would come a point where he'll notice but it might help a bit with those odd things that you know are useless.
More generally, my house is still an absolute tip since moving in (which like I said, is nearly a year ago now!!) and I only have one DD aged 2.3, currently preg with DD2 and hoping that we'll get organised before she's born but probably a little unlikely.