When to start sleepovers?

[brokenheart]

I'm not sure....personally I feel my child (7) is too young. We still co-sleep, she's afraid of the dark, etc.  She's only ever slept at home or with her grandma.  But it seems like kids even younger (5, 6) are having sleepovers. One child is planning a sleepover for her birthday (five girls).  I just don't like this idea at all....I can't imagine her settling down to sleep at a half decent hour. 

[squimp]

It's a very personal decision - when you and she are ready.  My DD started going on sleepovers when she was about 6.5 - some of her friends did sleepovers before then but I wasn't ready.  It depends on the friends and the environment as to whether she sleeps well, but DD usually does.  She has almost never been a mess the next day - I usually was because we'd stay up way too late! At our house I have them in bed around 9, so they get a  reasonable night's sleep.  

[squimp]

Oh and there are definitely a number of girls in DD's class who still don't do sleepovers at age 7. 

[MovnMama]

My DS is not really old enough for this issue, but it's come up in general conversation with other mothers and I just thought to weigh in.  I would say, there's a real difference between a sleepover with a close friend that has frequent play dates and a reasonably strong relationship with the friend's parent(s), versus a sleepover party-style with 5+ kids.

Even if your DD is still cosleeping... I don't think that 7 is to young for a sleepover with one close girl friend whose parents she knows and has a healthy relationship with. I DO think it's way to young to be in a room full of 5+ 7yo in a house where she might not know the parents so well and be overwhelmed by the amount of other kiddos. And have to sleep in a sleeping bag by herself when she's not used to that at all.

For example, when I was quite young (5-6ish?) I slept over at my best friend Stephanie's house, and she at mine. Steph and I were friends in *preschool* and had playdates all the time and by the time we were having frequent sleepovers, a) each of the other girls parents knew each other pretty well and b) the children knew the other girls parents really well.

So for one thing, our parents trusted each other to feed a semi-nutritious meal, have decent bedtime, etc. Also as in, if I had a nightmare at her house, I was totally okay stumbling into Pat and Wanda's room and whining about whatever scared me, and they would get up and calm me, etc. I think I only had to go home one time, when I was really upset about something and ended up being sick, or something like that.

Also on the cosleeping thing, Steph and I shared the guest bed during sleepovers, at my house and hers. So if your DD has a relationship with a close friend, sleeping in the bed with the friend (which I take to be quite normal and age appropriate at 7) might mitigate the cosleeping concern that you have, which is totally valid. Coming from parents who didn't cosleep, I remember really valuing the sense of closeness with Steph. I think she finally got a trundle bed when we were pre-teens, but we spent years sleeping in the same bed together for sleepovers.

HTH! What is your daughter's opinion? Does she care one way or the other? Is she desperately asking to go, or are other kids pressuring her to attend the party? That would feed my response as well.

[AAK]

My oldest started sleepovers at 6.  At that time there was only one friend she wanted to try it with.  It was fun.  We let her have a sleepover party at 8.  At all of our sleepover parties, we include two pick up times.  One for the evening (in case someone isn't comfortable or can't sleepover) and one for the morning.  

My second child also started at 6.  Most of her friends are more sensitive, etc though and several of them don't do sleepovers yet.  She just turned 8. 

My third had one at 4!  But, I wouldn't say she does sleepovers.  This was a special occassion with a very close family to ours.  I wouldn't expect or even ask her friends over for the night yet.  But, I imagine that with her close friends, she will start around 6 as well. 

It all really depends on the kid.  I have to feel comfortable with the family involved as well.  

What drives me nuts is the overnight camps.  My 10 yr old would love to go to one of the ones for 1/2 week.  But those are only available to kids entering first or second grade.  The older kids have a min. 1 week stay.  This is too long for her.  

Amy

[sunnysandiegan]

It depends on your child and so many other factors.

My DD was 4 years old when she had her first sleepover. We've known the family since the girls were infants. We were in a very active playgroup where the whole family was often invited, so we felt very comfortable with the other parents and home and sibling. Our parenting styles are very similar and the girls were (and still are) very comfortable with both families. The first sleepover was here at our house because the other girl had slept at grandparents and cousins before, whereas our DD had not ever slept without us nearby. A few months later, the next sleepover was at their house. We still trade off and the girls just had a sleepover last night here. They are nine years old now.

DD's first slumber party was for her ninth birthday and we had three girls over (one was the aforementioned girl). She has since been to 1-2 more with her Girl Scout troop at the troop leader's house whom we know very well.

DD has only spent the night with grandpa and one other friend's house (troop leader's daughter, who has also stayed here). So, three homes without her parents. We do travel and go camping, which I think help with the unfamiliar situations being okay.

DH & I have to know the other adults who will be present. I also ask about guns in the house and other safety questions. The most important aspect, though, is if DD feels comfortable and wants to participate. She has good instincts and I believe in nurturing those.