Adopting a Toddler

[mkmoro311]

Trying to get pregnant w/ #2 and it is not going as well as we had hoped.  I am now interested in the idea of adopting and think I would rather adopt a toddler than an infant.  Looking for thoughts on what ages are good and why.  Better to foster first and why?  Not looking for specific race or gender!  We are a White middle class family with a 3 yr old and I stay at home, how hard or easy is the adoption process under those circumstances?

[sparklett]

Just wanted to sub.  We are considering adoption as well and are in a situation very similar to yours.  I have a host of reproductive issues and we've decided to take some small steps into the foray of adoption, starting with the standard orientation with the County sometime around the first of the year.  We think we'll have some answers to our questions then.  We haven't told friends or anyone in our family... that's going to be another issue all by itself.

No real advice, but best of luck to you!

[sagewinna]

I really liked the book Toddler Adoption: The Weaver's Craft. You can borrow it from the library. I just read lots and lots of books to get an idea of the challenges and realities of toddler adoption. In the end, our family felt a child 3 or under would be best for us, but our youngest just turned 7 so spending a lot of time and attention on the new child would not be as difficult as it would be if our littlest was younger. 

[MommyKelly]

Do all the research you can. Know what you are going into with your eyes wide open. The 1st time we adopted our dd was 2.5 when we got her. The we go a sib group where ds had just turned 2 , 2 weeks earlier. Both kids came with huge challenges and I know my youngest bio kid (who is a year younger then the 1st, and a year old then the 2nd) missed out on some things because we were so busy trying to get help for the new kids. We had no idea how much damage could be caused in 2 years, and how much time and therapy is would take to start to undo some of it. Dont get me wrong, I love my children, but I wish I would have been less naive going into it.

[Whistler]

We're adopting a toddler internationally.  We did some training and have read a lot and talked to people, but I still feel totally unprepared!  Every child is different, of course.  I vacillate from being upbeat about it to being completely terrified...  If that is being realistic, I guess I am because we're expecting some challenges ahead and I know our other kids will have to make sacrifices... but that is what a family does.  we're all excited to welcome her into our family and we'll do whatever it takes to help her transition, to attach, and get her the medical and emotional care she needs.

[christophersmom]

I went into it thinking toddler to four year old since we were doing foster care but got a 5 month old. I am so happy with our situation, but we will moreso reach out for a 2-4 year old next time. I am sure there will be some issues, but I would prefer to skip the baby phase now, if possible, that I have done it twice. My SW wrote down any age up to 5 so who knows what we will get called for next and when that would happen.