Your post really resonated with me. Deeply resonated with me. Thank you! I've spent a great deal of my life being told something was wrong with me for questioning things that were done to me. What you described are my relatives from my mother to sister to aunts and uncles. I've also questioned whether or not something was wrong with me.
You are right, the pain is excruciating. This week I've had everything from chest pains to stomach aches. It's not easy but I can do this. Your post really spoke to me and gave me a jolt of strength I needed today. Thank you.
I think the extended family who no longer speak to you are really missing out.
I'm really glad I could help you, mama. I was a member of an online support group for adult children of mentally ill parents and it helped so much to know I wasn't the only one who had to amputate my family of origin to save my own life. It's such an incredibly lonely feeling sometimes, but remember that you aren't alone. Your family is who you choose it to be, and anyone who encourages you to stay in an abusive relationship--whether your abuser is a partner, friend, or blood relative--does not have your best interests in mind. You have to look out for yourself even if society frowns on disengaging from abusers who happen to be related to us. Society isn't living your life, raising your children, or experiencing the abuse.
The pain does dull over time. So as much as it hurts now, realize that you just ripped a huge scab off a wound that's been festering for your entire life. Now the sunlight and clean water and fresh air can hit it and you'll slowly begin to heal.
And please feel free to PM me if you ever need to vent to someone who totally gets it.