Tandem nursing - 94% would do it again? - Page 2

[Treece]

Porcelina,

I wanted to answer your question. Sometimes dc1 willingly waits his turn. Sometimes he doesn't. If he doesn't I really try distraction and daddy. It's hard for me to tell him no because we have been trying weaning off and on for about a year. Since this post, he has gone from 2/night to 1/night. And approximately 1/day. My dc2 (dd) nurses only slightly more than him, but she is more interested in food than he was at 10 months.

I also agree that a happy mom is a good mom. My son seems to know this intuitively. If I get upset, he comes up and whispers "don't yell" or shhes me. It's great. I calm down. Anyway, I digress.

I should add that it was REALLY hard in the beginning. My dd was hospitalized for RSV and my son went 8 days w/o. (Both kids had it...) The first few days I was so engorged. With dd not feeling well, she wasn't nursing as often, and with a new baby, ds was marathon nursing, so I was engorged. Break out the hospital pump......  When we returned home, ds needed me so bad. I just set him on one side and her on the other, layed his legs on my lap and hers on his. Nursed away. When one fell asleep, dad picked that child up. I laid the other down. Now, ds sits beside me and dd lays sorta on both our laps. When she's older, she'll sit beside me.

I started out planning to nurse ds to 18 months. I got pregnant and we moved at about that time, so I decided not to stress him too much more. The baby was born and a few months later potty training. I figured 30 mo. Didn't happen. I HOPE for 3 yrs. We talk about when he will stop the nanas. I think he might think that if he stops, he won't speed as much time with me. So, I try to spend alot of other time with him. He co-sleeps with me and dd (one on each side). We have our own games and songs. So, I really hope he does wean soon. Any thoughts? I'm not sure if I would tandem again. But I don't regret it with this child. He has really needed that time with me. I do feel like I am shorting my dd but I think I would feel that way no matter the nursing relationship.

It's just how our family works for now. Most days I love it. Some days not so much.

Oh, and one more thing, my dd cries with my dh too. If she needs mommy she gets me. My ds can understand that. So, if dd needs my undivided attention, ds goes to daddy if he needs attention. Or, sometimes ds tries to help with dd.

Our first few months were hard because of the hospitalization and other people telling me I needed to stop and threatening me with CPS and other issues that were going on. The only thing I found comfort in was knowing that my kids were connected to me and each other. There have been tears shed by all 3 of us but I think more would have been shed if ds had been weaned too early.

PS I hope I didn't ramble too much. lol
 

Originally Posted by porcelina 

I do find it remarkable that your children are so well-connected. So far (and it's only been 10 weeks!) DS1 is very connected to DS2 as well. He asks to hold him, shows him toys, and shows him off to his friends and family as "my baby." I do believe this relationship will continue. The jealousy has to do with my attention being diverted away from him, like when he wants to play but the baby is crying. That's when I hear, "I don't want you to hold the baby." Are you able to easily convince your DC1 to put off his needs for DC2? For us, he definitely feels the diversion of attention. It doesn't help that all baby does with DH is cry, so I am the only one who can soothe him (and yes, he often cries with him for an hour at a time, but we keep trying).

Anyway, Treece, I truly admire that you are able to continue tandem nursing for your children. I know it's not easy!! I'm glad it's working well for your family.
 

[TiredX2]

I tandem nursed my children for 19 months.  If confronted with the same situation again (a frequent nursling and a pregnancy) I would definately tandem nurse again.  I would, first, though attempt to avoid that situation in the first place.  I just didn't feel it was *fair* for me to remove something that DD still so clearly needed because DP  & I had made a choice that made it difficult. My only regret I deal with regarding my nursing while pg/tandem nursing is that I was not *more* accepting of DD's needs.

[bandgeek]

When I was pregnant with my second I figured I would just take it one day at a time.  Sometimes it was a little trying, when I was exhausted and he was having difficulty latching right (he had some oral issues), but there was nothing about the situation screaming at me to stop.  As far as I could tell, he still needed to nurse (needed, not wanted).  DD was born when DS was 2 years, 9 months.  She had some serious complications and was in the NICU.  I could not nurse her and had to pump.  I was VERY grateful at that point because DS helped bring my milk in and also took over the middle of the night pumping session so I didn't have to get out of bed.  He nursed about 4 times a day (and was *thrilled* there was milk...he thought christmas came early I think LOL) and I pumped 4-5 times a day.  My milk supply was so great that I got 30+ ounces in those 4-5 sessions.

When DD came home from the NICU 2 months later, I was still pumping because she couldn't nurse and was tube-fed.  I was already struggling with supply and DS was no longer nursing efficiently enough to keep it up (popping off after just a minute).  I started the process of weaning him.  He nursed just one time a day for the next 7 or 8 months when I weaned him completely.  It was not much of an issue at all.  He definitely would have nursed longer, and sometimes I felt sad about weaning him, but I'm glad I was able to give him the time that I did.

[cdmommie]

I tandem nursed my kids from DD1 19 months old and DD2 newborn until DD1 was 33 months old and DD2 was 14 months old (although the last 3 months DD2 only nursed a total of about 5 times).  And not only would I do it again, I wish I had continued longer.  Their relationship was much better when they were both nursing.

Edited by cdmommie - 12/16/10 at 1:16pm

[mtchen79]

I don't exactly enjoy tandem nursing where both kids are nursing at the same time but I would do it again because it provided a safe place and moment to connect with each child as my older DD was not ready to wean when my younger DD arrived. When I have had to nurse both simultaneously (and grit my teeth at the same time), the girls actually enjoy being with each other and holding hands so it's a bonding thing between them and everyone is calm all at once and no one can get into trouble or make a mess at that moment as they are attached to me.

[Drummer's Wife]

My last two were 25 months apart and I tandem nursed for a year.  I would have gone longer if I hadn't gotten sick and been hospitalized.  Anyhow, Yes, I would absolutely do it again.  Sure, it sucked at times - and I wondered why I was doing it.  But the time of infants and toddlers goes so fast - looking back, it really does and it's worth all we endure.  Including tandem nursing when the older child is not ready to wean when the younger one is born.  I agree that it helps to keep the older child happy and occupied.  It's like an instant way to soothe - and when you have more than one little one and feel torn, it's helpful to have something that almost always works.  So, yeah, I'd do it again... even the constant night time tandem nursing.  Both of my boys were nursing every two hours or less at night for that whole year.  Maybe I would have night weaned the older one ahead of time if I felt he was ready - but we co-slept so I'm not sure how possible that would have been.

[mamaw/two]

I have tandemed twice before and am hoping to be a tandem nursing mama again come next June/July:)  So yes, I would absolutely do it again and find it preferable to not tandeming.  My 1st dc weaned during 2nd dc's pregnancy and one regret that I will always have is that I encouraged the weaning.  I have loved seeing the bond that it fosters between siblings, and the older child is never left feeling like the baby came and took away mom's attention.  The older child is still recieving the immulogical (sp?) benefits of bm and it makes for a healthier toddler and baby.  It isn't always easy and great, I think that most tandem mama's have the touched out feeling sometimes, but overall it has been a wonderful thing for our family.

[AngelKissedKids]

Thanks again for the continued feedback on your experiences with tandem nursing.  I thought I had made the decision to fully wean by 24 weeks and did in fact go a week and a half, maybe two weeks without nursing DD, but now at 25 weeks pregnant we're back to nursing due to my prompting/offering.  DD seemed to have accepted that milk was all gone and wasn't asking for it more than once a day before bed, likely out of habit due to our long time routine, but her behaviour had changed throughout the day and I was feeling a loss of connection.  So, on a gut instinct kind of whim, I asked her if she'd like some mama milk the other night and have made the decision to allow her to nurse when she needs it (although I'm still trying to keep her night weaned).  We're averaging 2-3 times a day now, often only lasting a couple of minutes due to her choice, but I feel like even those few minutes really makes a difference to her so I'm committed to continued nursing during this pregnancy unless I end up developing complications that contraindicate it.  So, after all these weeks of stressing over the decision to tandem or not, I feel that ultimately the decision has been made in response to my DD's needs, and not my intellectual pondering, and that just feels right.  I only hope that my dreaded fear of feelings of aversion don't occur too strongly after baby arrives!

[kdaisy]

Originally Posted by crystalcm   I only hope that my dreaded fear of feelings of aversion don't occur too strongly after baby arrives!

I just wanted to add, that I was so scared of having aversions while I was pregnant.  The descriptions I heard were awful!  But when I did experience it, it was, for me, more like extra crankiness.  Don't worry too much about it. 

I think you are doing a great job following your instincts... It is the best any of us can do!

[IndianaMomToBe]

This is sort of off topic, but not really.

I am 5 weeks pregnant. 36 days ago I had a miscarriage at 7 weeks pregnant. ( http://www.fertilityfriend.com/home/201270 )  I wasn't aware I was pregnant right away last month. My milk supply began to decrease, I realized my period was late and tested. To help my milk supply I drank a few cups of Mother's Milk tea. Got a very faint positive pregnancy test result. Then a week later had a miscarriage.

I am wondering if the Mother's Milk tea or the fish oil I was taking could have caused the miscarriage... This pregnancy my milk supply seems to be decreasing again but I am not drinking any tea or taking anything other than my prenatal now. I don't want to cause a miscarriage. Are my worries silly? This whole trying to keep nursing my 18mo old and maintaining pregnancy is new and unfamiliar to me. Any advice or thoughts would be appreciated!

[Marissamom]

Originally Posted by IndianaMomToBe 

This is sort of off topic, but not really.

I am 5 weeks pregnant. 36 days ago I had a miscarriage at 7 weeks pregnant. ( http://www.fertilityfriend.com/home/201270 )  I wasn't aware I was pregnant right away last month. My milk supply began to decrease, I realized my period was late and tested. To help my milk supply I drank a few cups of Mother's Milk tea. Got a very faint positive pregnancy test result. Then a week later had a miscarriage.

I am wondering if the Mother's Milk tea or the fish oil I was taking could have caused the miscarriage... This pregnancy my milk supply seems to be decreasing again but I am not drinking any tea or taking anything other than my prenatal now. I don't want to cause a miscarriage. Are my worries silly? This whole trying to keep nursing my 18mo old and maintaining pregnancy is new and unfamiliar to me. Any advice or thoughts would be appreciated!

I don't think it's silly, because I know that some of the milk-supply boosters are counter-indicated in early pregnancy (I don't remember which because I've never used any). I know oatmeal is 100% safe and helps many women keep their supply up. as well as getting enough to eat in general, getting enough rest, and drinking plenty of water.