A little uncomfortable with the new OT

[Wild Lupine]

DS was just switched to a different provider who specializes more in his issues. She's very good at what she does, but we have different discipline styles/standards, to the point where it's getting uncomfortable. She's older, and I'd say more 'old school' of children should be seen and not heard. I'm not loosy-goosy, everything goes, but I do believe children are part of the household and their needs/wishes should be respected.

Example: today there were three specialists visiting for a consultation. DS (27 months) was sitting on a chair at the kitchen table, then got shy so asked to sit on my lap, so I sat on his chair with him. Later he asked to sit on his chair by himself so I stood up and gave him the chair. My thinking- 1) it was his chair, 2) everyone was there for a feeding consultation and I wanted him at the table in the most comfortable manner so they could see him eat, and 3) again, it was HIS chair. OT said, I always thought the adults got to sit in the chairs. I joked that it was a tough meeting for a two year old, I'd do whatever helps him be comfortable. One of the other adults nodded and said, exactly. (It was really nice to have that back up. Similar things have happened when it's just been us and I felt so frazzled afterward.)

She is also very non-tolerant of my 4 yo DD. She just turned four, and cannot entertain herself for an hour, so I often need to set her up with activities during our sessions. The old OT didn't mind either incorporating DD into what she was doing, or me occasionally getting up and getting out a craft, or finding DD a snack, or doing something to keep her happy and occupied. The new one gets impatient if she isn't still and quiet all the time. Today when she walked in DD said hello, and started to tell her what she had done that weekend. I know the OT can't get into a long conversation, I don't expect that, but some nicey nice words, like oh that sounds interesting, or something. Instead she said, I can't talk to you right now, I'm here to talk to your mommy about your brother. The girl is FOUR, and she gets dragged to appointment after appointment after appointment for her brother (three last week alone, two of which lasted four hours), let her talk a little!

So, help me out here. I'm thinking she's out of line commenting on discipline when it doesn't impact her work with my child, right? But I'm probably going to just grit my teeth and bear it. She is good in her specialty.

And what do your other children do at appointments? I can't afford child care for the number of appointments DS has. I can't let her use the computer or watch a movie because DS will want to also - it's a small house - and that would defeat the whole purpose of her being there.

[BeautyforAshes]

I agree that it's out of line commenting on these things, unless she feels they are part of a bigger issue which is affecting your son.  If that is the case, then she should discuss the larger concerns with you directly.

[Wild Lupine]

Originally Posted by BeautyforAshes 

I agree that it's out of line commenting on these things, unless she feels they are part of a bigger issue which is affecting your son.  If that is the case, then she should discuss the larger concerns with you directly.

I agree that she should be direct if she's concerned about a bigger issue, which she has done in the past. I'm fairly certain that the behavior stuff, at least what she's commenting upon, doesn't impact; she sees him for purely physical stuff, not emotional or social concerns. There's an age difference between us (though I'm hardly a 'younger mother'!) and I wonder if that has something to do with it.

I mainly don't want DD to start resenting the appointments because I worry about that leading to rivalry and tension between them (DS has a lot of appointments!) Right now they get along very well.

[NightOwlwithowlet]

The bottom line for me would be can I work with her to help my child?  Is there is a personality conflict that will get in the way of a professional relationship or is her behavior an annoyance you can deal with?  Can you get another OT? 

DS was in OT and ST for a few years and we had fantastic luck with OTs, but the STs were a different story.  Sometimes, it just wasn't going to work out with the therapist.  One was just too authoritarian with DS and he hated her, though I liked her and she gave me some great ideas.  Another one was always late and spent most of his sessions whining about her boy friend.  The one at the local elementary school was borderline abusive and the incident with my son lead to a state investigation into the SD's treatment of sped kids and a change of state wide policy.

Now, I cut my losses. If it looks like it won't work after a few sessions, we move on.  They provide a service my kid needs, if the service is inadequate or just won't work for him, it's a waste of time for all of us.  We did get a decent speech therapist, she was good with DS, she was willing to support our concerns about HS and attachment parenting.  She helped him more in six months then the previous STs had in two years.  

[Wild Lupine]

Originally Posted by NightOwlwithowlet 

The bottom line for me would be can I work with her to help my child?  Is there is a personality conflict that will get in the way of a professional relationship or is her behavior an annoyance you can deal with?  Can you get another OT? 

Thinking about it this way, I think she's good for my DS. The discipline stuff is mostly comments directed at me, and I'm a big girl, I can let it roll off my back. DS doesn't really notice any of it.

I do worry about my DD, though. It's hard for her to watch DS get so much attention from so many adults; she understands that he has particular needs that those adults are addressing. It's hard but manageable when the adults involved are sympathetic to her and understand that she's a kid with her own needs that can't be put on hold for the sake of a medically needy DS. But if his OT appointments become more stressful for her... well that just seems like a bad road to go down.

So I am wondering what do you do with siblings through all the appointments and consultations?

[KCMichigan]

One of my DDs has WAAAY more appointments and also have 1.5 years of weekly OT/PT.

I let her twin do a few things:

1. special bag of 'stuff' just for her to play with when mom & sister had to talk or work w/ therapist

2. snack

3. planned a fun event afterwards (ice cream, trip to park, etc) so that she had something to look forward to

4. made sure we had a therapist that worked with our 'whole' family and not just the one child.

5. did stretches and oral motor exercises with sister when therapist was working with her twin

We had some great therapists that gave me things to do at home, but also gave 'jobs' to the sister to work with (example: Do you think you can count 10 jumps for your sister? Do you think you can ride your trikes with your sister tomorrow? Can you show me how to use the chewy? Good! Can you show your sister?) it was great and we all were included in DDs therapies.

If you have a therapist that is not working out....request a switch.

[anj_rn]

My DD is 20 months and we have 6 therapy appts at home and 2 in clinic every week.  We usually have 2 doctors appointments a month.  My DS (4.5 yrs), gets dragged to almost all of them.  If I know ahead of time we are going to be out for a really long time or he will need to be quiet (i.e. EEGs)  I try to get someone to watch him for me.  Otherwise, we bring a backpack with toys, books, snacks with us.  All of our therapists will engage with him and ask him to help (can you bring that toy over hear to your sister?) or will address him and then make sure he is set up to play.  Once I had a therapist suggest I take my DS to the restroom to "discipline him" since he was having a mini meltdown.  I calmed him down (he was over tired and hungry), gave him a snack, and explained we would leave in 15 minutes and he was OK.  I then told the therapist that we did not spank and that I had some great books on GD if she was interested.  We have never had a problem since then.

I do take the time to explain to the therapist that I understand that in an ideal situation that therapy time would just be the therapist, my child, & myself, however that just is not an option for us.