Any 4th graders still believe in Santa? - Page 2

[northcountrymamma]

My grade one dd just announced at a family party on the weekend that she no longer believed...she said all the kids at school don't either (montessori grade 1-3 class). 

We were shocked to say the least. At first I never wanted to lie about it and thought it was something I wouldn't do, but then the magical part of my memories created a desire to go along with it and she has been pretty into it for the past few years....but now what?  

We talked to her about the magic of believing in faeries and other forest creatures and how she was so lucky to believe in these things because it allowed her to see them when there were so many others out there that cannot. We said that santa is just like those creatures...but we didn't go much further, the family (extended) made it totally akward and I was cringing all evening and eyeballing anyone who kept bringing it up. We left it alone today and I have no idea if we should just let it go entirely and see what she says in the future or talk about it more?

Grade 4 seemed about when I expected, but grade 1?  6 years old seems just too young?

[blizzard_babe]

I was in second grade when my mom told me, and I remember not being surprised, so maybe it's not so outside the norm? No clue if I was normal or not, though. I'm sure not normal now.

Originally Posted by northcountrymamma 

My grade one dd just announced at a family party on the weekend that she no longer believed...she said all the kids at school don't either (montessori grade 1-3 class). 

We were shocked to say the least. At first I never wanted to lie about it and thought it was something I wouldn't do, but then the magical part of my memories created a desire to go along with it and she has been pretty into it for the past few years....but now what?  

We talked to her about the magic of believing in faeries and other forest creatures and how she was so lucky to believe in these things because it allowed her to see them when there were so many others out there that cannot. We said that santa is just like those creatures...but we didn't go much further, the family (extended) made it totally akward and I was cringing all evening and eyeballing anyone who kept bringing it up. We left it alone today and I have no idea if we should just let it go entirely and see what she says in the future or talk about it more?

Grade 4 seemed about when I expected, but grade 1?  6 years old seems just too young?

[tatermom]

I agree with this.  My 3 and 5 year olds know the truth about Santa, and I've cautioned them not to talk about it at school because other people believe different things and we don't want to ruin the fun for anyone.  But if one of them accidentally slips and mentions it, should my kids (or I) be blamed? I mean, we're all entitled to different beliefs, and I'm entitled to tell my children the "truth" as much as anyone else is entitled to tell a different story to their kids.  Why should I have to lie to my kids just to protect the beliefs of other kids??  (I'm feeling defensive because parents always say "but what if they tell the other kids???" when they find out that my kids "know", and I'm a bit nervous that my talkative little 3 year old is going to discuss it at school... but then I resent being nervous about that!).  Sorry, a little OT, I know, but it was on my mind because of this thread.
 

Originally Posted by sapphire_chan 

I think what gets me about the Santa thing is that people get mad when their kids are told another story. I mean, if it's a family's right to believe like people believe in various gods, then shouldn't the etiquette be the same? You don't jump down the throat of someone who tells your kid that they don't believe in Jesus or whatever, but all the time people get up in arms that some kid found out about Santa "too soon".

Either it's important enough that you can talk about differences of belief with your kids, or it isn't important enough to make a fuss.

[oceanbaby]

I don't think anyone should lie to their kids to protect lies their parents tell them.  However, I don't think it's too much to ask for a certain amount of general respect for different beliefs.  My neice goes to Catholic School, and talks often about Jesus and God.  My kids know that Jesus and God are something that some people believe in, but that we don't.  (They also know that they are welcome to develop their own belief system, and it may very well be different from ours.)  We have discussed that everyone is entitled to their own beliefs, and that it would be very rude and disrespectful to push our beliefs onto them by saying to her "Jesus isn't real."  There are children in our school who have to leave the classroom during a birthday celebration because of their religious beliefs, and even though my kids think it's ridiculous, I would be mortified if they were anything but respectful for that child's beliefs.

Also, I'm not really afraid of someone telling him that Santa isn't real - my main concern is him being teased for it.

[VisionaryMom]

I'm surprised to know that many 4th graders believe in Santa, but I am out of the loop on this. 

We don't do Santa. I let DS' teacher know just so she'd have a heads-up. I've told him that other kids' parents tell them Santa's real not a story like we've told him, and that it might hurt other kids' feelings if he broke the news. That said, if he did, I certainly wouldn't be upset with him, and I wouldn't stand for him to be reprimanded for it at school either. It happens. Santa's not real, and kids are going to find out sooner or later.  

[pregnant@40]

 I doubt many 4th graders believe in Santa, and it's probably time to tell him. Hopefully others have a good method in doing this.

[sapphire_chan]

For telling him, you could frame it as him being part of a big secret. He enjoyed the magic of Santa when he was a little kid and now that he's older he gets to help keep the magic for his little brother and other little kids.

[neptunemama]

My fourth grader still believes in Santa.  My older dd, now in 6th grade, found out from a friend around Easter of her fourth grade year.  Until then, she still believed in Santa and all the other wonderful magical beings.  And some she still believes in, like fairies, gnomes, etc...  I would bet there are other 4th graders in your ds' class that still believe also. 

[RomanGoddess]

I wouldn't stress.  Your DS very likely knows that Santa isn't real is and simply playing along because he knows it's a way of getting presents.  You can tell him that as long as he chooses to believe, Santa will be real.  He'll get the message.

[bec]

My 4th grader still believes.  Or, she says she believes.  I have a 2nd grader (not quite 7) who I suspect knows.  The older two (I also have a brand new 5 year old) have had a lively debate over the last couple of years about it.  Some kids at school say one thing, and others say another.  They have only asked me once (several years ago).  I turned it back around on them and asked them what they thought.  The oldest looked at me dead in the eye and said, "I want to believe."  They have studiously never asked since.  I have not tried to hide it from them, and have not been particularly sneaky about it.  We open most of our presents on Christmas Eve, and have "santa" presents on Christmas Day.  Right now, I'm following their lead on it.  I would say that the 4th grade class is probably around 50/50, given what I know of the kids in the class!

[CherryBomb]

Dd1 says she believes, but I think she's figured it out and just doesn't want to admit it. 

[Amatullah0]

my parents lied to me about santa at least until i was 18. I started to get a hint that he wasn't really real much earlier than that, probably when I was around 7years old. but, my parents insisted that he was real. the only reason they talk to me today like i am not 4 years old is probably only because i have my own kid. when the "truth" slowly came out about santa(i.e. the literal man who lives at the north pole and travels the entire world in one night giving presents to kids), my faith and trust in my parents died with it. It didn't help that I have some sort of (undiagnosed, and thus, unknown to my parents)disorder affecting my comprehension of sarcasm and other half-truths, was made fun of for it(by said parents, as well as by peers) and lived much of my life feeling confused and having a low sense of self-worth, that i still struggle with it now.

I blame santa :P

just kidding. but i do think that the lies my parents insisted on didn't help it.

[greenemami]

dsd is in 4th grade and she acts like she believes (i.e. has written a list for santa, talks about what santa will bring) but I suspect it is more for show and to play along than because she believes in the literal santa.  Idon't really feel the need to bring it up to find out for sure, but would go with the "spirit of santa" explanation if I had to.  I would have preferred to explain to dd and ds that santa is just a fun story/game to play, but dp really wanted to do the Santa thing, so here we are :)

[mattemma04]

My dd is in Montessori upper(age 9-12) grade 4-6. .She says some of the kids *might* still believe,but it has not been an issue like it was for my ds in his lower class(age 6-9) grade 1-3 which had some serious pro-santa kids. I am glad my ds will be in upper next year where kids control their emotions a bit better about beliefs.

Did you have a talk with your son? I would just do the usual talk about everyone has different beliefs,and sometimes it is better to keep your opinions to yourself.It is fine to have opinions,but it can be a problem when you are in the minority.Some people can not accept the difference and will argue their point constantly despite your wish to *agree to disagree*.

I am sure there will be a day or 2 after break of what santa/family gifted each child and then it will be over!

[sublimeliving]

My DD is in 2nd grade and homeschooled. This year, she revealed that she knows that her dad and I fill her stocking. I sat quietly with her talking about the difference between pretending and a lie. I think many children don't want to disappoint their parents by telling them they know. Obviously your son is very bright; I love the Nintendo DS question. He is playing along, and hoping that you'll get him the DS to keep up with the magic. Regardless of whether you allow the DS, he is hoping you'll make an exception. 

[Rose-Roget]

I remember when I was in school, my 4th grade teacher read Superfudge to the class.  There is a part where the older brother makes a comment to his mother about Santa not being real.  Our teacher stopped reading, looked mortified, and asked if there had been anyone in the class who had still believed.  No one raised their hand, but I had a suspicion that there was at least one in the room.  So it doesn't seem unheard of...at least not 25 years ago. 

[daisymama12]

My son is in grade four, and he believes in Santa - or at least wants to believe in Santa. His two best friends have tried to disabuse him of this belief, but to no avail 

This year he left a very cute note for Santa asking him for his signature.

DS told me that the NORAD website is "proof" that Santa exists. I don't play it up, but just try to follow his lead. I worry/worried about him being teased, but it doesn't seem to be a problem. His friends tell him that his parents put the gifts under the tree, and he tells them, "you think what you want" in a kind of playful way. 

I've thought about it from the "lying" angle, but I don't feel that way. I look back at the Santa in my childhood, and it is one of the few connections to magic I've had in my life. I'm grateful to my parents for including Santa - one of which isn't even Christian! 

[sapphire_chan]

Originally Posted by daisymama12 

My son is in grade four, and he believes in Santa - or at least wants to believe in Santa. His two best friends have tried to disabuse him of this belief, but to no avail 

See, this is where I get really upset at people who are mad at other kids telling the truth about Santa. A kid who really believes won't be dissuaded by what other kids say. I can see being mad if the other kids tease, or refuse to let up, but most of the time it seems that parents get mad because someone just mentioned it and their kid asked them questions.

[MJB]

My 2nd grader does not believe. He has never believed in any of those myths-- Santa, the tooth fairy, the easter bunny, etc. He's also a committed atheist. I swear the kid was born a skeptic. My kindergartner did believe in Santa but stopped believing sometime this month. I'm not sure why-- something at school, his brother, his own common sense, who knows. 

I know at my kid's school, the kindergartners have 5th grade buddies, and the little ones wrote letters to Santa that their 5th graders responded to as Santa. So the 5th graders definitely all know. I would be surprised if the 4th graders didn't. 

I asked my mom if Santa was real when I was in 2nd grade. She cried and it made me feel terrible. I had bad feelings about the whole thing for YEARS. So whatever you do, don't cry! 

[A&A]

My 8 yo. son knows the truth about the tooth fairy.  But he'll still put his tooth out "for the tooth fairy" and expect money.  Sometimes he'll slip and say, "You gave me a dollar," and then he'll change it to, "I mean, the tooth fairy gave me a dollar." 

So it's obvious he loves the magic involved.  So I'm not about to start a conversation about Santa, in whom he still believes.