Photos on Facebook- Back to the Drawing Board...

[WindyCityMom]

So we had made a decicsion a few weeks back to ask everyone to take all photos etc of our children down.  Most people complied, there are still some photos of them out there though.

I've been thinking about this alot.  I'm not comfortable with others having my kids photos on their facebooks, though I don't mind if I have a few photos on mine.  Obviously not a chronicle of their entire life, but just a few pics here and there that I'd like to share with family & friends I don't get to see very often. 

The people who have my kids photos on their pages don't have the appropriate privacy settings set, and they just tag random friends in the pictures (so that they'll click and look at them).  Inappropriate captions are also common.  I'm not comfortable with that.

Is it rude of me to ask that no one put up photos other than myself or DH?

[MamieCole]

I don't think it is rude, plenty of people don't want pics of their children on the net. However, I can see how it would be confusing to people if you post pics of your kids yet ask others to not. 

[APToddlerMama]

Originally Posted by MamieCole 

I don't think it is rude, plenty of people don't want pics of their children on the net. However, I can see how it would be confusing to people if you post pics of your kids yet ask others to not. 

They shouldn't be confused though.  If OP puts pictures of her kids up, only HER friends can see them.  If other people put them up, all their friends can see them who OP doesn't even know, plus, depending on their privacy settings, anyone and everyone can see them. 

OP, I don't think its rude either. 

[MusicianDad]

Originally Posted by MamieCole 

I don't think it is rude, plenty of people don't want pics of their children on the net. However, I can see how it would be confusing to people if you post pics of your kids yet ask others to not. 

I do see how it could be confusing either. They are the OP's kids, not some random friend or family members kids. I don't post pictures of my kids online, but if I did I would make sure that I don't post anyone else kids.

[MamieCole]

So, to clarify as to why it might be confusing (for me), if one of my FB friends had their LO's pics posted in a FB album, and I had pictures that I had taken that included their child (say, pics of my kid's birthday party where their child was in attendance), I would not hesitate to post them. To me, the fact that there are pics posted online by the parent implies that the parent is ok w/the image of their LO being online. 

On the contrary, if one of my FB friends has never posted a pic of their child, I would assume they do not want the picture posted and I would not post the pic without asking permission first. If they say "No" I would understand. 

The confusing part is that if there is one single image of a child posted online, anywhere, then the owner has essentially given up control of what may or may not happen to that image. FB privacy settings are one line of defense, but certainly not a fool-proof one. Anyone with access to the picture can copy and save it to their computer, send it to another person, etc. So if I saw a pic of a friend's child that she posted and she then asked me to take down the pic of her child that I had posted, I would happily do so, but would be sort of .

[pixiekisses]

You're the mom. You get to decide. Of course it's not rude!

I think it's incredibly rude (and would be livid) if someone posted pics of my kids online (I don't even do that, no place online). That's just not ok at all unless you have asked specifically and gotten a "yes" on each pic.

Edited by pixiekisses - 11/26/10 at 11:44am

[alexsam]

I don't think it is inappropriate or rude, but if you want my honest oppinion, I think this is a loosing battle.

Once you upload images to the web (fb privacy settings or not, email, whatever) you really honestly have no idea where they will end up. All anyone needs to do is right click and save to their own computer and it will be theirs. Everyone at any event can take pictures with a digital camera, and then the image is theirs to do what they please- so birthday parties, family gatherings, etc. And honestly, any perv with a cell phone camera can take a picture on the street (of course, this wouldn't have any identifiers with it on the net, but if you have a high level of "image issues" they could be out there).

Pictures on the internet, from this perspective, are Pandora's box. Once you post them on your own fb (or email it), really, privacy or not, any one of your "friends" can repost the image anywhere if they save it. The bottom line is that if you want complete control over pictures... it is a big challenge. And might not even be possible. Shoot. You could even scan in a print photo and poof! It's on the web.

So, while I don't think it's "confusing", I think that if you really want to make a dent in pictures "out there", don't post them to fb. Email them specifically to people you trust and ask them not to reproduce them. Sucks, but... is what is going on really worth it?

Then, I think you need to think hard about your personal threshold, as a mom with a camera at a birthday party is, in today's world, most likely going to share them electronically. You should decide how you are going to attempt to deal with this.

Personally, I've let it go. My own decision (after a lot of thought) is that *everyone* has pictures out there. I don't allow to be taken (or even save on my pc) any pictures that are embarassing or even cute naked baby shots or anything like that. If you look for photos of my kids, you'll find cute pictures of little guys. In today's world, I really connot control their image entirely, and pretty much all American parents are in the same boat. So, I focus more on content. But that is me. 

[indie]

At this point I just request that people don't associate my child's name with my picture and everyone who has done so without my permission has changed it quickly. Its just really, really hard to control. In fact, one day my kids' dad was looking at random photos online from an event he and the kids had attended and found one that a random stranger had post of our daughter. It wasn't like she had accidentally ended up in the background of the picture, a random stranger had actually taken a photo of our child without our knowledge and then posted it online. It was only dumb luck that we happened to see the picture.