Bit of a rant really, but also could use some advice and outside perspective on this situation I have with a long term close friend.
We met at school when we were both about 15 and became very close.
We supported each other through growing up, first boyfriends, always on the phone to each other or round each others houses etc etc.
Then when I was 21 I got married, and shortly after that became pregnant with my DS. By this stage, my friend was also in a long term relationship.
When I told her of the pregnancy, she didn't speak to me for weeks, and finally admitted she felt pushed out, and offended that I hadn't old her until 12 weeks ( I had a bleed at 7 weeks and we decided not to tell ANYONE until 12)
Anyway, I then went on the have my son early at 29 weeks by emergency c-section. He stayed in Nicu for 9 weeks. A few weeks into his stay at Nicu and whilst my son was still very vulnerable, I got a call from her saying she had just found out she was pregnant. I think her timing of telling me could have been better to say the least.
She then had her daughter, and things were ok with us but by this stage I was pregnant with my DD. Again my DD was early, this time at 32 weeks, and sadly after five and a half months in nicu she passed away.
My friend was very distant at this time. I read somewhere that at times of heartbreak "Friends become strangers and strangers become friends" this seemed quite true to me.
Following the death of my DD, we were getting on 'ok' but last year, my friend split up with her long term partner. At this time she changed completely. She started spending a lot of time with me, talking on the phone and a lot more like how things were when we first met.
Then she met her current partner, about 7 months ago. They have had a whirlwind relationship and are marrying in jan.
Obviously she is spending most of her time with him which I completely understand, so this isn't about me feeling pushed out.
However, since my dd's anniversary in september, I have been feeling really down/depressed. I had told my friend how I'd been feeling, and thinking about my daughter and how I wish things could have been and so we arranged to meet for a coffee and a chat.
Literally the FIRST thing my friend says when we sit down for our coffee is ' me and OH are trying for a baby'
I managed to be polite and I AM happy for them, but again, the timing is just so out! I'd arranged for the chat because i'm heartbroken at MY loss?! Am I being over sensitive here?
Anyway, I then got a text last week saying she was pregnant, and a few days later a text saying she's miscarried. I did call her and chat for half an hour, trying to support her as much as I could.
But then today, she's been round mind with her DD and we just don't 'click' anymore. I just can't stand being walked all over and hurt all the time.
I'm meant to be her maid of honour in Jan, but it just doesn't feel right at the moment.
Is it me? Her? Or am I imagining it all?