on the fence about NWing and have some questions about the Dr. Jay Gordon method

[sosurreal09]

Hello! i have a wonderful DD who is 14 m/o and we have an amazing nursing relationship. ive not once had supply issues or anything like that. she nurses on demand which is usually every 3-4hrs during the day.

some nights she only wakes at 11 and say 3 then at 7 for the day to nurse but other days (most days really) she wasnt to nurse all night every 2hrs or so. some nights its REALLY bad and she wants to nurse every 30mins-1hr!

she eats a TON of solids (i really never pushed it she just loves food lol) but she also nurses a TON she loves her milk and im thrilled of course! shes still doing 20 min nursing sessions and im fine with it.

so im really looking into weaning from 12-7am i think thats pretty reasonable at her age. shes gone 6hrs during the day before when i had a mandatory class to do that was 9hrs (DH brought her on my lunch break to nurse her).

now the Dr Gordon method says for the first three nights nurse her a bit and put her down awake...OK well like many of you im sure i dont pick her up to nurse and shes not so much awake per se. She will fuss and if i dont nurse her scream bloody murder. but for the most part she will fuss and i will nurse her and her eyes are shut and she just dozes right off. she doesnt even need both breasts at night...so its a quick nursing mostly. so what am i suppose to do? nurse her 5 mins rip her off and let her scream? let her nurse and then nudge her "awake"?

shes a very spirited child...i tried not to nurse her once before just a month ago (i had a few drinks and she just nursed 1hr before hand..) and she screamed bloody murder for 2 hours straight no matter what i did.

i really need some sleep though. depression is real big in my fam and im not on meds or anything but when im lacking in sleep im a huge B word and i know it. everything suffers and i just cant deal. its pretty bad.

so wise mommas who have BTDT i need some advice. ALSO i want to continue to co-sleep.

[ameliabedelia]

Does she not go to bed until 12 AM..or does she go to bed earlier, and you just want to not nurse her after 12?  I think it would be pretty hard for a 14 month old to understand a limit like that.  I think with having limits on nursing, they need to be limits a child can understand..which means they are centered around certain events (like naps, night, meals, outings, etc.)  For example, a more reasonable limit might be no nursing from when they go to bed, until when they are up for the morning.  Or no nursing when it's dark out.   However, if you are willing to nurse her if she wakes up at 11 PM..but not at 12:30 AM....I don't know if that will work.

I also will say, that with my experience with night-weaning, the older the child, the easier it is.   I've had a child fight, and scream and cry at night (and when that happens, I give up on the NW'ing) and then 6 months later, I tried it again and they totally accepted it, it was really easy and they fell back asleep with back patting and 5 minutes of whimpering.

[momma_bear]

Originally Posted by ameliabedelia 

I also will say, that with my experience with night-weaning, the older the child, the easier it is.   I've had a child fight, and scream and cry at night (and when that happens, I give up on the NW'ing) and then 6 months later, I tried it again and they totally accepted it, it was really easy and they fell back asleep with back patting and 5 minutes of whimpering.

Just curious...at what age did your child accept NW'ing?  Mine is 17months and it's a no-go right now so I'm wondering how long I might have to hold out.  I have similar issues to the OP.  It's funny - my 5-yr-old said to me today "why don't you just tell her she can't bfeed when it's dark out?"  She's probably sooo right....why is it so clear and simple to children whilst Mommy's fumbling around in anxiety and sleeplessness?!?!?!   LOL.

[APToddlerMama]

My son was night weaned at 15 months and it was surprisingly easy.  I slept on the couch, and DH was on duty.  I didn't expect it to work, but it did.  He offered water and crackers, DS didn't want them, but they cuddled and went back to bed.  We did this on a long weekend with the first couple of nights me being on the couch but "available" and then the third night not available.  There was no crying... DS is a hugely spirited little guy in every other way so I was shocked this worked so painlessly, but it did.

[ameliabedelia]

Just curious...at what age did your child accept NW'ing?  Mine is 17months and it's a no-go right now so I'm wondering how long I might have to hold out.  I have similar issues to the OP.  It's funny - my 5-yr-old said to me today "why don't you just tell her she can't bfeed when it's dark out?"  She's probably sooo right....why is it so clear and simple to children whilst Mommy's fumbling around in anxiety and sleeplessness?!?!?!   LOL.

My oldest child accepted night-weaning right around her 2nd birthday, very easily..  My 2nd child was a lot harder.   I tried with her at 18 months, 21 months, 24 months, 27 months, and finally succeeded at 30 months.   My youngest child is currently 2 years and 9 months and I never made an effort to night-wean him.  He is still not totally night-weaned although he doesn't nurse much at night.   Most nights he nurses to sleep and then doesn't nurse again until the last hour or so before waking up  (so maybe 5:30 or 6:00 ).  He just gradually started doing that himself  (I can't remember when, but I'm pretty sure he was older than 2) so I never made any effort to nightwean.

[sosurreal09]

the reason i set a 7 hour limit is b/c i though 12 hours would be too much...i nurse her at 7pm and she dozes right off. she always wakes to nurse about 11pm. so i guess i figured it would be like once mommy goes to bed you can have one last nursing until the morning...?

[ameliabedelia]

Oh...I can totally understand that.  However, my experience has been that when you set limits on something (like nursing), it needs to be a limit the baby can understand.  I just think it will be hard for her to understand why she can nurse once, but not other times in the night.

[CheriK]

We night-weaned using some of Jay Gordon's ideas when my oldest (twins) were 2 1/2. I really love his book, still do, because up to that point all the ideas about night weaning I'd found had also eliminated cosleeping.  We love having a family bedroom and didn't want to give that up.  I'd tried to resolve myself to continued night nursing, but I struggle with insomnia, and with two nurslings, I'd have nights where I only slept for a couple of hours.  I can completely understand becoming a B!  It was affecting the way I parented during the day, and I finally realized that we HAD to night wean so I could parent mindfully.  I do think reaching that critical need - I knew it had to happen, and so it did - was necessary because when I had any doubts or concerns, the kids just knew.

Honestly, when I tried to night wean prior to that it was clearly not okay for my children - they still needed that nighttime connection, definitely for the security and reassurance, but I also believe for nourishment for at least one of my children.  I think I probably started making efforts at around 18 months.  One of the advantages of those early efforts is that we'd introduced some limits - they were used to Mommy saying "you can nurse until I count to 10 (or sing Twinkle Twinkle or recite a poem. . .)" and had gotten to the point that they'd accept those limits without too much of a fuss.  But the actual weaning was HARD.  It took a month (literally) of my husband getting up and walking the halls with our son every single night, then finally sleeping with him in our recliner, because he wouldn't let either of us comfort him in bed if he couldn't get milk.  I know that it would have been better for him to night wean on his own, but Mom's needs matter, too!

So we'd already started shortening night nursings; instead of letting them nurse until they fell off on their own, I'd give them whatever warning we were using and then be firm about it.  I tried not to make it a "no nursing" but instead say, "Yes, you can nurse, but only until I count to 10."  Then I'd wait until I had a let-down before counting, and count REALLY slowly.  By the time we night weaned, we'd been doing that regularly, not every nursing, but often enough that they were used to it.  Of course they cried at first.  The first time we tried, I thought my son was going to scream until he vomited (clearly, NOT ready).  And that's why we stopped several attempts - we weren't seeing progress and were getting even less sleep.

I wonder if you could put her down at 7 somewhere other than the family bed, then go to bed with her at 11 and nurse to sleep.  We always nursed to sleep and it never seemed confusing to them that they could nurse in bed when we all went to bed but not the rest of the night.  But we all go to bed together around 9 or 10.