I totally agree with all of your tactics and ideas on how this could have been more peaceful. This is exactly how everything would have gone if I wasnt busy nursing, diapering, and holding a 7 month old who was scared of a giant black lab the whole time.
Out of all of this, the things I am most upset with are; DD saying she hates her brother in front of everyone. This has been going on for about a year at home. She knows it's not ok and we have discussed this day in and day out. She has no self control for keeping terrible phrases to herself when she is angry. That is what I mean for "expressing anger in inappopriate ways".
The other and more important issue is that I have been working so HARD for 7 years to raise my children gently and with words. It requires SO much work and energy.
For DH to get so angry about a situation like this makes me very upset.
I did a lot of thinking this weekend and there is some work to be done.
He needs to figure out a way of communicating with the kids that he is serious. He doesnt know how to be firm and gentle. He goes from Ok guys, go to bed in a non serious tone to a whine and after about 5 times a yell.
Silly part is..... that he can think that's my fault!
He needs to come up with a better way of handling HIS children himself and cant rely on me to do everything.
He thinks they should just simply listen. What kids or even adults just quickly simply comply with every order given?
I can get them to go to bed every night by myself and with a baby.(DH works during the week till 9 pm)
I dont need to yell (well, sometimes make a really angry face and say I feel like Im going to yell on really hard nights)
We do a nice bedtime routine, I allow for a few extra kisses/ blanket tuckings and then say one last and serious time that I dont expect anyone to get out of bed unless they are sick or have to use the bathroom. Then I do into my room or back into the kitchen and Im done.
So maybe it's HIS lack of proper discipline that is the problem. He doesnt want to be the bad guy, so just blames everything on me.
I also thing stating the expectations would have helped a lot with this day.
The secret signal thing is an awsome idea.
It doesnt work for DD and her temper, but DS is a lot easier when it comes to this stuff.
He just gets obnoxiously silly. We came up with a great code word for when we are out and he is doing that. He loves it.
I actually think it might work!