Rough Week....could be triggering for some.

[goodygumdrops]

Wow this has been a rough week. 

So, last Sunday my husband and I decided to have a dinner party.  I had a lot going on with school that week and probably picked the worst day to do something like this.  I had about 6 items due for school the following tuesday and I was no where near done.  Anyways,  I stopped drinking a couple of months ago (just because my meds) and I decided that I would have a few drinks at the dinner party.  So, everything went fine and that night I took my meds and a new birth control pill (haven't been on the pill in at least 15 years).  Well, as I was laying down I started to feel really anxious and basically ended up having a panic attack.  I was sick with racing thoughts, sweats, and my stomach was in knots.  So, at point I finally feel asleep and then when I woke up the next day, I threw up and had diahrrea.  So, I made it through the week somehow, pretty much waking up everyday feeling super sick.  Once I get out of bed, I am ok but I still feel semi anxious.  On Thursday, I decided to stop taking the pill ( I have a history of moodyness on pills and I thought it might be making me anxious).  Also, I increased my meds by 10 mg (my pdoc had told me to increase them 3 weeks ago ;) 

So, now I'm just riding out the med adjustment and trying not to feel so doomed.  Seriously, I hate the despair, depression and obsessive thoughts that come with these panic attacks.  I have so much going on that I know I need to tone it down a bit.  I don't know why I always set myself up to do to much.  I guess I'm a bit of a perfectionist.  I put myself up for too many obligations and then I crash and burn.  I realize that anyone would be in this situation but I always feel so alone. 

Oh, and my husband left for three weeks on Friday so I'm doing it alone with my son.  I don't have any family here but I do have many friends.  Logically, I know I'm not here alone but I guess my anxieties make me feel vulnerable.  And look, here I am on mdc...I know I have the support of others that have gone through the same things so I should be grateful.

Anyways, I'm glad I got that off my chest.  Now I need to find a therapist ;)

[dhurley423]

I am sorry to hear that you felt like this.  I went through a severe depression a few years ago and know the feeling of despair all too well.  I had a really good therapist.  He really helped me to see that it wasn't going to last forever and that it WILL get better.  I had nothing to help me but belief that it would get better.  If I didn't believe that I would get better, I don't think I would have.  I don't know why I believed that I would get better, probably because the only other option was permanent misery. So... I guess I wasn't much help, except, just believe that it WILL get better.  Just take it one day, hour, minute at a time and just breathe.

Hope you are feeling better, I know it has been a few days since you posted.

-Dawn

[goodygumdrops]

Haha...I just realized that I responded to your post and then came here. 

Well, I have a session tomorrow with a therapist finally.  I have reduced my meds a bit because there was the chance that they were making me sick and I am almost certain that's what it was.  It's only been one day but I feel much better today.  I am also taking the nexxium my dr recommended so maybe that's what it was.  It's funny how much your perspective can change from one day to the next.  The anxiety can really take control and screw up your whole outlook. 

[abbylotus]

I second you getting a therapist!!  have found mine to be so helpful. It certainly is an expense, but one my family is willing to make. I recently had a dinner party fiasco, too! It was the day after Thanksgiving and we had a lot friends in town and do we all met up at our house for cocktails and appetizers. My kids were in Chicago with their grandparents so they were out of the picture. I had a bunch of stuff due for school beause finals were coming up....I was stressed to the max with cleaning, studying, cooking, etc. My anxiety got really bad before our friends showed up, I took a valium in a frenzy to calm down. well, needless to say, I forgot I took the valium and started drinking. Not a smart plan. I knew something wasn't right after the third drink, so I excused myself and went to bed with a "headache." Everyone had a great time without out me and ribbed me the next day at brunch for ducking out early. I shouldn't dare to mention, but I will, I fell in my perwinkle bushes that night and that's when I knew it was time to go to bed. meds and drinking do not mix, mamas.

[goodygumdrops]

Abbylotus...that made me crack up.  Yeah, I know...I've decided to take a looooong hiatus from any drinking.  I know it was because I had too many but still, it's just not worth the recovery.  I found this awesome primary care doc and she even told me that she can't drink either because the alcohol increases her anxiety.  I feel lucky to have a doc comfortable enough to share, yk.  Anyways, I'm doing a lot better.  I am done with the semester so my stress level is much less and I've been forcing myself to rest guilt free. 

So, for now, life is good!

[abbylotus]

goody....my semester is over and I'm so happy, too!! I work part time so on my days off when the kids are in school I feel like I'm on a freakin' vacation! YAY!!! Best wishes!