Oh good grief.

[haydn'smommy]

Dear STBX

You wanted this. You said, and I quote, "I don't love you. I don't have any feelings for you. I don't want to work on things anymore. I just want to do what I want to do." Obviously, you didn't want to be married to me. So, why will you not take the time to go to your attorney and sign the d... papers? It will likely take one hour out of your day. You've said you plan to just sign them and not fight about things anymore, so just go do it. I'm ready for a court date to get this thing finalized. I don't want to be married to you anymore.

Oh, and while I'm at it. You've been out of my house now for 1 whole month. It is now time for you to start having visitation with the children at your house. I'm sure that you love to come to my house 3-4 times/wk and eat my food that I cook and watch my TV and use my internet, but you know, it's time for that stuff to slow down and you to actually take the kids on your own. Now, I know you've never spent more than a couple of hours alone with both kids but it's time to suck it up, porkchop, and act like a dad.

Fondly,

The woman who wonders why she ever married your sorry self.

Feel free to add yours.

[babygirlie]

suck it up, porkchop

[josybear]

hell, yeah.

dear ex

go away.

(but send money)

no love,

me

[StephandOwen]

Originally Posted by haydn'smommy 

it's time to suck it up, porkchop

Originally Posted by josybear 

hell, yeah.

dear ex

go away.

(but send money)

no love,

me

Dear ex- I know you're having fun playing this game of "I'm taking you back to court unless you bow down and give in to my every demand". Enjoy it while it lasts. I am only playing this game until the new year. After that, we'll see who is laughing. When the bills start rolling in (because I will be sending you every last bill for ds's medical and therapy costs so you can start covering your 76%) and your child support goes up at the same time (for cost of living increase as well as to include the new cost of ds's health insurance) I'm sure your new wife ain't gonna be that happy. And when her new baby is born a couple months later? And you two have 2 in diapers and 1 on formula (because she refuses to breastfeed)? Yeah, enjoy all those expenses coming at ya at the same time. Oh, did I forget to mention that ds's dentist thinks he'll need braces in the next year or two? Oops. Must have slipped my mind. Ah well, what fun is life without a few surprise (bills) along the way! Oh yeah, and once the increased child support hits you and you're getting regular bills for ds's therapy and doctor appointments, I'll be taking YOU to court. Have fun budgeting for your lawyers bills. When will you learn that I will win this game. Every. Single. Time.

From, your worst nightmare :)

[hillymum]

Dear sbx, I understand how you think you control what I spend the child support on, and you think you can dictate how I budget that money, but sweet pea, your WRONG! you have no say in it beyond it's for the children. And guess what, it's not for the copays for any of the children, or myself for that matter. The Judge has already ruled that you are to reimburse 100% of all medical/dental out of pocket expences (Yes, I love my judge and wish her a long, healthy and happy life!) so either start paying or get ready to go to court in February for contempt of court. your skating on very thin ice. Being on work release from jail will be hard to explain to your new employers!

    your sbxw

[doubledutch]

dear stbx,

congratulations!  you found a super cool way to avoid paying child support.  have fun in china. of course, when you come back, which you'll eventually have to do, you will owe thousands of dollars in arrears and, oh yeah, have zero relationship with your kids.  we will enjoy the peace and quiet while you are gone.  good riddance. 

[Halfasianmomma]

Dear XH,

Since you insist on continually harassing and threatening me and mine via email, all the while not paying a cent of CS, it is my pleasure to tell you that since my now very hormonal and pregnant lawyer (with twins no less) has skillfully intervened at the Child Support office, we will be garnishing support directly from your paycheck. If you quit your job and get another, we'll garnish that. If you go on unemployment, we'll garnish that. If you work under the table, we'll be seizing your bank assets. There is no escape. Deal with it bub.

Though I would strongly recommend you join Doubledutch's STBX in China, I know that you aren't able to leave the country seeing as you have no passport and are a convicted felon in the US. Your only recourse would really be to leave the province and go back to Ontario where you can mooch off your "friends" for a while. When you do, it'll be my pleasure to communicate your social security number to your Babymama #3, to whom you owe upwards of 10K in unpaid arrears, after which I'll be certain to throw a nice party to celebrate your departure from my life.  

Seeing as Ontario isn't a great place for you to settle, can I heartily recommend Alberta, Manitoba, Saskatchewan, or even better, the Northwest Territories? It would really be helpful though, for the rest of womankind, if you stopped making babies, abusing their mamas and then claiming no responsibility whatsoever.

Ever yours,

XW

[GranoLLLy-girl]

Dear STBX,

Thank you for leaving.  At first, I was pretty devastated...but now, I'm good.  My house is clean.  In retrospect you never did a damn thing to contribute.  And now that's perfectly clear and I actually have physical proof.  Example:  with you here:  lawn not mowed; dirty dishes in the sink; dirty laundry and gutters filled with leaves.  WithOUT you here:  lawn not mowed; NO dirty dishes in the sink; NO dirty laundry...gutters filled with leaves.  The glass is half full!  OK, so 2010 was not my best year...but maybe someday someone will actually ask me how my day was and then listen to the answer--and maybe even throw in eye contact for good measure!   Wow!  FYI:  the kids don't ask why you don't call or come around.  They think you are stuck under your jeep somewhere.  And hopefully you are--and are gasping for air...hey, a girl can dream.  Thanks for letting me not spend 20 MORE years with you.  You did us all a favor.

[bananabee]

Dear STBX,

Who are you? I'm fine (now). Thanks for calling me crazy, because in my effort to seek professional help, I realized what was really going on. Thanks for your "charity". Have fun drinking.

Please don't blow up the world.

Sincerely,

The wife who was never good enough.

[vannienicole]

Dear STBX,

Do I sympathize that you screwed up your direct pay and that your lawyer told you the wrong amounts for
CS? Yes. Does that mean you can just opt out of paying me the $571 you are in arrears to me? No. Oh and CS and property settlement are due today. $500 is what I expect tonight. Just because you screwed up doesn't make raising the kids any less expensive. Oh and daycare is due today. The copayment went up, so now you also owe me $40 for your portion.

Last, please freaking reply to my emails/texts. I am tired of having to talk to your gf (yeah the one ou cheated on me with) to plan schedules and figure out why my daughter has untreated ringworm after a weekend at your place.

Sincerely,
The woman you bad mouthed to your family when you and your abuse and cheating were really the reason our relationship is over

[*MamaJen*]

Dear ex,

Almost four years ago, you got me pregnant with the most wonderful, healthy, smart, loving son I ever could have hoped for. He's been great. You? Not so much. I just tallied up the numbers. In those four years, I have spent $14,000 on daycare (an extraordinarily low number, might I add), something like $2,500 on medical care and health insurance for our son, and $2,600 out of pocket for our midwife (a bargain compared to the ten grand a hospital birth would have cost us). Before we even start counting food, clothing, toys, furniture, the cost of an extra bedroom, babysitters, or the $2,500 I've contributed to his college fund, hey, that's more than $20,000 I've spent on our child. You? Huh. Let me see. You bought him a tee shirt on that trip to California. You bought him a $40 fishing pole when he was freaking two years old, which was such an age-appropriate present. And I can recall several fast food purchases, since that's your idea of feeding him. All told, I would guess that fatherhood has cost you something like $200.

But I'm forgetting one essential fact -- you're the victim in all this. I'm so sorry I was a mean heartless woman who threw you out on the street (with six months of warning) after you had been living in my home essentially rent and bill free for the better part of two substance-addicted years as I did your laundry and cleaned up after you. I'm sorry you were wrongfully terminated from every job you've ever held after about four months on average. I'm sorry you never went to college. I'm sorry you're incapable of making smart choices. I'm sorry your horrible choices always leave you broke. I'm sorry, quite frankly, that you're about ten social classes lower than I am, and I'm sorry that you're not likely to change that. I know you have problems. It would help if you tried to fix them, because I'm done trying to do that for you.

I'm glad that you're in AA now and you seem to be sober for about three months now. That's great. But I'm sorry you had to be arrested for abusing our wonderful son to find the will to make that change. I always said you were the type to never hurt anyone but yourself. I'm sorry that my son came home covered in bruises one day and proved me wrong on that fact. I don't believe your version of how it happened, and neither does the DA. I do believe you were drunk beyond coherence when it happened. That doesn't remotely make it okay. It does speak well of you that you've faithfully kept up the supervised visitation. It's not that I think you don't love your son. It's just that you don't know how to be a good father.

I'm so sorry your attorney's fees for that shoplifting crime and child abuse charge are going to be so high. That'll cost you.

Me and DS? Oh, we're doing fantastic. I'm busy, of course, what with work, school, and single parenthood, plus trying to sneak in a little time to have a social life (Did I mention I'm dating what may be the sweetest guy on the planet? He's got a masters degree, a good creative job, he's smart, funny, kind, cutely geeky, loves NPR, progressive, able to stop at one glass of wine, and most importantly, he treats me and DS with endless respect. But I digress.) Yeah, things are great. My part time job is rewarding, I'm considered a rising star in my master's program. My life is full and rewarding without you holding me back.

sincerely,

your ex

P.S. I'm filing for child support.

[Super~Single~Mama]

I LOVE these!  I'll be back to write mine tomorrow.  Meanwhile, it's time to go pick up my baby from daycare!

[Bad Mama Jama]

ex,

i thank you for disappearing.  you were never good for any of us.  i have heard that people change.  i doubt you will because i question your humanity.  anyhow, my daughter is fine.  not that you have called or written to inquire since 2007.  anyhow, i hope you get everything -- and i do mean everything -- that is coming to you and i pray that i am not standing anywhere near you when that stuff starts coming back on you.

~bmj

[secondimpression]

Dear ex,

Thank you for hiring that rookie ambulance chaser to represent you in hopes of bleeding my retainer. Thank you even more for lying to her and getting her to trust my lawyer more than she trusts you! That paternity test you want? How about I just hand DS a few Qtips to chew on and you can give us the $560 for something like replacing the crib your psychotic mother demanded back. The Q-tips are on me and I'll even let you keep them! I hope your new girlfriend is smarter than me...and your first wife. Poor thing doesn't know what's coming to her. In just 6 months you've convinced her that you don't actually have a son (I'm mondo-impressed!), and that it's a great idea to move you in with her and support your lazy, good-for-nothing fat butt. Oh...you know that email account you use to solicit prostitutes on Craigslist? You might want to change the password on it before you get too gung-ho about me pleading to an adultery case that we both know is total BS. I'm sure a judge would really get a kick out of the emails I've printed out of your sent items folder.

-Your STBXW

p.s. No, you may not interview my DP on his "fitness" to father DS. But keep making Judge Hatchett-worthy requests, we're all quite entertained by them.

[RollerCoasterMama]

Dear Ex,

Seriously, you forgot Thanksgiving was your holiday.  Then "wrote down" the December weekends so it wouldn't happen again.  Oh, and forgot that this is your weekend but oh would I please just bring him over on Saturday morning so you can catch up on some sleep?  (Did you notice how polite I was not to point out the irony that you live child-free for 28-ish nights a month but need to sacrifice one of those nights to catch up?  Did I mention that I'm in the middle of 1st trimester exhaustion?)  Whatever.

Oh, and whining about your budget while you live for free in our house (shortsale that's been in consideration for a YEAR)...seriously?  Grow up.  Balance your check-book and pay off your debts before you get kicked out of the house and need to pay rent!  Your hourly rate is better than what you made the whole time we lived together...while I worked like crazy to pay the bills and keep us in the lifestyle you wanted to be accustomed to.  People live on it all the time.  They just don't drag around student loans for 2 degrees they don't want to use any more.  And maybe buying a motorcycle this summer wasn't the smartest plan when you've still got car payments?  Suck it up Buttercup.  What you've got now is called ripple effects of 20 yrs of decisions.  And don't even dare whine that it's my fault because I was exceptionally fair in our divorce.  I took much more responsibility on myself than I had to because I could see the crash and burn in the future somewhere.  It wasn't worth the hassle.  (Oh and yes, by the way, I am MUCH better off financially now, even without child support.)

Right now, DS is little enough that he'd rather be with me anyway and doesn't realize how often you flake out.  I am doing my darnedest to preserve that relationship.  One of these days, despite all of your good intentions, you're going to start hurting him the way your dad hurt you, and the way you hurt the kids from your first marriage.  There's only so much I can do to prevent that.  And at some point, I'll redirect my efforts from hiding it to helping him cope with it. 

Not-so-much love,

Me

(Venting here to keep the peace.)

[josybear]

dear ex:

a bag of m&m's is not child support. yes, they were delicious. thank you for them. but they are not child support.

also, last month's bag of tomatoes were not child support. again, i appreciated them, but that's not actually going to feed, clothe and house these kids.

don't make me tell your mother on you.

no love,

me

[StephandOwen]

Originally Posted by josybear 

dear ex:

a bag of m&m's is not child support. yes, they were delicious. thank you for them. but they are not child support.

also, last month's bag of tomatoes were not child support. again, i appreciated them, but that's not actually going to feed, clothe and house these kids.

don't make me tell your mother on you.

no love,

me

Best. line. ever!

[MissLotus]

Good Lord.  M&Ms?  Tomatoes?  Don't let my ex know about this idea - he'd love it!

Originally Posted by josybear 

dear ex:

a bag of m&m's is not child support. yes, they were delicious. thank you for them. but they are not child support.

also, last month's bag of tomatoes were not child support. again, i appreciated them, but that's not actually going to feed, clothe and house these kids.

don't make me tell your mother on you.

no love,

me

[josybear]

at least he's giving me stuff i like, right? it could be liverwurst and maxim magazine or something.

but, yeah, i may add a line or two to the email i'm writing his mom this coming weekend. you know, the weekly one i send so she knows what's happening in her grandkids' lives, since her son isn't big into communication.

[Ceinwen]

Dear exh,

It is so incredibly lovely not to be gaslighted all.day.long. anymore. So nice to know I'm not crazy. So darn fantastic not to have six hour long arguments wherein you attempt to confuse me and make me sound crazy.

It's also nice to at least be able to call myself 'a single mother' with pride... even though I've really been doing it all for eight long years.

Also, even better - so wonderful to not be guilted into having sex with you everyday, because you have 'a high sex drive and you just need it, and I should just be supportive - what's wrong with me anyway??'

PS - no I did not have a 'lesbian agenda' for the last ten years. Although, if it makes you feel better about being the world's worst husband, you go right ahead and tell people that.

Regards,

Me