Should I change my car to fit in with the new neighborhood?

[momhugs]

Please give me your honest thoughts on the following argument that my husband and I have been having for the last week or so.

I drive a 2007 mercedes with only 17K miles. We bought it used a year and a half ago. We're buying a house in a middle class neighborhood with lots of mini vans and mid size suvs. The price range of the neighborhood is 250K - 350K. My husband thinks I should change my car for either a mini van or a mid size suv also, so that we can blend in with the neighborhood. He says first impressions are important and the new neighbors might think we have a stuck up attitude. I agree with my husband that it's important for our young children to fit in with the neighborhood kids, but we're not stuck up, and I don't think my mercedes would make much of a difference. What do you think?

[MCatLvrMom2A&X]

It would never occur to me to buy a new vehicle just to fit in. If you have a car that works and is in good condition then there is no way I would replace it.

[MCsMom]

It would never cross my mind either to get a different car for the neighborhood. 

Having said that, my question is: is it the only 'foreign Mercedes' in the town, as in it REALLY sticks out, did you move to a different area of the country?  Or are there other BMW's, Mercede's, Lexus, Audi, etc also in town just not next door?  I know where I live it would not make a difference at all we have 'beaters' parked at the house next to the Lexus.  But we had a nice Audi as our last car and a very nice BMW 2-seater as our car before kids and I do know that it some areas cars like that can really stick out.

[SAHDS]

You should never change anything to fit in.  I am so sonfused by this post.  Who cares what kind of car you drive?  It's your car, you bought it because you wanted it, end of story.  If people are going to judge you simply on the type of car you drive, do you honestly want those people in your life at all?

[velochic]

I think your husband is being ridiculous.  Seriously???  Change a car to "fit in"... that's a new one.  I honestly thought this was a Holiday Helper "gag" thread.  I can't imagine anyone actually thinking this way.  Sorry to be so harsh, but I'm just floored by the concept.

[2xy]

Making such a big deal about the car says more about your DH than it does about the neighbors. It sounds like he judges people by what they drive, what they wear, etc., and expects that everyone else does the same.

Sure, first impressions are important. After you move in, maybe you could invite your neighbors over for coffee and pastries, or have a cook-out. I'm sure that if you're friendly, people won't think you're stuck up.

[Juvysen]

I live in a middle class neighborhood, too... in our area it's more like 100k-200k range (lower COL area).  My neighbor across the street has an SUV and a Saab.  The neigbhors down the hill have a jeep and a BMW.  I see lexuses driving around in the neighborhood.  The neighbors next door have a hyundai and a taurus or something.  We have a minivan and a pontiac vibe.  *shrug*  I wouldn't think to change cars b/c of where we live.

[earthmama369]

I can't even imagine making such a major purchase just to fit in. Our neighborhood is very suburban -- all the houses on the cul-de-sac street have the same design, same parcel size, etc. And pretty much every house has a different vehicle. Some have minivans, some have trucks, one has a Lexus, another a Porsche, a couple have SUVs, a motorcycle, there are a few beater cars, and a couple standard midsize cars. So the full range of options. No one cares. Honestly, no one really pays that much attention to other people's vehicles as long as they're not speeding down the street.

[JudiAU]

Are you happy with the car? Does it meet your needs? Then no, I wouldn't change it. My parents middle class neighborhood s packed with mid-age mercedes. They can be good value and they last forever. A mercedes can actually be pretty frugal.

[laohaire]

Hmm, honestly I would consider it in some circumstances. But I must be pretty low class to not really understand the difference between the mid-size SUVs and the Mercedes in your neighborhood. Your post made it sound like your Mercedes wasn't good enough for the neighborhood? I'm just having trouble seeing that, I guess.

In MY neighborhood, if you had a Mercedes, everyone would notice it, look at it, talk about it, etc. In fact, I am not sure there is a Mercedes in this entire city. If I had a Mercedes here, I would feel selfconscious about all the inevitable comments (heck, my neighbors make awkward comments because we have a used VIBE) and also wonder if I might be targeted for crime. LOL. So there you go, one poster would consider changing a car to fit in. I doubt that's your situation though.

[GirlBoyGirl]

I would never ever notice if a neighbor's car was different than mine/the majority- how silly!

[*bejeweled*]

Originally Posted by SAHDS 

You should never change anything to fit in.  I am so sonfused by this post.  Who cares what kind of car you drive?  It's your car, you bought it because you wanted it, end of story.  If people are going to judge you simply on the type of car you drive, do you honestly want those people in your life at all?

I'm confused by this too. Your DH is being very silly.

[momhugs]

Thank you, thank you, thank you. I can't wait to show my husband your replies. I do think he's being ridiculous and stubburn. When he first mentioned it, my mouth hit the floor.

I know he means well. I love the car and since it has low milage I see no reason to change it.

[hibana]

I seriously thought this was the holiday helper thread!

I think guys see cars as a way to define themselves in society. My dh got all upset when we went on a preschool outing, and out 10-year-old station wagon was the "least nice" car there. He thought the other parents would think less of him as a provider because we didn't fit in with the group.

So yeah, your dh is being silly, but he's not alone.

[hopefulfaith]

I thought it was the HH thread, too!  :lol

...but since your dh was apparently being serious, then my answer is unequivocably no.  :)

[lucyem]

I would if I could.  I have a BMW.  I bought used but new it cost less then the average suv or ford truck around town but because of it's name I do get comments.  And the comments have not always been nice.  People do have preconceived notions about certain cars and because it is a certain name they assume it cost a ton of money.  I had always wanted one and now regret it from that stand point.  You see contractors coming to the house to give you a quote and yes they do look at your car.  I thought it was just me but my sister had one, which was why I liked them so much, and she agreed.  But she commented in her city it is not a big deal but where I live it certainly is.  Once we can afford to get a new car for me we will and I will be looking at another make.  It is kind of sad because my little BMW has been the best car I ever had in terms of maintenance and reliability.

[heatherdeg]

Originally Posted by lucyem 

I would if I could.  I have a BMW.  I bought used but new it cost less then the average suv or ford truck around town but because of it's name I do get comments.  And the comments have not always been nice.  People do have preconceived notions about certain cars and because it is a certain name they assume it cost a ton of money.  I had always wanted one and now regret it from that stand point.  You see contractors coming to the house to give you a quote and yes they do look at your car.  I thought it was just me but my sister had one, which was why I liked them so much, and she agreed.  But she commented in her city it is not a big deal but where I live it certainly is.  Once we can afford to get a new car for me we will and I will be looking at another make.  It is kind of sad because my little BMW has been the best car I ever had in terms of maintenance and reliability.

:yeah   I totally get where her husband is coming from.  I've had it thrown at me both ways: because I lived in a "lesser" town and because (within town) I lived in what people considered an extravagant house (a restored Victorian) and their perception of our money situation because we lived in a big house and I stayed home.

Say what you want, but people DO judge.  Should they?  No.  Should they based on something that they have absolutely no background info on and is not even remotely indicative of who you are as a person?  No.  But they do.  

So you can take the high road and say "I'm above this ridiculous judgment" and in some places, that could render you very lonely; or you can see it for what it is and to the extent that it doesn't really matter to you one way or the other--try to fit in.  You can say "do you really want those people in your life?" but if you're moving into a neighborhood where that's the people that exist there, do you really want to live in isolation?  You can have "those" kind of people in your life and not have deep relationships with them.  And frankly, we've had a few of those that have become good friends with a changed perception based on their friendship with us over the years.

We dealt with it for 13 years.  I promise you that in our relocation, we made a lot of decisions based on living among people that thought more like us and in an area where we wouldn't have to deal with the same kind of crap as we did back home.  It gets old.  I just want to live and enjoy myself.  I know that we can be social and work with other parents when the kids have problems with people who have these kinds of issues rooted in their own self-esteem problems.  We may not be close friends, but we can be friendly and social like neighbors can be.
 

I don't think your husband is dumb or silly.  I think he's acutely aware of how stupid and isolating people can be--and wants the best chance at building relationships in your community for you guys without having to fight the stigma.  But if a Mercedes wouldn't stick out like a sore thumb in the entire town, I wouldn't worry too much about it.

[honeybunmom]

I get what lucyem is saying . . . and that's why we move the car down the street when we've got contractors coming!  My car is a 2000 Audi TT. It's 10 freakin' years old and I bought it when I was single!  But, it has been wonderful and I will buy another Audi, without a doubt, that is family friendly in size (our other car is a Hyundai).  That being said, I would not change my car to "fit in".  My thought is, "what message is this sending to your kids?"  I mean, really.  If my neighbors are going to judge me because of the car I drive, then I don't really want to be that close to them.  In my mind, there are ways around that concern.  Have an open house.  Organize a pot lock and offer your house as the place to host it.  There are ways to let your neighbors see YOU and not your possessions.

[mattemma04]

I would not switch to fit in.If it is that kind of neighborhood I think I would go nuts,or the neighbors would because I have a front yard garden,backyard chickens,and line dry cloths! We bought our latest car for the gas savings. The neighbors around us have a wide array of cars.

[jimblejamble]

Is this a joke?