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Bridezilla attacks

post #1 of 34
Thread Starter 

I've calmed down a bit since this initially happened, but I could really use an outsiders perspective on this:

 

I was supposed to be the Matron of Honor in a wedding that took place yesterday. I've been best friends with the bride for over two years (close friends longer). She was my "Maid of Honor" when I got married last year. When the groom told me he wanted to propose to my friend, he didn't have the money for an engagement ring, so I bought her engagement ring (a really nice diamond ring).

 

I moved 800 miles away from them about a month and a half ago. We've still kept in touch, and it's always been the plan for me to be in the wedding. I bought plane tickets, an expensive wedding gift, paid for transportation, etc. I had already bought the dress ($155) and the shoes ($60). 

 

I flew in last week. I threw her a Bachelorette party (which she insisted was the best party she's ever been to). 

 

But, the place I was staying at was my friend's old apartment. There is no landline, and I was borrowing somebody elses cell phone, which wouldn't hold a charge. I didn't have internet access in the house. Thus, I warned everybody ahead of time that if they needed to get ahold of me, they'd have to stop by the apartment. So, we'd made plans ahead of time, and they had to trust that I'd be there waiting for them at the designated time.

 

Thursday we made plans for the bride to secure me a ride to the reception hall on Friday, so I could help decorate it for the wedding. From there, they were going to hook me up with a ride to the church for the rehearsal. She said she'd get me a ride at around 3:30pm or so. She's known for running a bit late, so when she didn't show up at the designated time, I wasn't too worried. I figured she'd still come through with the ride to the rehearsal. 

 

Nobody showed up. I was all dressed and ready to go, and nobody picked me up. I didn't want to leave to try to get ahold of anybody, because I was worried I'd miss my ride. Besides, it was snowy/windy out, and it had gotten dark. I would have had to walk through a high crime area to try to get ahold of them. I was still hoping they were just running late as always. But, by two hours after the rehearsal, I figured something was up. I ended up walking through the high crime area, late at night, the night before the wedding, to try to find out what was going on.

 

I texted the bride, asking her what happened. No response. She's one of those people who lives by her cell phone and always responds quickly no matter what. I texted the groom, telling him I was upset about being ditched/forgotten. Finally, the bride responded, saying that we didn't have  "concrete plans", and besides, she  claimed we made the plans when she was drunk so she just "forgot". I reminded her that we made the plans BEFORE she started drinking at the Bachelorette party, though we did discuss the plans for the ride twice when she was drunk. I told her I was worried about having missed the rehearsal because I didn't know what to expect. I didn't know what they wanted me to do.

 

The bride responded "Do you want to be in this wedding or not?!"

 

I told her it was her day, and her decision, but that I had to go back to the apartment and if she needed to get ahold of me again send somebody to the apartment where I was staying. I gave her a specific time to get ahold of me with her decision as to whether or not I was still in the wedding party.

 

Nobody showed  up, and yesterday, the morning of the wedding, I went to my ex husband's house to use their phone and find out what the deal was. It was only then that I found out that they had replaced me in the wedding party. I was absolutely devastated. I'm not exactly sure how long they planned for me to not be included in the wedding party.

 

I had no other clothes to wear to the wedding, so I figured I wasn't even going to go as a guest. I didn't feel welcome after all of this. My friend reminded me that my bridesmaid gown was still at the groom's mom's house. I wanted to leave town before the wedding, because it was all too painful for me. I ended up getting a ride to the bride's mother's house (the groom's mother's house was blocked off because a parade was going by).

 

When I got to the bride's mother's house, the best man was there, along with a friend of mine, and THE STRIPPER I HIRED FROM THE BACHELORETTE PARTY! He was dressed up in a tux. The stripper never even met the bride before the Bachelorette party, and he never met the groom before, but he was invited to the wedding (srsly, what the... he didn't know anybody there). I told the best man that I was there to try to find my dress, since I was trying to leave town before the wedding. The best man looked uber uncomfortable, and he left the room to make a phone call. Then, he came back and handed me the phone.

 

<Female voice on the other line>: Yeah, we have the bridesmaid dress, and we're going to go ahead and keep it.

I was speechless for a minute. When I regained my composure, I said, with a very angry (yet clear) voice "I bought that dress. I need to know where I can pick it up now, or I will send the police to the church to get the dress for me."

 

The woman started yelling at me for ruining the bride's wedding day. They she hung up the phone before I got a chance to respond.

 

A few minutes later, the phone rang again. The best man handed me the phone.

 

"We'll cut you a check for the dress."

 

I know these people aren't good for the money. I figured they were going to write a bad check, put a stop to it, or some other BS. I told them cash or no deal (I mean, they can go to an ATM, right?). Then, they decided to attempt to blackmail me, saying "How would your husband feel if he knew you've been spending so much time at your ex husband's house?" I laughed. I couldn't help it. My husband knows I was going to my ex husband's house to use their phone & internet, and to visit with my two kids who still live there for now. Every time I was there, I was with the kids, my ex husband, and his soon to be wife.

 

When they realized their attempt at blackmail wasn't going to work, they hung up on me.

 

A few minutes later, another call came through, and the best man handed me the phone.

 

"We'll reimburse you later for the dress."

Me: "You've got to be kidding me."

 

They hung up on me again.

 

Then the phone rang again, and they spoke to the best man. After he got off the phone, he said the dress was on the way.

 

The groom ended up showing up at the house, looking all apologetic. When he handed me the dress, I asked him if they really did need the dress for the replacement bridesmaid. I offered to let them borrow it, but I'd have to get it back  in pristine condition. No funny business, y'know?

 

The groom said it was fine, they found another dress for the replacement bridesmaid. It didn't match the others, but hey, it would work. I insisted he double check, and after another phone call, they insisted they didn't actually need the dress. 

 

We then parted ways. But, not until after I overheard them inviting the weed dealer from the bachelorette party to crash the reception dinner. SERIOUSLY? They invited the stripper and the drug dealer to the wedding/reception, but me, the Matron of Honor, was disinvited b/c she didn't show up for the rehearsal (b/c the bride "forgot" about giving me a ride)?!

 

I ended up finding out that two of the groomsmen didn't show up for the rehearsal, either. So, several of my friends told me they thought something funny was going on, but they had no idea what. Nobody knows what actually happened. 

 

Oh, and as I was walking away from the house, the bride's aunt arrived, pulling up beside me in her pickup truck "If you show up at the wedding, we're calling the cops." I just stared straight ahead and kept on walking.

 

 

 

 

So, several people I've talked to (who have met the bride) tell me they think I was being used. I was being used when I bought the engagement ring. I was being used when I bought the bridesmaid dress. I was used when I threw the Bachelorette Party. They think that as soon as I moved out of town last month, the bride already got another bridesmaid lined up. They think she let me fly back in to throw an awesome party, supplying them with strippers and getting them access to marijuana and getting the bridesmaid dress to them. 

 

I don't know what to think. I'm devastated. Do real friends even exist anymore?


Edited by AtYourCervices - 11/29/10 at 10:12am
post #2 of 34

that is a terrible story :(  what nasty people !!!!

post #3 of 34

Real friends exist, but these are not them that is for sure. Cut your loses and never speak to them again. 

post #4 of 34

OMG, I can't even think of a proper response. It certainly sounds like you were being used. 

post #5 of 34

Wowzers.

 

On the bright side, at least you didn't have to be the matron of honour. :p (Spoken with the exhaustion of someone whose sister just got married, and I wasn't even IN the wedding party - DH was though, and the five-hour photo shoot meant the honour wore off as his feet got sorer and sorer. Ah, weddings.)

 

You could probably pass off about 3% of her behavior as being a stressed-out bride... the rest warrants "I will gracefully pretend you and your disturbed family do not exist". And don't offer to pay for her baby shower/divorce party/housewarming!

post #6 of 34

Crazy people, crazy story.  Be happy you're done with them all and move on.

post #7 of 34

What vile people. My guess is they didn't come get you for the rehearsal because they knew already had someone lined up. They probably thought you might not flight out. I'm so sorry. What an awful bridezilla.

post #8 of 34

This goes way beyond Bridezilla. They tried to steal your dress. They tried to blackmail you. They threatened you with calling the cops if you showed up at the wedding. This is just...vile. You're well shut of them, imo.

post #9 of 34

What a situation...but, OP, I have to admit that my jaw dropped when you wrote at the very beginning that you had bought the bride's engagement ring!

post #10 of 34

"Do you want to be in this wedding or not?"

 

Answer I would want to give:"Not anymore, and I'll expect a full refund from you for time and money spent, including YOUR RING, within 3 days."

 

Answer a grownup person with far better communication skills than I: "I understand that you are under stress and that this time is very important to you, however that does not give you an excuse to mistreat people who are doing you favors."

post #11 of 34
That is HORRIBLE. Beyond horrible. I don't even know what to say, that is so appalling. I am so sorry you were subjected to this. I would never, ever speak to that friend again. Not ever.
post #12 of 34

If you have a receipt or other proof of purchase, I'd take them to court for cost of the ring.

post #13 of 34
Quote:
Originally Posted by sapphire_chan View Post

If you have a receipt or other proof of purchase, I'd take them to court for cost of the ring.



I agree.

post #14 of 34

Yes, I'd take them to court for the ring costs and any other accrued costs as well.

 

That's just mean and spiteful of her. It floors me that some people are actually ok with treating others this way.  I'm sorry you had to deal with that all mama!

post #15 of 34

Oh.My.God.

 

That is one of the most whacked out, awful wedding stories I've ever heard.  Yeah, you don't need these people in your life. 

post #16 of 34

I'd file a police report, honestly.  These people scammed you.  I'd demand the full payment for that ring at least.  Who knows?  Its sounds suspicious to me.  It might not even be a real wedding.  I hope you still have the receipt or some proof for the ring?

 

post #17 of 34

wow, just wow. 

It sounds like you 'friend' saw you as  $$$$

I'd let go of it and move on, it is their loss, not yours, best you know now rather than down the line.

 

There are lots of good people out there don't waste your time and energy on these people.

hug.gif it sucks to be taken advantage of.

post #18 of 34

holy sh*t mama!  I know how hard it is to lose someone you conider(ed) a friend.  It hurts, but it gets less painful over time.

post #19 of 34
Thread Starter 

So, here's a bit of an update:

 

Apparently, Bridezilla is now trying to start rumors about me and those around me. I think it's a preemptive strike on her part because she knows she's going to look bad if I tell people what she did to me. So, one of our mutual friends got ahold of me this morning to let me know what she was saying. She claimed I was covered in bruises and my husband is beating me. No, I didn't have any bruises on me, and no, my husband is not beating me. She was pulling that whole "She married rich and her husband treats her like crap." thing.  I appreciated my friend coming to me personally to tell me what rumors Bridezilla is starting. However, another mutual friend made some vague posts on facebook that lead me to believe Bridezilla was trying to spread rumors about me through her as well (though I'm not sure exactly what she was saying to her). 

 

Thankfully, I live 800 miles away, so I can be free from the drama for the most part. I will touch base with those who matter, and let them know I arrived home safe and sound. I know our mutual friends will feel stuck in the middle of all of this. A part of me wants to try to find out what actually happened, but then there's the other part of me that feels it doesn't even matter. What's done is done. I really shouldn't try to find out what the real deal is from our mutual friends because that would cause further discomfort for them. I feel bad for them, especially since Bridezilla is trying to get them to side with her by starting rumors about me. 

 

I'm just going to cut my losses. I had told her before that the engagement ring was an engagement gift. I can either sell the bridesmaid gown or save it for any future formal  events (it really is a pretty dress, and I bought the dress so long ago that I can no longer return it). I'm going to rock those shoes whenever I get the chance, though (platinum cage sandal shoes with a 2" heel). At least I got to visit with my other two kids, some friends, and my dad & future step mom while I was in town. As for the wedding gift... I bought her a bunch of awesome scrapbooking supplies (I was going to take pictures at the  wedding/reception and send those to her to include in the scrapbook). However, it appears I'm taking up scrapbooking. LOL!

 

I have some wonderful, amazing friends & family who've seen me through this. These responses here mean a lot to me. I felt like a real jerk for still trying to get my dress back, even after I found out they were going to try to use it. I still wonder if it would have been best to let them use my dress. I think some of the drama could have been avoided if I just decided to stay in town until after the wedding/reception, and patiently waited at the apartment for my dress. But, I highly doubt they would have gotten the dress back to me at all, and if they did, they probably would have ruined it first. 

 

*sigh*

 

Thanks again, everybody.

post #20 of 34

Don't feel like a jerk. You aren't the one acting so... well I want to say childish, but I can't think of any children I know who would use someone like that... Keep the dress, and the shoes and next time you wear them you can tell yourself the bride just didn't want you in the wedding 'cause everyone would be staring at you instead of her and then forget the whole thing.

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