I've calmed down a bit since this initially happened, but I could really use an outsiders perspective on this:
I was supposed to be the Matron of Honor in a wedding that took place yesterday. I've been best friends with the bride for over two years (close friends longer). She was my "Maid of Honor" when I got married last year. When the groom told me he wanted to propose to my friend, he didn't have the money for an engagement ring, so I bought her engagement ring (a really nice diamond ring).
I moved 800 miles away from them about a month and a half ago. We've still kept in touch, and it's always been the plan for me to be in the wedding. I bought plane tickets, an expensive wedding gift, paid for transportation, etc. I had already bought the dress ($155) and the shoes ($60).
I flew in last week. I threw her a Bachelorette party (which she insisted was the best party she's ever been to).
But, the place I was staying at was my friend's old apartment. There is no landline, and I was borrowing somebody elses cell phone, which wouldn't hold a charge. I didn't have internet access in the house. Thus, I warned everybody ahead of time that if they needed to get ahold of me, they'd have to stop by the apartment. So, we'd made plans ahead of time, and they had to trust that I'd be there waiting for them at the designated time.
Thursday we made plans for the bride to secure me a ride to the reception hall on Friday, so I could help decorate it for the wedding. From there, they were going to hook me up with a ride to the church for the rehearsal. She said she'd get me a ride at around 3:30pm or so. She's known for running a bit late, so when she didn't show up at the designated time, I wasn't too worried. I figured she'd still come through with the ride to the rehearsal.
Nobody showed up. I was all dressed and ready to go, and nobody picked me up. I didn't want to leave to try to get ahold of anybody, because I was worried I'd miss my ride. Besides, it was snowy/windy out, and it had gotten dark. I would have had to walk through a high crime area to try to get ahold of them. I was still hoping they were just running late as always. But, by two hours after the rehearsal, I figured something was up. I ended up walking through the high crime area, late at night, the night before the wedding, to try to find out what was going on.
I texted the bride, asking her what happened. No response. She's one of those people who lives by her cell phone and always responds quickly no matter what. I texted the groom, telling him I was upset about being ditched/forgotten. Finally, the bride responded, saying that we didn't have "concrete plans", and besides, she claimed we made the plans when she was drunk so she just "forgot". I reminded her that we made the plans BEFORE she started drinking at the Bachelorette party, though we did discuss the plans for the ride twice when she was drunk. I told her I was worried about having missed the rehearsal because I didn't know what to expect. I didn't know what they wanted me to do.
The bride responded "Do you want to be in this wedding or not?!"
I told her it was her day, and her decision, but that I had to go back to the apartment and if she needed to get ahold of me again send somebody to the apartment where I was staying. I gave her a specific time to get ahold of me with her decision as to whether or not I was still in the wedding party.
Nobody showed up, and yesterday, the morning of the wedding, I went to my ex husband's house to use their phone and find out what the deal was. It was only then that I found out that they had replaced me in the wedding party. I was absolutely devastated. I'm not exactly sure how long they planned for me to not be included in the wedding party.
I had no other clothes to wear to the wedding, so I figured I wasn't even going to go as a guest. I didn't feel welcome after all of this. My friend reminded me that my bridesmaid gown was still at the groom's mom's house. I wanted to leave town before the wedding, because it was all too painful for me. I ended up getting a ride to the bride's mother's house (the groom's mother's house was blocked off because a parade was going by).
When I got to the bride's mother's house, the best man was there, along with a friend of mine, and THE STRIPPER I HIRED FROM THE BACHELORETTE PARTY! He was dressed up in a tux. The stripper never even met the bride before the Bachelorette party, and he never met the groom before, but he was invited to the wedding (srsly, what the... he didn't know anybody there). I told the best man that I was there to try to find my dress, since I was trying to leave town before the wedding. The best man looked uber uncomfortable, and he left the room to make a phone call. Then, he came back and handed me the phone.
<Female voice on the other line>: Yeah, we have the bridesmaid dress, and we're going to go ahead and keep it.
I was speechless for a minute. When I regained my composure, I said, with a very angry (yet clear) voice "I bought that dress. I need to know where I can pick it up now, or I will send the police to the church to get the dress for me."
The woman started yelling at me for ruining the bride's wedding day. They she hung up the phone before I got a chance to respond.
A few minutes later, the phone rang again. The best man handed me the phone.
"We'll cut you a check for the dress."
I know these people aren't good for the money. I figured they were going to write a bad check, put a stop to it, or some other BS. I told them cash or no deal (I mean, they can go to an ATM, right?). Then, they decided to attempt to blackmail me, saying "How would your husband feel if he knew you've been spending so much time at your ex husband's house?" I laughed. I couldn't help it. My husband knows I was going to my ex husband's house to use their phone & internet, and to visit with my two kids who still live there for now. Every time I was there, I was with the kids, my ex husband, and his soon to be wife.
When they realized their attempt at blackmail wasn't going to work, they hung up on me.
A few minutes later, another call came through, and the best man handed me the phone.
"We'll reimburse you later for the dress."
Me: "You've got to be kidding me."
They hung up on me again.
Then the phone rang again, and they spoke to the best man. After he got off the phone, he said the dress was on the way.
The groom ended up showing up at the house, looking all apologetic. When he handed me the dress, I asked him if they really did need the dress for the replacement bridesmaid. I offered to let them borrow it, but I'd have to get it back in pristine condition. No funny business, y'know?
The groom said it was fine, they found another dress for the replacement bridesmaid. It didn't match the others, but hey, it would work. I insisted he double check, and after another phone call, they insisted they didn't actually need the dress.
We then parted ways. But, not until after I overheard them inviting the weed dealer from the bachelorette party to crash the reception dinner. SERIOUSLY? They invited the stripper and the drug dealer to the wedding/reception, but me, the Matron of Honor, was disinvited b/c she didn't show up for the rehearsal (b/c the bride "forgot" about giving me a ride)?!
I ended up finding out that two of the groomsmen didn't show up for the rehearsal, either. So, several of my friends told me they thought something funny was going on, but they had no idea what. Nobody knows what actually happened.
Oh, and as I was walking away from the house, the bride's aunt arrived, pulling up beside me in her pickup truck "If you show up at the wedding, we're calling the cops." I just stared straight ahead and kept on walking.
So, several people I've talked to (who have met the bride) tell me they think I was being used. I was being used when I bought the engagement ring. I was being used when I bought the bridesmaid dress. I was used when I threw the Bachelorette Party. They think that as soon as I moved out of town last month, the bride already got another bridesmaid lined up. They think she let me fly back in to throw an awesome party, supplying them with strippers and getting them access to marijuana and getting the bridesmaid dress to them.
I don't know what to think. I'm devastated. Do real friends even exist anymore?
Edited by AtYourCervices - 11/29/10 at 10:12am