advice needed (no flaming please!) - Page 2

[SilverFish]

first, delete as much as you can of the facebook exchange. delete this "friend" from your facebook, and in future, don't talk about something this touchy on facebook. it is technically illegal, there is really no point even discussing the merits of breastfeeding and pot use with other people in writing. what if the people you babysit for saw the comments and were uncomfortable with you using mj, or a future employer? until pot is legalized, there is really no way to safely discuss the pros and cons of exposing your children to it, especially in such a public format.

get some other help for your PPD and anxiety... even if it doesn't help, IF (which really seems unlikely) cps was called, showing that you are taking steps to address your health concerns in a more "acceptable" manner would be a benefit. and if it does help, then you avoid having to use mj at this point. try not to stress about it too much! it seems very unlikely that your friend will actually call cps, and even more unlikely that cps would respond. second-hand information about your mj use is hardly enough evidence to storm your house and take your kids!

i'm not anti-mj at all. i think it should be legalized and used far more extensively. but it is illegal currently, and therefore exposing your kids to it and then discussing it in public is really not a wise decision IMO.

[JudiAU]

I would try and make peace/pacify your friend. Let him you don't use anymore. And then go your own way.

But if you use, and are reported, and the baby is tested expect it to go very badly. You would likely lose custody for a period and your baby and you would lose the benefits of breastfeeding. I don't see how occasional use would make you willing to risk it. You would choose pot over breastfeeding? That doesn't sound occasional use to me. And no one is going to be on your side. How can you possibly risk that?

This isn't really about what you think the potential risks are. The rest of the world doesn't view it this way and you have an infant to nuture and care for. I don't smoke but I don't care much about pot either way. I live in a state where it is legal for medical use but CPS still cracks down on families. 

[Drummer's Wife]

Originally Posted by JudiAU 

I would try and make peace/pacify your friend. Let him you don't use anymore. And then go your own way.

But if you use, and are reported, and the baby is tested expect it to go very badly. You would likely lose custody for a period and your baby and you would lose the benefits of breastfeeding. I don't see how occasional use would make you willing to risk it. You would choose pot over breastfeeding? That doesn't sound occasional use to me. And no one is going to be on your side. How can you possibly risk that?

This isn't really about what you think the potential risks are. The rest of the world doesn't view it this way and you have an infant to nuture and care for. I don't smoke but I don't care much about pot either way. I live in a state where it is legal for medical use but CPS still cracks down on families. 

I took it as she was going to tell her "friend" that, so in case he was still considering calling CPS, maybe he would relax and forget about it - b/c it sounds like he accepts MJ use, just not while breastfeeding.

OP, I hope everything turns out okay, and I really, really think it will - so, please try to relax and not stress about it.  That's not good for your mental health.  I do think it's insane that pharmaceuticals are legal to use with anxiety and deemed safe while breastfeeding, yet MJ is looked down upon and makes loving moms like you worry unnecessarily.  There are plenty of studies that show the impact on nurslings, and as you are probably aware, your baby is not at risk - except for people who won't stay out of your business, like your "friend". 

You've gotten a lot of good advice on here, especially from the poster who is a social worker.  I would probably keep my house tidy and go to the well-baby check-up on wed.  Other than that, I wouldn't stress about it.  I know it depends on where you live, but MJ use alone is generally not enough of a reason to get CPS involved - much less actually lose your kids over.

[philomom]

Originally Posted by JudiAU 

I would try and make peace/pacify your friend. Let him you don't use anymore. And then go your own way.

But if you use, and are reported, and the baby is tested expect it to go very badly. You would likely lose custody for a period and your baby and you would lose the benefits of breastfeeding. I don't see how occasional use would make you willing to risk it. You would choose pot over breastfeeding? That doesn't sound occasional use to me. And no one is going to be on your side. How can you possibly risk that?

This isn't really about what you think the potential risks are. The rest of the world doesn't view it this way and you have an infant to nurture and care for. I don't smoke but I don't care much about pot either way. I live in a state where it is legal for medical use but CPS still cracks down on families. 

Thanks, I hadn't chimed in before because I didn't want to appear harsh. Your post has summed up my thoughts perfectly. I truly believe that parents should stop using any illegal drug  once they are parents. It's not worth the risk to use, to come into contact with folks who use... to use while your children are in the house...... none of that seems okay when you are trying to be a responsible parent.

[LROM]

I agree with above posts, but also wanted to offer that if your reason for still using MJ while breastfeeding is PPD, have you asked on these forums what other methods moms have tried and succeeded with to deal with their PPD?  It just seems like I've heard of many other ways of trying to handle it and as the above posters have said, even if you feel confident you're not doing any damage to your child by smoking while BF (or smoking around the child, since 2nd hand smoke is obviously also exposure), if your child tested positive it would be an issue for CPS.

At this stage it's not even clear your friend did call or will call CPS.  Maybe best strategy now is to combine a lot of the advice you've been given and erase all facebook discussion of this, stop smoking and BF or smoking around your child, and look around here and on net for resources for PPD and anxiety of the types you're experiencing.

[nextcommercial]

 Hopefully he was just surprised and overreacted.

Edited by nextcommercial - 11/29/10 at 12:30pm

[LynnS6]

You've got several 'issues' here and you can only deal with the ones that are in your control

1. You are suffering from PPD Anxiety. I've had PPD anxiety and I know how debilitating it is. I don't know what you're taking for your PPD, but it's clearly not working. It sounds to me like you need to seek out a new mental health professional and try some different things. Because MJ is illegal and prescription meds aren't, you need to go down the prescription med route to keep your kids with you. If you've got just a short acting anti-anxiety (e.g., ativan) that's not enough. You need something like an SSRI and counseling. The combination of the two is more powerful than just one. If you proactively seek out this medical help, you will look better in the eyes of CPS, should they come.

2. You're posting things on Facebook that shouldn't be posted there. Delete what you can, and don't admit anything. If you were fairly vague, it'll be OK. If you were fairly specific, and he called, you may get a visit. Just remember, anything you type of a place like facebook or MDC is public information. Do not treat these places as private conversations. They're not. You've learned your lesson and I'm sure you won't do this again. Wikileaks is making a fortune by taking communications people thought were private and publishing them. I'm sure they don't give a darn about your MJ use, but it's a good reminder for all of us: Sensitive conversations need to be done verbally.

3. He may or may not have called CPS. This you have no control over. You're going to have to find a way to let this go, as hard as it is. You have no control over others' behavior. But given what you've posted and what others have said, I doubt he called and if he did, I suspect it won't be investigated, especially if it's the first allegation made against you. This is where your anxiety is making things a bigger deal than they are. You shocked a friend, he overreacted, and now your fears are preying on you. See #1. PPD/Anxiety can prey on your mind and get you stuck in a rut. Do what you have to do to get out of that rut, but 'what you have to do' probably shouldn't involve MJ for a while.

[Princess ConsuelaB]

Originally Posted by JudiAU 

I would try and make peace/pacify your friend. Let him you don't use anymore. And then go your own way.

But if you use, and are reported, and the baby is tested expect it to go very badly. You would likely lose custody for a period and your baby and you would lose the benefits of breastfeeding. I don't see how occasional use would make you willing to risk it. You would choose pot over breastfeeding? That doesn't sound occasional use to me. And no one is going to be on your side. How can you possibly risk that?

This isn't really about what you think the potential risks are. The rest of the world doesn't view it this way and you have an infant to nuture and care for. I don't smoke but I don't care much about pot either way. I live in a state where it is legal for medical use but CPS still cracks down on families. 

This, especially the bolded. I'm not against medical mj, necessarily...but when you're a parent and there are other options....

I had counselling through (what I now realize was) ppd. I take valerian and 5-htp to help my anxiety. It's legal and won't potentially get my children taken away. Say what you need to to placate your friend, then make a choice. Otherwise it's just an excuse imo.

I am sorry you are frightened but you do have options here.