Some people can be so rude!

[ToadJode]

I had to go back to work 4 weeks after my twins were born because I didn't get paid maternity leave and my boyfriend doesn't make enough $$ to support us alone.

When people that come to my store hear that I have 11 week old twins (a lot of repeat customers knew I was pregnant, and boss tells a lot of people too), they like to ask questions like "why are you back at work already?"

Sometimes I just want to slap people and say "Not EVERY woman can afford to be a SAHM as much as she might want to!" but instead I typically smile and say "gotta feed double the mouths in our household now!" or something like that.

Ugh, some people are just really nosey. Is it really any business of theirs why I went back to work so soon anyway?!

[lunarlady]

I can relate. Everyone acts like i went back to work when my girls were seven weeks because I just love my job that much. I do love my job, but yes, I would take longer if I could afford it. But more than one week unpaid and we wouldn't make the mortgage payment. Not everyone has a choice. Good for you for putting a brave and happy face on when dealing with nosy people.

[listipton]

Hugs mama, I went back at 4 weeks with DS.  You've hit on one of the nice double standards that we have about maternity care in this country.  I know very few ladies that actually get to stay home with their kids for 3 months after the delivery (these are WOHM- SAHM's rarely get 'maternity leave' either...).  Hugs and I sympathize.

[mambera]

4 weeks, that's completely inhumane.  I had 8 and going back was awful awful awful.  Hugs to you.

I wonder if the "why are you back at work" question might be intended as an expression of sympathy/support actually.  They may not be fishing for details about your life so much as just making sympathetic conversation.

 

Originally Posted by ToadJode 

When people that come to my store hear that I have 11 week old twins (a lot of repeat customers knew I was pregnant, and boss tells a lot of people too), they like to ask questions like "why are you back at work already?"

[ToadJode]

You have a good point about this, but it's not like it's going to make me feel better that they point out that I'm stuck at work instead of being home with my little ones.
 

Originally Posted by mambera 

I wonder if the "why are you back at work" question might be intended as an expression of sympathy/support actually.  They may not be fishing for details about your life so much as just making sympathetic conversation.

 

[pinksprklybarefoot]

Originally Posted by mambera 

I wonder if the "why are you back at work" question might be intended as an expression of sympathy/support actually.  They may not be fishing for details about your life so much as just making sympathetic conversation.

 

Originally Posted by ToadJode 

When people that come to my store hear that I have 11 week old twins (a lot of repeat customers knew I was pregnant, and boss tells a lot of people too), they like to ask questions like "why are you back at work already?"

I was going to post this, too.  I would totally say something like that, but in the spirit of, "Oh, it is so ridiculous that our government does not support new mothers with extended paid maternity leave like European countries do."

At risk of , it feels like your anger might be a little misdirected.  I understand that the situation stinks and that you are angry about it (I would be, too!), and maybe you are even a little resentful of your BF because he cannot support the three of you on his own.  But getting angry with people who have good intentions is not going to be productive.  I highly doubt these people are judging you for being back at work - they are most likely trying to empathize/sympathize.  Even though you say that this doesn't make you feel better about the situation, harboring anger at people who are trying to show that they care about you is going to make you feel even worse.

I am not saying this to be mean - I do this, too.  It is something that I have been trying to work on because at the end of the day, it just doesn't help.  It makes me even more miserable.

If these are people that see you on a regular basis, what would you want them to do?  Ignore the fact that you just had a baby?  In their shoes, I would feel rude not commenting on the fact that the poor mama was back at work so soon - usually even women who really love their jobs and can't wait to get back at it need more time to recover than you had. Aa far as handling the situation now, I would just change the subject by saying, "Yes, I'm back already.  And I miss them terribly!  Want to see a picture?"  Then you can gush about how adorable your little ones are instead of focusing on being at work.

[ToadJode]

I guess you have a point, but my customers have proven to be really nosey about other things too, like if I was planning a c-section, breastfeeding stuff, and even if I had IVF to have my twins....none of which I think are their business.

Originally Posted by pinksprklybarefoot 

At risk of , it feels like your anger might be a little misdirected.  I understand that the situation stinks and that you are angry about it (I would be, too!), and maybe you are even a little resentful of your BF because he cannot support the three of you on his own.  But getting angry with people who have good intentions is not going to be productive.  I highly doubt these people are judging you for being back at work - they are most likely trying to empathize/sympathize.  Even though you say that this doesn't make you feel better about the situation, harboring anger at people who are trying to show that they care about you is going to make you feel even worse.

I am not saying this to be mean - I do this, too.  It is something that I have been trying to work on because at the end of the day, it just doesn't help.  It makes me even more miserable.

If these are people that see you on a regular basis, what would you want them to do?  Ignore the fact that you just had a baby?  In their shoes, I would feel rude not commenting on the fact that the poor mama was back at work so soon - usually even women who really love their jobs and can't wait to get back at it need more time to recover than you had. Aa far as handling the situation now, I would just change the subject by saying, "Yes, I'm back already.  And I miss them terribly!  Want to see a picture?"  Then you can gush about how adorable your little ones are instead of focusing on being at work.

[*MamaJen*]

The appropriate response is, "The United States is virtually the only developed country without guaranteed maternity leave, putting us in the company of Lesotho, Papua New Guinea and Swaziland."

Seriously, every other developed nation, with the partial exception of Australia, has paid maternity leave for its mothers.

I was lucky -- my bosses scraped together four weeks of paid leave for me, then let me bring my baby to work for 6 months.

[laurabfig]

Originally Posted by *MamaJen* 

The appropriate response is, "The United States is virtually the only developed country without guaranteed maternity leave, putting us in the company of Lesotho, Papua New Guinea and Swaziland."

Seriously, every other developed nation, with the partial exception of Australia, has paid maternity leave for its mothers.

YES!  Say this, and then see what they say.  I basically say something like this every day when my SAHM friends ask me when I'm going back to work from maternity leave.  It is true that not everyone who wants to be a SAHM can... to you.  I can relate.