So I had that unexplained bleeding episode over the weekend. Even after EFM and ultrasound and bloodwork and such, they still have no clue whatsoever as to what caused it.
And it has freaked me out beyond measure.
I was so ready and mentally prepared for this natural, spontaneous birth. I had completely faith in my ability to do it, in my body's ability to do it--I have exercised, stretched, and eaten in a very, very healthy way. I've gained the perfect amount of weight, I am not swollen at all, in short, I have done everything right to avoid anything like this happening. DH and I have talked and talked and talked about how we want it to go, I've been doing my breathing and visualization, etc.
Then, wham. I start having blood dripping out of me. Granted, I only actively bled for about 4 hours, and I think I only lost about 1/4 cup of blood. And my body was able to stop it all on its own. So whatever it was, it was minor enough that my body healed itself.
But since they don't know what caused it, it could come back again, esp. with my uterus working overtime during labor. Worst case scenario is that this was a placental tear that wasn't picked up by u/s and may or may not develop into a placental abruption. Because the baby was wiggling around the entire time and the heartrate never faltered the entire timeI was in the hospital, they don't necessarily think this is the case, and I'm welcome back to my midwives out of the hospital. I know that if they didn't think I could safely have the baby at the birth center, then they wouldn't let me. I do trust them.
But I don't trust my body. I feel like it failed me, and might again at any moment. And now I'm filled with terror at having an emergency c section with general anesthesia! It's just hard to prepre, again, starting from scratch, for a peaceful, natural birth when all I can contemplate is how scared I'm going to be with every contraction, just waiting to start bleeding again.
General thoughts, hugs, and advice very much appreciated!