Clay, that sounds right scary. I hope you find a way to work it all out. I might PM you-- it's sort of about that old topic we PM'd about before, but not altogether. I guess I just need a sounding board. I'm so confused.
So far I have seats on both flights and they are both listed as "on time". Now let's hope for no snags. I have boarding passes and seat assignments on both. I have to be out of my mom's by the 2nd, latest. She's hosting a 12-person dinner party on the 3rd.
The latest in my religious/family drama. My mom sent me a message on fb today saying, pretty much: "Thank you for not ruining Christmas for your family. You are the one who has to talk to your father, not me. You made your decision concerning your current beliefs. This is a conversation to be done face to face. I will tell the rest of the family after you tell your dad."
I don't see why he "needs" to be told anything! The only reason she knows is because SHE snooped! And if she wants him to know, I think she should go ahead and tell him.
She also sent this inflammatory message!
"You obviously don't understand the importance of our Faith is to this family, otherwise you would be the one to tell him. If you think what you are doing is right, why should I have to tell him."
The arguments do not follow! She makes no sense! Its not anyone's business what I choose to do! It doesn't affect him, or her or anyone, but me! Geez! Grrrrr
Oh and in other news, Margot Adler had surgery today... If everyone could send healing, protective light her way, I would appreciate it!
clay, when do you get to start work, with all those visitors around?
and your teeth situation toggled something in my head about your teeth situation - get your hands on something for vitamin K2 (natto is actually the best source but not so tasty, especially for little ones). btw, there is a VERY reputable herbal (Free?) clinic run by 7song in Ithaca - google for more info/details. you might check it out, specifically asking for an herbal prep that will help with tooth remineralization.
dh broke our phone setup, so incoming calls have a less than 50% chance of actually getting in - in between his testing rings, it is blissfully quiet. at least he's fixed the outgoing calls :)
yippee. my head is no longer itchy and i'm not finding fruit flies (or anything else insecty) in my first morning brushing of the day, let alone any other brushings during the day.
if i collect my dandruff sheddings and toss it into a NYE ritual fire, will that make my dandruff go away? tee hee.
DOK - beautiful! it's similar to the throws we received from dh's grandparents.
did mention that i was reading "Simplify your life" ? - rather, i had dh start to read it. it got us discussing the holidays in general and got me revisiting the whole Yule/Christmas card thing in my head. i pretty much gave up sending out Yule/Christmas cards a few years ago because i was feeling too lazy to send them, i was feeling too cheap to spend the money on postage, i didn't want to buy cards but didn't have time to make them, and i really didn't want to receive cards that would require either recycling or storage or a response. most of the time, i never received a card in return, so it seemed like it was a waste of effort. oh yeah, many of the people on my list were also my parents' friends, not mine... i probably should have announced that i wasn't sending out cards (especialyl to those who do send them) but i was remiss in that realm of etiquette.
so then when my aunt's (extremely Christian-y preachy) card arrived a week or so ago, with a $10 check (Canadian funds, on a Canadian bank, for which it costs me $67 to cash at my Indiana credit union), i rolled my eyes and thought "great... not again". because i've asked her in the past to just send cash. anyhow, i guess i've been a delinquent niece and haven't sent thank yous in the past because she made a comment to my mother to that effect - and that if she didn't receive a thank you note, she wouldn't send me anything in the future. so now i'm told (by my mother) to send her a thank you note. but i really don't WANT another card with a check because those checks are just a huge PITA to cash. so... do i send a thank you to appease my mother? or do i let it go and risk not getting another sappy card with a PITA check?
and then i was also thinking about how one simplifies one's belongings and still has items (with meaning) to pass along to family later... i'm specifically thinking of the hidden treasures that one might have stashed in an attic (the quintessential grandmother's attic that doesn't seem to exist much anymore)... with all the "stuff" that pervades our society, most of it won't last more than 2 years, let alone 2 generations. and i guess what got me thinking about this line of thought was the empty opened "Time capsule" that was on the front lawn of a building in my parents' town. ds and i chatted about what one might put into a time capsule and that got me thinking about how attics used to be time capsules, and that our generation and ahead probably won't have much to stuff into such a thing because it will all disintegrate.
sorry for rambling :)
I sooooooo want to move to Alaska now. I've loved having family around that I can actually talk with/hang out with. They've already agreed to be the legal gusrdians for our kiddos if something happens to dh and I and the kiddos adore them... I know I'd not enjoy AK in terms of weather/daylight BUT having a real world social group? Family that didn't shut us down/insult us/fight with us all the time? A family hearth (they're Asatru)? I want! Sadly, there just aren't any jobs for DH and interior AK isn't a good place to move on a whim even if we had the money to go.
But I can dream, right?
dental- looks like i may be following in dd1's steps... I was brushing my teeth yesterday morning and a chunk of tooth broke off! I felt like there was something rough, pulled it out on my finger, and rubbed my fingers together, trying to figure out what it was. It crumbled into dust and then my tongue found the jagged edge of the tooth. ACK!!!!!!!!!!! What's extra creepy is that it wasn't the "top" that came off, it was a chunk of tooth at the gum line. I'm scared to brush my teeth and I'm kind of waiting for the rest of that tooth to crumble. I'm totally freaked out and as you all know, this is NOT a good time for us financially. (my mom hasn't actually helped us with dd's dental bill even though she is telling everyone she has, so that bill is kind of sitting on us) I had nightmares about crumbling teeth last night. Ugh.
New Year's Word- not sure yet. I want something very positive/life affirming. But also something realistic that I can manifest in concrete ways.
Clay omg, that tooth thing would creep me out too! I know you'[ve probably checked & had dh check to be sure.. but is there ANY possibility that it was actually tartar that somehow got broken loose?? (oh please please please?! ) Just the thought is pretty awful otherwise! :(
Re: Alaska... I lived in Anchorage for 3 years and actually LOVED it! Midwinter the sun comes up around 1030am and sets around 430pm, from memory. It would require a little work to combat the blahs... but I remember a couple of huge shopping centres where there were indoor ice rinks & such if you just NEED to get out of the house but it's too cold to be OUT for long. Do they live in Fairbanks?? I personally much preferred anchorage, a little more moderate climate and all that lol.
The latest in my religious/family drama. My mom sent me a message on fb today saying, pretty much: "Thank you for not ruining Christmas for your family. You are the one who has to talk to your father, not me. You made your decision concerning your current beliefs. This is a conversation to be done face to face. I will tell the rest of the family after you tell your dad."
I don't see why he "needs" to be told anything! The only reason she knows is because SHE snooped! And if she wants him to know, I think she should go ahead and tell him.
She also sent this inflammatory message!
"You obviously don't understand the importance of our Faith is to this family, otherwise you would be the one to tell him. If you think what you are doing is right, why should I have to tell him."
The arguments do not follow! She makes no sense! Its not anyone's business what I choose to do! It doesn't affect him, or her or anyone, but me! Geez! Grrrrr
Um wow. Have you replied at all? *** I would, and I'd say no, thank YOU for not ruining christmas for our family by going off about something which is none of your business to begin with. I feel no obligation to 'tell' anyone anything, so if you really want him to know you'll have to do it yourself. My faith is not a news story to be broadcast, it is something I have come through after a LOT of consideration. It has nothing to DO with you, and is no commentary ON you. If you had minded your own business you would not be troubled by this, as my intent was not to cause issues, or I'd have come right out & told you myself. I sincerely hope that you can get past this and realize I am the same good & moral person I was before, and that it is not necessary for someone to be of x faith for them to be that good & moral person***
I am so glad I have never had to deal with that.. I have no friended my father for that exact reason.. I don't think he'd go THAT far, but he would definitely make comments.
so then when my aunt's (extremely Christian-y preachy) card arrived a week or so ago, with a $10 check (Canadian funds, on a Canadian bank, for which it costs me $67 to cash at my Indiana credit union), i rolled my eyes and thought "great... not again". because i've asked her in the past to just send cash. anyhow, i guess i've been a delinquent niece and haven't sent thank yous in the past because she made a comment to my mother to that effect - and that if she didn't receive a thank you note, she wouldn't send me anything in the future. so now i'm told (by my mother) to send her a thank you note. but i really don't WANT another card with a check because those checks are just a huge PITA to cash. so... do i send a thank you to appease my mother? or do i let it go and risk not getting another sappy card with a PITA check?
sorry for rambling :)
Wow... I would write her a nice note ., not *really* a thank you note I guess, the only one she'd be getting from me lol, saying while I appreciate the thought of her sending a check, I will be tearing it up as the 10dollars would actually leave me 57 in the HOLE after paying the bank charges related to international checks. I wouldn't do it to 'appease' mother, but more to make a point.
Ok.. it seems this did not submit when I told it to submit. Either that or my modem crashed a bit earlier than I thought lol.
Happy new years eve mamas :) We are having a night at home with prawns & white wine and watching the fireworks on tele :) Although we might catch a few of them from town over the trees if we are out at the right time! DH is setting up the kids pool (one of those 18inch deep easy set thingys) and they are eagerly awaiting a swim!
Cari~ That's pretty much the message I did send her. I told her that if I wanted to tell people, I would and that it doesn't affect her or dad or anyone but me.... We'll see what she deigns to reply!
Cari--brilliant responses, to both. I would probably quote you nearly directly! Now it's my turn...sigh...talked to DS last night who said "Nana bought me a bible!!" I'm like, oh really. He says "yeah! I'm Christian now!" I say again, oh really. Since, what, last week?
Now-- I do not mind my son exploring another religion, and I don't even mind my mother buying him a bible, but I do mind that she didn't ask me first. Even M was like "it's not such a bad book to have" and I was like-- you know, he is so Catholic-- I was like, what if your mother had bought your dd's Witchcraft books when they were little, without your permission, would you have been OK with that? No, he says. I said: same thing. She should have asked my permission.
Do y'all think? Am I over-reacting? I don't want to confront her on it because she has graciously hosted my son for 5 days while I visited M...and if by some (grrr) chance we are still in our southern home next winter holiday season, I want her to do it again. OTOH, I do want to explore the idea of, I dunno, maybe asking the parent of the child if it's alright? To buy a book of another religion? Ugh.
My mom is Episcopalian, and not overly religious or pushy about it at all. But in my becoming Pagan, years ago, it turned out that the issue with her wasn't that I was a Witch, but that I had chosen something Not-Mainstream to once again Be Different with. I feel betrayed by indoctrination, however subtle.
btw, there is a VERY reputable herbal (Free?) clinic run by 7song in Ithaca - google for more info/details.
I had a workshop with him awhile back. He's good stuff. I second the recommendation.
Cari~ That's pretty much the message I did send her. I told her that if I wanted to tell people, I would and that it doesn't affect her or dad or anyone but me.... We'll see what she deigns to reply!
This. Same with you, bluets-- it's costing you money! I'd send a note, respectfully saying thanks but no thanks.
So here's the thing, with M-- we had this (in my mind) utterly idyllic first 3 days, then he got pissy, and the rest of the time rather sucked for me. Because, I guess-- well, Wednesday night he spent mostly online and I felt left out, which I was, and I am having trouble with this "let's do our own thing together in the same room" thing. I don't mind that for awhile, but then, hey, turn the damn thing off and pay attention to me. I don't know how to get that across. Are all men like that? And he's like "I don't know what to DO with you". Why do we need an agenda? He found plenty to do with me (um) earlier in the relationship. Should I go there for less time than 5 days? Plus he was getting pissy because he left his teeth in the whole time (he has an upper denture) and it was getting sore. He's very sensitive about having that, and won't take them out in front of me. Well hello, TELL me that you're hurting? And I said to him, you know, if I don't fit in your routine then maybe I don't fit in your life. Was that too extreme? Ugh. Things ended up kind of OK, but after Tuesday there was no more sex at all 
It would have been fine, for me, to take Wednesday off, but then I was all inward and depressed still on Thursday night, and this morning we could have probably had some fun before I left, but that's when he revealed that his teeth were hurting badly and no way was that going to happen, even if we were snugging and parts of him might have been interested. What would y'all have done? Is it time to stop hoping/expecting it every day? Even after he'd said he had made himself a promise for every day and then told me about it and it didn't happen?
He does still very much love me, he said. But I'm feeling kind of put out. Is this a big issue or not? Sigh.
New Years...provided I get to my mom's in time today, and all my flights run as expected, I will be going to bed by like 8pm. If ds wants to stay up with my mom, that's fine with me. Tomorrow is going to be a New Year whether I stay up to watch it come in or not. I would like to get some black eyed peas, though.
Wishing everyone a Happy New Year. May 2011 be a healthy, happy, and fulfilling year for all of you.
Maia- I wish you clarity. All I can say is, based on everything you have written so far, the relationship with M doesn't seem like it's meant to be permanent. "He doesn't know what to DO with you"? Really? What would it be like if you moved up here for him and he pretty much ignores you for the most part? And snaps at you. And says you're nagging, etc.
I'm sorry mama, but it just doesn't sound like this relationship is in your (and your son's) best interest. You may love each other but there's more to relationships than love. Love isn't always enough.
Whatever happens, I wish you happiness.
Hi mamas!
May 2011 bring each of you the blessings of the Goddess.
Here we will have a fondue party with the family. Only a few days left until we go home.
LM - I saw your chart...I had cycles like that about 6 months after DD was born. I was able to change it a lot by changing my diet...no wheat, sugar, or dairy. Not sure what you are having now. I am sure it changed the levels of my hormones and thyroid/adrenals, etc.
Clay - sorry to hear about the tooth! That is scary!
Maia - your time with M sounds sad and lonely. I hope your time apart brings you clarity. May consult the tarot/runes/pendulum and meditate to see what comes.
I know I need to do a lot of letting go and learn to trust my body, especially my pregnant body. DD was born early and two ectopic pregnancies later kind of hurt my trust in my body to carry to term. We are planning a homebirth and we would like to avoid the NICU experience again but I know I have to begin to celebrate the small things and see that my body is really able to do this. It's odd because I trust other women's bodies to do the same and I see it at work all the time...when it comes to me, it's another story. Some of it is an emotional burden I have been carrying since childhood. My mother was always telling me I wasn't good enough/couldn't etc but during my pregnancy with DD she made me feel ashamed of being pregnant, wanted me to hide it or lie. It destroyed me inside now that I think about it. I want this one to be different, celebrated, and enjoyed. I am feeling this huge pull right now to the Mother aspect of the Goddess (with no surprize I guess) and need to spend some time in meditation to hear what she says.
Bluets - so glad to hear the bugs are on the way out!
Cari- I thought (hoped!) it was tartar at first, especially when it sort of just crumbled when I rubbed my fingers together. But when I looked (and had DH look) it's very clear it was a part of the tooth. It's the "tongue side" of the bottom front tooth (one of those "baby's first teeth" teeth lol) and if you think of the tooth as a rectangle the bottom left corner has broken off leaving a jagged gap extending from the gum line to about halfway up the inner surface of the tooth. My tongue keeps getting "caught" on the edge and it's seriously creepy.
Maia- hugs sweetie. You might want to post in Personal Growth or maybe Blended Families since I bet you're not the only one to be going through/have gone through this sort of thing. But here's what I've seen in other relationships and over the roller coaster ride of your amazing adventure. With my friends who have been divorced, especially those who are custodial parents, the longer they are "single" the more difficulty they seem to have in establishing a new long term relationship. Not that they aren't wonderful partners and parents, and not that they don't have relationships, and not that they don't want a long term partner. It almost seems to me like it's a cross between "once bitten twice shy" (the new partner does something, anything, and they immediately relate it to something the ex did) and "habit" (they fall out of the "being part of a couple" habits, develop new "doing it all" habits, and then find that it's actually a lot of often uncomfortable work to return to a "being a couple" pattern). So it seems like the people I know who divorced and remarried quickly had an easier time of it since they were still in that "being a couple" groove while the people who had 5 or 10 years on their own had a much harder time making things work (especially if they took custody of a young child during the divorce since that just kicks up the urgency/intensity/need to create security ASAP element).
Both you and M have had a long time to establish patterns and habits and expectations about what life should be like and what a comfortable relationship is. And there is nothing wrong with that. That's what people do! And just because your individual patterns and habits and expectations and mental pictures differ doesn't mean you can't make it work. But you might want to consider couple's therapy so that you have an independent eye looking at where your individuals patterns mesh and and where they rub and then offering ideas? From what you've shared over the past year, it seems like your patterns are very "outward"/"social" while his are more "inward"/"personal"... physically and emotionally it seems like you reach out while physically and emotionally he seems to focus inward. For example, when he hurts, he pulls back but when you hurt you look for support. When your outward reaching isn't reciprocated you worry (often a lot!), and when his inward aspects aren't respected he feels smothered. Again, NOT necessarily the end of the relationship! But something to look at honestly and work on together. Relationships take so much time and effort, even when the people involved are only carrying a decade or two of life... when you're holding decades of expectations, experiences, hurts, hopes, fears, dreams, and habits it's that much harder. And long distance relationships are inherently hard (you don't have the constant contact working to wear down habits). And when young children are involved? Well, there's an even higher stake.
Maybe during this next "break", take a really hard look at your own expectations and habits and patterns? What do you, as a person and a parent, need? What is too much, too little, too hard? DH and I have had nearly 18 years of partnership and our patterns "as a couple" and "as individuals" have changed radically more times than I can count during that period. We love each other and so we make the whole thing work... are there things we'd each like to change? Of course! Are there things about each other we really can't stand? Yup. If dh and I were single and meeting for the first time today would we hit it off? I honestly don't know... it was wild and crazy love at first sight that burned like a thermite reaction for the first three years. I often remember the scene in Ghandi where Ghandi and his wife are looking back on their lives together... it's such a sweet exchange, and one that sort of explores the concepts of love and respect and honor and duty and being comfortable in each other's space.
Yoicks! I babble! sorry. LOL
I've got to go pick up my bro and SIL... they're helping us cut trees today and they'll watch the kiddos while I try to work on the data org stuff. We need more income and this month has not been easy/fun. Still working on a word for 2011. Maybe "Ease"? LOL
bluets- thanks! I'll google. It always amuses me how many people around here have alphanumeric names. And I'll add the K2 to the D. Teeth are scaring me these days!
maia: HUGS. i wonder how things will be/would be if and when you move. are you planning on moving in with M? (i can't remember) because he will have to get use to having either his teeth in all the time OR having you see him without them at some point. i wonder if the idea of sex everyday is more appealing then actually doing it everyday to him? i know you both go long periods with out each other and maybe he just gets into that routine and then all of a sudden there you are wanting some "action" every nite. not that it is wrong of you, but maybe he just isn't physically up to it. it does seem like this is some serious stuff you will have to look into before you do move over there.
h
Love isn't always enough.
Well put!
Maia, I would also remind you that long distance relationships are VASTLY different than up-close-and-personal relationships. So, I can understand a bit why he might be having difficulty switching between the online thing and the in-person thing. But still... he should make more of an effort. I'd like to grab him by the ear and chew him out for such silly behavior. I too hope you find clarity - maybe that should be your word for 2011?
Thinking of "pride" as the keynote word of the year 2011... not sure --literally no time to post more now, though I want to. Back soon, hugs and good thoughts to those who need them!
A fond farewell to 2010!!!! *wave* I've been lurking with vacation this week and playing with my kitchen tarot set. They are fun and I love the artwork!!
Hugs and healing to everyone in need and hopefully a better start to 2011! 
Maia - I'm with Bluets on this, LD relationships are very different and I can see where M is coming from with a statement of "I don't know what to do with you", it's like his regular routine of things is ok enough for him, but does not rise to the level of you (remember "pedestal" here). There is a comfort things, a vulnerable side to show people we are just all human and like to lazy around maybe a good example is what do you do when folks stop by for a visit or a brief time on vacation. That's the way I've felt in a number of LD relationships, because I felt it was more important to cram in "fun things" vs. just enjoying the time.
As for the bible - 
if only owning a bible made you Christian!! It is an excellent set of stories, so perhaps just thanking your mom for such a wonderful literary treasure, but in the future to ask just in case you may already own the book might be a nice subtle way of getting the point across.
Singin - *hugs* with this pregnancy!
Unschoolin' - such a cutie LO! Welcome earthside!!
Thinking about 2011 words ... and using the tarot too... keep getting the same card "The compost pot" I see change in my future.
Thanks, everybody, especially you, Clay 
You always have such insight. Of course this morning and later today (after I left 
) he was absolutely contrite. And does not know why he acts like that. But he said he's doing some soul searching and is going to get to the bottom of it, and though he said I didn't do anything wrong, I am also trying to look at my own behavior to see where I could improve. I did honor his routines this time, unlike other times where I kind of expected him to drop everything and Be With Me. And of course, this time was harder because 1) he had to work nearly the whole time, which we found out at the very last second, and 2) the weather was bloody awful, so we were stuck inside almost the whole time.
He rented a car just after I left and is spending the weekend with his brother. I think that's a wonderful idea. I hope he gains some clarity, too. There's no doubt we want to work this out. No doubt that we want to be together. But yes, this long distance thing is really, really hard. I'm sure we'll figure something out. He already has a counselor. Maybe he'll talk to him about it. I might find some counseling too, but you guys are good to bounce things off of.
Oh-- and damn if he didn't admit (later, of course 
) that I was inches from making things happen, this morning. GRRR! 
There is that, though, that I'm much more forward than he is for initiating things. I would love for him to be the initiator more often. He's so...he can be shy in that way. Not always, but a lot of times. Anyway. We've made up, not that we fought (we didn't), and we're going to work on...whatever. Solving it.
So anyway, I'm back at Mom's, and tomorrow's Packing The Car day, and then Sunday we'll head back home. Yay! Seamless flights today!
Yay! That's great maia! :)
Cari~ That's pretty much the message I did send her. I told her that if I wanted to tell people, I would and that it doesn't affect her or dad or anyone but me.... We'll see what she deigns to reply!
Good on ya hun. Honestly people just need to mind their own business and stop taking everything others do as a slight upon them!
Cari--brilliant responses, to both. I would probably quote you nearly directly! Now it's my turn...sigh...talked to DS last night who said "Nana bought me a bible!!" I'm like, oh really. He says "yeah! I'm Christian now!" I say again, oh really. Since, what, last week?
UGH. I don't think I'd make a huge deal of it... but I would say in a kind of non confrontational offhand way that I wish she'd have asked me first. And I would also make sure ds knows that owning a bible does NOT = christian by any stretch of the imagination!
Re: M. I wish I had sage advice, but my long distance relationship was completely different in that he flew over for 3 months after we'd been talking for about a year. I think part of the problem is the fact that while you are there, since it's just for a a week ish... you feel like a house guest (no matter how much he may love you, he knows your visit is temporary) and you know how by the time house guests finally pack up you tend to be invading each others space & routine a bit. I think the difference for us was that 3 MONTHS is absolutely enough time to feel like you have moved in together, so instead of continuing your own routine the best you can with someone else there... you immediately start adapting to each others' routines. kwim??? I am NOT saying that he's happy to see you go at all lol, but that he is a creature of habit and while he loves having you there, he is pretty damn set in his ways and it un-routines his routine with you there.
grr.. can't post below again Clay! ICK, I was hoping it wasn't actual tooth... that would really squick me out too! You are way too young to be losing teeth... at the risk of being very NON mdc.. maybe ask your dentist if flouride treatments might help? I don't think it's as unhealthy for adults as it is for kids, and you need to have those teeth around for a lot of years yet! Hopefully the dentist can do a cheap filling for you to save that tooth ..and investigate wtf is up!
I need to think of a good word for 2011 as well... would ya believe I cannot remember last years??? I have been talking with dh and neither of us are thrilled with our performance as parents lately... we're crabby, short and yell a LOT :( I don't expect us to be perfect... but yeah, we're pretty crap lately due to stress and lack of coping. Maybe balance.. or equilibrium?
Cari- I thought (hoped!) it was tartar at first, especially when it sort of just crumbled when I rubbed my fingers together. But when I looked (and had DH look) it's very clear it was a part of the tooth. It's the "tongue side" of the bottom front tooth (one of those "baby's first teeth" teeth lol) and if you think of the tooth as a rectangle the bottom left corner has broken off leaving a jagged gap extending from the gum line to about halfway up the inner surface of the tooth. My tongue keeps getting "caught" on the edge and it's seriously creepy.
I've got to go pick up my bro and SIL... they're helping us cut trees today and they'll watch the kiddos while I try to work on the data org stuff. We need more income and this month has not been easy/fun. Still working on a word for 2011. Maybe "Ease"? LOL
I think part of the problem is the fact that while you are there, since it's just for a a week ish... you feel like a house guest (no matter how much he may love you, he knows your visit is temporary) and you know how by the time house guests finally pack up you tend to be invading each others space & routine a bit. I think the difference for us was that 3 MONTHS is absolutely enough time to feel like you have moved in together, so instead of continuing your own routine the best you can with someone else there... you immediately start adapting to each others' routines. kwim??? I am NOT saying that he's happy to see you go at all lol, but that he is a creature of habit and while he loves having you there, he is pretty damn set in his ways and it un-routines his routine with you there
This, pretty much. We kind of touched on it again this morning. He cut short his visit with his brother. Brother smokes too much Not Cigs and M wasn't down with that. They didn't leave on a bad note, just, also-- they have different sleep schedules because M works basically firsts-shift hours and Brother works 3rd. M wanted to go home and be alone for the weekend, I think. He's napping, now. Stayed up too late last night.
Anyway he said he'd forgotten about the long distance aspect and we both agreed that we're doing amazingly well, considering. Also he said that we both realized early on that we'd have bumps because of that, and we'd forgotten, so at least we started out with awareness, and that we'd have to bring extra awareness into it.
And, I reversed it-- I said "What if you came to my house, with nothing but a bag of clothes and your laptop? And remember-- I don't even have cable. I live on a dangerous through-street where you can't even walk to anywhere, even if the weather was accommodating. What if you came there, and I had to work. And you get way more bored than ever I do. And you exhausted the laptop and whatever movies I have around, which, the selection is slim, and my books, which would bore you to tears, and I came home from work after 6-8 hours and said "Hi, but you're interrupting my routines" and got busy with my own laptop". It was pretty illuminating. He was like..."Wow. I see what you mean".
We're a work in progress. We're going to figure it out. Neither of us wants to just give up. We want to work hard at it and figure out something. And yeah, we both agreed about the Visitor status and the Routine thing. Now to figure out how to move forward about it.
So, the big drive home tomorrow. Mom got me a GPS for the car, which I am going to jump out of my skin whenever it talks We just watched the Rose Parade, which was fun, and we have all sorts of noshy foods for the day 
and I have the car almost packed up. I am ready to get my laundry done and my house in order and get ready for another Round of losing weight. Nomming food for the next couple days! 
Happy New Year! Has anyone started a January thread yet?
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