question for those with a newborn and a 1 year old (or close to it)

[southernmommie]

How do you mommas do it?? My husband is off right now, thank goodness! But when he's stepped outside or isn't here for a trip to the store, or whatever and I'm home with my DD2, DD1, and DS1mo my DD1 decides to be a babyzilla (baby godzilla). Lol. She has started pulling out the dining room chairs and climbing on the table, pulls down my drink cup, and just goes around the room looking to get into things. She climbs onto the back of the couch, slaps the lamp. Whatever she sees for that day. She didn't do this before baby, but then again at this age for her every day is new. DH goes back to work in 2 weeks. Which she'll be 14 months old by then. Baby will be about 2 months old and "should" be easier to lie in the bassinet in the playyard for quick emergencies. He isn't really fond of the Cuddlywrap I have as a carrier unless nursing and falls asleep in it first. I'm thinking about getting either the Ergo or a padded Moby sling. Just not sure which to get and which the baby will actually like being in. Is it because he's still so small that he doesn't want to be in anything except nursing? If he starts crying he only calms when I nurse him. You would think with him being my 5th baby that I wouldn't have any questions, but it is so true that each is their own person. My first baby which also happens to be a boy was exceptionally high needs and was the same way, but that was 8 years ago and I don't remember how I got through those early days. I was working full time with a ton of hours away from the home and my husband was also gone for weeks and months at a time for his job. So I don't remember much about the details.

Any pointers and btdt advice?

[elmh23]

Haven't been there, done that, but I would child proof a room REALLY well, put up fences to keep her in and a chair for you to sit and nurse the baby on.  It's normal for baby to only calm with sucking at this point, are you offering pacifiers?  That might help a lot if he'll take one. And really, if you have to put the baby down to get your 1 year old out of something/clean up something, it's okay if he cries for a minute.  It's not ideal, but being the younger sibling sometimes requires that.  There are 2 years and 3 years between my kids and the younger two have had there fair share of sitting in the pack n play unhappily while I dealt with an older sibling or mess caused by an older sibling.

[osker]

 The absolutely totally child proof room is a must! Also, I think the Baby Bjorn is a better choice than a Moby or Ergo for your situation. Chasing after a 1yo requires being able to bend and lift and move a lot, and the bjorn allows for all of that with the assurance that baby will not fall out. Of course, he'll need to be around 8lbs to be able to use it. We also introduced a pacifier at about this age, just to calm in between nursing sessions. That thing went everywhere with us for a while. (She got a  little annoyed with it at 3.5mos and we got rid of it, so in case you don't want one around forever, just know that it doesn't have to be).

Does your 1yo nap well? It seemed that the two girls were on opposite schedules for a while with one always being up but at least that way they took turns with their needs. We started working on getting E to sleep in her bassinet right around the eight week mark, doing whatever it took to get her to sleep while staying in the bassinet... now, at 4 months she lays down and goes to sleep nearly right away when put down in the bassinet. It's truly wonderful! 

Oh, also, make a box of toys/books etc that lives put away near where you are going to nurse. When you sit down to nurse, pull the box out and let her play with the things near you, only while nursing. It's hard to jump up and chase her when you're nursing and it sounds like she's taking full advantage of that knowledge. If you can keep her interested in things nearby that are only available at that time she's less likely to try to run off and get into trouble.

Also, while it's incredibly difficult, getting out of the house at least once a day will probably help her calm down. She's at the age when exploration and new things are incredibly exciting... does you have any time when you can have DH take the baby and spend time just with her, either out or at home?

it gets better, really it does!

Edited by osker - 1/28/11 at 4:00pm

[Knitting Mama]

There's some controversy with Baby Bjorns, as they do not support a baby in a sitting position. They are often referred to as "crotch danglers" for that reason. That kind of stress on the baby's back and spine is not good, especially for extended periods of time. A much better option for a soft structured carrier would be something like the new Beco Gemini or the Pikkolo if you want to do a forward facing carry,as they allow for it while still correctly supporting the baby. And for what it's worth, I have absolutely zero problem bending down and lifting things when I wear my baby in my Pikkolo.

[southernmommie]

Originally Posted by Cecilia's Mama 

There's some controversy with Baby Bjorns, as they do not support a baby in a sitting position. They are often referred to as "crotch danglers" for that reason. That kind of stress on the baby's back and spine is not good, especially for extended periods of time. A much better option for a soft structured carrier would be something like the new Beco Gemini or the Pikkolo if you want to do a forward facing carry,as they allow for it while still correctly supporting the baby. And for what it's worth, I have absolutely zero problem bending down and lifting things when I wear my baby in my Pikkolo.

Off to go look at what those carriers are. I use to own a Bjorn and I don't like them. I am really short and it doesn't support my back at all. It hurts my back. But I haven't heard of the other two.

[Knitting Mama]

I am really short too (5' even), and the Pikkolo is perfect for me!

[southernmommie]

I like both of those carriers. The Beco and the Pikkolo. They look just like the Ergo. What is the difference with them? Are they not just the same?

[Knitting Mama]

The difference is that you can wear the baby properly forward facing in those two; you can't in the Ergo. Also the Pikkolo allows you to use it with a chest strap like the Ergo (nice for back carries) or with crossed straps (in my opinion better support for a front carry).

[porcelina]

Just a word on the carriers. My DS2 is 10 weeks, and he, just like high needs DS1 will only calm down in the Moby wrap. It's cumbersome to learn to wrap, but once you get it, it's great for calming baby. You can wear them facing forward as well. The problem I would see in your circumstance is that if they are sleeping, there is very little head support, so you often find yourself holding their head, and really only have one hand free. So, again, if your issue is that your baby needs calming, this is the carrier for you, but it has it's drawbacks.

I also have a one of the new Beco Geminis (different from Beco butterfly). What I loved about the carrier when I bought it (before baby) was the ability to do everything the Ergo does, but with the added option of front facing, and being able to use from newborn age. Note that front-facing is only appropriate when baby has good head control. However, DS2 does not like the carrier much. It's okay sometimes, especially if I'm moving around a lot, but he doesn't look or feel as comfortable in it. Also, he's pretty big (about 15-16 lbs), but when he was smaller (12 pounds) I felt like he could just slide out the sides or something. He didn't seem very secure. But, it would definitely keep you completely hands free, and I like it better for this age than the ridiculous infant insert on the Ergo. Once baby is bigger, I love the Ergo, so I imagine I'll love this one too. Once they are bigger, the Beco Gemini will be the most comfortable carrier (definitely more comfortable than Ergo -- I wore my 33 pound almost 3 year old at 38 weeks pregnant to test it out, and it was okay!) and you will truly be hands free. I guess I'd recommend this for your circumstance, even though it might not be the most comfortable for your baby at this age. One thing that might help is putting a blanket around him first to contain him in there a bit.

So, to answer the difference bw the Gemini & the Ergo, they are the following: Gemini is more comfortable, has more padding, has a thinner body size. The shoulder straps adjust in the front instead of further back. There is a head support for sleeping which is padded, but doesn't go very high. You can cross straps in the back or wear them backpack style (with "chest" strap in the back) for front carries. Gemini also comes with longer waist strap for larger people (Ergo you have to buy an extension). You can wear baby front facing in, front facing out, back or side. The Ergo is still quite comfortable, has a helpful front pocket, and a sleeping hood which can be used to cover up a bit while nursing (very helpful). You cannot wear baby front facing out, but can carry all those other positions. Cannot cross straps in the back. Shoulder straps adjust back-pack style (which some find hard to reach). With Ergo, have to use an infant insert for the first 3 months, which I only found comfortable with my large baby for the first couple of weeks, then there was nowhere his legs were comfortable. Without head control, I can't put him in the carrier without it, so I'm not planning on using Ergo again for a while.

I don't have a Pikkolo so can't comment, but I have heard that the Pikkolo is less comfortable than the Gemini because there is no/little padding.

I also have a Babyhawk Mei Tai. I like this carrier for true hands free -- he is really well supported. I can help my almost 3 year old do things when wearing this carrier. However, right now, baby is too small to have feet curled under, and not big enough for them to dangle out (it's wide), so we're on a hiatus. Also, the Mei Tai does not have padding and is not very comfortable when they weigh more (which I've heard is true about Pikkolo as well).

Oh, and with DS2 at 10 weeks, all I can say is, at 2 months, it's even harder to put him down somewhere than it used to be! Although, luckily, he does like the swing -- sometimes. :) But, I also agree that it's okay to let them cry for a few minutes if you really must attend to another child's needs.

Anyway, I feel for you!! I don't know how people do it!!! Two under 18 months just sounds overwhelming!! Best wishes!!!!!

[Knitting Mama]

Originally Posted by porcelina 

I don't have a Pikkolo so can't comment, but I have heard that the Pikkolo is less comfortable than the Gemini because there is no/little padding.

I also have a Babyhawk Mei Tai. I like this carrier for true hands free -- he is really well supported. I can help my almost 3 year old do things when wearing this carrier. However, right now, baby is too small to have feet curled under, and not big enough for them to dangle out (it's wide), so we're on a hiatus. Also, the Mei Tai does not have padding and is not very comfortable when they weigh more (which I've heard is true about Pikkolo as well).

This is mostly true, but I have worn an Ergo and my Pikkolo, and there doesn't seem to be any difference in comfort for the padding on both. The Pikkolo does have padded shoulder straps, which is wonderful. And there is a support belt you can use when the baby is over 18 or so lbs that is similar to the structured support belt on the Ergo.

[elus0814]

My first two were 15 months apart so I have some idea. Now with four under six I've had to baby and child proof everything. Literally everything.

The living room/dining room has:

a coffee table in a corner with a tv on it

two couches and an ottoman

a bookshelf with just board books

a table with four very heavy chairs (the kids can't pull them out until around two years old)

a buffet with a child lock

That's it. Anything else would just get pulled apart. The playroom doesn't have a whole lot either. There is a very sturdy table and some sturdy wooden toys. There are no curtains anywhere except the master bedroom (which has a locked door) and the blinds are pulled up early in the day with the cord tied up high. The kitchen as child locks on most every cupboard and the pantry. The stove has a child locks, as does the oven and fridge (we actually had to padlock our fridge when the older two were toddlers because I couldn't even use the bathroom without them getting into it). All the windows are always locked, none of the kids are able to open the locks. The doors are similarly locked. The bathrooms are locked. The upstairs is off limits to our two younger ones but the older two are able to climb over the gate. The laundry is kept in the master bedroom with the laundry room only having items on high shelves. The washer and dryer are front loaders so the kids can reach the buttons but I keep the child lock out on when they're not in use. Nothing breakable or dangerous is ever left out anywhere. Even medications are on a nearly ceiling level shelf in a child resistant box. Toys the younger two cannot have are kept upstairs. Art supplies other than washable crayons, colored pencils, regular pencils, and a limited supply of copy paper are in the child locked buffet. 

Yes, our house looks pretty sparse. Yes, I still have to be very attentive. Yes, it's annoying to have to open a child latch or lock for everything. Yes, people ask if we just moved in and are still unpacking. It's worth it to be able to nurse the baby without having to pull a toddler off the table or worry about the kids getting into the medicine cabinet. I can do homeschooling work with the older two while the toddler runs around. I know the only things he can get into are 'his' cupboard in the kitchen (with plastic and wood utensils, plates, and cups for him to play with) and the toys. When the kids are older the child locks will gradually be taken off.