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Bitter Sushi Ladies, December Edition - Page 8

post #141 of 459

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Edited by miriam_bat_avraham - 11/13/13 at 7:00pm
post #142 of 459

MAURINE.... I am so very sorry! I will be thinking of you and praying for you. I still want to hope, though. I guess it depends of how you look at these things. I would think of you still cradling your tiny baby, instead of a "failed pregnancy." But I do realize different things help different people.

 

Jane, I would never say something like that but I really wish I could. Way to go, Jane's dh. I would like to know how the other guy reacted to that. (An apolozy would be the way to go but somehow I doubt that took place.)

 

Collieflower, I know exactly what you mean. My sister and I are almost 5 yrs apart and I hated that, as we lived such separate lives. (Think of a 15 yo teenager and a 10 yo sister...) We did become closer, but not until we were both in our teens. So, for me it was REALLY HARD when I realized that dd and her sibling would be close to that spacing and when it became evident the spacing would be even more, that was awful. However, since then I have had to accept it and look at it differently. Instead of when, it bacame IF. You know.. that I would feel so blessed, no matter what the spacing.

 

So, yes, some time after that 5 year mark it became easier and the spacing stopped being a daily thought. Now it just hits me every once in a while, really badly... That the years really have gone by so fast and that now a closer spacing is not possible anymore. (Somehow my brain refuses to get that and hopes to back in time or something.) Having a child who is 7 or older when (if) the second child is born was not supposed to be me! It is a terrible thought. And yet, there is nothing I can do about it.

 

The most difficult thing about this to me is that there are plenty of women who are able to have only the kids they want.... I would want so many... you know... I love kids and could never imagine saying I was done after 2 or 3 and so on. And yet, here I am. Infertility is not interested in how much you love kids or that you have arranged your whole life aruond being home and homeschooling and all that. This is my reality and I am forced to deal with it and to look for thew positive in every day.

 

All this suffering would make sense to me if it was to prepare me to adopt with a glad heart, without feeling that it is a 2nd best choice. I really feel so much peace in that. And, yet, the more I research, the more it seems that it is not possible for a loooooong time. My country has crazy rules!

 

Thinking of you all!

post #143 of 459

Maurine I'm so sorry. hug2.gif

post #144 of 459

Oh Maurine!

 

This is just TERRIBLE!  I am so sorry for you.  And depressed.  I can't begin to imagine how devastating this must be.  I am so sorry.

 

Dr Jenger's prescription: Wine and dark chocolate. 

 

Do you like your in-laws?  Do they know, are they understanding?  If the answer is no to any of these questions, can you stay home and be in your safe dark bubble instead of going to be fake-merry?

post #145 of 459
Quote:
Originally Posted by jenger View Post

Oh Maurine!

 

This is just TERRIBLE!  I am so sorry for you.  And depressed.  I can't begin to imagine how devastating this must be.  I am so sorry.

 

Dr Jenger's prescription: Wine and dark chocolate. 

 

Do you like your in-laws?  Do they know, are they understanding?  If the answer is no to any of these questions, can you stay home and be in your safe dark bubble instead of going to be fake-merry?



Thanks, ladies for the support and hugs.  I do like my inlaws, and they do know and are supportive.  Although everyone seems uncomfortable with how to react a bit.  I am allowing myself a 2% chance of hope that things will work out, but if they don't, I would be scared to go through a miscarriage in someone else's home.  I just don't know...

post #146 of 459

I am so sorry, Maurine.  hug2.gif  What a long bumpy journey!  I hope for that 10% chance baby, but am also glad you have the option to do IVF again.

 

I am having a sad day and feeling sad for all of you and myself that we have all had such long waits, cycle after cycle after cycle.  I guess the only reason we can "handle it" is because we have no choice.  Time keeps passing.

 

 gloomy.gif 

 

I have been so awfully, rotten mean today with my family--probably a little PMS.  I am near the end of another cycle but it feels like DPO hardly even matters.  That just make it seem like I could actually be PG.  I'm just going to start being depressed about AF before it happens.  Positive thinking?  BTDT, and what have I got to show for it?

 

I feel guilty since some ladies here are trying for #1 or #2 when I have already been blessed with 4.  Still, my youngest will be turning 9 years old next fall.  We were hoping for two more little ones, spaced close together, but that just doesn't seem to be in the cards for us.

post #147 of 459

Maurine, I am so very sorry. This whole journey is just so unfair. greensad.gif

 

I'll have a pity party for the both of us today. My car died this morning due to unknown reasons forcing me to cancel my infertility appointment. I am crushed. And instead of being productive today and possibly getting a baby making game plan, I'm going to mope around in my pjs (which I changed back into when I got home), have myself a Buffy marathon, drink way too much hot chocolate and maybe do a little bit of cleaning.

post #148 of 459

Oh Maurine! I am so, so sorry to hear this, and so sad for you.  Of course I am holding out hope that things look better on Thursday, but if not, you've always got a place to 'talk'.  Are you off work at the moment? I hope you are able to just chill out and take it easy.

 

I've done miscarriages the natural way, and with the pill, so I am happy to answer any questions you might have about the pill.  My experience with the pill was that it was over with very quickly (within 4-5 hours).

 

Awww, this just sucks. I'm mad at the world about this.

post #149 of 459
Quote:
Originally Posted by collieflower View Post

MBA - Oh, and to address the bleeding after miscarriage thing: apparently two weeks should be fine, but after that you should see a doc. I've just started having cramps again today and am really starting to panic about needing a D&C. Have any of you had a similar experience (miscarriage that just didn't seem to end, followed by a need for intervention)? Rcr - Yours just never really got started on its own, right?
 



No, mine never got started on its own. I had a D&C after waiting for 4 weeks for it to start. I had some bleeding for a week (like a normal period), when I was 6 weeks 1 day along, which is why I went in for the u/s, and they found a sac, no pole. Then the bleeding stopped, but the sac was still there, and I waited for 3 1/2 weeks and could not stand it anymore, so I got the D&C. The pill thing scared me more than the D&C did, for some reason. After the D&C I did not really bleed at all, and then about a week later I started bleeding for about 5 days, and then it stopped. A month later (almost exactly), I got my period, but it was really really heavy. In fact, it has been heavier every since, and I have had 3 periods since the D&C.



Quote:
Originally Posted by miriam_bat_avraham View Post

So many of us have been trying for so long... ugh. So many missed opportunities, disappointments, losses and lost time.

 

I would love to see the next few months move us all to DDCs and the Graduates Thread. Crossing everything that it happens.

 

Are you ladies making new year's resolutions? I don't usually do it formally, but I like thinking about approaching the new year (and MY new year, since my birthday is a few days into January!) with some goals. This year, my goals are

 

1) get pregnant (ha ha)

2) learn how to enjoy poetry, which I've always largely ignored or been bored by

3) get my house organized and finally finish putting things into tubs in the basement

4) lose weight, or gain it because of baby

5) make everything feel simpler. get up early enough to have a nice breakfast, own less stuff, take time to take a bath and relax

6) continue belly dance and get better at it 

 

 

What are yours?


I don't know. Get pregnant, or start to pursue adoption if I am not pregnant by March (when I turn 37). Find the money for adoption. Nothing else seems to matter right now. I guess getting tenure would be nice too :)

 



Quote:
Originally Posted by Maurine View Post

 

 

Sorry to come back here with some bad news, but you know, the BSL will always be there for those who need it (unfortunately.  Why can't every woman who desires a child be able to get pregnancy easily?  We're such an infertile species...)

 

Anyway, I went in for 6w3d ultrasound on Friday and I have what appears to be an empty sac.  No yolk, no "pole" or heartbeat.  And measuring about 4-5 days behind.  And right beside it, a big "bleed" which looked like a big blob on the screen.  Obviously, we're pretty devastated.  Doc gave us a 90% chance of miscarrying.  Even if the sac shows a healthy baby on Thursday (which is my followup ultrasound), I think the bleed might also be a big problem.  I go back and forth between being horribly sad, to being hopeful about next round.  We'll have to wait two months to try again with a Frozen Embryo Transfer.  Two months seems like forever.  Now I'm simply hoping for a baby in 2012...

 

So, right now I am just hanging out in depressed limbo.  No spotting or bleeding.  Occational cramping but not worse than AF cramping.  I am still on my progesterone.  After Thursday, assuming the worst, I'll talk to the doc about D&C or that pill.  I lean towards D&C because I don't want to be at work and start, or on a plane, or on Christmas morning at the in-laws house.  It's very scary to me.  But scheduling is probably going to be a problem since we're traveling next week for Christmas.  Spending the holidays with a failed pregnancy inside me is something that will be hard for me.



 


Marrine. My heart just dropped when I read this. I can't express how sorry I am for you. I was so happy when you got your bfp. What exactly is the "bleed" thing? I have never heard of that. Did it come from the sac? I wish you could just be happily pregnant now. I am so so very sorry. I wish there was something that I could do or say.

post #150 of 459

oh no no no Maurine.  I am devastated for you. That is just so unfair. I can't imagine how heartbroken you're feeling. Please know we're all here for you.

 

I too will be holding out hope, but I still understand that no matter what ends up happening, that kind of news is still so devastating.

 

I'll be thinking of you today and sending you thoughts of strength.

post #151 of 459
Quote:
Originally Posted by scarletjane View Post

oh no no no Maurine.  I am devastated for you. That is just so unfair. I can't imagine how heartbroken you're feeling. Please know we're all here for you.

 

I too will be holding out hope, but I still understand that no matter what ends up happening, that kind of news is still so devastating.

 

I'll be thinking of you today and sending you thoughts of strength.


Oh, scarletjane, I can only hope to match the kind of strength you have. 

post #152 of 459

Oh, Maurine, no.  I am hoping for you so hard. hug.gif

post #153 of 459

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Edited by miriam_bat_avraham - 11/13/13 at 6:59pm
post #154 of 459

MBA yay for 7dpo!  Haha.  Updates are a little boring but only because we have all already done this over and over, but whenever I see a regular old cycle update I have a moment of knowing what that person is going through right then.  I know one week into the TWW is a very boring time.  We're almost cycle buddies especially since I would test late. 

 

I am 10dpo and for me it is still boring.  My cycle is ending soon again and now even that is sort of boring because the important part never really changes.  A longer LP is a mixed blessing--I am NOT complaining but my two week wait was only a week and a half before so the endings seemed pretty quick and clean.

 

I would not be able to not think about TTC while on vacation myself.  I would still think about it all the time.    IF you're not already PG I hope you accidentally conceive without Clomid while partying. nut.gif

 

post #155 of 459

I'm so sorry Maurine.  It must be so stressful and sad not knowing.  I hope you get a good surprise at your ultrasound.  

 

Rochelle - Nice to see you around again, sorry it was to post bad news.  When is your rescheduled appointment?

 

Miriam - I am not bored, I am extra interested in following your cycles since you and I seem to be on similar plans at the moment.  I have to take next cycle off from IUI as well, the clinic is closed for a week at Christmas and I won't be around anyways.  But I am going to take clomid and try on my own (well, with DH, LOL), otherwise who knows how long I might have to wait for another period so I can start a new cycle.  

 

And AFM, 13DPO and got a BFN this morning.  

post #156 of 459

oh, kyamo hug2.gif on your negative test.  i was really hoping for you this cycle, and i'm so sad for you that next cycle is over the holiday. what a bum deal.

 

sweetbee, i did a little chart-stalking lurk.gif   looking good!! your temp wasn't this high at 7dpo last time.  oooh, fingers crossed for you.

 

MBA, how are you feeling at 7dpo? i wish you temped so i could stalk you too. love.gif

 

littlestbirds, i know what you mean. I'd love a 14 day LP because then i could cross LP defect off my list, but man, waiting for a solid 2 weeks sounds like torture. sometimes, on day 13, when i start spotting, i'm relieved i didn't go another few days before finding out i'm not pregnant. on to the next try!

 

rcr, how are you doing? you didn't update on you.  i was trying to remember.. your issue is male factor, right?  are you guys in good hands, as far as someone who's recommending things for your partner to try?  trying to be helpful, not nosy or overbearing.

 

collieflower, i hope you're doing ok. sending you good thoughts.

 

Rochelle, i'm so sorry about your appointment, hon. can you reschedule soon, or was it a hard appt. to get?  was this the holistic fertility place? i was really eager to hear more about that.  ugh. i hope you enjoyed your day in. sometimes that's really needed, isn't it?

 

Maurine, thinking of you so much tonight.

 

AFM, I'm i think 2dpo. i had a weird ovulation this round. i was fighting a slight throat thing that i think might have raised my temp slightly in the days leading up to ovulation. but then i had a super HSO cervix on day 13 and lots of EW from day 10 and onward. But then my temp spiked on day 15 and my cervix came down and hardened (leading me to believe i'd ovulated on day 14).  Then later that day on day 15, i had EWCM again!  what??  so we acted accordingly. But i've never had that happen before. Had I ovulated or not?  why would i get more EW? and it wasn't husband's contribution; it was definitely clear stretchy EW.  i give up trying to figure all this out. faint.gif

 

post #157 of 459
Quote:
Originally Posted by scarletjane View Post

oh, kyamo hug2.gif on your negative test.  i was really hoping for you this cycle, and i'm so sad for you that next cycle is over the holiday. what a bum deal.

 

 

 

 

Thanks for the hugs. I am of course sad about the BFN, but I am not sad at all that I have to do a cycle on my own. It is a lot to deal with the daily blood draws and all the ultrasounds, etc. A break from that will be nice. I would be sad if I couldn't try at all, but I have a spare clomid prescription so I am good, lol.

 

I tried to look at your chart to give an opinion on your O, but it only shows 2 charts from 2008? Is your link wrong on the first page?

post #158 of 459

Well, I've read through the past few days but haven't had much time to contribute.

 

Maurine, I'm so sorry. Really hoping things turn out differently from what they seem.

 

mba - I've been thinking about the New Year's resolutions. I don't really do them formally, either, but I guess it's not a bad idea to reflect on some things to work on for 2011. So here's my little list:

  • get pregnant/stay pregnant (see a NaPro doctor if necessary)
  • start my new job and apply for loan forgiveness; begin looking for jobs in a different city toward the end of the year perhaps
  • really get on top of DD's homeschool
  • spend more quality time with my kids
  • get the apartment organized and decorated since we'll be here at least another year
  • begin paying off bills/saving for the future

 

Hugs all around. Sorry if I missed any personals.

 

On the TTC front, I'm on CD 30, 13 DPO. Pretty sure I'm not pg. I haven't bought any tests so I can't say for sure, but my temperature has just been so low over all post O, and the past two days have been particularly poor (to be fair both temperatures have been after less than ideal sleep). I feel a little crampy, which is actually early, so it's either a good sign (late implantation) or a pretty bad sign (early AF either from early O or short LP). I guess we'll see how today plays out. I'm having a hard time hoping. And I really don't even feel like trying this coming month, but I can't bring myself to purposely skip a cycle, either. Blegh.

post #159 of 459

 

ScarletJane –I’ve had some strange experiences like yours over the past year or so. I get EWCM, and then it goes away for a few days, then comes back. It’s so confusing. But unlike you, I don’t usually get the temp spike in between. The problem is that the early EWCM gets us BD’ing too early, which is a nuisance with our busy schedules. I’ve tried to do some research into this, but no dice. But what do you google when you’re looking for this kind of thing anyway? It’s not like anyone out there is writing about multiple bouts of EWCM!  Sorry I don’t have any answers!

 

MBA– It’s funny that you asked about New Year’s resolutions. I’m also not a big New Year’s resolver, but this year I am planning to take several months off work, and so that’s prompted me to start thinking about a list of things I want to focus on during those months. I haven’t yet put pen to paper, so I’m just going to start here with you Ladies as my captive audience:

 

- Focus more on DS (don’t get me wrong, we are awesome parents, but I feel like he’s missed out on some of the attention we might have given him if we were not so TTC-involved), including:

  • volunteering weekly in his classroom
  • getting to know other parents with kids (I’ve been avoiding all happy families for the past few years, but I think it’s time to bite the bullet and set aside my hang-ups so he can make some friends his age, since the brother or sister might be a long time coming)

- Finish unpacking (after 3 years) our home, and finish decorating, including taking down the blankets that are being used as curtains and painting the unpainted rooms

- Take a good trip!! Thinking Costa Ricaor somewhere in the Canadian North

- Reach out to more people (we’ve recently moved to our city and I feel like we could have a bigger network of friends)

- Focus on a new activity or sport. I’ve been thinking about a triathlon (some of you may remember me starting to train last summer, but never following through) or an adventure race with friends

- Start researching adoption

 

Wow, that list is getting long. And I just started it; there’s more to add. I wonder if I need more time off work???

post #160 of 459


 

Quote:
Originally Posted by scarletjane View Post


 

rcr, how are you doing? you didn't update on you.  i was trying to remember.. your issue is male factor, right?  are you guys in good hands, as far as someone who's recommending things for your partner to try?  trying to be helpful, not nosy or overbearing.

 


 

AFM, I'm i think 2dpo. i had a weird ovulation this round. i was fighting a slight throat thing that i think might have raised my temp slightly in the days leading up to ovulation. but then i had a super HSO cervix on day 13 and lots of EW from day 10 and onward. But then my temp spiked on day 15 and my cervix came down and hardened (leading me to believe i'd ovulated on day 14).  Then later that day on day 15, i had EWCM again!  what??  so we acted accordingly. But i've never had that happen before. Had I ovulated or not?  why would i get more EW? and it wasn't husband's contribution; it was definitely clear stretchy EW.  i give up trying to figure all this out. faint.gif

 



 

I guess our issue is male factor. He is on a bunch of supplements, which I think have improved his sperm because he did get me pregnant a while back. I never really thought I had an issue, but then I went and miscarried. So, I don't know. I am hoping it was just bad luck. I have never miscarried before and I have been pregnant twice. DH had an accident a few months after DS was born. He is in construction, and was walking under a building where some masons were cleaning brick with acid, and it spilled allover him - his chest, stomach, and penis. Just like a dumb guy, he was embarrassed because it was eating away at his clothes, so he just jumped in the car and drove home and took a shower. He had severe burning and his penis was peeling for about 1 1/2 year. It turns out that showering is the last thing you want to do in the situation, because it made it worse. He also never fled a claim with his employer, so no workman's compensation, which I think may help us with fertility treatments now. It is just my guess that it affected his fertility. The doctors never really said for sure, but now he has to take Viagra in order to "perform" and his SA was really really bad. That was not the case prior to the accident.

 

However, We are switching to his insurance (a different job now), which we think will cover fertility treatments - as of Jan 1. We had seen an RE, and my insurance covered some testing, which we did, but she recommended iui or ivf, which we would have had to cover. So, I just made an appointment for the second week of January. I think the plan is to move straight to IVF, since I am nearly 37 and it will give us the highest chance of success. I know it is skipping a step. Maybe I'll do one round of iui just to see if it does work before going to ivf. I think the doc is leaving it up to me. The ivf process seems really daunting to me right now. iui seems quick and painless (I don't mind the butt up thing described earlier).

 

I don't know if I have any issues, I guess. Other than being old and having a really negative attitude. I am working on improving that and trying to become more optimistic.
 

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