It's official... 2 years of trying, and my mom was wrong about me being pregnant before the end of the year.
Well, my consolation prize is a vacation with fruity alcoholic beverages, amusement park rides I can go on, and no fear of a m/c or anything else bad happening while I'm in another state a thousand miles from home. So there's that.
We'll probably be skipping the next cycle due to timing with our vacation, but the nurse I spoke with today said we can figure out the exact timing when I call in my CD 1. The plan for the next cycle we do will be Clomid + IUI again, although I'm hoping to convince them to let us move on to injectables if that's a possibility. Higher success rate.
I have a friend who has bad associations with March, too. I call her every day in March and have every year for about four or five years now. It's a tough thing to break out of once it starts :(
I feel for you right now. You really deserve your BFP and sticky baby, and I hope it comes soon. <3
Hey, and if anyone's on FB, I'm happy to add you! I don't care about people knowing my name, I'm just not going to post it publicly here where it's linked to this username. But y'all are cool. Just shoot me a PM.
Fox is a great last name, by the way! It makes everything sound cool :)
PM'ing you and Beloved. Same goes with me. I only try to be annomymous here because I don't want work people or students googling me and finding my name attached to this user name, but I don't mind if you'all know who I am.
MBA, PM sent... same goes, if anyone wants to be added, PM me for a link
STILL no af.
Man, it's gonna be quite the let down. In the morning I temp, and if it goes back up, I will test with FMU (I have yet to test with FMU)
We just got back from seeing my grandfather, he is dying, hospice is with him, and it is sooo sad He is such a loving and sweet man. I am feeling ultra cranky, must be PMS.
Sorry about your grandfather. I remember when my grandfather died, it was really sad.
Okay, I did some processing and some accepting, and... I'm okay. I had a good day with the kids at work-- lots of random silly moments, like sweeping a child up into the air and just dancing to oldies music, and knocking towers over a million times, and a little more cuddling than we normally have time for, and our first snow of the year... so today was okay. Up and down moments (plus one little boy in our class left for the day on Friday and is now apparently not coming back, so we never got to say goodbye to him -- sometimes I wonder if the parents know, or even consider, what it does to us to love these kids and then have them just disappear). But overall, today was okay. Good, even.
I'm trying to embrace having a month off from TTC. I want to actively use that time for a lot of reflection and finding peace. I have to believe that there's something I still need to "do" before a baby will come to us. It may sound cheesy to say that, but I'm trying to build my spiritual self up a bit and get more grounded and stable, emotionally. It's been a really hard year for us, and I especially need to be able to support DH right now while we get through the holidays without his dad for the first time, and with his mother rapidly deteriorating.
So I downloaded a few new meditations off Amazon, and I'm going to try and go to the gym again and eating better. Life has been, in general, very "grab and go" and that definitely pertains to the food I've been eating and how I've been taking care of myself in general.
So... we'll see.
Sorry for the wall o' text all about myself but who would I be if not desperate, devastated and then hopeful again all in two days' time? Not myself, certainly.
I am not sure if we are trying this cycle either. DH is really really sick, and if we are going to try this cycle, we at least need to have sex on Thursday. I hope he will get better then. I normally would just BD anyway, but he is so damn sick, I really don't want to go near him. Plus, he smells (I told him to shower this morning, but the sickness is still making him smelly) ugh. I guess I am kinda ok with not trying this month. We are going back to the RE the first week of Jan, and hopefully doing ivf, and I don't have much hope for the natural way anymore anyway.
Me? Well, no af yet, but I did waste a FRER ( my last one) I am not knocked up, just very late for some reason. I wonder if my illness in November caused an anovulatory cycle? If so, maybe I'll release 2 eggs next month and have twins I just don't want to be bleeding heavy on Xmas with all of the driving and family around. Please, af, just show up.
Well, I'm working today, a long day, wish me prosperous thoughts.
Sorry, Beloved. I was really hoping for you.
CD1 for me. I think I had the more violent emotions yesterday. Right now I just feel defeated and like I might throw up from the confusion and injustice of it all. I need closure... decisions.... guidance, and I cannot have any. I don't know whether to somehow pursue adoption (no money for that), to go see a gyno again (no help, really, and cannot pay for the stuff she suggested).... I don't know what to do, and it is killing me. The only (silly!) solution I have to feeling better is that I am going to stop visiting certain friends. I always end up feeling like crap afterwards. This is nothing more than the fit of a child, really... Not a good solution, but it is the only way I have to guard my heart at least a bit.
I just found out that my country is about to make independent adoptions illegal. This is interesting because they have been said to be illegal to begin with... so now I find out they haven't been and are not at the moment. BUT any adoption takes a lot of money... which we don't have. It sounds like I could fly abroad to an "indy" country right now, and adopt... If we had something like $15-20 000. We are a student and SAHM. I only work maybe 8 hours a week from home and we have a job our whole family does, 4 hours a week. So yeah... No extra thousands in the bank account. I have always liked our simple lifestyle but, in this matter, it sucks.
My plan after the baby years is to buy a little wooden house in the country side (though still near the capital) and live there, quietly and creatively with dh and the bigger, homeschooled kid(s). Actually, that is what I would like already but could wait if there were more babies coming. However, my family and friends (and church) are all in the capital region. I think you can imagine how many people want to live in a cute little house with land, within 40 mins of the capital. So, yeah... I have two great dreams, which would both require a lot of money. Unless I could get pregnant.... and you all know how well that is going.
I want OUT..... out of where we live right now. (It is great in many ways, but does not fit our personalities at all. I want out of the suburbs.) Out of infertility or at least the limbo of trying and endlessly failing, and feeling like someone keeps punching the air out of me. Just want to know if there is something I am supposed to do. Adoption feels so right to me, but my hands are completely tied.
Sorry about CD 1. I guess that is good news about the adoption. As I have said before, we are in the same position. I would adopt today if I had the money. I am hoping that the money will be there someday.
Not a lot of news here, lately. But then again, that is why we are here The non-news group of ladies.
Hey Ladies! Wow-I’ve been offline for a few days while celebrating my best friend’s wedding (which was a blast. And the upside to the most recent miscarriage is that I could drink! Many drinks! For the first time in two years!). I came back to pages and pages of interesting posts. Lots of food for thought. I’ll have to digest and post more later, but just wanted to say hi.
...oh, and for a 'non-news group of ladies', I find all of the BSL posts very interesting and engaging. I'm taking it as a sign that despite our collective fertility challenges, we all lead very full and fascinating lives....
I am so glad to hear you had a wonderful time. I was just reading a thread about somebody drinking like one glass of wine during the tww, and finding out she was pregnant (ugh), and she was so worried that she screwed up her baby. I got a laugh out of it, because I guess I was a lot more careful during the tww, but after 3 years of trying now, I pretty much drink when I want to, but try to keep it in moderation.
AFM - no news, of course. Waiting to O. Waiting for DH to get better.