Bitter Sushi Ladies, December Edition - Page 17

[jenger]

Originally Posted by LessTraveledBy 

I really, really want to tell MIL about my struggles with ttc. I feel like she would MAYBE tell me less about the news of all the preggos if she knew how hard this is for me. Also, I now feel like I cannot really share anything with her because I cannot share my biggest sorrows and wishes. She also knows tons of people and loves to talk, so she could really help with the whole adoption thing, who knows, maybe even with fundraising. BUT... DH does not want me to tell her, and don't blaim him a bit. She has been known not to keep secrets (You know, I am not supposed to tell you, BUT....) and she also comes up with stuff. So they have unexplained secondary infertility might become "they just haven't been able to have more kids and they are fine with it" or "they have this really rare disease... or something." I love her... but she has really come up with some pretty amazing stories in the past years, normally overly positive ones. Maybe we are just too boring, otherwise... ha ha.

Is there a thread somewhere in infertility for those who have given up and are trying to deal? I need to be somewhere between that one and this one. I am thinking of booking an appointment with a private fertility specialist. We have free healthcare here, basically, but this one would come totally out of pocket. I saw her once already, to confirm I don't have PCOS or endometriosis. I think she could explain the (few acceptable to us) options to us and thus maybe give me some closure.

We told my in-laws, and for the most part, it helps.  We now need them to take DD when we go to RE appointments, and they are close to Seattle and we aren't.  (Well, we are as the crow flies, but bridges and ferries make it further away...)  And they have been pretty good.  My MIL gave me a baby knitting book that was her mom's for Christmas - I quickly tossed it away before I started crying in the whole group... She actually noticed and apologized!

Also, you could start a thread like the one you are describing, there are probably others wanting that as well!
 

[miriam_bat_avraham]

Sweet Bee-- yeah, they definitely wouldn't know unless you talked to someone about having been trying 8-9 months and they wrote it down, but I doubt anyone did!

Lavatea-- Glad your grandfather is doing better! I hope O falls on a convenient day for you.

Laggie-- I think men have a mental block against TTC/fertility stuff. That's why we obsess... to balance out the lack of information on their side. Well, for those of us who have male partners, anyways :) Men are barbarians! My husband just wrapped my gifts and used a pocket knife to cut the paper because he couldn't find scissors! lol!
 

Musicoholic-- nothing to be excited about on my end; a blood test on Monday said not pregnant and I'm just waiting on AF (otherwise 16 dpo would be huge for me!). I hope you enjoy your road trip! Also, how big are your boobs? I'm 5'3" and a 36HH, a size I didn't even know existed! And when you say "peri" do you mean perimenopause? Maybe talk to your doctor about that, it sounds like something you'd want to know for sure.

AFM... I am just hanging out, waiting on AF. Nothing yet. Occasional "when I wipe only" spotting, and barely any of that. 16 dpo. Let's get this show on the road!!

[BelovedK]

MBA, I hope af comes for you soon, you just need a fresh start.

I am still waiting for the glimmer of a sign. I have no spotting at all, and my boobs are a bit sore with occasional cramping. I think something must be wrong with me. I took another FRER (yes, I bought another box, but I found them for cheaper) BFN, I am just waiting too. There is no way I could be pregnant. I am weepy, very weepy. I am crying a little just thinking about this I guess I have to wait until Monday to even go to my NP, they are closed tomorrow and Friday.

You know the sad thing? I talked to them and found out that I still have an outstanding bill from the m/c of the baby I was due to have this past March They never sent me another online or paper bill, and I kind of forgot about it. Also, the last memory I have of that office, was having to walk through the sea of happy pregnant couples as I was coming from the u/s that told me I was miscarrying It was all I could do not to burst into tears.

[miriam_bat_avraham]

Originally Posted by BelovedK 

MBA, I hope af comes for you soon, you just need a fresh start.

I am still waiting for the glimmer of a sign. I have no spotting at all, and my boobs are a bit sore with occasional cramping. I think something must be wrong with me. I took another FRER (yes, I bought another box, but I found them for cheaper) BFN, I am just waiting too. There is no way I could be pregnant. I am weepy, very weepy. I am crying a little just thinking about this I guess I have to wait until Monday to even go to my NP, they are closed tomorrow and Friday.

You know the sad thing? I talked to them and found out that I still have an outstanding bill from the m/c of the baby I was due to have this past March They never sent me another online or paper bill, and I kind of forgot about it. Also, the last memory I have of that office, was having to walk through the sea of happy pregnant couples as I was coming from the u/s that told me I was miscarrying It was all I could do not to burst into tears.
 

Oh, hun. I really feel for you, reading that. We found out yesterday that we have a huge outstanding bill for my MIL's care because we had some confusion in managing her long-term disability and insurance coverage as we transferred her from FIL's care to ours... ugh, it's the worst. Bad piled on top of bad.

I wish all of this, for both of us, was going to result in something MORE than another cycle, not just waiting for more of the same. Especially for you, because I've come to terms with needing to wait until the middle or end of January to try again, but I don't want you to have to wait. I want you to have the baby you should have had already :(

[LessTraveledBy]

Hugs to everyone.

MBA and BelovedK, I hope af finds you soon, so you can start again. Waiting is really not fun...

I got some interesting news last night. It looks like, legally, at least right now, we would be able to adopt either from the US (domestic newborn, maybe) or the African country, which I have been interested in. However, the amounts of money needed are high. We don't have any of it, as we are at the moment trying to save for the year dh will need to spend abroad for his studies. Realistically, it will be another 3 years before we could start saving... By then dd will be turning 9 soon. (Depressing!) So, basically we need two miracles: to find the child meant for us, if he or she exists, and the money for the adoption costs. That's a lot to ask for... And yet, I hope.

[BelovedK]

Originally Posted by LessTraveledBy 

Hugs to everyone.

MBA and BelovedK, I hope af finds you soon, so you can start again. Waiting is really not fun...

I got some interesting news last night. It looks like, legally, at least right now, we would be able to adopt either from the US (domestic newborn, maybe) or the African country, which I have been interested in. However, the amounts of money needed are high. We don't have any of it, as we are at the moment trying to save for the year dh will need to spend abroad for his studies. Realistically, it will be another 3 years before we could start saving... By then dd will be turning 9 soon. (Depressing!) So, basically we need two miracles: to find the child meant for us, if he or she exists, and the money for the adoption costs. That's a lot to ask for... And yet, I hope.

Oh, I am so hoping that somehow, it happens for you. It warms my heart (as an adopted child) to hear the love and longing you are having for a child you don't know yet who you will adopt. I wish I could help in some way

MBA, thank you for your kind words. I want this for you too, we have been waiting too long. I had come to terms with not having another one, and now I am in limbo land. I am still extremely worried and weepy about this. My temp was up this morning.

[miriam_bat_avraham]

Originally Posted by BelovedK 

MBA, thank you for your kind words. I want this for you too, we have been waiting too long. I had come to terms with not having another one, and now I am in limbo land. I am still extremely worried and weepy about this. My temp was up this morning.

Have you considered going to your doctor for a blood test? Are they open today? I'd go just in case, if you can... if they're closed tomorrow and then for the weekend, and AF doesn't show, you'd have to wait until MONDAY and that would probably be torture.

AFM, AF showed so I'm starting CD 1 with a VENGEANCE right now! No crampiness, luckily, besides a little residual "stuff is happening in here," but a heavy flow. Which is almost awesome because hopefully I'll be done by Christmas, if I'm lucky enough to have a 2-day long AF with a few days of spotting like I did last cycle...

[BelovedK]

Oh MBA, I'm so glad af came for you!!!

I am going to the DR (my primary care DR ) for a blood test and pelvic in about a half hour. I walked in and was nearly in tears, they told me I could come back (thank goodness)

I'll let you all know what they say!

[collieflower]

Sweet Bee– We have lied a few more times than I am comfortable with during this fertility journey (e.g., to get ultrasounds that our doctor would not authorize when we weren’t certain the last baby was developing, etc), but I think that sometimes you know more about what is right for yourself than the docs (given that you get about 5 minutes of their time, and you have a lifetime of knowledge of your own body and history) and you have to do what’s necessary to get the right treatment. After our second miscarriage, the docs didn’t think we needed testing for RPL, but I was fairly certain it was required and look at us now: 4 miscarriages under our belt. I am so happy that I pushed for the standard testing so that we can now move on to other, more esoteric causes. If we hadn’t pushed, we might still be doing the basic testing. Sorry if I sound like I am preaching, I just want you to know that nobody here would judge if you lied.

MBA– I’ve given up on being happy for other pregnant women. It’s just impossible. Block the updates of that friend on Facebook who talks constantly about her pregnancy! You don’t need to read them daily. You can still keep her as a friend.

Your cousin sounds like such a wonderful, supportive person. You’re lucky to have her. I have a cousin who I used to be super close to (we’re only months apart in age, and neither of us has a sister), but we’ve really grown apart during this TTCprocess. She’s super unsupportive and dismissive and dishes out the usual crap about ‘just relaxing’ or even better ‘stopping trying’. Ya, like you can stop trying when you are about to turn 38!!!

MBA and Music– if only the boob situation could be more equitably distributed! I have size AA boobs, and have to special order my bras because stores often don’t sell bras small enough for me. The torturous part is that they grow with each pregnancy, which is fun, but then with each miscarriage they quickly deflate back to pre-pregnancy size.

Enigo and Jenger– I really miss you and your updates, but understand that you need to take breather sometimes.

Enigo– I would also LOVE to know whether we are able to have another child. We’re waiting the results of genetic testing, and, while it would be heartbreaking if we found out we had a translocation or something like that, it would also give us so much closure. We could start really focusing on adoption. But I have a feeling we will never get that kind of closure and we’ll always be in limbo, just wondering.  Not many people ask us whether we are having more kids either. Could be DS’s age, but more likely it’s my age!

RCR– How’s it going? Any luck with the BDing, or is DH still sick?

RCR and Laggie– I thought there were regulations stipulating that clinics had to publish their success rates. The situation is probably different in the US(I am in Canada), but I found this on the CDC website:  http://www.cdc.gov/art/ARTReports.htm

Jane- How are you feeling today? Anniversaries are so hard.  And for us recurrent ‘losers’, there are so many of them, dammit.  Go easy on yourself.

Music– My son’s name is Elijah Rane and a friend told me she thought it was a rockstar name. Maybe he’ll grow up to be a big star! Actually, I wouldn’t wish that on him…

Beloved - So sorry about your grandfather, and about the miscarriage bill and the BFN.  You need a big break! I am hoping something great happens for you very, very soon.  GL with your doc’s visit.

Amanda– I’m glad your grandfather is doing better, and that you have a big family to spend time with him and support one another.

AFM– nothing exciting to report. Not TTC. Not worrying about it (other than wondering whether it will EVER happen). Just preparing for Christmas and some skiing and fun times with our extended families. Working on getting things ready for my leave from work.

[rcr]

Originally Posted by BelovedK 

MBA, I hope af comes for you soon, you just need a fresh start.

I am still waiting for the glimmer of a sign. I have no spotting at all, and my boobs are a bit sore with occasional cramping. I think something must be wrong with me. I took another FRER (yes, I bought another box, but I found them for cheaper) BFN, I am just waiting too. There is no way I could be pregnant. I am weepy, very weepy. I am crying a little just thinking about this I guess I have to wait until Monday to even go to my NP, they are closed tomorrow and Friday.

You know the sad thing? I talked to them and found out that I still have an outstanding bill from the m/c of the baby I was due to have this past March They never sent me another online or paper bill, and I kind of forgot about it. Also, the last memory I have of that office, was having to walk through the sea of happy pregnant couples as I was coming from the u/s that told me I was miscarrying It was all I could do not to burst into tears.

Miscarrying is damn expensive, isn't it. I thought it was so unfair that I had to pay them so much money for it!

Originally Posted by LessTraveledBy 

Hugs to everyone.

MBA and BelovedK, I hope af finds you soon, so you can start again. Waiting is really not fun...

I got some interesting news last night. It looks like, legally, at least right now, we would be able to adopt either from the US (domestic newborn, maybe) or the African country, which I have been interested in. However, the amounts of money needed are high. We don't have any of it, as we are at the moment trying to save for the year dh will need to spend abroad for his studies. Realistically, it will be another 3 years before we could start saving... By then dd will be turning 9 soon. (Depressing!) So, basically we need two miracles: to find the child meant for us, if he or she exists, and the money for the adoption costs. That's a lot to ask for... And yet, I hope.

Maybe the adopted child that is for you will be a little closer to your dd's age?

Originally Posted by BelovedK 

Oh MBA, I'm so glad af came for you!!!

I am going to the DR (my primary care DR ) for a blood test and pelvic in about a half hour. I walked in and was nearly in tears, they told me I could come back (thank goodness)

I'll let you all know what they say!

Can't wait!

Afm - we all have the swine flu. And dh is being a jerk. A huge jerk. We should be bd'ing, but I am soooo not up for it. I feel terrable and I am so annoyed with him.

[LessTraveledBy]

Originally Posted by BelovedK 

Oh MBA, I'm so glad af came for you!!!

I am going to the DR (my primary care DR ) for a blood test and pelvic in about a half hour. I walked in and was nearly in tears, they told me I could come back (thank goodness)

You know, in that sad, bitter sushi way that first thing struck me as funny. You know... we so much want af not to come, and yet sometimes there are reasons to be happy it finally did come. I think you know what I mean.

I am so happy that you will be finding out what is going on TODAY, before Christmas. I suppose with ultrasound (assuming that are able to use that, also), they would be able to tell exactly where in the cycle you would seem to be. So hoping for good news!

I once had an ultrasound on cd 7 or something like that. The doctor said I was exactly where expected, if I was going to ovulate... well, whenever it was expected. The funny thing was that that was the only cycle for years that I actually ended up not ovulating at all. (This was due to some pretty big stress, as we were moving.) Had I had the ultrasound later in that cycle the doctor probably would not have believed that I really do ovulate, regularly and every cycle.

Edited by LessTraveledBy - 12/23/10 at 8:55am

[BelovedK]

I am just waiting, the DR sent me to the hospital for the blood test, and they are going to call me later today!!! At least that will be out of the way, he said it sounded like I was pregnant, but I trust the FRERs and think I am not, but if so... wow, what a Xmas present. I can't let myself go there. He didn't order an u/s. I feel better, like there is not something terribly wrong with me.

[monkeyscience]

Hmm... maybe you should add me to this list. Though I don't eat sushi that often.

My info: monkeyscience, 26, TTC #1 w/ PCOS since 6/2010, anovulatory the whole time. Waiting on SA results for dh, and for an RE appointment sometime next year

I feel like I'm lying saying that we've been TTC since June, when the truth is that we just haven't ever used any bc. (We were married 5/29/10.) But, as we've been very... active... in our love for one another, it really amounts to the same thing. I'm sort of tired of people assuming that we must be preventing, because we're newlyweds. Tired of the, "Sure you aren't pregnant? Harharhar!" comments, and the questions of "So when are you going to get started?" It's like no one thinks someone my age could possibly be dealing with infertility. And even if I explain that to them, I get a lot of, "Well, just give it some time! What are you in a hurry for?" etc. Thing is, if I'd been ovulating at least a little during this time, and just hadn't managed to get pregnant, I could accept that I just need to be a little more patient, try a little more. (Not saying that just because you ovulate means you don't need any help with TTC!) But I know for a FACT that I have not ovulated once in the past seven months, and very likely not in the 6 months prior to that, either. And since it's biologically impossible to get pregnant via sex if you're not ovulating, yeah, I consider this a source of concern!

Anyway, that is my rant for today. Nice to meet you!

[LessTraveledBy]

Welcome, monkeyscience!

I am afraid I can't be of much help, as I have a very different problem. I do like to listen (read), though. I hope things will somehow work out for you... very soon! You, unfortunately, give another good example of why it is not a good idea to ask about baby plans, whether one is pregnant, etc. It hurts, no matter how well meaning it may be. You are certainly right, age does not matter much when there is a problem.

I am 33 and get a lot of the same attitude of "you have time." Umm... not really. First of all, our one and only is growing and so hope for her to still be somewhat little when a baby arrives. (Not much chance, I guess... she will be 6 soon.) Secondly, when speaking of great fertility, yeah, I'd be young enough to have quite a few more children. But, since there are issues, no, I am not that young. These people also don't know how close we are getting to some place not letting us adopt a young child. (Dh is 38 and the process could be loooong.)

BTW, someone mentioned earlier that maybe we could adopt an older child, closer to dd's age. That is the one thing I think I am not up to. I have read too much about the attachment process and experienced it so strongly with dd. Also, she would really like a baby or a toddler in the house, as would I. Bringing in a, let's say 5-year-old with issues (which there would be, the question is simply how big) would not, IMO, exactly be right towards dd. I ache for the older kids who need homes, but I don't see us ever become the right family for an older child. It is wonderful whenever there are families who are realistic and brave enough to adopt older kids, even groups of siblings. I could have seen us do just that but since we have dd, it feels more like no way. I could deal with some special needs, etc., but not older kids. (I do know I should never say never... hah.)

[musicoholic]

Originally Posted by miriam_bat_avraham 

Musicoholic-- nothing to be excited about on my end; a blood test on Monday said not pregnant and I'm just waiting on AF (otherwise 16 dpo would be huge for me!). I hope you enjoy your road trip! Also, how big are your boobs? I'm 5'3" and a 36HH, a size I didn't even know existed! And when you say "peri" do you mean perimenopause? Maybe talk to your doctor about that, it sounds like something you'd want to know for sure.

Sorry AF finally found you - but glad for you at the same time (isn't it weird how we think now?).  I hope you go make yourself a vacation baby!  You never know....  ;)

Yeah, I was thinking perimenopause (but I'm 34 in 3 weeks time!!!!)...  only because my PMS symptoms have been completely different to how they used to be...  Who knows.  I'm still regular, it's just the pre-time that's different.  I'll get around to it.  As for my boobs....  we're almost the same!!!  lol  I'm a 38J!!!!!!  So when DH says they're getting bigger, I start getting very worried......  lol  

He's convinced it's because I'm pg.....again.....   but I don't want to know until we get home next week :(

Originally Posted by BelovedK 

I am just waiting, the DR sent me to the hospital for the blood test, and they are going to call me later today!!! At least that will be out of the way, he said it sounded like I was pregnant, but I trust the FRERs and think I am not, but if so... wow, what a Xmas present. I can't let myself go there. He didn't order an u/s. I feel better, like there is not something terribly wrong with me.

I'm NOT sitting on pins and needles...  I am NOT sitting on pins and needles....  I am NOT sitting on pins and needles...   !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

afm....  we're staying with one of DH's best mates and his wife....  they have the most gorgeous little 2yo girl!!  And the wife has just found out she's pg again.  Why do I feel that she's too lovely to be jealous/bitter about (we haven't seen them since she was 3mo pg)....  but I feel silly because I'm jealous of her morning sickness?!  lol 

[BelovedK]

Well...


I allowed myself to stupidly build up an idiotic hope after talking to the DR, the test came back BFN, he didn't give me the numbers, but B F F N .

I am not surprised, but I thought the DR knew I *wanted* to be BFP, because when he told me it was negative, he said very quickly "It's negative, so that's good news" and then went on to tell me that my iron levels have gone up.

I told him last visit about TTC, and our failures, and he was the one who told me that it could be partially due to my iron (I was hovering around 9, give and take.) I guess he forgot.

As for why I am late, I am no closer to knowing. he sounded so sure I was pregnant that he didn't do a pelvic (I am more comfortable with my NP though)

[collieflower]

Beloved - Hugs to you (had to write it out since I can't figure out how to do the cute little action-icons anymore).  I'm sorry. You must be so disappointed. Even when we try not to get our hopes up it's still crushing.  I hope you get to the bottom of this mystery soon.

And ggrrrrr to your Doc. I cannot believe how little doctors remember about their patients and how they never seem to take the time for a quick look at our charts before a visit.  A friend of mine whose wife has lost two pregnancies told me a story the other day about how, after losing their twins at 23 weeks, they had a follow-up appointment with their doc\ and she swept into the room saying "Oh, you guys must be so excited about the twins!". They proceeded to tell her about how they had lost the babies, and she opened their chart and said "oh, I guess I should read the charts first!". 

[rcr]

hugs, beloved.

[collieflower]

Rcr - What's up with the swine flu? I hope you are all doing ok. How does one contract swine flu anyway? To be honest, I've never known anyone to have it before.  Sorry to hear DH is driving you nuts. What if you made him a nice, stiff rum and eggnog (or whatever type of drink he fancies)?  And then had one yourself... (ok, I have a habit of dealing through drinking ;)

[musicoholic]

Damn Beloved....  I was so hoping for a Christmas miracle for you.