I really, really want to tell MIL about my struggles with ttc. I feel like she would MAYBE tell me less about the news of all the preggos if she knew how hard this is for me. Also, I now feel like I cannot really share anything with her because I cannot share my biggest sorrows and wishes. She also knows tons of people and loves to talk, so she could really help with the whole adoption thing, who knows, maybe even with fundraising. BUT... DH does not want me to tell her, and don't blaim him a bit. She has been known not to keep secrets (You know, I am not supposed to tell you, BUT....) and she also comes up with stuff. So they have unexplained secondary infertility might become "they just haven't been able to have more kids and they are fine with it" or "they have this really rare disease... or something." I love her... but she has really come up with some pretty amazing stories in the past years, normally overly positive ones. Maybe we are just too boring, otherwise... ha ha.
Is there a thread somewhere in infertility for those who have given up and are trying to deal? I need to be somewhere between that one and this one. I am thinking of booking an appointment with a private fertility specialist. We have free healthcare here, basically, but this one would come totally out of pocket. I saw her once already, to confirm I don't have PCOS or endometriosis. I think she could explain the (few acceptable to us) options to us and thus maybe give me some closure.
We told my in-laws, and for the most part, it helps. We now need them to take DD when we go to RE appointments, and they are close to Seattle and we aren't. (Well, we are as the crow flies, but bridges and ferries make it further away...) And they have been pretty good. My MIL gave me a baby knitting book that was her mom's for Christmas - I quickly tossed it away before I started crying in the whole group... She actually noticed and apologized!
Also, you could start a thread like the one you are describing, there are probably others wanting that as well!