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Bitter Sushi Ladies, December Edition - Page 22

post #421 of 459
Originally Posted by collieflower View Post

RCR - I think we have the same coping mechanisms. For me this evening it was Hershey's Kisses and rum and eggnog.

I love eggnog. Father in law and I are the only ones in the family who like it, and we are both the biggest drinkers. Drinking a bit too much eggnog at DH's famly's house was a wonderful bonding experience when I was dating DH.
post #422 of 459
Add me to those who would like to kick themselves for avoiding getting pregnant. Big mistake in my book. I won't be repeating that when/if I have another. I'll be happy to be knocked up 6 weeks after the baby is born. Lol.
post #423 of 459

Lavatea, we feel royally stupid for getting a vasectomy now!  And one of the reasons which somehow made good sense at the time was that we liked making and having babies too much and we would have more than we could handle if we didn't "stop ourselves."  We knew we would give in to that "foolish" desire to have more, perhaps impulsively.  We were saving ourselves from wanting babies too much!  OMG!  We also just thought we were being plain old responsible making that commitment since we had enough children already.  How deeply we regret it.  Very sad sad sad.  Our own darn fault, and with our reversal we haven't been one of the lucky couples so we are pretty much at an ending it seems.




I'm sorry for the disappointments this week (Jane! and MBA!) and for all of us still in funky limbo here.


I am adrift this cycle...  And a little glad of it to tell the truth.  That's why I eased off temping for a little while in the first place.


I had decided not to temp until CD10 just enough to confirm O.  I was so tired of being glued to those numbers every day.  Anyway I proceeded to have three days of a high fever starting CD10 and a really bad case of what's been going around here (probably same as MBA but the full-blown version) and now my temps might be post O but who knows.  If so I O'd early.  I thought while sick that maybe I would O late.  Maybe the fever went away gradually causing a few extra slightly high temps and I haven't O'd yet and could easily be anovulatory.  More adrift than I expected, now.  And I feel like I don't much care.  


Now I am not trying to say I don't care at all.  I cared enough to BD when still somewhat under the weather, though I am not optimistic about results.  I just don't care about trying to know what I can't know and being obsessive when it makes little impact on the desired outcome.  I am glad I am blind right now.  Part of me is absolutely exhausted by all the focus I've had on this for all these months and feels relief.  I don't know what will come of this month nor do I want to fuss any more than this much over it next month. 


Trying to do my TTC part but release the outcome to God now.  Really Trying.


FXd for all those waiting, a special fertilized eggie wish  to Enigo, and fertility to all!

post #424 of 459
Hi all, sorry, no time for personals. Down in the dumps, trying to pull myself up to have a good NYE with DH (the kids are with their dad)
I have seriously been thinking about those stats all day. I feel silly, and stupid to have had hope.

I feel like a 'Has Been' Sushi Lady mecry.gif

In case I am not around tomorrow, everyone have a happy NYE!!
post #425 of 459
Thread Starter 

Beloved - you are Beloved.  Truly.  joy.gif I am so happy to "know" you. 



Birth control before IVF is common.  It does something about stopping the hormone production so you're starting from a blank state.  Some clinics use it to get people onto a schedule - so everyone is ovulating at once.  That's less common these days.  Most clinics are a 7 day a week operation. 

post #426 of 459


Edited by miriam_bat_avraham - 5/6/13 at 9:31pm
post #427 of 459
Originally Posted by miriam_bat_avraham View Post

Quote: At least I have chocolate coconut tea right now (seriously, it's like a new level of awesome).


I hope your cheesecake and wine have helped hug.gif

Oooh...where did you get that? Sounds wonderful!


post #428 of 459

Originally Posted by miriam_bat_avraham View Post


So it's like... me, and just me. Which I guess is why I'm talking about it so much here. This is my only real outlet... I'm very grateful for all of you grouphug.gif



Same here.  I refuse to talk about anything to do with ttc irl...  because it just...  well, it just sucks.  I hate to be the center of attention  - whether it's for good or bad reasons!  (I HATE being called up on stage after a concert to have a bunch of flowers presented.)  If I ever DO conceive a sticky again....  I won't tell anyone except family (and my boss, of course!) until I simply can't hide it anymore.  (Hopefully my choice of workwear will allow that to be until the day I go on maternity leave....  lol) 


I love you ladies.  You're all awesome - and you all deserve all the sticky babies you can get!!!!!


Everything crossed for a fertile New Year.  xoxo

post #429 of 459
MBA, your blog link doesn't work greensad.gif

Music, I talk about TTC all of the time irl, I probably shouldn't. I even talked to the gorl who works next to me about how we have been trying for years. She responded by telling me downs syndrome stats, lovely.

Littlest Birds, I used to only temp from like cd 5 until O, because I obsessed too much.

I think my New Year's resolution will be to give up on TTC for real.

I love all of you and hope you all conceive sticky beans in 2011 (hopefully *early* 2011 smile.gif

I don't know how I can keep away from this thread, and I don't even know if I can stop TTC.

It was suggested to me that a cyst could cause no af, and high temps, so I am going to check that out next week. I am not sure if they have to do an u/s to find out.
post #430 of 459

There was so much I was going to comment on, that now I don't remember any of it.


RCR.. So sorry! Please don't stalk the DDC. I cannot even imagine how much that would hurt.


MBA... I know that feeling of being the only one. I have no friends with trouble conceiving. I do have friends with very special needs kids, two with still births and other hard stuff but none who cannot concieve. Frankly, some people pity me but most seem to think I should just count my blessings (our child, that is). Bitter sushi warning: It really gets to me that so many of my friends were never that "into kids." So that is where they are coming from when they think I should just count my blessings. For some of them, apparently, it would not be such a huge deal not to have more kids (or so they like to think). I have ALWAYS loved kids and wanted a large family. So, really, they just don't get how devastated I am. It is fine that they don't get it, but it also leaves me totally unsupported. You know, infertility is quite the taboo.


Beloved... I am still thinking there is something other than menopause going on... Please don't give up, yet. Maybe you will soon find out what is happening with your body. (I do understand the need to let go, though, also... I feel that quite a bit. And then I feel devastated about thinking that we need to let go... I am "only" turning 34 and yet, it seems we are done being able to conceive.) I so hope that you will find out soon, if it is a cyst or something that can be easily explained.


Yesterday I requested more information of the infant I saw on a waiting child listing. I just cannot understand that this 2.5 month old's photo has been sitting there since early December and no one has so far wanted to adopt him. I just cannot believe it. He is the sweetest little thing! I cannot tell you how much I would like to fly there right now and scoop him up. Instead, I have to face the fact that his adoption would be super expensive (almost $30 000) and we have no money for this. It makes me mad... that this sweet boy has to lay in an orphanage, without a mama to hold him, just because of money. I think we could be such a good family for him. (I think I learned my lesson and will try to stay off of the sites with photo listings.)


I have known about adoptive nursing for years. However, I never knew that the bc pill is used to make the body think it is pregnant, before the pumping routine is started. Not good news. I have never been on the pill and never will. So... it makes me feel really disgusted that I would be recommended that in order to induce lactation. After years of infertility, there is no way in heck I would take the pill for any purpose. (Well, even if I did not have religious reasons, I would have a million other reasons.) I am wondering if there is anything more natural for that out there. Nursing was one of the things my body did well, so it would be sad not to be able to nurse, if we are able to adopt, at some point.


Dh and I had a discussion about adoption the other night. Just like I thought, he started to talk about how he has 3 years of school left. I wanted to scream!!! I did tell him that if we don't start the process until 3 years from now, it could easily be 6 years before having another child. I CANNOT DEAL WITH THAT THOUGHT. Our dd would be 12 by then, and I would probably be so traumatized that I could not longer do it.. or something... I don't know. I think I have been so spoiled in life, in so many ways, so I just expect the money for adoption to be found somewhere. I just cannot take 3 more years of THIS JUNK!


Wishing you all hope in the new year!

post #431 of 459
Originally Posted by BelovedK View Post

MBA, your blog link doesn't work :

You need to delete the last few dashes from the link. I found that out last night when I was curious about the color of her kitchen : )
post #432 of 459


Well, it's 2011 where I am (has been for 2 hours...   so why am I still awake - and sober!!!  lol)

- so Happy New Year ladies!!!  love.gif

Here's to a very blessed and fertile/hope-filled New Year.



post #433 of 459

Sorry I have not been posting and have no personals, I am visiting in-laws this week and haven't had much time on the computer. 


I took a break from temping the beginning of this cycle, and started up again yesterday so I can confirm O and know when AF is due, then I will stop again.  It is the first time I have purposely not temped since Oct 09.  I am CD13, starting up the BD train...


I just wanted to comment on the wasting time on birth control thing.  I really really wish we had not waited so long to try.  I was on the pill for 6 years.  Now, some of that was necessary so we could get married, and so I could finish my degree first, but we totally could have started trying in late 2007.  We have been married more than 6 years now.  You can tell by my join date how long I have been "waiting to try" even before we were actually trying.  The idea was a better financial position, as well as waiting for DH to be more ready, but pfft... I bet if we had started back then we might have a baby by now.  I suppose on the other hand I maybe still would be waiting and even more bitter, who knows.   


Anyways, happy New Year to all.  I hope we all get pregnant in 2011.  

post #434 of 459

Wow... you ladies are talkative! It's been a long time since I've been part of such an active thread! I've read all I've missed, but some of it has blurred together.


Jane - I'm sorry things didn't work out for you. :( It's crappy to have your hopes up like that, and get nothing.


LTB - I hate it when people who don't want kids tell you you should just be happy with what you've got. That's like telling your friend who missed out on getting into medical school that they should be happy they at least have a job, because you never thought much of doctors anyway. Stupid. I know for me, being a mother *is* my dream job, and it's not something I can make happen just by trying harder.


I am still feeling a little unreasonably annoyed about a conversation I had with my MIL Christmas Eve. I decided to let her know that we were having problems getting pregnant, just so she would know where we were at. My mom already knows all about it, but I'm not as close to MIL, even though we get along and I generally like her a lot. She told me basically not to worry too much, and that the 4 years she and FIL had together before having dh were a lot of fun. I managed to tell her that there was a difference between choosing not to have kids and not being able to have kids without crying, but only just barely. I know she didn't mean anything by saying it, but our circumstances are so different. She and FIL got married when she was 19 or 20, and they were both still in undergraduate school. From all she's ever said, and from the available evidence (she had 3 kids in less than 4 years, then a 'surprise' 9 years later), they consciously chose not to have children during those 4 years, and had no problem getting pregnant when they wanted to. I'm 26, almost 27, and have known fertility issues. I'm also almost 3 years out of college, and have a job, and dh will be finished with school in May. (Not that I'm saying there's anything wrong with having kids young or in school, just that those don't factor in for us.) It's just... different.


Anyway, it's nice to have people here who aren't trying to tell me not to worry because I'm young and I've got time. Or worse, that I should 'enjoy' this time before I'm saddled with a bunch of screaming brats.


Of course, we are trying to have fun, because consciously avoiding any sort of enjoyment doesn't increase the odds of getting pregnant! We're actually in NM this week, skiing. Or rather, dh is snowboarding, and I have tried (without huge amounts of success) to both snowboard and ski. I have made some progress with skiing, but after several really huge wipeouts yesterday, including taking my instructor out with me a few times, I got pulled down the mountain on a sled and sent back to the baby slope. Which was honestly fine with me at that point. Going downhill too fast TERRIFIES me, to the point that I can believe I can do anything to fix it. At least going back to the practice slope, I was able to remind myself that just because I have skis on my feet doesn't mean I'm required to be terrified or to fall over! I decided to sit it out today, so dh and his friend are out on the slopes for the morning, and we are going to some hot springs in the afternoon. I'm excited for that, and hoping we have enough money that I can also get a massage. I need to go figure that out.


Anyway, if I don't make it back sooner, Happy New Year to you all!

post #435 of 459

Kyamo - *hugs* I know you've been around for a long time, waiting for the time to try. I know it's silly, but I sort of see myself as following in your footsteps, since we both got our PCOS diagnosis around the same time.


I'm mad because I forgot to bring my thermometer on our trip, even though the crappy bed (and thus, crappy sleep) probably would have prevented me from getting accurate temps. For me, temping is still important, so I can show the RE I'm not ovulating at all. I sadly don't expect to get any useful info for TTC from charting. :(

post #436 of 459

monkeyscience....  A chart can actually show a LOT, but most doctors don't l know enough about them.


So sorry about your mil's comment. That seems to be a classic case where she means well but just cannot understand, as her experiences have been so different. Not only does she now know what it is like to not be able to conveive. Instead, I bet she had a tough time when all her kids were that little.

post #437 of 459

LTB - I just meant that I don't really use my chart to do things like time BDing or the like. I have PCOS and am anovulatory much of the time. I've never gotten good at charting cervical mucus or position because of the PCOS, either. I can certainly feel my cervix, but because it doesn't change on anything like a regular basis, I really can't say with any confidence if it's low or high, firm or squishy. CM is kind of the same story, plus, with the PCOS, it's always somewhat wet. And since I got married, I've also found that I'm really not sure how to tell CM from semen. Sheepish.gif Which all adds up to me not really being able to use my charts to predict ovulation, just retrospectively diagnose it. Which, should I ever actually ovulate/get pregnant, would come in handy, as LMP would not tell them anything about when I was due!

post #438 of 459

monkeyscience.... Sorry... I wasn't thinking. You have a diagnosis that explains what the problem is, so then the whole charting thing is not so valuable.


Had a tough time last night. I was thinking of how full of hope I was a year ago. That was supposed to be the year we could finally TTC again,. after knowing what was making me infertile (hypothyroidism) and finally being on the right amount of meds, being done with hydrocortisone treatment, etc. It's just that it did not go that way. Well, TTC we did, but 2010 actually became the year I found out there must be something else wrong, also, and that I will probably never know what that something is. 2011 looks like lots of trying, for nothing, and hoping to adopt. It is very unlikely that 2011 will bring us another child, biological or adopted. I am not looking forward to it. TBH,. 2011 seems like it may well become the saddest year, yet. I just don't feel like I can take much more of this... and yet, there is nothing I can do other than live through it.  


BUT.... I am happy to think that 2011 will bring those BFP's to some here. You know, it has to... it will. May it be sooner, rather than later, so that towards the end of the year some here will get to hold their babies!


We are going to church tonight and tomorrow morning. It has become a tough thing in the past couple of weeks, as I get so emotional. Luckily, there are few people there (like never more than 20) and we are all close. But still, I would like to get through Mass without crying. It is getting really old really fast to sit there and cry and not be able to stop. Somehow the tears are close right now, every moment. I don't want to live like this, especially because of dd, but I can't help it. Last time we had a really young priest, who preached about Christmas.. about how some may have come there, feeling sad, and how we all should leave with great joy. Meanwhile, I was crying. Nice! Dh had a little laugh about it inside his head... These feelings are just a bit too raw for me right to be able to see past them, Christmas or no Christmas.

post #439 of 459
Originally Posted by monkeyscience View Post

Kyamo -I know it's silly, but I sort of see myself as following in your footsteps, since we both got our PCOS diagnosis around the same time.

I don't think that's silly.  I was glad to see you join this thread (well, not glad you're having trouble, but you know what I mean) since our situations are fairly similar.  We are almost the same age, too. 

post #440 of 459

Happy 2011 Ladies! I hope you all had a wonderful time celebrating with friends and family.  We celebrated a little too much and now are paying dearly. DH is back in bed after finally dragging himself out for the first time at noon. We had a 'dress up as a rock star and play Rock Band' party at a friend's and didn't arrive home until 5am (DS is at his grandparent's). Now I am feeling super guilty about drinking too much. I guess after 2 years TTC, I've started to feel like I have to avoid drinking more than a drink or two at all times. I have to remember that we are on hiatus and now is the time to enjoy myself, right???


A question for those of you out there supplementing with progresterone (I know there are a few of you): the recurrent miscarriage clinic told me I should start taking progesterone 72 hours after ovulation. I don't have a luteal phase defect, and my progesterone measures normal (but that was only one blood test, and I've read that you need a few tests to get an accurate picture). Anyway, I am a bit leery about taking something for which there is no demonstrated need. Of course, that wouldn't be quite enough to stop me from taking it, given that you never know what might help. However, I am also worried about the safety of progesterone supplementation during pregnancy. Whenever I ask any of our docs about it, the response is always "well, your body naturally produces progesterone, so I wouldn't worry about it". Sure, but our bodies naturally produce estrogen too, and look what happened with DES. Have any of you found any convincing information suggesting that progesterone is safe during pregnancy? Am I missing something here?

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