UPDATE: We appear to be about to enter the Bermuda Triangle of giftedness, SPD and AD(H)D... - Page 4

[Rose-Roget]

Our OT suggested we try a stretchy, spandexy type shirt/pants, like UnderArmor.  On days when we can't get much heavy work in, I have him do bear walks and crab walks around the house.  These help.  You could even follow by joint compressions for better feedback.  I'll write more when I am less tired. 

[Tigerle]

Maybe that's another reason why he loves it so much when my mom plays cats with him - seriously, they crawl around her living room for hours, hunting mice and birds and making mouse pie. I wish I had the energy and patience for that! I wish I could make him get the wood in, too, it's a chore I hate ( I usually make DH do it because he's the one who insists on relying on the woodstove, personally I'd just go for a higher gas bill) but there's two steps up into the cluttered workshop and two steps down outside in the way, I can't make him carry stuff safely. i also often wish we lived in a big modern house, with fewer stairs and more crawl-worthy floor space and less visually cluttered surfaces - all those dark beams and planks, dark wooden pieces of furniture and checkered floor tiles, shelves and nook and crannies (and cats - real ones - darting out of them) make ME nervous, and I am way past ten years old.

We'll do some cat play, and the bear walk will come naturally! Right now we are playing Fireman Sam a lot, (great tool for getting things done fast - quick, put on your boots and helmet, there is a fire at the preschool!) and my heavy nursing pillow is the hose he needs to lug around...

I find that melatonin is only available on prescription for insomnia in the elderly and is illegal as a supplement for anyone else, meaning all sources are inherently dodgy. We'll stick with the massages for now, they do seem to help. DD does not accept being cuddled by DH at bedtime for long and will start complaining and wanting to be put next to me after a while, so we don't have too much time for them, which is probably all to the good as he wants so much pressure it'd give me repetitive stress injury otheriwse one of these days. Preferable to having my hair yanked out every night?  Life is full of compromises! 

Thank you for the dIY link for the blanket! In particular, the information about how much weight to go for is very helpful. I find that the one local source doesn't sell what I'm looking for (way too many buttons and hooks and little extra sachets). I have found some (expensive) sources in the UK but tapping into my MIL's seamstress skills sound better. I remembered that we have a lot of bean bag type pillows in the house and I thought I might try those out at night first, to see whether this is th kind of presure he likes, before expeding time and/or money ona custom-made blanket that goes unused.

and I'll check out tight underwear. And yay! Another book! i've been told i read too many parenting books but it's just my favourite mode of processing stuff....

Thank you so much for all the suggestions and support! I'll update on our first consultation with the psych soon...

[Tjej]

For the wood, could he carry it to the steps, set it on the top step, go down and then pick it up?  I don't know if I am picturing it right, but that seemed like it would work to me. :)

Tjej

[Tigerle]

Hmm...no place like this one to always challenge my assumptions!

IF DH were to reliably set up the wood in the workshop and DS could carry a box up to the steps...they are DIY steps, too short and too steep because DH miscalculated something about the floor levels when pouring the concrete, then did not want to place wooden planks on top as he'd promised because it would have meant taking  off a layer of concrete ...and there is only a rail on one side, on the other there is just the drop to the floor...and at the top there is a metal ridge to stumble over, too, because the door came that way from the hardware store as it is supposed to be used in a place with flooring, but DH never put flooring in the workshop...there so if he left the box at the top, then managed to squeeze past without either falling down or pushing the box off the side...no doesn't work because first of all he'd have to open the door at the top of the steps as there is no space to leave the box otherwise ...ok, first door, then box, then squeeze past, move box next to wood, do not bump against anything in cramped workshop, then place the wood in the box, move box back to top of steps, reliably stop at the top of the stairs, squeeze past again, climb down the stairs, pick up box...I don't see it. There is no way I could get him to do all this safely without me coaching and supervising every step of the way. It's just not worth it. I hate those steps. (And there is the very same situation leaving the workshop to go into the garden and it's the only way from the house into the garden...) I have to make myself go outside that way, and I avoid carrying stuff whenever I can, It took some major nagging on my part to get DH to install the rails to hold on to, because those steps scare me so much. When DS was little, DH mused he wanted to build a ramp for the stroller for me to enter the house through the garden and workshop, leave the stroller in the workshop and carry the baby down those steps every time i came home (so the stroller wouldn't leave so much mud in the hallway), which thankfully came to nothing. I think I blew up in his face when he tried to introduce the idea again with DD.

Sorry for this totally OT vent. Tjej, I did not mean to be snarky, I really started writing this trying to think whether there was a way to set this up in a child-friendly way. I think this house might deserve its own thread in the "parents as partners" forum. Really, unless you've lived in this house you cannot imagine how much "make-do" stuff I have to put up with. Visitors just see the cuteness, DH's family is proud of how much DH did himself, only my mom knows what I'm talking about.

[Rose-Roget]

How about you or your dh accompany him to get the wood, but have ds carry what he can?  That would provide the heavy work, teach a responsibility, and the adult could make sure it was done safely and it would avoid all the messy stuff with the steps and the box, etc.  Doesn't necessarily make it "easier" for you, but it would meet another goal, and shouldn't make it much harder for you longterm.  Just a thought...

[umami_mommy]

we discovered that swimming was the very best "heavy work" for DS. we tried all kinds of stuff. that and longgggggg walks (though he despises walking outside). 

figuring out his sensory needs and a good diet for him was a lot of trial and error. for us, it meant homeschool was an excellent fit, as i could sandwich everything together. 

do you have a tactile center set up for him? he sounds like a sensory seeker. 

[Rose-Roget]

I second the swimming idea. I find that it takes a lot for ds to learn to coordinate the movement and feel what "tense," "floppy," and "relaxed and strong" body postures are.  But it's a great way to bring awareness, build strength, and give feedback.

[joensally]

Swimming is a great idea!  Also gymnastics.  Both have sensory elements that can be problematic, but a lot of that can be worked around.

You know, since HSing is not an option so you need to work on his self-management skills and regulation, getting him into regularly scheduled heavy work activities (like swimming and gymnastics) might be a great approach.  Last year, DS was swimming once a week and doing gymnastics twice per week. 

[Tigerle]

Originally Posted by Rose-Roget 

How about you or your dh accompany him to get the wood, but have ds carry what he can?  That would provide the heavy work, teach a responsibility, and the adult could make sure it was done safely and it would avoid all the messy stuff with the steps and the box, etc.  Doesn't necessarily make it "easier" for you, but it would meet another goal, and shouldn't make it much harder for you longterm.  Just a thought...

Yes, roping DH in big time for providing heavy work is a must (also because it's too cold out for DD) . I find I cannot get DS to do exercises unless I do them with him and I just cannot do it physically, knee problems, weight problems (probably brought on the knee problems), back problems, exhaustion...the list goes on. I have to somehow get DH to build doing heavy work with DS into his day, though, without  both of us driven crazy by nagging - he does it when he realizes DS is bouncing off the walls, but he isn't good at doing it before he actually has to. You know, as in taking 15 minutes of his day for doing it with DS as opposed to quickly getting it over with first thing in the morning upon realizing there is not enough in for the day, when DS is still in his pjs. No, not exactly easy...how did you ever guess? You don't happen to be married to a man, by any chance?

Quote:

Originally Posted by Rose-Roget 

I second the swimming idea. I find that it takes a lot for ds to learn to coordinate the movement and feel what "tense," "floppy," and "relaxed and strong" body postures are.  But it's a great way to bring awareness, build strength, and give feedback.

Swimming is high on my list. I had a swim class lined up for December (for the very reasons, having read that a number of people recommended it as great for self-regulation) and had to cancel it, DS was so obviously overstressed (as I had been made aware earlier in this thread, and boy have you all been right) so the one thing in his weekly schedule that we hadn't yet committed to for the year had to go. There is another round of classes starting some time in February but there is no knowing yet whether we can fit it in (it's taught by swim attendatns who work shifts so they phone you a few days in  advance to let you know the days, it might be something like Fri Sat MonTue at 4, then nothing for five days, then another two days etc...you get the picture). And yes, it's the only class for four-year-olds around for which I do not have to get into the water with him- I need to take DD, after all.

Again, DH promised to take us swimming regularly instead of starting the class now (he vetoed it in the first place) but hasn't followed through.

It's not that he doesn't spend time with DD and DS, or does not want to do the work involved...he does, big time....but he wants to do stuff on his terms, and resists "shoulds" and "musts" with the best of 'em until he realizes for himself that Yes, there is no other way.

I just hate having to nag so much.
.
 

 

[Tigerle]

I just headed over to the parents as partner forum to check it out. Read the "I need help" thread. Now I am so upset and worried about this woman and realize that, compared to this, we're actually doing great. Who cares about a couple steps to the workshop?

I'll just ask DH, nicely, to take DS out in the snow this afternoon, and I'm sure it will happen.

[umami_mommy]

i want to suggest open swimming. classes are great, but just letting a kid be a kid and play in the water is really great for them. 

open ended play is really really important for happy kids. 

[RiverTam]

We just bought a Kinect for our Xbox 360.  My almost 6 year old played with it for 3 hours the first day. It's really fun and really, really, really physical.  

We bought it after we saw a demo at a Toys R Us.