I'm ready to stop, tell me how please!!!

[yasinsmama]

DS is 2 years and 8 months old. He still nurses at night before bed, and he falls asleep like that. I know he can sleep without it because he sleeps for DH and my mom when i'm not around. I'm ready to stop nursing because i'm tired. I love my boy to death, and i'm SO happy that we've come this far, but I think it's time.

Sometimes, at night, i'll tell him "i'll let you nurse for a little it, then no more". He tells me "no 'no more' ". If I take my breast out of his mouth before he is asleep, he screams. I want to start transitioning him into his bog boy bed (in our room), but he can't be nursing to do that. If we have another baby, we can't all 4 be in our bed.

And......I think I have mastitis. I was awoken at 2am with awful pain in my breast. Now I have the bodyaches, headaches, breast is extremely tender to the touch, but no red streaks. I let him nurse this morning from that side before he went to school (to which he replied "Yay, alright!!!!").

How do I wean him when he's so attached to it??

[porcelina]

I just want to say I feel for you!! I am at the same point! DS1 is now 35 months, and I am tandeming with a newborn. I am so done. I don't know what your timeline is, and I'd love to hear the rest of the responses, but here's my plan. DS1 is also very attached to nursing, and is limited (for my sanity) to 2-3 times a day. I started telling him 3 weeks ago that when he's 3 (which is now in 3 weeks), he won't nurse anymore, because he'll be too old. But, he's going to have a party, and a fire truck cake, and he's going to get a new bicycle. When he's three, he'll be able to do lots of things, etc., etc. I have been telling this every day. I add sometimes that he'll be ready, and I have asked him a couple of times if he'll be ready (yes), and if he'll miss it (yes). He has also repeated back to me on occasion, in a non-nursing moment. I honestly don't know if this is a great approach, but I have heard of one other person who did this. She said that it worked, and that her daughter said, "can I nurse again when I turn two?" (to which she said yes).

In theory, I would do a more gradual approach, eliminating sessions one at a time, but due to experience, I know that every single change will be traumatic, and I would rather get it over with all at once, doing my best to prepare him.

I agree that nursing has been great for us and I'm glad I've done it as long as I have, but I'm done. I really wish there was a resource out there of stories of women who have weaned closer to age 2 and how it worked for them. Not everyone can do CLW.

Oh, and yes, it is really hard to have all 4 in one bed. We tried in the first few days, since DS1 was so attached to sleeping with me. They woke each other up and it was a nightmare. Now we have DS2 in another room :(, and I still sleep with DS1. I hope that eventually we will be able to sleep altogether again, but it's not time yet.

Good luck
 

Originally Posted by yasinsmama 

DS is 2 years and 8 months old. He still nurses at night before bed, and he falls asleep like that. I know he can sleep without it because he sleeps for DH and my mom when i'm not around. I'm ready to stop nursing because i'm tired. I love my boy to death, and i'm SO happy that we've come this far, but I think it's time.

Sometimes, at night, i'll tell him "i'll let you nurse for a little it, then no more". He tells me "no 'no more' ". If I take my breast out of his mouth before he is asleep, he screams. I want to start transitioning him into his bog boy bed (in our room), but he can't be nursing to do that. If we have another baby, we can't all 4 be in our bed.

And......I think I have mastitis. I was awoken at 2am with awful pain in my breast. Now I have the bodyaches, headaches, breast is extremely tender to the touch, but no red streaks. I let him nurse this morning from that side before he went to school (to which he replied "Yay, alright!!!!").

How do I wean him when he's so attached to it??

[namistenicole]

I'm there too, or almost anyway. DD will turn 2 next week (yay!) and she is no where near close to weaning on her own. She nurses night and day. I however, am getting a little nervous about this and definitely don't like nursing all night. So I've been thinking a lot about the how and when of weaning.

I don't have any advice, but this morning I started the conversation. I said "are you ready to say bye-bye to night-night?" (she calls nursing night-night which gives you an idea of why she nurses while she sleeps ). She thought about this for a while, repeated it back, and then went to put her boots on. She wanted to go bye-bye (out the door) and nurse outside! Ha! We've got a ways to go...

[PatioGardener]

Hang in there, Mama!  It makes sense to deal with the mastitis first (requires nursing from the breast as much as you can!) and then tackle weaning.  There are lots of gentle ideas on how to drop a nursing session, so hopefully some BTDT moms will chime in with ideas.

But for now, take care of yourself and I hope that mastitis heals quickly! 

http://www.kellymom.com/bf/concerns/mom/mastitis.html

[CI Mama]

Originally Posted by porcelina 
I agree that nursing has been great for us and I'm glad I've done it as long as I have, but I'm done. I really wish there was a resource out there of stories of women who have weaned closer to age 2 and how it worked for them. Not everyone can do CLW.
 

Me too!!

My DD is 26 months and I am ready to wean and she definitely is not. I only know one person IRL who weaned her kids around 2 years old, and in both cases the kids were basically just ready to wean. I can't see myself doing CLW, unless DD magically decides to wean within the next 6 months. I'm just really, really tired of having enormous boobs, and I want to sleep all night again.

Let's help each other figure it out!

At this point, I'm focused first on night weaning, because I think that's going to be 90% of the battle. DD sleeps with me and nurses twice on a "typical" night, but lately it has been a lot more because she's got molars coming in. I think she'd nurse from 2:00-6:00 am if I let her.

I've been taking the approach of setting limits on nursing, with the idea that gradually the limits will increase & the nursing will decrease. So far, I can count to 10 and say "all done nursing" and she'll unlatch. Though sometimes she'll immediately ask to nurse again, often she accepts that we're done nursing for the moment.. I can also refuse to nurse and redirect her during the day, but at night I just want to sleep, so I'll pretty much nurse when she asks, though I'm trying to make our nursing sessions shorter. I'm also trying to get her back to sleep with a "snuggle with mama" instead of always having to nurse, and that does work sometimes.

I'm attending a dance retreat in January, and my goal is to spend 2 nights away from home. Seems like an awfully big stretch right now! My partner has agreed to do the nighttime parenting while I'm gone. I think she has no idea what she's getting herself into. I'm afraid it'll be a disaster. But OH WELL!!! Change has to happen sometime, right??!!

OP: I had a 12-week breast infection shortly after DD was born, and it was miserable. I hope you are able to take care of yourself and get it taken care of!!!

[ASusan]

I'm right there with you, ladies. DS is 38 mos. DH pointed out that (a) he no longer nurses for comfort, but rather I nurse him to appease him, and (b) he is nursing on an intermittent reinforcement schedule (which is the BEST type of schedule to MAINTAIN a behavior - not what I want!). He nurses at bedtime and again at wake up ("morning" - when it is light out). He is SO demanding - won't let DH put him to bed anymore, and fusses/whines to nurse in the early am. Hits me when I say, "wait until morning." So, of course, when he hits, he doesn't get to nurse, but then we're back to the intermittent schedule.

I did night wean - and that helped things a lot. It took a while, and  a lot of middle-of-the-night holding, walking, singing. But, we had lapses, when we were visiting relatives, for example, and his schedule was thrown, so I nursed him whenever he woke super-early in the morning (before daylight).

I introduced the conversation, "When you're big, you won't nurse anymore." and it went over like a lead balloon. "I not a big boy. I a baby." Everytime I tried to bring it up, he claimed he was a baby, or similar. So I backed off that tactic. But, I brought it up again in the car this morning, and he seemed ok with it.
"I'm a big boy like you and daddy." was his response this time.

We have DH's family visiting in 2 weeks, for a month. In his culture, children don't nurse beyond 2 (and typically not that long, either) because it is felt to soften the child, make him/her a mama's boy/girl and not receptive to discipline. It makes the family dynamic difficult. And, I have to admit, in some ways, this is becoming the case. (e.g. DS no longer wants DH to put him to bed at night, and is quite demanding/rude in the morning wrt nursing.) In some ways, I have to respect his culture in this, too.

For those of you who are going out of town - DH and DS got along FINE without me when I went out of town. (2-3 trips, the earliest and longest at 15 mos.) I probably should have used the latest trip (at 36 mos) as more of an opportunity to more firmly NOT nurse when I returned.

[D_McG]

Both of mine were younger when I weaned the (20-22 mos) but I took a very non-negotiable, factual stance.  We were going to be done nursing and instead we'd ____ (hug, sing, cuddle).  They weren't all that happy about it at the time but they didn't have to be.  I know that sounds cold but it's how I needed to approach it for everyone's sanity. 

I'm older, wiser and I know better than them.  I know that there is life after breastfeeding :)  And that everything would be OK.  They moved on quickly and we settled into new rituals/comforts with no issue.  We were all happier with the extra sleep and ability to share parenting more with my DH.

Lots of hugs, distraction, affection.  And just confidence that I had made the right decision.

[CI Mama]

Originally Posted by D_McG 

Both of mine were younger when I weaned the (20-22 mos) but I took a very non-negotiable, factual stance.  We were going to be done nursing and instead we'd ____ (hug, sing, cuddle).  They weren't all that happy about it at the time but they didn't have to be.  I know that sounds cold but it's how I needed to approach it for everyone's sanity. 

I'm older, wiser and I know better than them.  I know that there is life after breastfeeding :)  And that everything would be OK.  They moved on quickly and we settled into new rituals/comforts with no issue.  We were all happier with the extra sleep and ability to share parenting more with my DH.

Lots of hugs, distraction, affection.  And just confidence that I had made the right decision.

This is what I'm looking for...the confidence to know that it's the right decision and the ability to take a stance and stick to it. I recognize that really, it's just about me and my readiness to take that stance. Part of my lack of confidence is my perception that DD still "needs" to nurse, but perhaps that's not true??? Maybe she only "needs" to nurse because I keep nursing her. If I showed her another way to get through the moments where right now she relies on nursing, she might be fine.

Anyway, can you elaborate a bit more on "they weren't all that happy about it"??? What did that look like? What I'm afraid of is that if I wean, DD will scream/cry for hours at a time many nights in a row, and I just won't be able to handle it. How hard was the transition for you, and how long did it take for your kids to get it?? You said they moved on quickly...does that mean within a few days? weeks????

[ASusan]

Originally Posted by CI Mama 

Anyway, can you elaborate a bit more on "they weren't all that happy about it"??? What did that look like? What I'm afraid of is that if I wean, DD will scream/cry for hours at a time many nights in a row, and I just won't be able to handle it. How hard was the transition for you, and how long did it take for your kids to get it?? You said they moved on quickly...does that mean within a few days? weeks????

Yes, this, please. Part of my reluctance stems from the fact that we have family visiting in a few weeks, for a month. And we had (my) family last week. So, either of those times will not be good if DS is carrying on in the evening or morning. 

He hasn't nursed since...Tuesday night? So maybe we're done? (no sure if I even want to write that)

I'm allowing myself lots of mint, because I haven't had mint in 3 years. (A large mint tea when he was 8 weeks dried me right up!)

[D_McG]

We had one or maybe two really ugly scenes when I was weaning my son.  He was really tired and really wanted to nurse and in retrospect I didn't handle it v. well b/c I was kind of uncertain too (had done the whole gung-ho nursing thing and had a horrible realization once I got pregnant that it was NOT the right choice for any of us.  He was sorely lacking in limits and now I was pregnant and HATED nursing him and terribly upset about the whole thing).  So he did scream and cry and basically FLIP OUT for like half an hour (maybe?  almost 3 years ago now). 

With DD I was so much more together.  From about a year on we had a little schedule and she was well used to hearing no and accepting that her wants/needs didn't come first every single time.  I don't remember her really losing it at all but she certainly cried.  Like she cries when she can't have anything she wants you know?  And I responded the same way.  Hugs and distraction and reassurance. 

My son took a week to stop asking.  My daughter took longer I think (few weeks?) but she was just asking kind of to hear the answer. Like not upset or anything.  Almost just a little script she was running. 

To nightwean her I moved out of the bedroom for 3 nights (leaving her with DH).  With my son I stayed in the room and just hugged and kissed him and he got over it quickly.  3 nights?  Not hours of crying though at all.  Maybe 20 minutes, one night. 

Weaning both of them was night and day.  With DD my confidence made such a big difference.  I had fully absolved myself of any child-led weaning ideas.  It was just not something I felt was right (for us) anymore.  So I harbored no guilt.  I knew their need was not for nursing but for intimacy.  And there are many ways to get that.

All this may not ring true to you at all though.  All families are different!

Originally Posted by CI Mama 

Anyway, can you elaborate a bit more on "they weren't all that happy about it"??? What did that look like? What I'm afraid of is that if I wean, DD will scream/cry for hours at a time many nights in a row, and I just won't be able to handle it. How hard was the transition for you, and how long did it take for your kids to get it?? You said they moved on quickly...does that mean within a few days? weeks????

[CI Mama]

Thanks, this is really helpful!!!

Just another question for everyone on this thread... do you work outside the home?

Part of my ambivalence/reluctance/uncertainty comes from being a mom who works full-time outside the home. Nursing seems sooooo important to DD as a way to re-connect and receive nurturance when I get home from work. Of course I understand intellectually that there are other ways to get the same thing from me, so perhaps I just need to get over my guilt.

Just wondering if others are in the same boat.

[D_McG]

I am mostly a SAHM.  I sometimes work retail at nights/weekends though and for DD when I got home was when she was most into it for sure so I can only imagine it on a larger scale.

If I were you I'd nightwean.  Get her STTN and then you  might get back to enjoying nursing her just once a day!

[Materfamilias]

We worked on night weaning first and getting DD to sleep without the nipple in her mouth in her own bed when she was about 2. DH had just had it with the co-sleeping and night nursing, even though it gave him blissful nights for 2 years. DD was VERY into nursing still at that point, so we had her bed in our room (still do) and I would nurse her first, sitting on her bed, then hold her hand while she fell asleep. It took a bit before she was OK with it: there were a lot of nights where she had trouble getting to sleep and I had to sit there for a looooonnnnngggg time. I found it very useful to have a nice tv show on my iPhone. lol

Just recently I've gradually reduced her nursings as non-confrontationally as possible until it was basically before bed and first thing in the morning. And this week I stopped entirely, after having instituted other routines for us (reading a book, snuggling, etc). She's doing OK with it. It's been a bit of a wrench for me. I've been pretty ambivalent about it to be honest. I miss it already and I feel like a bit of a Mothering light-weight. But I also was ready and I think she was at a time where it wasn't too traumatic. She's 28 months.

[ASusan]

I WOH full time. He would ask at daycare pick up for nursing (which we would do right there in the classroom), until about 24 mos., when I could get him to wait until we got home. On days DH did daycare pickup, DS would nurse as soon as I walked in the door. It was a way of reconnecting AND getting him some calories before dinner. Now, when he gets home from daycare, he is ravenous (despite a mid-afternoon snack offering at daycare), and he's a little nuts until dinner (unless we snack him through dinner prep, which we often do).

DS hasn't nursed since...mid-last-week. He asked to nurse upon wake up this am, "I love to nurse. I like to nurse. I not a big boy. I'm two!" (He's been 3 for 2 months.) Heartbreaking, but he was able to be redirected to reading a book together then heading downstairs for breakfast.

[yasinsmama]

Thank you SO much everyone for your replies.
I don't know what made me think of it, but last night, I told DS before we went to sleep that he could nurse, and I would count to 20. When I got to 20 we were finished. He said "ok". I said "20", and he stopped, as if to say "she said 20, what now". He whined for a few minutes, then we fell asleep. I did the same thing tonight. I said "17", then he said "18" lol. I got to 20 an he stopped without crying. I was taking very long pauses between counting. I guess I'll decrease the number until we get to zero. Maybe this will work.

[porcelina]

This was a first step for us as well, learning to let go when I count down from 10. Glad it worked for you! Hope you can use this strategy to decrease the time!

[sarahsmiles]

Just so glad to read this thread! I was pretty ambivalent when I weaned DD, and I think that's what lead to problems. I'm getting to be more done than not with DS, but remembering that what I am doing is in my judgment best for everyone, and that it's not a contest to see who can nurse longest to be the best mom, are things I need to work on.

I tend to be a pushover where the kids are concerned.  :)

[Smidge]

I'm currently weaning my 20 mo old and decided about 4 mos ago that I wanted to be done around Christmas.  I have been pregnant and/or nursing for 4 years.  I'm ready to be done and I know ds is reluctant to wean, but I've slowly cut it down to 1x a day (before bed).  He asks for boobies during the day, but I just say "Not until bed" and he doesn't fuss.  I don't particularly want to wean b/c I enjoy it, however, I do want to be done, kwim?

[ASusan]

Just wanted to update that DS hasn't nursed in a week. He still asks at bedtime and wake up, saying he's not a big boy and that he likes to nurse. But he is able to move on to be comforted in other ways (or, in the case of the morning wake-up, he wants to get out of bed and go downstairs right away).

I started him on Focus Factor for Kids. DH agreed to a multi-vitamin now that he's not nursing, and this was the only one available locally that didn't have any artificial flavors, colors or our allergens. He's been taking it since Monday. He hasn't whined since Monday. He hasn't melted down since Monday. He's able to be re-directed fairly easily when things don't go as expected. Basically, all these things were beginning to become large issues and he was getting into a really whiny, fussy place. Not fun to be around. He's turned that around. Not sure if it is the supplement, but I wanted to put that out there.

And I'm eating a little bit of dairy each day, in the form of raw milk cheddar, and today milk in a soup that someone made me.

[porcelina]

ASusan, congratulations! I'm not surprised he's still asking!! I bet he'll do it for a while.I totally get that nursing has become a source of behavioral problems rather than enjoyment! It has been like that for us since around 24 months or so. Examples for us were just that he would scream for it a lot, and scream and wake himself up when I took him off for a nap or bedtime whatever. Thank goodness we're beyond that. He's actually very well-mannered about it now. But, I still get the heebie jeebies!!

DS1 finally stopped asking for the 5-5.30 am wake up, and, he's finally sleeping through it, for the most part!! He was totally waking himself up (from a regular light sleep cycle I imagine) to ask for it. This means he sleeps in until a whopping 6 am :). But, I don't nurse until 7 am and it's light out (good thing it's winter). This is totally working well for us, because now he knows he starts his day before he can nurse. And, that session is already less and less important for him. I'm pretty sure it will be easy to cut it out. We also only have a short session at night, and he has a whole series of other parts of his routine before he actually sleeps, so that will be easy to cut too, I think. Now we're only 6 days away from weaning, I can't believe it! I still talk about it every day, and he has told me he is ready. :) I'll update when we actually go through it!

Good luck to everyone!