I'm ready to stop, tell me how please!!! - Page 3

[chipper26]

I'm in a similar boat.  My dd just turned 2 1/2 and she loves her "nummy".  She can sit with me for an hour at a time and just nurse.  She is also up several time a night and I sleep with her.  I've only read some of the posts, so please forgive me if I've missed something or sound a bit out of the loop.

I am somewhat ambivalent when it comes to weaning.  There is a big part of me that just wants to be done, but there is the other part of me that  1) doesn't want to take away something she loves so much and 2) knows I'll miss this relationship with her so much.

But I'm exhausted and now that I'm back to work full-time, it is much harder than it was when I was home.  I could nap with her and sleep a lot longer in the a.m.  I keep wishing she'd take some of the initiative so that I don't have to have all of the will power, kind of like it would happen kind of naturally with a little boost from me, but if I wait for that, I think she'll be 4 - I can't last that long!

So I'm sorry I don't have anything to add, just empathy. I'm glad you started this thread because I need to visit it for advice.  It is good to know I'm not alone.  IRL I feel a bit freakish b/c I only know one other person who has nursed this long and she has already nightweaned.

[LaurieG]

Thought I'd post an update since we're a week out now.  DD has fussed once in awhile for her nummies over the past week but all in all I would say it has gone better than expected.  We've had a few conversations where she expresses her disappointment - mostly about there being soy in the nummies.  She wants to know how that happened and what can be done to get the soy out of her nummies.  But when the conversation changes to her being a big girl and not needing nummies anymore because of all the big girl things she can do she brightens up.  Just a few times in the middle of the night she has been inconsolable for brief periods. 

One thing that really helped was yesterday morning she was missing her nummies and so we spent some time saying goodbye to them - talking about how it is hard to say goodbye and she snuggled and kind of held them and kissed them and then DH got involved with talking about all the big things she does and since then she hasn't asked at all. 

For me the hardest thing has been not sticking to an elimination diet.  After 3 years I just can't bring myself to eat things that have been off limits without a sense of dread coming over me.  I still have that alarm in my head going "Warning! Warning!"  I have enjoyed some things but I doubt I'll ever be a milk drinker like I used to be.  But somewhere in my head I still have it that we will nurse again in the future.  My brain seems to think someday when all the milk and soy is out of my system we can nurse again but logically I know this is a) not a good idea - she needs me to be clear with my messages and b) will never happen unless I purposefully avoid milk and soy for a week stretch which I have no reason to do now.  So I guess I'm still having a hard time letting go.

[firelillylight]

to below....you might be shocked by how easy the transition goes for your daughter while you're away....i  know i was, my daughter fell asleep in like 10 minutes and NO crying when i left  overnight my first time. shocking!

Originally Posted by CI Mama 

I'm attending a dance retreat in January, and my goal is to spend 2 nights away from home. Seems like an awfully big stretch right now! My partner has agreed to do the nighttime parenting while I'm gone. I think she has no idea what she's getting herself into. I'm afraid it'll be a disaster. But OH WELL!!! Change has to happen sometime, right??!!

[CI Mama]

Hi everyone, here's my update:

During the holidays we traveled for 2 weeks and I took the opportunity to introduce some changes with DD. I cut out most daytime nursing & shortened our night time nursing sessions. Now she knows that she can nurse a little on each side, but then she has to unlatch and go to sleep on her own. Most of the time, she can do that, no prob.

It was amazing to get better sleep while on vacation. I slept in every morning, and I started to wake up in the morning feeling energized! That really hadn't happened since before I got pregnant.

In early January, DD started sleeping for 7-8 hours at a stretch, multiple nights in a row. Whoa. She'd wake up around 5:00, I'd nurse her briefly, and then she'd go back to sleep. That was it!!! This lasted for about a week.

During that week, I got away on my dance retreat for 2 nights, and it was successful way beyond my expectations! DD woke up and was upset when I was gone, but was able to calm down quickly. It did take her awhile to get back to sleep, but she & my partner have their routines, and they were able to make it work. It was a bit rough on my partner, who is not used to being awakened in the middle of the night, but they go through. In fact, the 2nd night went better than the 1st, which is the opposite of what I had expected. (I slept better on night 2 as well...perhaps because I was way less worried about them!).

So I started 2011 feeling really energized and hopeful, and I think that will return. The last 10 days have been a bit of a setback. DD has 4 molars coming in, and she's having a growth spurt. Which means she's hungry all the time, but she doesn't want to eat because her teeth hurt. So she's waking up hungry in the middle of the night. I am taking the approach of nursing a little, but then getting up and getting her a snack. Usually she also needs to sit on the potty, too. And then it takes awhile to get her back to sleep. Last night, for example, she woke up at 3:45 and didn't get back to sleep until almost 6:00 am. Ug.

So...three steps forward, two steps back. I think once the molars are in and her growth spurt tapers off, we'll get back to those nice long stretches of sleep...I hope!!!...and then I'll start working on the next phase of night weaning.

[porcelina]

Thanks for the update. Just goes to show -- we totally fear changing our patterns, but once we do, we get through it, and it often goes much better than we imagined!

[CI Mama]

Hello, everyone. Reviving this thread with a quick update & question.

We're still making baby steps towards weaning. My latest strategy is to separate nursing from getting DD to sleep at night. Last night for the first time, I tucked her into bed and she fell asleep! Granted, she was almost asleep on my lap just minutes before. But she woke up when I tried to move her, and she started to whine that she wanted to nurse. I told her no, but that I would go to get her some milk in a bottle. So I tucked her into bed and went to the kitchen, and when I came back, she was asleep! I've never had that happen.

I've also been nursing less in the middle of the night, either by telling her that it's not time to nurse, or by doing a super quick feed (like 2 minutes) and then telling her to go back to sleep.

Question for all of you...as you were weaning, did you get engorged, or did your breasts just sort of adjust gradually? My breasts have felt a little "full" lately, and I'm wondering if it's because they haven't yet adjusted to the fewer/shorter nursing sessions.

[namistenicole]

So here's a weird way to night-wean... I just went through awful bacterial pneumonia, and knew I wouldn't be able to nurse DD in the night or even sleep with her while I was sick (b/c of coughing, sheer exhaustion, etc.) so I called my mom for help. I think it took being so sick that I literally, physically couldn't night-nurse or co-sleep anymore for me to have the courage to ask someone for help with this...

For about 7 nights my mom slept with DD; most of the nights DD woke up a few times but she didn't really expect to nurse b/c I wasn't there. My mom bounced or patted her back to sleep. When my mom left I knew I'd have to go back to night-duty, but I was committed to not nursing after bedtime. So I've stuck with that, only nursing DD at bedtime (like our normal routine) but between 10 and 6 there's no nursing - and I'm sleeping in a separate room. The first few nights she woke up a couple times and was very agitated. I rocked her and laid her back down each time. But now she's only waking up once around 12 and then conking back out (alone) until morning. Woo hoooo!

So I guess the takeaway is that having someone other than you take the baby at night for a week or so (if possible) can really make a huge difference in the ease of night-weaning. I think DD was ready (she's 2), but having me available all night kept her stuck in the habit.

Next we'll wean during the day, but that has always seemed easier to me... we'll see!

[ASusan]

Yes, agreed. Having someone else there helps a lot. Granny was with us for 3 weeks over the holidays, as was an auntie. DS slept with both for several nights and this further reinforced his "no nursing at night" and "don't bother to wake up because there isn't any nursing to be had" behaviors.

[CI Mama]

I know this is a really old thread, but I wanted to post an update. My DD night weaned in April and fully weaned in July (after 33 months!), with gentle encouragement from me. I think the timing was perfect in many ways...we nursed a little longer than I wanted to, a little less than she probably would have chosen...but overall it's been positive for both of us. I didn't follow child led weaning in the strictest sense, but I felt like I was taking both of our needs into consideration in moving the process along.

Anyway, support & ideas posted on this thread were very helpful to me, so I thought I'd share a few insights with those who are still trying to night wean and/or fully wean their LOs.

We started putting DD in her own bed to start the night, because the co-sleeping was obviously prolonging the night time nursing. She sleeps in a twin bed on the floor next to our queen bed, which is also on the floor. Many nights she would wake up and crawl in with me (DP would move to small bed), so she was still nursing 1-2 times a night. I'd keep it very short...a  minute or two at most.

Then in April I took an overnight trip to visit a friend, and DD slept all night in her own bed without waking up once! It was almost like having me not be there was what she needed in order to sleep through the night. She has been doing this consistently ever since. Every now and then she will still crawl in with me, but it's getting more & more rare (unless she's sick...one night she crawled in to bed & threw up on my face...but that's another story!).

So we cut the nursing down to once a day, right before bedtime. I worked on trying not to nurse her to sleep, but nurse her a bit, then take her to bed and have her fall asleep in her own bed. At this point, I was not enjoying nursing very much, I can't really explain why, I just felt done. So it wasn't hard to limit the amount of nursing.

In July, I had a work conference out of state to attend. Four nights away from home, the longest I'd ever been away from her! So we planned that she would wean entirely while I was gone. We nursed for the last time on the night before my trip. She had just turned 33 months.

I am pleased to say that DD did great while I was gone (and DP was a champ!). When I got back, she asked about nursing a couple of times, but it was no big deal when I said, "Mama's breasts don't make milk anymore, and we're done nursing." She's proud to be a "big kid"! I think she would have nursed for longer if I had let her follow her own wishes entirely, but I don't feel like I've weaned her prematurely or harmed her in any way by helping her wean. She's doing great.

So am I! I am happy to have nursed for so long, and I'm happy to be done. Now I just want my breasts to shrink back to their pre-pregnancy size!

[LROM]

This is such a great thread, I wish I'd had it to read a year ago when we were first nightweaning DD.  Just a few thoughts on specific posts here (I'm too lazy to figure out how to quote multiple posts, so bear with me please!)...

1. Tantrums: Just want to add hand to those who's kiddos had severe, heartbreakingly distressful reactions to weaning.  The first time we NW'd, she did pretty well, mainly regular crying and some flopping around in her crib, but for the most part it wasn't so extreme (and that was both ending co-sleeping and putting her in her own bed/room AND nightweaning, so it was a lot of transition but NW without putting her in her own room seemed impossible for us).  Then we travelled, backslid on the night BFing because if we'd not done it she picked up quick that we were worried her tantrums would wake everyone in our hotel/friends' houses up and we didn't want that so we caved and I nursed her.  That was a week-long trip, and then she got sick when we came back so it was another week of nursing her through being sick, then we travelled again so by the time we really started to NW again, we had backslid for about a month.  This time was SO MUCH HARDER/EXTREME.  It was awful, she got so hysterical she'd try to bang her head against the wall and just cry and scream in a way I was sure a neighbor would call child welfare on us since it was almost every night for a couple of weeks.  Eventually we got through it (with help from a child psychologist who specializes in infant/toddler sleep problems and also a lot of love love love for her and ourselves).  THEN another several months later I travelled again, and while I tried to plan to sleep apart from her for the whole trip, our first night we ended up having to sleep in same bed in what turned out to be studio apartment of friends' where you could also hear the upstairs and downstairs neighbors.  Deja vu.  Backslid again.

In the end we had to combine nightweaning with full weaning this last time (when dd is 2.5 yrs) because I was in an accident and taking meds.  It has been hard as heck, harder than either of the other 2 times, because a) it's FULL weaning, b) it's cold turkey, and c) she's SO MAD AT ME.  She understands why we aren't doing nursies, and talks about it when she's awake and calm, but at times we'd usually nurse she cries at the sight of me, screams for her daddy, and just breaks down, sometimes for more than an hour.  I try to just stay with her, hold her if she lets me (which she rarely did), and love her through it, mostly letting her direct how I needed to be there.  Now (5 weeks later) we finally seem to be heading into stable territory and she's not as mad at me, wants to be held by me when she's upset again, and even asks for me when she wakes up (for 4 weeks it was "DADDY!!!" which of course DH was happy to finally be the "needed parent"! ;) )

2. Stories our babes tell themselves about the end of nursing: While DD understood I was injured in the accident (including facial injury so that actually helped make the reason for weaning more concrete for her), and that I was on meds, she extended the reason for not nursing to also be that my milk was "spicy", because she hates really spicy food.  So she still occaisionally looks at my boobs and says "No nursies because it'll make me sick!  It's SPICY! My tummy will hurt!"  I just thought that was so sweet and so interesting, that she took what for her was the worst thing a food/thing could be (spicy) and added that to the reason for weaning.

3. Processing the loss: someone mentioned it helped for their DC to look at her breasts and be able to touch and talk about them.  DD does the same.  I try to almost always have them covered up (having them exposed feels like adding insult to injury during this transition) but on occaision either she'll catch me coming out of the shower or she'll reach in and pull them out, then she does what we call "Nose Nursies" and rubs her nose on my nipples or just cuddles them.  It's sweet and kinda makes me want to cry, because I miss that connection too.  And it makes me proud of her, because she's kinda joyful when she does this.  We do it, laugh, I take it to extremes (ear nursies, underarm nursies) and she laughs and then I distract her and put them away.  It seems to also really help her say bye bye.

Good luck to anyone still facing this/going through it now.  I definitely agree with all who said you have to make your mind up and be clear in your heart that it's what's best for your family overall, that will help you get through it.  And I'll share that even in her worst tantruming stage, the psychologist we worked with said her reactions were normal, and that we werent' hurting her, which we really needed to hear from someone outside of our support system.  I'm sure there are traumatic ways to handle this, so I'm not saying there aren't probably bad things that someone might do, but if you're doing it from a sincere place and extra-loving your child and yourself through it, it seems like it can work and be ok if not better for everyone if it is really time to do it.

[CI Mama]

Originally Posted by LROM 

2. Stories our babes tell themselves about the end of nursing: While DD understood I was injured in the accident (including facial injury so that actually helped make the reason for weaning more concrete for her), and that I was on meds, she extended the reason for not nursing to also be that my milk was "spicy", because she hates really spicy food.  So she still occaisionally looks at my boobs and says "No nursies because it'll make me sick!  It's SPICY! My tummy will hurt!"  I just thought that was so sweet and so interesting, that she took what for her was the worst thing a food/thing could be (spicy) and added that to the reason for weaning.

This is so sweet! My DD does the same thing...she calls a lot of things "spicy", as that seems to be her catchall word for "something I don't like." It is fascinating to see how our little ones make sense of the world and start to build connections.

3. Processing the loss: someone mentioned it helped for their DC to look at her breasts and be able to touch and talk about them.  DD does the same.  I try to almost always have them covered up (having them exposed feels like adding insult to injury during this transition) but on occaision either she'll catch me coming out of the shower or she'll reach in and pull them out, then she does what we call "Nose Nursies" and rubs her nose on my nipples or just cuddles them.  It's sweet and kinda makes me want to cry, because I miss that connection too.  And it makes me proud of her, because she's kinda joyful when she does this.  We do it, laugh, I take it to extremes (ear nursies, underarm nursies) and she laughs and then I distract her and put them away.  It seems to also really help her say bye bye.

This is so tender & sweet & such a loving way to make the transition! I have also noticed that DD likes to cuddle or fondle my breasts sometimes when I'm changing clothes or getting out of the shower. It's like she remembering her old friends.

[LROM]

Isn't it interesting?  Watching their minds develop and how they make sense of things is incredible.

We were walking a couple months ago at night and saw a very drunk or high young lady in heels totally fall over on the street.  People close to her rushed over to help her up, and as they did it was clear she was not in her right mind.  DD asked "What happen to her?" and I said "She isn't taking care of herself.  She doesn't feel good and probably shouldn't be walking around right now."  DD thought about this for a moment, and then said "Like Humpty Dumpty!  He shouldn't sat on the wall, it was dangerous, he fall over!  He not take care of himself!"  I almost cried, I thought that was so amazing!

I'm very grateful she's being such a champ in this transition.  Did I mention she was also changing daycare/schools during this cold turkey BF weaning??  We did the switch right before the accident, so we didn't plan to have so much hard changes at once... kids are amazing.  And the power of loving attention is amazing too, even when we don't know what else to do.

[Lisanne]

This is a great thread. I'm starting to feel like I may be ready to stop nursing, but my 30 month old DD still loves it. We were down to once in the morning and once at bedtime and then we went on a 3 week vacation to visit family and go camping and she started nursing more often when she was tired or stressed. It was something familiar and comforting when we were away from home. Now that we've been home almost 2 weeks we are back to twice a day, but she still asks during the day if she gets tired. I woke up at 3am today with severe pain in my right breast and even after compresses and massage was unable to go back to sleep. The pain was so bad it almost had me in tears. This has happened every couple months for almost a year now and every time it does I tell myself I should wean her all the way and maybe it will stop. My older DD weaned herself at 19 months when I was 8 weeks pregnant. She just stopped asking for it and it was so easy! I feel like the little one will never stop on her own. I think that the morning nursing will be the easiest to drop. I would just have to get up, take her potty, feed her breakfast, etc. She gets up at 6 though and I'm not ready to wake up so it's easier for me to have her get in bed with me and nurse so I can doze. I don't know how to approach the bedtime nursing. DH works until midnight and will probably deploy again soon so no help there. You all have shared some great ideas and it's nice to know that others are going through the same thing :)