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The Need for Baby to Fall Asleep on His Own? - Page 2

post #21 of 40
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The No Cry Sleep Solution is about night waking, and has a very solid way to record and map out and follow your own plan. But The No Cry Nap Solution addresses each issue separately (ie nursing to sleep, not sleeping in a crib, etc). I don't remember anything about putting the baby down awake, actually. All the methods I can think of are about helping your baby fall asleep. Maybe with time it leads to putting baby down awake, but certainly not from the get-go.
post #22 of 40

We're actually dealing with this (again) with DS. He's in the middle of the 8-mo regressing, compounded by a nasty cold that's had him up every 2-3 hours for the past 2 weeks. Before this he was actually getting 8+ hours of sleep.

 

That said, the book I keep returning to is the No-Cry Sleep Solution. Her steps are great, and you can choose where you are in the process. Take as long as you need to in each step.

 

 

Quote:
I don't remember anything about putting the baby down awake, actually. All the methods I can think of are about helping your baby fall asleep. Maybe with time it leads to putting baby down awake, but certainly not from the get-go.

 

She doesn't have you put the baby down wide awake, but you do transition to putting him down drowsy. The overall goal is to get the baby to go to sleep without needing the breast or a paci to do so. She is very adamant about routine, and eventually you put the baby down after you've finished your bedtime routine. I think, if you're doing it all "right", the idea is that the baby will easily go to sleep as you put him in his crib. We've never really had a problem with getting DS to sleep initially, but we have a continual battle with getting him to stay asleep. Once he's feeling better (he's had a fever for the past couple of days) we'll be working on lengthening his sleep again.

 

Hang in there. I've decided that the lucky few get babies who STTN from a young age with no setbacks. I've come to accept that this will be an ongoing process.

post #23 of 40
Thread Starter 

Thanks! I have been using the NCSS and I'm not sure we.re getting anywhere. I am very consistent with the routine but it ends with me nursing him to sleep. I'm just at a loss for other ways to accomplish the falling asleep w/out crying. My real problem though is the crazy night waking--some nights every 20 min. DH cannot get him back to sleep. I try to rock him but he is screaming and  clamoring to nurse so I do it but gently taking him off every 20 sec. or so. He is usually asleep in 5-15 min. I end up doing it over and over. When I am ready for bed, I have been co-sleeping with him. It is saner for me and I feel like DS benefits in two ways: he gets to have us modeling sleep and seems to try to fall back asleep more with us next to him and he is such a mover, that I can often steady him and keep him from waking himself up. Still he ends up nursing too much--goes through 2 babydry dipes by night's end--and on our very best night, best sleep  stretch is 4 hrs which feels insanely wonderful. It's a slow work in progress but I am still very open to thoughts....

post #24 of 40

so what happens if you try to swaddle him, and then lie next to him and sing and pat? This is what we do- and also a pacifier- have you considered trying the swaddle and pacifier again? When you say he doesn't like it- what happens if you swaddle him? Our ds sometimes fusses while we are swaddling him but then settles into sleep swaddled, where as we still cannot get him to sleep unswaddled.

post #25 of 40

Cecilia can't fall asleep well unswaddled but if she gets her arms out when she's asleep she does okay.

 

But as to the first part of your question, for us, patting and singing or shushing only works if she's already aaaaaalmost asleep. Otherwise she just gets pissed and growls at us (it's a pretty funny sound coming from a petite, dainty little baby girl).

post #26 of 40

When we nightweaned, we had tried gentle methods with no progress...so we went to the next level, "let cry."  For about a week DH slept with DS.  I slept in another room.  Yep, there was a lot of crying...but he wasn't alone.  Each night it got less and less.  DS is particularly stubborn.  With an easier personality you probably could do something less extreme. 

post #27 of 40

Quote:

Originally Posted by mamazee View Post

I think sometimes people have easy kids and then write books or give advice assuming everything will go as easily for everyone else if other people do what they do, not realizing that individual personality is such a huge factor in things like sleep, and parenting skillz aren't such a big factor as they think.



 yeahthat.gif

post #28 of 40

I think it gets better around a year, and when they are cutting teeth and all that...well let's say despite having two great sleepers, 6-12 months was ROUGH and then every three weeks a new tooth seemed to be coming and it was hell for another week.  I have found with mine that having a routine at night really helps, and sometimes when all fails I nursed them to sleep.  Mid-night wakings I generally try not to rush in at the first whimper.  I wake up, I listen attentively.  If the whimper escalates, I or DH go in. If it remains the same whiny pitch and they come at the same slow intervals, I listen carefully for up to three minutes before going to get her.  9 times out of ten she settles herself back down.  I was running over at every sound and this seriously impeded her ability to get back to sleep.  She now sleeps for a good stretch of about 8hrs then nursing then 1-2 hours.  A few months ago she was up every  hour or so and awake for up to two hours at a time just furious with us for trying to get to sleep.

 

I know most moms here are really into the co-sleeping and rooming in, but we have found that if she realizes we are in arms reach she will not re-settle and if she is in our bed no one sleeps but her.  The first few nights of having her in her own room was really tough, and since it was DH's idea I made him fetch her, but it really was more effective for us.  By day three she was sleeping for four to five hour stretches, and by the end of the week STTN.

 

It gets so much better after a year and even better after two.  IME anyway. 

post #29 of 40

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Thanks!

post #30 of 40

I know exactly what you are talking about. The longest stretches of sleep I got after DS turned 3.5 months was 45 min with maybe one two hour stretch one night a week. I am not exaggerating!  This lasted until about 12 months where we are now.  I really felt like I was going to lose my sanity with the up every fifteen minutes and literally nursing more than 24 times in a 24 hour period.  I know the amount because I was reading NCSS and that is part of what you document.  I think you have gotten some good advice in this thread.  Currently, DS is going back to sleeping in two to three hour segments with a 3-4 hour segment at the first of the night.  The key or answer to everything?  They just have to grow and mature into it.

 

DS is a light sleeper so there are things I can do to have more of a sleep conducive environment but when he is figuring out something developmentally, it just will not happen.  I really think it was crucial that DH was/is involved.  Right now, I nurse DS and then DH walks him to sleep in the Ergo at night.  I LOVE this because it is a guilt free break where DS is going to sleep without me!  This could not have happened three months ago.  I guess what I am saying is to be gentle with yourself and your LO.  This is a short time and just like figuring out rolling over and walking, your LO will figure out sleeping.  It is really hard and please find little outlets throughout the day to keep your sanity.  It won't last forever, they grow up super fast! Hang in there and yes it sucks!

post #31 of 40

Thank you for this...nicely said.
 

Quote:
Originally Posted by flavorfull1 View Post

I know exactly what you are talking about. The longest stretches of sleep I got after DS turned 3.5 months was 45 min with maybe one two hour stretch one night a week. I am not exaggerating!  This lasted until about 12 months where we are now.  I really felt like I was going to lose my sanity with the up every fifteen minutes and literally nursing more than 24 times in a 24 hour period.  I know the amount because I was reading NCSS and that is part of what you document.  I think you have gotten some good advice in this thread.  Currently, DS is going back to sleeping in two to three hour segments with a 3-4 hour segment at the first of the night.  The key or answer to everything?  They just have to grow and mature into it.

 

DS is a light sleeper so there are things I can do to have more of a sleep conducive environment but when he is figuring out something developmentally, it just will not happen.  I really think it was crucial that DH was/is involved.  Right now, I nurse DS and then DH walks him to sleep in the Ergo at night.  I LOVE this because it is a guilt free break where DS is going to sleep without me!  This could not have happened three months ago.  I guess what I am saying is to be gentle with yourself and your LO.  This is a short time and just like figuring out rolling over and walking, your LO will figure out sleeping.  It is really hard and please find little outlets throughout the day to keep your sanity.  It won't last forever, they grow up super fast! Hang in there and yes it sucks!

post #32 of 40

I honestly believe sleep has so much to do with the baby's personality, and aside from possibly CIO, most methods aren't going to completely "rehabilitate" a poor sleeper.  DD1 needed intense parenting to help her fall asleep until 2.5.  DH used to walk in circles around the house with her for 20 min.-over an hour until she was about 16 mo. old.  Then it was laying with her until complete sleep.  It's just been in the past month or so that we can read a book and pretty much say goodnight (she'll be 3 in a few weeks). 

She's doing so well with sleep now and I'm SO glad that we always met her needs (although there were many, many nights when I just wanted to let her CIO) when she was younger. 

DD2 however is a nurse and lay down type and she always has been.  She doesn't sleep very well through the night, but she's 8.5 mo old and in a classic regression period.

 

I don't really know what my point is, just know that it will pass and eventually you WILL be able to lay them down and they WILL sleep.  All the way through the night.

 

Good luck!

post #33 of 40
Thread Starter 

Thanks everyone. It's always interesting to come on to this forum and read about how everyone figures out sleep with their particular little one. It just shows what a huge range of sleep personalities there are and how we do our best to guide them into a healthy night. The more I read the more I think I understand that DS's sleep issues are on the extreme end of the spectrum. Tonight is the great swaddling experiment and he only lasted 15 minutes, then another 15 min. I should clarify that when the little guy wakes, he is 0 to 100 in seconds. There is no whining or whimpering but screaming standing up in the crib with his arms outstretched in the dark. He is really such an active baby. Ever since he rolled over at 11 wks, it's been like this at night. Ironically his longest stretch occurred on a night when I was home alone and I thought we might have a gas leak. I called the company, took DS out of his crib, wrapped him in a blanket, took him out into the snowing freezing night across the street to a neighbor's house, sat there with him on my lap for an hour, walked back into snowy night and put him back in the crib. Never woke. But then after that, he woke every 30 min all night long. Go figure. I guess it's just hard because nothing is really working. Last night he woke in the middle of the night and I was up with him for 2 hours. I have no interest in sleep training, though-lol-I have certainly been trained through all this! Somehow it's not terrible, and somehow I cobble enough sleep together, and if I feel overtired, I do not drive that day and try to nap with him. But, he will outgrow this, right??? 

post #34 of 40
Hi mama, I can relate to a lot of what you're dealing with... (nak btw). When you do cosleep w/him, does he still wake as often and does he still do the 0-100 screaming? If not, I'd say stick with cosleeping for a while. But if he"'s just as upset, maybe it is food or gas related. Is he on solids/how much/what kinds? I have to watch how many gassy foods myDD eats, as it def affects her nighttime rest (not easy as we're vegetarians and she loves broccoli and beans!). With her on her back, I'll playfully jog, pedal, jump, hop, etc. her legs, gently pushing her knees towards her belly. If she is really upset or having a hard time sleeping, this often results in a TOOT! (or two...)
,
post #35 of 40

In my grand experience of 2 - I would say you can also just give it time. I KNOW it feels like it's going on forever and ever...but starting around 4 months a lot of babies go through big developmental spurts that can last a while, and the pattern you are describing is quite common. Frustrating and exhausting as anything, though!

post #36 of 40
Thread Starter 

Lucy, I think it is better with cosleeping, thank goodness. He'll wake and start to cry but I'm right there and it's easier to get him back on track. Every once in a while he actually falls back asleep on his own which he never does in the crib. I think he might be wakinga little less in the bed too, and I am finding that I can use my body like the function of a swaddle for him with a hand across his body or tucked under his hip and it seems to help. He needs that stability and steadiness to really get calm and I am more effective than a swaddle which he just fights with. I think I have to accept that he is not going to be an independent napper or sleeper for a while and that is okay. t is too bad he wakes sooo much in the crib. It would be great to have an uninterrupted hour or so at night, but I think I can work with the cosleeping and hopefully see a little improvement with consistency. Thanks everyone!

post #37 of 40
Quote:
Originally Posted by slgt View Post

In my grand experience of 2 - I would say you can also just give it time. I KNOW it feels like it's going on forever and ever...but starting around 4 months a lot of babies go through big developmental spurts that can last a while, and the pattern you are describing is quite common. Frustrating and exhausting as anything, though!


And again at 8 months, so it seems. I finally got DS STTN at around 7 months just to have him hit the 8 month "regression". Joy. Then he got sick & has been up almost every hour for the past week. Last night was better, so we'll move forward again.

 

One thing that I was reminded of (again) though this, was that, even though our preference is to have him in his own crib, sometimes co-sleeping is the best for both mama and baby. When he has rough nights (or weeks), I don't hesitate to bring him to bed with us. Once he seems to be sleeping soundly with us, then I start transitioning him back to his crib. He always starts the night in his crib.. it's staying there that is our struggle.

 

Hope things are going better. I think the first year or two (from what I've been told) is a lot of one-step-forward, two-steps-back as far as sleeping is concerned. Just remember, there is an end to it. :)

post #38 of 40
Ha! Your ds & my dd have a bit in common. smile.gif The 0-100 crying is just what she does too, and I feel like i'm wrestling her sometimes while being her swaddle. My dd is 11 mos, and there was a bright spot at 9 months---I was finally able to put her down in the crib without her waking and screaming. Then i bring her into bed after her first waking. Naps are another start though... eyesroll.gif But I just keep reminding myself that I'll miss all of this soon enough, and enjoy every minute, even the tough ones.
post #39 of 40

8 month regression? really? hmmm...I'm really hoping that explains our current situation and it will get better!

Just jumping in as I can relate. We have just gone from co-sleeping to my ds sleeping in his own crib. I can't say it has gone wonderfully but he is adjusting. I knew it would be rough initially. I have read some of the baby whisperer stuff and the NCSS. I agree that every baby is so unique. I initially started with one strategy but my methods have morphed into a blend of the two with my own additions as well. My ds also was pretty ingrained in the habit of nursing when he would waken. I still nurse him when he wakes initially. And there are times that I put him in his crib asleep straight from the breast. there are other times when I put him in his crib sleepy. If he starts to get worked up or reawakens minutes later, I don't get back in the rocking chair with him as he will expect the breast. I find if I stay standing, he is more accepting of comfort rather than insisting on the breast. There are nights when there are tears but I stay right there with him, comfort him any way I can and we get through it. He's doing well 2 weeks into it...well, considering he's teething and quite miserable at times. For us, he would have likely preferred to stay in bed with me but it was getting unsafe to be using the side-carred crib. But giving him his own space has meant 2-4 wake ups a night rather than the 4-6 or more as it was before. I'm not saying this is the solution for all. I think co-sleeping is often the best for babies. But for us, it was time to make this change. and I think it has benefited him. Once these teeth break through, I'll see if we can cut the wake ups to twice a night using the NCSS stuff. right now, I'm ok with things being as they are...sometimes you just need to get through it/survive, you know?

it is nice to know we're not alone in this nighttime journey...and nice to hear from moms of older babies to remind us that is DOES get better!

post #40 of 40

We are also in the no sleep camp with our 9 month old DD.  I've spoken of it in other threads, not going to go into it here, but I'm definitely with you all. 

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