Do you want another one? - Page 2

[dagnyb224]

DH and I always planned on having 2 or 3 kids, but for the first few months of DD's life I thought maybe she'd be an only child.  I was just so exhausted and overwhelmed and I missed working.  Now that she's 9 months old it's a whole different story.  We plan on trying for number 2 after she turns 1.  There are still times when I think do I really want to do this again (mostly when it's 3 AM and she won't go back to sleep) but I know that I do want more.  I'm betting that you will feel differently in a few months when your child is doing more things on his/her own and you suddenly find that you have some time to yourself again.

[P.J.]

I always thought I'd have two kids, but after our first (he's 6 months now) we aren't so sure anymore. I grew up with a brother and we had so much fun together. I would love to give our son a playmate like that. Being an only child seems like it would be lonely. However, I had no idea how hard it is to be a parent. Our baby is high-needs and very demanding. I don't know what I'd do if we had another HN baby. Right now I often feel inadequate to handle just this one. Of course we haven't decided yet, but DH and I are both leaning more towards "one and done" at this point.

[Tattooed Hand]

Originally Posted by Cecilia's Mama 

I posted this in another thread about child spacing, but this is the one thing that colors my views on having only one child: I listened to a tear-jerking, heart-wrenching story on NPR recently where a woman in her fifties was talking about growing up as an only child. For the most part, she was fine with that, but as it happened, both of her parents died very close to one another, like within the span of a couple of months. The one thing that she kept talking about was that she was the only person who had tons of memories of her parents throughout the bulk of their lives. She had no one to talk to about those memories, as cousins and aunts and uncles weren't as close to her parents as she had been. That was her big regret. She wanted to have someone to share her experiences with, and to commemorate her parents' lives, and she didn't have anyone to do that with. For that reason alone, I would be very hesitant to stop at just one child. I wouldn't want her to feel that isolated and lonely in the event that my husband and I passed.

My only brother is 10 years younger than me and I am FAR closer to my cousins than to him. I grew up almost as an only child, but had close ties with extended family. I don't see why my child has to have a sibling to have closeness.

We were going to have kids close together because I am already 35. But my 12 month old is SUPER high needs and still waking up 4-6 times a night. Because I am also an academic, I won't even consider trying until all her teeth are in (it's agony for her and for us), she is mostly weaned, and sleeping 7 hour chunks at night. Otherwise I'd have to do things with her that I am not interested in, like weaning her early, sleep training, no more cosleeping, daycare, etc. because I am not a full time stay at home mom (though I do all the work of one) and my body just couldn't be taxed anymore than it already is.

[Adaline'sMama]

We have planned to have 3 or 4. Currently, our plan is to have the first two closer together, and the last two a little more spread apart. After having DD, I think Id like to stop at three,partially because Im 26 and Id really like to be done having babies by the time Im 33. I used to say I didnt want to have any kids after 30, but we started too late for that to be a possiblity. Right now, we are planning on starting to try in May 2011, which would make our babies about 18 months apart. We are building a house starting next summer and that has played heavily into out desicion about when to have another one.

[Sharlla]

yes I do think I would like another.  DH doesn't but i think I could persuade him.  DS1 will be going away to school when he is 16 and DS2 lives half time with his dad which makes DD the only child living with us full time.  he thinks it's a $ issue but we already have all the baby stuff we would need so it wouldn't cosst us any extra. 

[marinak1977]

We always knew we wanted 2, so that our kids had each other. However, now that DS is here and he is such a love, I think I want more.  DS is currently 11 months and I think we'll start TTC in a few months. In the meantime we're not really preventing either so what will be will be. We struggled with infertility before DS so I'm hoping that we can have more than 1.

[porcelina]

Yes, 3 months is really too early. You are in the process of falling in love with your baby now (and probably very overwhelmed). I know my husband said at that point there was no way he would have another! We are on number 2, he's 10 weeks, and I now feel there's no way we can make it to three (our ideal, though it seems impossible to get there at this point). So yes, you will feel differently (or not) as time goes on. Our feelings grow and change. Someday you may want to "give" her a sibling!

But, I just want to say, I have an older brother, and we are not at all close or compatible. When someday our parents pass, yes, he will be the only one with shared memories. But, we're not close, we only talk about our kids (and have very different child rearing practices), and we grew up in different households (parents were divorced). So, while it's nice to have a sibling I suppose, I am still jealous of people who have close relationships with their siblings. We're just very different and don't agree on a lot of stuff. I guess it's complicated. In short, there's no guarantee that your children will be compatible/get along or that life circumstances won't change what you had planned. You just have to go with your gut.

[Catubodua]

Originally Posted by SeattleRain 

I'm an only child and my parents are in their mid-60's and I'm starting to wish they had had more children just so that I can share in the responsibility of my parents as they age.  

 that doesn't really matter - there are 4 of us siblings, and i'm the only one worrying about and/or doing anything responsible for my elderly parents.

i always wanted a housefull.  then it took me 3 years to get pregnant and now i'm 40 so it's unlikely for us to have lots and lots.  however, i'm unexpectedly in the 2WW, and i have to admit i'm not all that excited about the idea of being pregnant again.

DS is such an easy, happy baby and i am not sure i want to be a mom when i'm staring down 42.  it's come as quite a surprise to me that i might be perfectly ok with one.

[nilatti]

:) My little guy is 3 months old. My husband said to me, as I was nursing our son for the first time, "So, when do we get to do this again?" ...I hit him. I did. 

But now...Oh gosh, I look at him and just think how I can hardly wait to give him a little sibling! We'd like them to be 18 months to 2 years apart. My husband and his sister have that spacing, and I was always jealous of them when we were teenagers, because they were best friends. My brother is 3 years younger than I am (4 years in school), and we just weren't ever in the same place in our lives. DH and his sister were in high school together for 2 years, and had a lot of friends in common. They just seemed to have a great time together. They're still close.

We also always thought we'd have 4, but after having one...I think 2 will be about right for us. I had an easy enough time with pregnancy and birth, and I love love love being a mama. I guess I'm thinking of only having 2 because I want to be able to give each of them enough attention, and have anything at all left for myself.

Maybe after #2, I'll reconsider! Hard to say.

[Knitting Mama]

Originally Posted by Tattooed Hand 

Originally Posted by Cecilia's Mama 

I posted this in another thread about child spacing, but this is the one thing that colors my views on having only one child: I listened to a tear-jerking, heart-wrenching story on NPR recently where a woman in her fifties was talking about growing up as an only child. For the most part, she was fine with that, but as it happened, both of her parents died very close to one another, like within the span of a couple of months. The one thing that she kept talking about was that she was the only person who had tons of memories of her parents throughout the bulk of their lives. She had no one to talk to about those memories, as cousins and aunts and uncles weren't as close to her parents as she had been. That was her big regret. She wanted to have someone to share her experiences with, and to commemorate her parents' lives, and she didn't have anyone to do that with. For that reason alone, I would be very hesitant to stop at just one child. I wouldn't want her to feel that isolated and lonely in the event that my husband and I passed.

My only brother is 10 years younger than me and I am FAR closer to my cousins than to him. I grew up almost as an only child, but had close ties with extended family. I don't see why my child has to have a sibling to have closeness.

We were going to have kids close together because I am already 35. But my 12 month old is SUPER high needs and still waking up 4-6 times a night. Because I am also an academic, I won't even consider trying until all her teeth are in (it's agony for her and for us), she is mostly weaned, and sleeping 7 hour chunks at night. Otherwise I'd have to do things with her that I am not interested in, like weaning her early, sleep training, no more cosleeping, daycare, etc. because I am not a full time stay at home mom (though I do all the work of one) and my body just couldn't be taxed anymore than it already is.

The point of my post isn't really about closeness. I can totally see where, in your situation, you'd be closer to cousins who are presumably more around your age. But unless those cousins grew up under the same roof as you, they won't have the same memories and experiences of your parents as you would. That's really the point of the post I made-- sharing the memories and sharing the grief if and when parents pass.

[Ninetales]

I used to want a whole bunch, all spaced close together.  After I had Elsa the number started to go down and the time between them began to increase.  We've finally come to a point where we're just going to take it one kid at a time.  I for sure want a second at least.  And even now, three or four still sounds ok, but much farther apart than I'd originally wanted.  That's pretty recent - at first when Elsa was brand new I thought I might want to have only her, but that has faded for me.  I'm not ready for a second one anytime soon, but when we are we'll just go from there.

[Bebe's Mom]

When DD was three months, I was was absolutely positive that I didn't want another child...I was nursing her around the clock, with hardly time to go to the bathroom, eat, take a shower..but now that she is 14 months and is starting to become more independent, I would definitely be interested in another. However, I would prefer to have them spaced at least three years apart, and since that would mean having the 2nd child at 39, I don't think it is going to happen. Besides, DH does not want any more children, and I don't think I can change his mind. All I can do is continue to not use any BC and hope for the best!! (We have always used the rhythm method, which is how DD was conceived, lol.)

[beccabus]

A HUGE yes!!  My first was very challenging and I swore we'd have no more babies...  BUT as soon as 12 months hit and he got easier, I was ready for another.  We had our second and said that was it, but right now our second babe is 10 months and I'm already craving another...  So it definitely changes over time!

[hakeber]

I never wanted any kids to be honest.  I mean I thought the idea was nice but never thought I'd actually get around to it.  But then my pills failed (antibiotics kicked their butt) and so we decided to have a baby.  I thought for sure, especially after the craziness of pregnancy hormones, birth trauma and post partum blues I was definitely not going to have another one, but always said to DH (who really wanted at least three) that if I DID have another, I would want to wait until DS was old enough to really talk to us and be a part of the decision (my older sister always seemed to have great resentment issues with my birth and I wanted to avoid that entirely if possible)

Then DS started asking for a sister.  He even made up an imaginary sister whom he told everyone about.  I realized maybe he was ready for a sibling.  I decided to stop taking the pill to give my body a chance to refertilize itself, and within 5 days I was pregnant again.

After THAT craziness and chaos I have decided, no matter how much I love my babies, and no matter how gifted DH and I happen to be at making gorgeous specimens of humanity with easy going, gentle temperments, I simply cannot go through another pregnancy.  I do not think our marriage could take it.  DH is closing up the factory supply chain this month since AF has returned and he is not allowed to get his super swimming sperm anywhere near my baby making center until he does.

Babies?  If there was a way for him to carry them, I'd have 5 more...but since I am the one who gets a 12 month trip on the crazy train, and 1-2 year ban from all my favorite vices which keep me sane, the answer is a resounding NO.

[marinak1977]

Originally Posted by hakeber 

After THAT craziness and chaos I have decided, no matter how much I love my babies, and no matter how gifted DH and I happen to be at making gorgeous specimens of humanity with easy going, gentle temperments, I simply cannot go through another pregnancy.  I do not think our marriage could take it.  DH is closing up the factory supply chain this month since AF has returned and he is not allowed to get his super swimming sperm anywhere near my baby making center until he does.

Rebekah! LOL!

[Nicole730]

We have two right now and have always wanted 4.  I got pregnant with DD when DS was 13 months old.  Right now I have a 9 month old and a 2.5 year old and the idea of being pregnant again terrifies me.  DH seems to think we are still on the two year plan...but I am definitely on the let's wait and see what happens plan!  I will say last time it hit me when DS was 10 months old, all of the sudden I wanted to be pregnant and have another little baby.  This time, I am a little wiser ;)  I know what it's like to have a baby and be pregnant and I'm not up for it anytime soon!!  I am assuming when I'm ready the feeling will hit me and then we'll go for it.  Ideally, I'd like to wait until DD is 18 months before we start trying again.

[akind1]

Absolutely! I have been open to being pregnant again the last couple of months, as my 1st priority was to nurse DS a whole year, and that has come and gone, he is still nursing, and I look around at all these pregnant women, and say, I am so ready to be there again! It took awhile for us to conceive DS and I am hoping it doesn't take too long for DC2.  I want them close together, and then maybe a bit of a break before #3.

DS is such a great baby, on one hand, I am like, how do we top this? OTOH, how do you not want to just hit "repeat"? (except for the c-section - everything pregnancy and birth went as planned) I can't see myself with just one. I have serious baby lust at the moment.  DH definitely wants more, and we have been talking about the "when" for #2 since the day DS was born.

FWIW - my sister and I are 6 1/2 years apart, I am the oldest. We aren't close, and have never been. We look a lot alike and sound alike, but my goodness, we couldn't have more different viewpoints on somethings! but the "remember when" moments are great, and it is good to know there are two of us to share the burden as our parents age. But they are only 46 and 44, so hopefully we have a long, long time before that is a concern.

[GingerNinja]

Oh boy..

I'll second the idea of having several, so if one passes away, there's some left!!  My brother passed away at 21 (my only blood sibling) and then my father passed a few years later.. it's crazy for me to look at the billions of childhood pictures and realize that I'm the only person left alive from the shots (my parents split when we were young, but we spent much time with my father.. and he was a camera junkie.. haha). People who haven't had to deal with that kind of sudden and heartbreaking loss, and resulting familial emptiness, might not understand the "better buy in bulk" thinking. 

What I wouldn't give to be able to re-hash some of my childhood antics with someone who had been right there with me, causing the mischief. 

[MommaKitten21]

We have always said we want a huge family. However, being a military family is not very convenient for that. We have ds and dd (2 years 1 week apart) DS was a calm, mellow baby so having #2 was not a huge deal to us. However, DD is 4 months and very very high needs. I have no clue how I could ever manage a baby #3.... all though, in my heart, I know I want it. I am hoping that as DD gets older and becomes (hopefully) less high needs, that we could talk about baby #3. The universe could have other plans for us though because we don't do birth control, and well, when DH got home we had a few "teenage moments" (blush) I have to say for us, I want a lot of kids because I think the story they will tell will be beautiful and something positive to hold on to. I want a  baby per deployment :) ha. It would just be sweet to say, you were homecoming baby from the deployment to _____ and you were from ______ :) Just a big way to show love. The bigger factor though is how many children do I feel I can handle by myself during deployments?