Phoenix-Mama, I want to thank you for what you said about realising it's okay to be an adult woman with needs and desires too as well as a mother...I think I was trying to be really stoical about the whole no-sex-and-no-affection-or-real-adult-intimacy thing out of some misplaced sense of duty. Well, the fact is in the 16 months since I split from my ex I have had a few involvements, only one of them serious but more than one that touched my heart and could have gone somewhere - but was ended by the other person. And it's been such a rollercoaster, and I'm realising now that things are developing with LCG that my heart is actually quite wounded, but it's not going to get any LESS wounded by just staying away from men for a long time and avoiding the whole scene...treading carefully, yes, and listening to my heart and being alert to signs of deal-breakers, definitely, as you say. And Butterflymom, yes, I enjoy your posts! Good to hear you are enjoying the moment with Cucumber, wherever it leads.
I had a lovely weekend with LCG. We did a few of my favourite things together: dancing, eating out, walking in nature - it was just so full. And we can talk so much but also be silent together. We ended up getting intimate... which I had thought might happen but was still a little surprised that it's all really happening. I felt like I never wanted the night and day to end, and I've been thinking about him pretty nonstop since then. I can be so 'Buddhist' up to a point in the rest of my life, but when it comes to men... sheesh! Not much control over the thought process there, it's just too delicious thinking about them. I am still quite concerned about the massive age gap between us and all that that means, but I am hesitant of passing up on something with so much potential because of something like that - esp since 90 % of it is future-related fear, fear of what others will think, and not really about the heart and the here and now of what's real and really between us. I was feeling v vulnerable today and we chatted and he is feeling the same, we both have had our hearts broken a lot. He'd said to me he was feeling scared as he got closer to me, even if that was what he wanted. So I feel like we are on the same page. It's kind of unbearable right now that he lives an hour and a half away!