I've definitely noticed a correlation between my ambition and my pregnancy/young child status. Before having my son I was very focused and ambitious. Then during my first pregnancy it seemed my entire being and thoughts were consumed with being pregnant. Sadly I returned to work 6 weeks post-partum (DH is a stay-at-home-dad so I am our primary source of income. With the lovely U.S. custom of zero maternity leave and zero short term disability we couldn't afford for me to stay home any longer). I was pumping 2-3 times a day for that first year and honestly couldn't have cared less about my career. I just wanted to get home at the end of each day.
DS turned 2 in September and sometime in the last 6 months or so I've noticed that old ambitious and career focused person slowly returning. But now, BAM, pregnant again and it's TOTALLY gone. A few months ago I joined a mentoring program through my job and so have been having meetings with a mentor. Earlier this week I had the chance to interview a senior executive in our company. He was very gracious with his time, and was giving me pointers on how to advance my career and how to 'play the game'. I felt like such a fraud to be there listening to this stuff. I don't give a sh** about any of that right now! (For instance, I'm at work typing this post instead of getting work done on my project) Before getting pregnant I signed up for an intensive 2 week leadership course in next January and now I wish there was some way for me to back out of that commitment. Maybe in another two years I'll be glad to have taken it?
The family arrangement DH and I have is a reversal of the traditional roles. I've always hated anything that reeks of traditional male/female roles anyway. For us, it was the only thing that made sense financially (and still does). We thought it very important that our child/children be raised by us and not a daycare. DH would have to work 2-3 jobs to bring in the income I can get by working 40 hours a week. All that stuff is still true. The reality, however is that it is FAR HARDER for me to leave a baby and go to work every day than it would be for DH. And I think he struggles more with the mundane reality of daily childcare than I would. Maybe there's more to those traditional roles than I would like to admit.
I really just wish I could stay at home with my babies! (Dang these pregnancy hormones, thinking all this stuff makes me want to cry)
Anyone else have thoughts to share?