Wondering how this works....

[thatgirliknew]

I am making a plan to leave my husband. There are a lot of reasons I want to do this and I have been thinking about it for a long time. I want to make sure I have every base covered so I will actually leaving or telling him until Spring.

One of the reasons that I haven't ever left before is that even though I am leaving, I do care enough about him as a person to not want bad things to happen to him. He doesn't have a license (his eyesight is too bad to get one) so I am responsible for transporting him everywhere he needs to go as there is no adequate public transportation for the area of town we live in. I have always been concerned that he would immediately lose his job and housing if I left him. But due to his financial irresponsibility and inability to put his family before his friends, I need to leave.

So I'm making the assumption that if he doesn't feel like he can make it here on his own (which he could do if he really tries, but he probably won't) he will move about 300 miles away to live with his mother. (He has no family here and no friends who would "take him in")

I am also assuming that he won't fight for sole custody because he has never once participated in the daily care of his daughter. She is now one and he has never changed a diaper, dressed her, fed her, bathed her, etc.

As of right now, his mother usually comes to town about 4 times a year. If he moves up there, naturally he would come visit DD during those times too.

My question is legally, what are my obligations for visitation with an out of state parent? He is not abusive or mean. I have no problem with him seeing her, but until he learns how to be a parent, I can't see her going for overnights or anything. Plus, she is still breastfed at this point.

Also, as I said, I highly doubt he would "fight for her" but on the off chance he did, does VAX status effect custody cases if there are no other "issues"?

[MissLotus]

If it's kept out of court, and is just a written agreement that you both sign (and have a lawyer file as a separation/divorce), then the arrangement can be anything you both agree to.  For instance, the agreement could say that you have physical and legal custody, and that reasonable visitation will be decided upon by the parties, if he really is going to see your child so rarely.  Even if you do keep the case out of court, once it's filed, a judge signs off on it.  And a judge will want to see that your ex pays child support; whatever the percentage of his income that should be, in your area.

Part of your planning should including a consultation with a lawyer that does Family Law.  It's good to know you have someone in your corner in case your ex gets difficult, and good to have some legal guidance.

[Halfasianmomma]

Mama, please consult a few different lawyers with your questions. Some lawyers will offer a free initial consultation, some of these over the phone. I say this because only they will be able to give you accurate legal advice relevant to your geographical area.

[hillymum]

If you need a referal for an attorney  will pass mine on to you. He's given me an a few of my friends some very good advice.