Delicious December 2010 Chat - Page 6

[tanyalynn]

  I'm so sorry.  It really does sound like a bizarre overreaction, can I hazard a guess that they've got some issues either with behavior or boundaries or something along those lines?  But either way, if you can talk to DH and figure out how he's feeling, how is he perceiving this whole situation, and then start to talk to get you both on the same page (your page), then it'll be so much easier going forward.  And I totally agree with Nessa, once DH is onboard and some time has gone by, you can "go to a new doctor" who has experience with this type of stuff and thinks that you're on the right track, and clearly gluten is an issue but it seems like other things are too and so you're "supposed" to eliminate more foods and keep food diaries to talk over with the doc.  I would feel weird guilt saying "my doctor told me..." because I haven't ever had an actual doc who understands this stuff, but if I ever had to, I'd totally lie about it because of the power doctors have in peoples' minds. 

For me, one of the biggest reasons I never compromised on eating someone's slightly gluteny food (though clearly this was more than slightly gluteny) was that it would be confusing for the kids.  I don't think they're able to decide when/if to cheat and when not to, so I just presented it as very black-and-white.  I don't know if your DH has considered how it seems from their kid perspective. 

[chlobo]

Wow TS, so sorry to hear about that.  It sounds stressful.

And CS, we're in the midst of that crap too.  We have mouse & shrew crap all over our basement.  Totally gross.

[tsfairy]

Yep, issues with behavior, boudaries, overreaction to everything. MIL places a very high emphasis on feeding people as a way to show affection, and simply cannot fathom that some people can't eat the food she cooks. (zOMG no bread no cheese there is NO FOOD!) FIL and I have butted heads before; you should have seen the fireworks when it came out that we weren't going to vax! He is always right, there is no valid opinion other than his, and he knows everything about everything, because he saw it on 60 minutes. He also refuses to treat his adult children with the respect they deserve, and DH won't stand up to him at all. MIL has huge boundary issues with not respecting my choices for my children. Breastfeeding past 2 months (yes 2 months!) was a serious bone of contention for us when the boys were little. She has no idea that they *still* nurse lol.

Again, thanks so much for the words of support. They mean the world. I was in such a better place last night after being able to hash this out here and with a couple of IRL friends who understand. Of course I was still up all night going over the whole scene in my head. I'm upset with myself because I should have taken charge of finding out the menu and helping MIL make it gluten-free. I could have easily brought a bottle of gf soy sauce for her. But I left it up to DH who didn't bother to do anything. Instead, he told me on the way over (on the way to dinner!) that I might have to fix something else for the kids and me. SERIOUSLY DH?  When the SHTF I did overreact, I can definitely see that. But it's difficult to be blindsided like that and stay calm, especially when the one person who should support me (DH) is refusing to do so. 

I haven't said much to DH since we left last night except for stuff concerning the kids. He's acting like nothing happened, which is really making me mad. Of course I know we can't/don't need to hash this out in front of the kids so we won't get a chance to talk until at least tonight. 

I suppose I could just *lie* and say we *did* see a doctor, but they know we don't do WBV or anything like that. At any rate, I'm ready to push for a behavioral evaluation for DS. I've been putting it off but I really think he's ASD. Diet is helping somewhat, and I think that diet and supps are a big key for us, but I think some therapy might be a really good idea too since we're not coping well with a lot of his oppositional and stimming behaviors. Eg last night he was crawling around the kitchen floor, playing with the little springy door stop for the pantry (you know the one that goes "boiiiing!"), opening and climbing in cabinets, turning on random appliances, etc. Way stimmy. DS2 was in rare form too, and DH was in a bad mood. Man looking back there's no way it was going to be a good scene. I'd laugh if it didn't make me want to cry.

Anyway once we get that eval and a dx, the standard recommendation for ASD kids IS gfcf so how can anyone argue with that?? I just can't see how they can just outright dismiss our positive results so far... DS used to be SO aggressive. While he's still a bit tough to deal with sometimes, that aggression and crazy stuff is mostly gone (though I think the holidays are not helping.) As for me... I used to be in CONSTANT pain, everywhere. I took 400-800mg of ibuprofen just to get out of bed in the morning. Now I'm mostly pain free and my vision has even improved. How can that not be a good thing? How can they ask me to just put myself in pain and suffer for the sake of not hurting someone's feelings? I've trialled wheat before and it was not pretty. I will not intentionally do that to myself again.

It's just ridiculous, and I'm just so angry with DH for not standing up to them and letting me be the bad guy in all this.

Oh dear I wrote a book! If you've made it this far, once again thanks everyone for letting me vent. :)

[tsfairy]

I've heard really good things about Dr. Volpe in Houston. Of course he doesn't take any insurance but he's all about nutrition and supplements. One of these days when we can scrape together enough money I'd like to take the whole family in for a consult.

Originally Posted by tanyalynn 

  I'm so sorry.  It really does sound like a bizarre overreaction, can I hazard a guess that they've got some issues either with behavior or boundaries or something along those lines?  But either way, if you can talk to DH and figure out how he's feeling, how is he perceiving this whole situation, and then start to talk to get you both on the same page (your page), then it'll be so much easier going forward.  And I totally agree with Nessa, once DH is onboard and some time has gone by, you can "go to a new doctor" who has experience with this type of stuff and thinks that you're on the right track, and clearly gluten is an issue but it seems like other things are too and so you're "supposed" to eliminate more foods and keep food diaries to talk over with the doc.  I would feel weird guilt saying "my doctor told me..." because I haven't ever had an actual doc who understands this stuff, but if I ever had to, I'd totally lie about it because of the power doctors have in peoples' minds. 

For me, one of the biggest reasons I never compromised on eating someone's slightly gluteny food (though clearly this was more than slightly gluteny) was that it would be confusing for the kids.  I don't think they're able to decide when/if to cheat and when not to, so I just presented it as very black-and-white.  I don't know if your DH has considered how it seems from their kid perspective. 

[lil_miss_understood]

GAH.

Trying to get the floors washed.... AHAHAHAHA. I have  a 3 year old and 18 month old so that's a real fun task.

I may lose my mind. It hasn't been washed in 3 weeks (usually done every week) and it is SO GROSS. Where's the pulling my hair out smiley? This one will have to do:

Oh yes, also... This may come as no big surprise to anyone, but apparently the soft, chewy cat treats have gluten (no surprise there) and CHEESE. Really?! Cheese? Wth?!

[tsfairy]

Oh not fun! Can you give them each a washcloth and a little bowl of soapy water and let them scrub a little corner? ;)

Ugh about the cat treats. I'm sure my cat food has gluten, I just haven't checked. Guess I should do that.
 

Originally Posted by lil_miss_understood 

GAH.

Trying to get the floors washed.... AHAHAHAHA. I have  a 3 year old and 18 month old so that's a real fun task.

I may lose my mind. It hasn't been washed in 3 weeks (usually done every week) and it is SO GROSS. Where's the pulling my hair out smiley? This one will have to do:

Oh yes, also... This may come as no big surprise to anyone, but apparently the soft, chewy cat treats have gluten (no surprise there) and CHEESE. Really?! Cheese? Wth?!

[lil_miss_understood]

Originally Posted by tsfairy 

Oh not fun! Can you give them each a washcloth and a little bowl of soapy water and let them scrub a little corner? ;)

Ugh about the cat treats. I'm sure my cat food has gluten, I just haven't checked. Guess I should do that.

I got lucky and got them both down for a nap. So now my floors are clean AND so is my bathroom! Score!

NOTHING deters them when I'm washing the floors. It becomes their own personal skating rink. I've gotten to the point now, too, that I do it in sections because trying to pick up, then sweep, then wash the whole thing is the definition of futility.

[tanyalynn]

Originally Posted by tsfairy 

I haven't said much to DH since we left last night except for stuff concerning the kids. He's acting like nothing happened, which is really making me mad. Of course I know we can't/don't need to hash this out in front of the kids so we won't get a chance to talk until at least tonight.

Anyway once we get that eval and a dx, the standard recommendation for ASD kids IS gfcf so how can anyone argue with that?? I just can't see how they can just outright dismiss our positive results so far... DS used to be SO aggressive. While he's still a bit tough to deal with sometimes, that aggression and crazy stuff is mostly gone (though I think the holidays are not helping.) As for me... I used to be in CONSTANT pain, everywhere. I took 400-800mg of ibuprofen just to get out of bed in the morning. Now I'm mostly pain free and my vision has even improved. How can that not be a good thing? How can they ask me to just put myself in pain and suffer for the sake of not hurting someone's feelings? I've trialled wheat before and it was not pretty. I will not intentionally do that to myself again.

It's just ridiculous, and I'm just so angry with DH for not standing up to them and letting me be the bad guy in all this.

2 quick comments: okay, actually 3.  1--depending on how evals are done, you may want to add in the offending foods so that you don't get a "he doesn't really have enough symptoms for ____ " ... 2--I'm not sure regular doctors actually recommend GFCF, Deb once mentioned that behavioral therapy was all that was suggested, but you could clearly fudge that, and what was 3?  Oh, re: DH.  My DH and I communicate a lot better than we used to, but it's taken a while (okay, several years).  When I can step back and figure out why I'm reacting strongly to something, or I can think about why he's reacting particularly strongly, or why I'm really, really annoyed with his reaction, things work out better.  We had one of those discussions just last weekend, it was a hot-button issue that in the past has really irked me, but by stopping and really thinking about why, emotionally, I was feeling the way I was, I could explain how I felt better to DH and then he a) understood where I was coming from, and b) me being more rational helped him explain himself better.  Instead of one of those bad downward spirals, where person A is pissed and the person B gets defensive and pissed, and then A is defensive and even more pissed, it turned into a nice upward spiral.  So if you can get yourself to the best place, emotionally, that you can, well,

Oh, and I figured out something interesting--at least I think I did.  Kids and I are back on an ALA round, same dosage as usual for them, higher for me but I seem fine.  DD's reactions, her issues with all this, tend to be on the emotional end of behavioral, not head-banging or spinning or anything, and neither has rashes or whatnot.  But I think DD's discontentedness is a reaction, I'm thinking it's generally a liver stress thing.  By that I mean--nothing's good enough, she wants more, she can be demanding of time or attention.  I didn't really recognize it when I was dealing with it earlier in the day, but when DH was giving them a bath, and he ended up giving her the same discussion about nothing we do is ever "enough" then it clicked.  I've seen it come and go in the past, and I know it's probably a good idea to work on concrete stuff like gratitude--I'm thinking a round table thing at dinner with everyone sharing something they are grateful for, maybe I can even be creative and make a paper tree or something, and we add leaves or boughs of a pine tree or something.  It's a good season for that and generally important anyway, but I think that the intensity of what I'm seeing in her has, in part, a physical cause. 

Anyway, I need to go to bed.  Got a nap today, that was good (kids were great during naptime, I was shocked), but I still need more sleep. 

[Theloose]

tsfairy

Were still in a weird spot over here. Its kind of like suddenly were speaking a totally different language and its catching me off guard. I haven't posted much cause I don't even know what I'm looking at, if it's good or bad, progress or reaction or sick or just normal, or anything. I'm finally kicking this last reaction, which means the glutathione is making me happy and motivated again. Yay! AND I'm not sick this time round. I'd say nobody's sick, but ds has a runny nose and dd keeps *saying* that she's sick. Me feeling good means me feeling like I can juggle the kids and the house and the food, which is fantastic, but it leaves no time for stealing computer moments. And sleep keeps not happening either. Anyway. I'm reading along, even when I don't like posting from the iPhone!

Other stuff.. We discovered that if you make a (nasty, salty, dd-directed) chocolate cake and drizzle a S in honey over the batter after it's in the loaf pan, it makes an awesome looking S crack in the finished product. Chocolate chip cookies with half oat flour, half tapioca come out crunchy and wonderful. Our oven works again yay teamwork with me and dh and not needing to pay a repairman! Dh has a pretty cool looking new job offer. The grocery store was missing cauliflower today and we finally got dd eating non-carbs. We gave her crab cakes, salmon cakes and brussels sprouts. She chose Brussels sprouts over a lollipop and over tasting her chocolate cake tonight. I like hitting the nail on the head with her cravings! Oh, we're trailing ds on eggs and so far today they seem like a pass, thank goodness. I still don't trust it and want to do it again though. After that is coconut. I'm less confident about the coconut, and so don't want to lose that! On the plus side, he seems fine with straight butter. I think I'd take dairy over coconut, but I'm not sure how not-overlapping sensitivities changes that preference. I would NOT do well cooking separate meals.

OH and an interesting comment on a blog post. I think it was the one I linked in the thyroid thread yesterday? Basically suggesting that since b12 is involved in cell proliferation and such, that high dose supps might cause premature aging. First negative thing I've seen, and very interesting if it relates to dd's growth and other kid's lack thereof. If high b12 can cause premature aging, can low cause the opposite in allergy kids? I'll try and link in the morning.

[tsfairy]

Totally forgot - I made salt-dough ornaments with the kids on Friday using this recipe. I had to use WAY more than 1C of corn starch though. Maybe it's the humidity here? I dunno, but I just kept adding more and more until I finally got an awesome playdough consistency (and the consistency was fantastic once I got there - very much like "real" playdough.) The kids had so much fun making their ornaments and they turned out great... except I totally forgot to poke holes in them before baking! eek. So I'm planning to glue ribbon to them for hanging. We have some epoxy that should work I think.  

I love having a tree up. I'm such a scrooge about it until it's up and then I don't want to take it down. We got a real tree this year for the first time. DH has objected in the past because of possible allergies but he seems ok so far. Keeping my fingers crossed that we don't have to swap out for our artificial tree before Christmas.
 

1 - Good info about the evals. I really don't want to add gluten back in, but I'm ok with just about anything else, especially since he seems to have hit some sort of spectrumy baseline atm and nothing I add or take away seems to make much difference. I'm hopeful that any doc worth his salt will take into consideration behaviors observed at home but not necessarily present during an eval.

2 - really? I guess I just run so far outside of mainstream circles I can't even see what's "normal" anymore lol. I've been lurking on a local autism list and have been to a few of their monthly meetings. The first meeting I attended was "Nutrition" and I was happily surprised that the focus was on GFCF, allergies and supplementing. The woman who runs the list is an RN with two ASD kids, and has really helped her kids through a lot of trial and error and nutritional support. Her talk focused a lot on getting good lab work done. I wish I could remember everything she said but she had a whole list of really beneficial labs to have done, and how to interpret the results and then implement strategies for fixing things.  She consults now and I really want to sit down with her and chat. I think it might make my head spin even more than talking to you. ;)
 

3 - thank so much for talking this out with me. DH and I are usually pretty good at communicating.  Sometimes if we just can't talk we'll chat online or email, but we almost always have good luck problem solving together. Except anything to do with his parents, which always turns into big drama. /sigh We didn't get to talk tonight. I passed out with DS until almost 1am, and DH went to bed right after I got up. It's after 3 now and I'm not sure when I'll get back to sleep. Hopefully soon.

 

Originally Posted by tanyalynn 

2 quick comments: okay, actually 3.  1--depending on how evals are done, you may want to add in the offending foods so that you don't get a "he doesn't really have enough symptoms for ____ " ... 2--I'm not sure regular doctors actually recommend GFCF, Deb once mentioned that behavioral therapy was all that was suggested, but you could clearly fudge that, and what was 3?  Oh, re: DH.  My DH and I communicate a lot better than we used to, but it's taken a while (okay, several years).  When I can step back and figure out why I'm reacting strongly to something, or I can think about why he's reacting particularly strongly, or why I'm really, really annoyed with his reaction, things work out better.  We had one of those discussions just last weekend, it was a hot-button issue that in the past has really irked me, but by stopping and really thinking about why, emotionally, I was feeling the way I was, I could explain how I felt better to DH and then he a) understood where I was coming from, and b) me being more rational helped him explain himself better.  Instead of one of those bad downward spirals, where person A is pissed and the person B gets defensive and pissed, and then A is defensive and even more pissed, it turned into a nice upward spiral.  So if you can get yourself to the best place, emotionally, that you can, well,

Oh, and I figured out something interesting--at least I think I did.  Kids and I are back on an ALA round, same dosage as usual for them, higher for me but I seem fine.  DD's reactions, her issues with all this, tend to be on the emotional end of behavioral, not head-banging or spinning or anything, and neither has rashes or whatnot.  But I think DD's discontentedness is a reaction, I'm thinking it's generally a liver stress thing.  By that I mean--nothing's good enough, she wants more, she can be demanding of time or attention.  I didn't really recognize it when I was dealing with it earlier in the day, but when DH was giving them a bath, and he ended up giving her the same discussion about nothing we do is ever "enough" then it clicked.  I've seen it come and go in the past, and I know it's probably a good idea to work on concrete stuff like gratitude--I'm thinking a round table thing at dinner with everyone sharing something they are grateful for, maybe I can even be creative and make a paper tree or something, and we add leaves or boughs of a pine tree or something.  It's a good season for that and generally important anyway, but I think that the intensity of what I'm seeing in her has, in part, a physical cause. 

Anyway, I need to go to bed.  Got a nap today, that was good (kids were great during naptime, I was shocked), but I still need more sleep. 

[Lady Lilya]

:eyes

[tanyalynn]

Did y'all realize that the sale at 23andme is still going on?  They say til 12/25 or they run out of supplies, whichever is first.  Haven't actually caught up this morning, I should be heating up soup for breakfast.  Will do that now.  Really.

[changingseasons]

[Theloose]

We're all getting sick. Again. Sore throat this time.

[menomena]

Jess - *hugs*

Shannon - oh no. There were two colds going around town concurrently, one is the noro (sp?) virus and the other a coughing/sore throat/stuffed nose thing. Luckily, we caught the second, but we've heard of friends who got double-whammied, back-to-back. 

Tanya - I have the tab open to 23andme in my browser. We have an extra $125 sitting here, after selling some stuff on craigslist. Another $50-100 pending... I need to chose between genetic testing Lily (and me, probably) and buying Aevryn a proper mattress (she's sleeping on a crib mattress still, which I will need back in a few months, so we can side-car the crib to make more room in our bed for 5 people). Decisions...

Make quinoa granola for breakfast. INTENSE stomach ache now. My body hates even the non-grain grains. Ugh.  

[FireWithin]

hugs CS and TheLoose

tested myself on Mo and 5-htp to see how much I need in one day - pendulum said:  Mo 12 and 5-htp 15

Looks like I'm a little worn out nutrient wise.  Don't worry I won't be taking that much 5-htp, doesn't seem safe, and I will be taking 1/2 of the Mo.

saw Rosen today.  Baby S was super fussy.  I stopped nursing her so he could adjust her, which worried Sam because he know nursing makes her happy.  Halfway through she was smiling and cooing at him. Smiling and making eye contact with him even while he had his finger in her mouth.  He said she had a bubble on (in?) her liver and it is gone now.  Wow I wish he was my next door neighbor. 

Boys are a bit edgy today.  I am making my own supplement mix (ala mamafish),  I don't think I am getting enough 5-htp in any of us - or ideally the nutrients that make up 5-htp

[changingseasons]

Feeling very sad and isolated and lonely today. And angry. Don't feel like I can talk about the problem on this forum though... maybe I'll change my mind later.


Who here (Deb, someone else?) orders from Amazon Fresh? Someone just posted a Mamapedia deal for today for $100 worth of groceries for $50. I'm wondering if there's anything on there that we can use... I'm browsing, but wow they have a lot of stuff!

[Sandrine]

(((HUGS)))) CS and Theloose.

I have to find a way to get my b/p up. It's crazy low and for other ppl, they would be comatose if they had my reading. Is there anything else than caffeine and salt that will raise a b/p???

[Theloose]

Originally Posted by changingseasons 

Feeling very sad and isolated and lonely today. And angry. Don't feel like I can talk about the problem on this forum though... maybe I'll change my mind later.


Who here (Deb, someone else?) orders from Amazon Fresh? Someone just posted a Mamapedia deal for today for $100 worth of groceries for $50. I'm wondering if there's anything on there that we can use... I'm browsing, but wow they have a lot of stuff!

:hug

I *think* with PMs we can create private group threads now.  And there's always lists on fb...
 

[lil_miss_understood]

Originally Posted by changingseasons 

Feeling very sad and isolated and lonely today. And angry. Don't feel like I can talk about the problem on this forum though... maybe I'll change my mind later.


Who here (Deb, someone else?) orders from Amazon Fresh? Someone just posted a Mamapedia deal for today for $100 worth of groceries for $50. I'm wondering if there's anything on there that we can use... I'm browsing, but wow they have a lot of stuff!

I had never heard of Amazon Fresh.

There's a dairy free button and gluten free. There are some things I can see *liking* to have (processed foods) but nothing we *need*. There is one product (Kinnitoos) that I've been wanting to try but I'm not sure I could make a $50 order. Still cool though.

eta: And now I'm realizing that because I used the dairy free and gluten free buttons, it took out all of the fresh produce, etc.

Edited by lil_miss_understood - 12/7/10 at 11:25am