sad about comment

[Rose-Roget]

Ds is 6, in first grade.  He is bright, has SPD leading to attention and "benign" behavior issues, and is not an easy kid to teach.  I get it.

I work in Special Education in the schools.  I know how many people respond to tricky kids - special education or not. 

People who do not try to teach ds love his charisma and spirit.  People who do try to teach him do not love it.  I understand.  But I think the saddest thing for me is for people to not love him.  I mean, I know I'm his mom and nobody would love him the way I do - but he is such a good person and so smart and funny and creative, I just wish people would see past the "difficult" moments (which really aren't that extreme) and appreciate him for who he is and try to see his abilities rather than consistently underestimating him or writing him off.

On the phone with my mom tonight (who also works in Special Education), my heart broke a little when she told me that he's probably the kid that teachers breathe a sigh of relief for when they hear he's sick.  She was actually trying to support me in something, rather than trying to be critical, which made it sting all the more because I couldn't just write it off as a nasty comment (which she doesn't aim at my children...just me from time to time).

I just needed to vent a little.  I know that things could be a lot harder for him/us, but this kind of thing would probably make any mother's heart hurt. 

[ambersrose]

It is hard to hear anyone criticize or speak ill of your child let alone a family member.  ((hugs))  I understand your situation.  My oldest daughter has SPD and I had to take her out of school and homeschool for the very reasons you are talking about.  She would be misunderstood and get in trouble for it. 

[SpottedFoxx]

Oh Rose, your post made my heart hurt.  I'm going through the same thing.  I'm going through the same thing with DS and his teacher and I'm just besides myself.  {{{hugs}}}

[NightOwlwithowlet]

Hugs! Sometimes, it seems that the things people say to comfort us are kind of thoughtless.  Could she have meant as a joke?  Sometimes, my sisters and I say to each other the very thing we are afraid to to hear.  It makes me laugh in sad way and then puts in perspective.  Sounds weird, but works for us.

On more positive, my son has SPD and ADHD.  f course I think he is wonderful, funny, loving, and brill ant kid.  Oddly, so have most of his teachers, therapists, and instructors.  The good ones love the challenge trying to teach him and have been his biggest supporters.  It's been more of an issue to make sure they don't let his behaviors slide and lower their expectations when he bats those long eyes and trembles his bottom lip.  There have been teachers who haven't cared for him for whatever reason.  As long as they treat him with respect and kindness, it's okay.  Sometimes, they are able to teach him better and have a better grasp on his abilities and  strengths.  If they treat him poorly that is different matter and not a place they want to go.   

[proudmamanow]

((hugs)) to you Rose, that's hard. I know I feel so protective of my dd, and I really really want others to 'get' her and even better, to like her. 

It's so hard when people don't, especially family are critical, somehow it hurts even more. 

[Emmeline II]

Originally Posted by NightOwlwithowlet 

On more positive, my son has SPD and ADHD.  f course I think he is wonderful, funny, loving, and brill ant kid.  Oddly, so have most of his teachers, therapists, and instructors.  The good ones love the challenge trying to teach him and have been his biggest supporters.  It's been more of an issue to make sure they don't let his behaviors slide and lower their expectations when he bats those long eyes and trembles his bottom lip. 

Last year ds' teacher wasn't good for him. On the one hand she was telling us that they don't consider ADHD before 3rd grade, and on the other she was treating him as just a behavior problem--on top of that she really didn't seem suited to teaching K.

This year he is at a different school that is much more supportive; the difference is like night and day. Though he is on medication now and is no longer as destructive and hyper as he was last year, his remaining issues have been dealt with much more kindly. The primary reason we changed schools was the attitude of the first, though we didn't know how good the second school would be.

[BookGoddess]

Originally Posted by proudmamanow 

It's so hard when people don't, especially family are critical, somehow it hurts even more. 

This is so true. 

Rose - I'm sorry your mom said that.  That was unnecessary and hurtful.  I have a mother that sometimes says things like that.  She doesn't have a filter. 
 

[QueenOfTheMeadow]

I have been heartbroken by things that people who don't really know my ds have said. But, my sister is a special ed teacher, and she loves her students so much. She recognizes their issues, but she also recognizes their individuality and loves them for it. There will be teachers who recognize and love your son for who he is and there will be teachers who do not. As long as he can come home to a place where he is loved and cherished for who he is (not to say that there are times when he drives you crazy neurotypical or not), he will feel loved.

[Kristine233]

Some kids are so hard to teach and are exhausting, my children are those children. It hurts as a parent to know some people just can't accept them and even breath a sigh of relief when they aren't there. The teachers who can handle them, the ones with patience in abundance and see the kids inspite of their difficulties are the ones who all make it worth while.

I'm sorry that your mom didn't think through her comment to you, she is the person who should be a support for you. I'm sure she didn't realize how it sounds to you. Hopefully the teachers learn some more coping skills and are able to come around.

[pregnant@40]

You know, my child is typically developing & I still ache for him in the same way you do. There are always those people who don't understand just how wonderful our kids are (just as I don't always understand how wonderful other mom's kids are). This is all just part of motherhood, it's a bittersweet thing!