my "symptoms" dont seem normal

[CherryBombMama]

so my dh and i agreed that it seems like i might have PPD. ds2 is 3 months and i have definitely been super overwhelmed. i am also going to talk to my dr about this but i first have to find a dr so this is faster and i feel more comfortable talking to other mamas.

anyway.

i dont necessarily feel depressed. i definitely havent been eating more, or less. i sleep great. like a rock, actually.

but i feel like im going crazy. and not regular mama-crazy. mentally ill kind of crazy.

an example: after a great day i made a big deal about my dh not wanting to light up our xmas tree (and he had a good reason, work related). even after the arguement was over, over and over in my head i was yelling, screaming, picturing myself throwing out the tree, imagining all the horrendous things i wanted to scream at him, etc. when he fell asleep later on, i couldnt think of anything but the tree. this stupid tree that i lite myself w'/ the boys. it really was no big deal, but at the time, i couldnt even focus on a tv show.

so i took off all the ornaments, and threw my 4 ft tree outside, lights and all. i then woke up dh, cried and cried about how much i loved my tree, to which he realized it was outside, he brought it back in, cleaned it up and was extremely concerned cuz i have never acted that way before. its almost as if there is another persone in my head instigating (sp?) these kind of things

that is just one example but lately i have been doing similar things. could this be PPD? or just me losing my mind?

[pregnant@40]

PPD. Please talk to your doc asap! I had PPD last time at around 4 months post-delivery.

There is also something more scary called postpartum psychosis that can be characterized by obsessions & disorganized, irrational thought:

http://www.memorialcare.org/medical_services/maternity-care/postpartum-depression.cfm

[Annie Mac]

I would second the recommendation to talk to your doctor, or since you don't have one, perhaps the person who helped you through your pregnancy, if they would be more easily accessible to you than finding a doctor from zero, or going into an urgent care/walk in clinic. That to me does not seem like a rational reaction, and I'd be worried since you are a the primary caregiver to two little people who depend on you to be together. Also, I don't know what you have in the way of public health units where you are, but I just found out that the public health unit near me offers PPD support. You might want to check. Even if it's not PPD, it doesn't sound right, and really should be evaluated. I don't know where the "hugs" emoticon went to, but *hugs!*

[nurturedmoms]

A third "talk to your doctor" recommendation. This sounds a lot like me when I was diagnosed with PPD after the birth of my daughter (and my symptoms when I suspect that I went undiagnosed after the birth of my son). I definitely felt more angry than anything else. I can't even tell you the difference between when I was diagnosed and received treatment and when I went undiagnosed. I felt better and like myself again about two weeks after treatment started, but with my son, I didn't start feeling like myself again until he was almost two years old.

[2Peaches]

Oh, Mama, hang in there.  While you are waiting to talk with a doctor, maybe take a look at three important things that helped me feel better:  Adequate sleep, good nutrition, and exercise.  I was surprised that simply taking an iron supplement and dha helped.  Definitely take that step to seeing the doctor, but in the meantime look for books at the library about the postpartum period.  There is one book that is actually written for health care professionals called Depression in New Mothers that I found helpful.  PP Psychosis is very rare, but you will want to be evaluated to safely rule that out.  May you feel better soon.  Come back and let us know how you are.