what do you do when your toddler has a temper tantrum?

[Bebe's Mom]

DD is 14 months and recently started having temper tantrums. My theory is that she can't talk and since she is having trouble communicating she gets frustrated and starts screaming, rolling around on the floor and kicking her feet. I generally just wait until she calms down and then nurse her a bit. Seems to work. I just didn't think that the tantrum thing started this early. I thought it was more of a "terrible twos" thing. Guess I was wrong!! So, what do you all do when your lo does this???

[Spring Lily]

 I give my kids the words they are lacking.  I name the emotions and the reason they're upset.

Example...Last night my son wanted an apple when I was about to serve dinner.  When I said no, he started crying, screaming, throwing himself on the groud, you know the routine!  I got close and said, in a very compassionate, empathetic way, "Oh, you are SO MAD at mommy!  You want an apple and mommy didn't give it to you!  You are SO SAD that mommy didn't give you an apple!  You are HUNGRY!"  He calmed down immediately and said "YEAH!" and made eye contact.  Then I offered a suggestion, "Let's wash your hands so we can sit at the table and eat some dinner."  "OK."

That's how it works with 90% of tantrums around here, for all 3 of my kids.  I can tell you my reasoning:

1. It helps them learn the vocabulary of emotions and what each of those mean.

2. It shows them that I understand their complicated, overwhelming feelings.

3. It models how they can express themselves appropriately.

4. It shows them that I am still loving even when I say "no."

5. Never underestimate the power of feeling understood.

[dakotablue]

Originally Posted by Spring Lily 

 I give my kids the words they are lacking.  I name the emotions and the reason they're upset.

Example...Last night my son wanted an apple when I was about to serve dinner.  When I said no, he started crying, screaming, throwing himself on the groud, you know the routine!  I got close and said, in a very compassionate, empathetic way, "Oh, you are SO MAD at mommy!  You want an apple and mommy didn't give it to you!  You are SO SAD that mommy didn't give you an apple!  You are HUNGRY!"  He calmed down immediately and said "YEAH!" and made eye contact.  Then I offered a suggestion, "Let's wash your hands so we can sit at the table and eat some dinner."  "OK."

That's how it works with 90% of tantrums around here, for all 3 of my kids.  I can tell you my reasoning:

1. It helps them learn the vocabulary of emotions and what each of those mean.

2. It shows them that I understand their complicated, overwhelming feelings.

3. It models how they can express themselves appropriately.

4. It shows them that I am still loving even when I say "no."

5. Never underestimate the power of feeling understood.

exactly. I've found DS (almost 13 1/2 months) will calm down if I say what he 'should' be saying. Even if the answer is still no. I really think its about being understood.

Oh and sometimes I do throw in signs if the request is something he is allowed to have and he misunderstood (like wanting an apple, but I need to wash and cut it first) I'll have him sign, explain why we had to wait and give it to him.

Sometimes I nurse him, sometimes not because sometimes (lately) he's been throwing pretend tantrums to nurse because I've been cutting back (I'm pregnant  and trying really hard to get through the last bit of pregnancy without going crazy so we can tandem)
 

[Bebe's Mom]

That's really good advice. I will try it...The tantrums just started last week, and I am not sure why...She is teething really hard, and has a cold, so she has not been feeling well lately.