Older children with a baby

[kdaisy]

How do you do it??  With this second child I feel spread so thin.  My 2.5 year old needs so much more attention than he is getting, but how do I find the time.  The baby is crying as I write this!  Babywearing can only help so much.  I resort to TV way too much. And it being 10 degrees outside with 3 foot drifts doesn't help.  Any ideas are appreciated.

[aikigypsy]

How do I do it? Right now, we're living with my parents.  DH stays up with the little one until late, I nurse the little guy (about 3 months old, now) a couple of times in the night while trying to get my 3-year old to go back to sleep without nursing at least occasionally. Sometimes I nurse the 3-year-old down for a nap while my parents or DH watches the baby, then go nurse the baby, and then I just feel like one big mammary gland. 

My 3-year-old (she was 2 years, 9 months when the new guy was born) has been very demanding since she became a big sister. I think you just have to fumble through and do the best you can in the moment. Also, I have the older one in preschool 3 mornings a week, which I think is good for her. The older ones have a lot of physical/social energy, and it's nice for them to have a place to do that with new stimulus. Community play-groups and the library are also good.

But having other adults in the house is the biggest help. 

[NewMoonMum]

I know that in part, I am fortunate that my son is pretty crazy about his little sister. He'll be 3 in January, she is 7 weeks. I SAH but we are very far from family, and our friends, of course, work.  We can't afford sitters or any kind of "preschool" atm, so it's just me till about 6 each day.

For sure it's hard, I think what helps me is reasonable distractions for my son, and things in my own reaction that seem little.

His good distraction is a wooden train set that was a "gift" from DD when we got home from the hospital.

But I think the bigger thing is trying to keep the mentality of mostly tending to DD's basic needs-food, clean diaper, lots of time in the Moby-and doing less lavishing of attention that I was able to do with my son.  Not that I don't interact with DD, but I can't exactly hold her up and make silly faces at her for 20 minutes, either.

  I don't like to hear her cry of course, but when she does I know it's for food or a dry diaper-both of which can wait 30 seconds while I finish up with my son or explain what I need to do.  Whenever possible, I give him advance notice-that I'll have to feed his sister soon, but after that we can finish building the train tracks. I also do what I can with him while she's eating, and if my hands are full changing her, I make sure to keep talking to him or involve him(like asking him to hand me something).  We can easily play a game of I-spy or something when my hands are full.

I make a huge effort not to seem like I am dropping off the radar whenever she needs anything.

But really, unless she's eating or being changed, she MUST be in the Moby or she's hysterical-so it's definitely not easy! That's my only real advice I guess-we're just feeling our way along like everybody else!!

good luck 

[ElliesMomma]

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Edited by ElliesMomma - 5/28/11 at 11:55pm

[zakdat]

My DH does shift work, so I spend a lot of my time as a solo parent to DS1 and DS2.  There are times when I'm definitely feeling like I'm losing it - DS2 is crying while I'm trying to deal with DS1 and vice versa, and in those moments I just do my best.  What it comes down to, for me anyway, is that I'm only one mama, I love both my children, and they will know that I am there for them, even if I can't do what they want in that moment.  Before I know it, that moment has passed, and we'll be sitting on the floor all playing together sharing smiles and cuddles (we have a lot of floor time ).

Also, we spend a lot of time at home.  I find that when I'm trying to get out too much, I start to get stressed, and then can't cope as well when it's dinnertime and everyone is hungry and needs something.  I also *try* to cook big meals so we can have leftovers either frozen or just reheated on the days DS1 needs more attention.  He just turned two, so I get him to 'help' me with whatever task I'm trying to do - with his brother or the housework.

I hope that helps!

[kdaisy]

Thank you all so much for the input. 

It helps immensely just to hear that others have found it to be as difficult as I have. 

And I would love to write more but my two year old is swinging a broom around his sister!

Thank you!