My 8yo ds is in bad shape. He's a sensory kid who also has extreme anxiety and severe rapidly swinging moods. For several years now, I have felt he has bi-polar disorder. My family tree has mental illness on every single branch, so it's not a stretch by any means. And one year ago my exdh was dx with Schizophrenia.
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Ds was seen by a phsychiatrist on his 5th birthday, but that was not at all helpful. My son has never been "hyper", not even in the throes of mania. He sat quietly in the doctor's office for over an hour, even saying "excuse me" when he needed to say something to me, while I went through behavior journals and showed examples of ds's disturbing artwork. At the end, I was offered a rx for ritalin, for ds's "obvious" hyperactivity issues. I declined and asked for a psychological eval. Long story short, we had a change in insurance midway through and it was never really completed.
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Fast forward 3 years, and ds has been in weekly counseling since early summer. It's not helping, in fact, he's getting worse. He has been seeing a new psychiatrist who is ordering more testing. We had more testing done yesterday but I am really disappointed in the doctor. Last visit, he asked me to keep a behavior log, but then didn't want to look at it. I showed him handwriting samples from ds's school agenda that correlated to dark moods in the journal. He shrugged. Ds challenged me in the testing room, and all the guy had to say was "You seem to really butt heads with each other. Why do you think it is that he only acts up around you and never in school?" I am SO sick and tired of mother-blame, and BTW, he does do stuff at school, but it's subtle and his teachers so far have all been very young and inexperienced, childless 1st or 2nd year teachers. They wouldn't have any idea to what to look for.
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I can't take my own child anymore. I can't take being yelled at, pushed, shoved, and even hit. I can't take the constant accusations because he suffers from paranoid delusions. I worry when he tells me about the "guys" he sees standing next to him all the time. I'm beyond tired of never knowing who my child is going to be from one minute to the next because his moods dictate his personality.
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Mostly, I am losing my patience with my small-town care providers. I am seriously considering taking him to NYC to see Demitri Papolos. I have requested info from a children's hospital in Miami. Where else can I go? Is there a university hospital specializing in pediatric mood disorders? A famous clinic somewhere? I've googled my brains out but I just can't find what I'm hoping to find. I am able to travel anywhere in the country to get this child diagnosed so treatment can begin.
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And I know how it sounds that I am saying I KNOW for sure he has an issue. I know how much doctors just love parents like me who are well-read and prepared to advocate. So I don't mean to sound like a know-it-all, but I am sure something is going on in his brain. Last week, he threatened to jump out a 4th floor window, and ran toward it and only didn't get the window open because I moved faster than I have ever moved in my entire life. Then he told me that he woldn't have gotten hurt because he would have trapezed his way down 4 floors worth of balcony railings. This, from a kid with a fear of heights and low muscle tone. So, yeah, he needs help, and fast.
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Thanks so much if you made it this far. :)
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