Hey mamas-- I'm home! - Page 2

[annettemarie]

Originally Posted by turnquia 

Do you feel like this was something missed during your pregnancy and maybe outcome of delivery could have been changed or avoided?  I remember you posting in the multiples forum about being really short of breathe and other things during you're pregnancy... after your husband posted it made me wonder if there was something that was missed during your pregnancy? 

I'm so glad they are here, safe and sound and you are ok and getting better!   Both babies are soooooo stinkin cute!   I cannot wait to meet our two after seeing your two! 

I think that, looking back, my heart has slowly been failing over the last month. That said, I don't think it's anything anyone could have caught unless they were superfamiliar with the diagnosis. One thing that makes it hard is PPCM is a diagnosis of exclusion-- you only get tagged with it when nothing else makes sense. And all of my symptoms-- shortness of breath, pregnancy-induced hypertension, the weight gain the last week, the tiredness, peeing every hour at night, all of it could have been part of being 38 years old pregnant with twins. Too, in a strange way the PPH saved my life-- losing all that blood gave my heart less work to do AND it landed me in an OR where the on-call doc was a cardiologist who was also familiar with PPCM.
 

[MPsSweetie]

I just read about PPCM about a month ago, when my shortness of breath became scary.  I think mine is just my ribs, they keep popping out, but it was terrifying to read.  I am so sorry you went through that.  But I am so glad to see you back on facebook and MDC!  You have been in my familys thoughts and prayers!

And your babies are sooooo cute!

[turnquia]

Originally Posted by annettemarie 

Originally Posted by turnquia 

Do you feel like this was something missed during your pregnancy and maybe outcome of delivery could have been changed or avoided?  I remember you posting in the multiples forum about being really short of breathe and other things during you're pregnancy... after your husband posted it made me wonder if there was something that was missed during your pregnancy? 

I'm so glad they are here, safe and sound and you are ok and getting better!   Both babies are soooooo stinkin cute!   I cannot wait to meet our two after seeing your two! 

I think that, looking back, my heart has slowly been failing over the last month. That said, I don't think it's anything anyone could have caught unless they were superfamiliar with the diagnosis. One thing that makes it hard is PPCM is a diagnosis of exclusion-- you only get tagged with it when nothing else makes sense. And all of my symptoms-- shortness of breath, pregnancy-induced hypertension, the weight gain the last week, the tiredness, peeing every hour at night, all of it could have been part of being 38 years old pregnant with twins. Too, in a strange way the PPH saved my life-- losing all that blood gave my heart less work to do AND it landed me in an OR where the on-call doc was a cardiologist who was also familiar with PPCM.
 

Its amazing how things work out.  I know you had a homebirth last pregnancy and this time never felt comfortable with it.  

It does seem like most of the symptoms are quite vague.  I just remember you posting at like 20 weeks pregnant about being very short of breathe and extremely tired ... all which seem normal but wasn't sure if looking back if that was the start of things for you.  

I am so glad you trusted your gut and had the babies where you felt comfortable and that the right people were around.   Your babies are sooooo stinkin cute!

[Climbergirl]

Originally Posted by annettemarie 

I am definitely looking at some longterm recovery. Estimates are 6 months to a year for a full recovery, although there's a possibility to see improvement sooner. I still find it all very difficult to think and talk about. I've always worried something would happen to my children, but never thought my own health would be in jeopardy. I don't like feeling this vulnerable.

Climbergirl, were you diagnosed with PPCM as well? Eventually, I'm going to post over in Birth Trauma maybe, but I am just not ready yet. I am trying to take things one moment at a time and right now just fitting in feedings, pumping, skin-to-skin, and trying to take moments with my other children seems exhausting.

No, I wasn't diagnosed with PPCM.  I was diagnosed with pneumonia, septasemia, and early cardiac failure (which would have been full blown cardiac failure had my MIL not been a L&D nurse in the 80s and knew I did not look right).  When I complained to the nurse my last day in the hospital of having a tough time breathing, she said I probably caught a cold (because, you know, you ARE in a hospital). 

I went in to deliver Aiden at 190 pounds and 5 days later in the ER, I was 190 pounds again (so in 5 days, I had gained back the weight of placenta and a 9 pound child).  I was only home for 12 hours when I had to go back to the hospital.  I kept remembering that my son was napping when I left and I did not want to wake him so I did not kiss him.  I kept wondering if this was going to kill me and I did not kiss my son goodbye.  I still tear up thinking about it :(  And the nasty doctor who was taking care of me in the cardiac unit made me feel like a terrible mom for wanting to even SEE him.  My husband kept bringing pictures and movies for me to watch while my MIL and FIL took full care of my son for 5 days.

And while I would never ASK to have the experience, it changed me, and in a good way.  It really made me want to be so much healthier. And I have definitely improved.  I definitely don't sweat the small stuff as much and I sometimes, when my son is driving me crazy, I do remember that I am glad to be here for him to do so.

It is a hard recovering from all that with a newborn, let along twins with older children.  But really, just trying to just do what you can, keep them close, and try to take a good shower (for some reason, that was really helpful to me).   I would line up good help for at least a month.  Are you in contact with a good IBCLC or your local LLL chapter?  They can help too.  Maybe movies in bed with all the kids would be good?

And seriously, you are welcome to PM me to chat.  I so desperately wanted someone to understand what I was going through when everyone seemed to STILL be saying that I had a healthy baby and so things are good.   Thank goodness my sister was so supportive and could tell me that it was ok for me to be upset and freaked out about what happened.  Because I definitely was.....

I am sending you the biggest hugs right now.
 

[splath]

They are adorable!  I'm so sorry you've had such a trying time, but sending good thoughts and nursing baby vibes, when they're able.

[pixiekisses]

They are beautiful, AM!
Congrats again!

And I'm sorry about what you went through, take it easy and take care of yourself, your body has been through so much. I hope you have help if your SO has to work.

I'll cross my fingers for breastfeeding.

[annettemarie]

Climbergirl, that's intense. I've been reading stories of women diagnosed with PPCM and one thing that seems to be universal is that their health care providers just didn't listen to them. I was very very lucky in that respect.

I took a shower this morning and it knocked me out for 2 hours. :/ But, my BP is waaaaay down and so is my resting pulse-- it was flitting around 100-115 in the hospital-- and I had been getting a little more milk pumped this morning, but the last time not so much. :( A good family friend is coming over to give the babies a bath for me because they're getting kind of whiffy. And my husband has the next 4 1/2 weeks off. I have a cardiologist appointment sometime in the next week or so and another echocardiogram in 3-4 weeks.

We have an excellent team of LCs in the hospital and they really went to bat for me. I am the local LLL leader, LOL! I actually have already had to ask 2 people to call the leader the next town over because I can't even deal with helping calls right now. And I only feel a little bit guilty about it. I was in touch with Jack Newman and Thomas Hale about the meds and breastfeeding issue as well.

I will definitely want to chat with you a little down the road. My "baby" sister has been a Godsend through all this as well. I feel like I've been stuck reassuring some of the grown-ups in my life and it's just exhausting. I hope that doesn't sound too ungracious, but it's just hard to feel like I have to be patting other people on the head and helping them feel better right now when I'm having such a difficult time wrapping my own brain around it all. I wouldn't wish this on anyone. But I'm so thankful for all the love and prayers and support and for my sweet little babies who are next to me holding hands!

[coyotemist]

DDCC

Many have a difficult recovery from a simple CHF exacerbation, let alone PPCM, hemmorrage (also blood products, I'm guessing?), time on the vent, just being post-partum, having several other children to care for, bedrest...need I go on?  Take this time to rest, heal, meditate on the future.  Serious illness has always brought me gifts...gifts of knowledge of how I want to live my life, changes that need to be made, etc.

Wrap your nuclear family in a blanket of protection, let everyone know you can't be responsible for their worries right now.  If they call to chat, you welcome those calls, but if they call to vent their grief over how ill you were...well you just don't have energy to deal with that right now.  Maybe have a phone number of a local counselor next to the phone ;)

Screen your calls, have a message on the machine "We are busy caring for the mommy and the babies, leave a message and I'll get back to you when I can".  Likewise a note on the door for those "unexpected visits".

If you find yourself heading toward a depression, get help, get counseling, take more vitamin D, get as much sun as you can, consider safe herbs, consider medication.  Just the fall out from the blood products is hard on your body, and for some reason I see many people who have received blood products having a depressed episode.  You have done an amazing thing, growing those lovely babies, having a serious health issue, and recovering from all of that. 

Breastfeeding may or may not work out.  I know you will work very hard to have it work, and I truly hope you are successful.  However, I learned with my most recent son, that even with experience and previous success, sometimes things don't work out.  If it does, whoo hoo!  If it does not, be kind to yourself, and forgiving.

I hope that some day you can say "It was really hard, I was sad, but I did it, and I learned something from the experience, too."

May you be well!

[journeymom]

Oh they are beautiful!!  Congratulations!  I'm so pleased for you!

I'm with Coyotemist, now is the time to retreat and just care for yourself and your little ones. Take all the help that's offered, and ask for more.   Get your dh to run interference for you, have him get out the word that you won't be available for a while. Be firm.

I suppose that means we might see less of you around here for a while??    That's alright, we'll keep calm and carry on. 

Yours in Harry Potteriness,  Journeymom

[BarefootGirl]

nak

congrats!!! so glad you andbabes`are home.  they are beautiful. 

[the janet]

I'm so glad the kiddos are doing well (they are adorable!!!) and I hope you feel better soon!!

[Jazzmin]

They are precious! Glad to hear you are back home and on the mend.

[MyLittleWonders]

I am so glad you are home AM! Your babes are beautiful.   More prayers for your healing and for breastfeeding for you. 

[Climbergirl]

Originally Posted by annettemarie 

Climbergirl, that's intense. I've been reading stories of women diagnosed with PPCM and one thing that seems to be universal is that their health care providers just didn't listen to them. I was very very lucky in that respect.

I took a shower this morning and it knocked me out for 2 hours. :/ But, my BP is waaaaay down and so is my resting pulse-- it was flitting around 100-115 in the hospital-- and I had been getting a little more milk pumped this morning, but the last time not so much. :( A good family friend is coming over to give the babies a bath for me because they're getting kind of whiffy. And my husband has the next 4 1/2 weeks off. I have a cardiologist appointment sometime in the next week or so and another echocardiogram in 3-4 weeks.

We have an excellent team of LCs in the hospital and they really went to bat for me. I am the local LLL leader, LOL! I actually have already had to ask 2 people to call the leader the next town over because I can't even deal with helping calls right now. And I only feel a little bit guilty about it. I was in touch with Jack Newman and Thomas Hale about the meds and breastfeeding issue as well.

I will definitely want to chat with you a little down the road. My "baby" sister has been a Godsend through all this as well. I feel like I've been stuck reassuring some of the grown-ups in my life and it's just exhausting. I hope that doesn't sound too ungracious, but it's just hard to feel like I have to be patting other people on the head and helping them feel better right now when I'm having such a difficult time wrapping my own brain around it all. I wouldn't wish this on anyone. But I'm so thankful for all the love and prayers and support and for my sweet little babies who are next to me holding hands!

Hey, I am a local LLL leader as well :)  My experience with Aiden made me want to help other women in hard situations.  That is good you have been in touch with Newman and Hale.  Don't feel bad about having to send people to another leader!!!  Seriously.  You need to take care of yourself and the other leaders can handle the calls.  I have pretty much told my co-leaders that I am "out" on maternity leave.  Since all 3 co-leaders are IBCLC now, I even have them on-call to come over and help ME out if needed :)  You need to add that to you voicemail message so you don't have to deal with actually talking to people.

Yeah, there was a lot of reassuring others.  My mom would get so mad at me that I had no info on what was going on.  Yeah, I know, I was frustrated as well, so getting mad at me is not going to help.  I was telling her everything I knew and my doc would come in for 10 minutes a DAY and basically say that I could not leave and avoid all my questions.  My FIL was finally able to get some info, but that was because my FIL has the MD behind his name as well.  Grrr....

Funny how those "baby" sisters can be the best support!  That is so sweet they are holding hands.  One day, they will support each other like our siblings supported us!

[First Time Mama]

 I am so glad you are home and I hope your health continues to improve by leaps and bounds. Those babies are adorable!

[MoonStarFalling]

What a scary experience. I hope you have a fast recovery and I hope your adorable babes take to nursing with no problems. So glad you're ok and home! I had no idea about PPCM.

[stik]

Those babies are scrumptious!  Did you make their little knitted hats?  Thank you for sharing pictures. 

[annettemarie]

The knitted hats were from MDC's own Shantimama! And the colorway is Weasley's Wizard Wheezes. They wore them a lot of the time they were in the hospital and it made me smile every time I saw them.

[stik]

How adorably appropriate!  Especially for Miss Molly.  Does her name allude only to HP, or were there other inspirations as well?

[Super~Single~Mama]

I just keep coming back to this thread to see the pictures - that pic of them holding hands makes me want twins!!  They are so cute and precious and....well, there really aren't words to describe them!!!  Keep them close mama, and take good care of yourself!