Teen's response to your music? (eta...books, movies, and art, too!)

[sunnmama]

I'm just curious how this tends to play out.  My oldest is only 9, so we aren't there yet, but how do teens respond to the realization that their parents listen edgy music?

It kind of hit me this week when we were traveling, and NIN's Closer came on the radio.  It was censored, and the kids weren't paying much attention, so I let it play, singing the tamer lines.  I still love NIN   And then it hit me that one day my dd will hear this song, understand it, and realize OMG---my MOM listens to this song! 

So, how do they react?  I was 13ish when I started appreciating edgy themes in music, but my parents' music collection was mostly Simon and Garfunkel and Barry Manilow, lol.  I don't know how our kids are going to react when they take a more informed tour of our music collection.....

[Rani]

We havenever hidden NIN or anything else once she was about oh ...7 or so...when she stopped wanting Disney type stuff. 

Her friends think its cool that mom listens to Q101 and lets them - they are 12 now. 

[Adaline'sMama]

I have a baby, so we are super far off from that stage, but I wanted to chime in and add a conversation we heard between a 8-10 yo and her mom (25-30)at the state fair this year:

Kid: Mom, isnt this Nirvana?

Mom:Yep. Its a song from Bleach.

Kid: I cant belive you listen to a guy who blew his head off.

Mom: He didnt do it, Courtney did. (she said it pretty sarcastically)

My husband and I stood staring at them, mouth opened. It was hilarious. I have a younger sister that is 15 years my junior and she is getting into Alice in Chains. It is really strange how protective I am of her listening to music that I listen (ed) to and was a huge part of my life.

[Bokonon]

Originally Posted by Adaline'sMama 

I have a baby, so we are super far off from that stage, but I wanted to chime in and add a conversation we heard between a 8-10 yo and her mom (25-30)at the state fair this year:

Kid: Mom, isnt this Nirvana?

Mom:Yep. Its a song from Bleach.

Kid: I cant belive you listen to a guy who blew his head off.

Mom: He didnt do it, Courtney did. (she said it pretty sarcastically)

My husband and I stood staring at them, mouth opened. It was hilarious. I have a younger sister that is 15 years my junior and she is getting into Alice in Chains. It is really strange how protective I am of her listening to music that I listen (ed) to and was a huge part of my life.

LMAO!!!!

I too always wonder what my kids will think when they peruse my music collection and find Slayer next to Soundgarden and Simon and Garfunkel.  I do listen to some heavy music in the car with them, but try to avoid profanity.  My 5yo says his favorite band is Pearl Jam, but he really only knows a couple of their songs.  :)

Oh, and Courtney didn't do it either; she hired a hit man.  ;)

[Dar]

When your kids are teens, whatever you listen to will be considered hopelessly dated and uncool.... the same way you felt about Simon and Garfunkle (which has some edgy themes, really, if you think about it... suicide, loneliness, all the biggies). That's how the teens feel about NIN now, fwiw. ;)

[Storm Bride]

I think, like most things, it really depends on the teen. DS1 listens to a lot of bands that I don't listen to. However, two of his favourite bands are Iron Maiden and Rush, who have been my two favourite bands for over 25 years. I went to the last local Maiden concert with him and a friend of his (was originally going to be me, dh and ds1, but dh decided to stay home with dd2, as we weren't comfortable leaving her, and we gave his ticket to ds1's friend). DS1 also likes a fair bit of old Judas Priest and some Halford solo stuff....actually, he enjoys quite a bit of my old music.

On the flipside, he's getting me interested in Andrew Allen - someone I wouldn't have even considered listening to when I was ds1's age.

With respect to the "edgy" thing, I don't think it's ever particularly registered on ds1, or bothered him, or whatever, that I listen to a lot of music with sexually explicit and/or dark lyrics.

[Drummer's Wife]

Originally Posted by Dar 

When your kids are teens, whatever you listen to will be considered hopelessly dated and uncool.... the same way you felt about Simon and Garfunkle (which has some edgy themes, really, if you think about it... suicide, loneliness, all the biggies). That's how the teens feel about NIN now, fwiw. ;)

I agree.  I still listen to a lot of the same music I listened to in high school (and much of it has explicit lyrics - we don't censor, though)... anyhow, my oldest is only 9.5, but my music already plays on the "back in the day lunch hour", yk?  So, I imagine when she is a teen, it will really be old school and probably pretty lame to her. 

Oh, and I used to be a big Nirvana fan, and have seen nine inch nails in concert a couple times.  :D

The kids already complain about DH's music - how they can't understand what's being said, though they form their own circle pits and get extra wild.  Maybe they'll appreciate his genre better as teens? 

[sunnmama]

Ack...can't quote....so I'll copy and paste....

Dar:When your kids are teens, whatever you listen to will be considered hopelessly dated and uncool.... the same way you felt about Simon and Garfunkle (which has some edgy themes, really, if you think about it... suicide, loneliness, all the biggies). That's how the teens feel about NIN now, fwiw. ;)

But I did love their music :)  I cried huge tears over Simon and Garfunkel and Barry Manilow songs as a young teen.  Devoured it, felt every emotion.  But it wasn't Closer, kwim?  

FWIW, dh's high school students love NIN!  In fact, they think they've brilliantly discovered it, lol.

SB: With respect to the "edgy" thing, I don't think it's ever particularly registered on ds1, or bothered him, or whatever, that I listen to a lot of music with sexually explicit and/or dark lyrics.

That's reassuring!

[amnesiac]

I don't know that mine really give it a lot of thought. We listen to some of the same stuff now & we take them to concerts with us sometimes.

[MusicianDad]

I've brainwashed my kids to like good music, so we have no musical conflicts in this house and the kids aren't really surprised by much. lol

That being said... I don't think edgy themes are new thing. In fact I know they aren't. Musicians just hid it better way back in the day. We listen to a lot of older music here too and there are somethings that I didn't "get" about music both my parents listened to until I was a teen and when I finally did my reaction was generally "Wait... What?!"

[sunnmama]

I agree, and it is the "less hidden" aspect of my music that concerns me as dd gets older.  I didn't necessarily understand the rawer themes of my parents music at 13 (or I could rationalize that THEY didn't get it, lol) but I did understand the raw themes of the music I purchased--and I'm assuming dd understand the themes in my collection at that age, too.  She already likes a lot of the music from a pov of innocence.  She even requested that dh put some of my Depeche Mode (or Depressed Mood, as she calls it) on her MP3 player.  Good lord, what is she going to think of me listening to that stuff in a couple years!

Originally Posted by MusicianDad 

That being said... I don't think edgy themes are new thing. In fact I know they aren't. Musicians just hid it better way back in the day.
  

[UnschoolnMa]

We have never really censored music, or anything else. (Well, there was this one song on country radio when Dd was around 5 that had a really driving beat and chanting that freaked her out so I always changed it..lol)  The kids pretty much grew up listening to everything me and my ex husband liked as well as whatever was just in popular radio circulation at any given time.

 Ex husband was nearly 7 yrs older than me so there was the tiniest bit of gap there between what he listened to and what I listened to, but there was more in common than not. We also really "grew up" (ha) during the heavy metal/hair bands of the 80's and played that a lot. My kids tease me a little about that...;) But then again my son loves Dio so maybe he should shut it lol.

My kids have always been in control of their own media. I think they are a lot like me in that we all love a wide variety of genres of music. In our home we could go from bluegrass to ACDC to Kenny Rogers to Madonna to RATM to Fall Out Boy to Rush to Flogging Molly and then back to a classical piece... etc.  Being "word" people we've always loved to discuss music and lyrics. We made no effort to hide strong themes or controversial lyrics or lie about what it meant. We just tried to answer in an honest and developmentally appropriate way. Not always so easy with some music, but we managed. 

Peace, Un

[AtYourCervices]

Years ago, when I was about 15, I was standing outside a movie theater with several dozen teenagers, all waiting for our rides. A beautiful silver T-Bird pulled into the parking lot BLASTING Aerosmith. Everybody turned to see who this super cool person was. Yup, it was my dad. My dad is awesome. 

We don't censor music in our house. When each of my kids were little I gave them a radio and they were allowed to pick whatever station they wanted.

DD #1 picked bubblegum pop. 

DS & DD #3 picked classical music.

DD #2 picked Christian talk radio. *sigh*  I think that one I had the biggest problem with. Have you ever been told by a 5 year old that you're going to hell because you're not really a Christian? Not fun. 

DD #2 is more "moral" than me. If she has a problem with lyrics, she'll speak up (she's almost 10 now). She'll ask me politely to turn on another station. It's kind of messed up that I feel like my husband and I are the rebellious ones, while our kids are proper. 

Okay, so DD #1 (12 y/o) isn't so proper anymore. I got her an mp3 player and I asked her what songs she wanted on there. "The Cocaine Song". "Wait, what?"

As I type this DH and DD #3 are watching music videos together. Techno. 

[mtiger]

LOL we listen to so many different genres, that it isn't an issue. My oldest will bounce around to edgy stuff, and then sit with tears falling over liturgical choral works (and he's an atheist). I've never worried about what they listen to.

[Arduinna]

Well she isn't a teen anymore, but she steals my music to rip the CDs. But then, I am not stuck in the 60's-80's music of my era, I listen to modern stuff. I'm not into her Tokyo pop but she was disappointed as a teen when we didn't take her with us for once to a concert we wanted a night out sans kids. "cool" isn't really the goal at our house, we listen to what we like. My daughter and I also go to the Opera together.

[sunnmama]

I'm loving all the responses and experiences shared, but I'm not sure that I've been clear about my concern. 

I'm not looking to censor what my kids listen to, esp as teens.  I'll admit I wouldn't play Closer uncensored in the car with kids aged 9 and 3.  As a teen, I'm not concered about my dd hearing it and enjoying it.

I'm not concerned about discussing the lyrics to Closer (for one example) with my teen.

I'm concerned about my teen finding Closer in my collection and thinking "Uh, Mom? WTF!"    

[UnschoolnMa]

I'm concerned about my teen finding Closer in my collection and thinking "Uh, Mom? WTF!"    

Well, this is really remedied by the kids hearing it, or at least recognizing that you listen to that "kind" of music by hearing similar stuff, during their childhoods. But given that you mentioned you wouldn't be so comfy playing "Closer" around young kids I can see the dilemma lol.

[MariaMadly]

Originally Posted by sunnmama 

I'm loving all the responses and experiences shared, but I'm not sure that I've been clear about my concern. 

I'm not looking to censor what my kids listen to, esp as teens.  I'll admit I wouldn't play Closer uncensored in the car with kids aged 9 and 3.  As a teen, I'm not concered about my dd hearing it and enjoying it.

I'm not concerned about discussing the lyrics to Closer (for one example) with my teen.

I'm concerned about my teen finding Closer in my collection and thinking "Uh, Mom? WTF!"    

Heh.  DS2 took off with all our Dresden Dolls without saying a word.

[Juuulie]

Originally Posted by sunnmama 

I'm loving all the responses and experiences shared, but I'm not sure that I've been clear about my concern. 

I'm not looking to censor what my kids listen to, esp as teens.  I'll admit I wouldn't play Closer uncensored in the car with kids aged 9 and 3.  As a teen, I'm not concered about my dd hearing it and enjoying it.

I'm not concerned about discussing the lyrics to Closer (for one example) with my teen.

I'm concerned about my teen finding Closer in my collection and thinking "Uh, Mom? WTF!"    

Ha ha, I have the opposite problem. My 14yo son's favorite band is The Who -- which was my favorite band when I was his age. And I must confess, even though it's fun to watch The Kids Are Alright and listen to those old albums together, it also feels sort of weird & incestuous. Teenagers aren't supposed to like the same music as their parents! I keep thinking "Uh, son? WTF!"

[MusicianDad]

Originally Posted by Juuulie 

Originally Posted by sunnmama 

I'm loving all the responses and experiences shared, but I'm not sure that I've been clear about my concern. 

I'm not looking to censor what my kids listen to, esp as teens.  I'll admit I wouldn't play Closer uncensored in the car with kids aged 9 and 3.  As a teen, I'm not concered about my dd hearing it and enjoying it.

I'm not concerned about discussing the lyrics to Closer (for one example) with my teen.

I'm concerned about my teen finding Closer in my collection and thinking "Uh, Mom? WTF!"    

Ha ha, I have the opposite problem. My 14yo son's favorite band is The Who -- which was my favorite band when I was his age. And I must confess, even though it's fun to watch The Kids Are Alright and listen to those old albums together, it also feels sort of weird & incestuous. Teenagers aren't supposed to like the same music as their parents! I keep thinking "Uh, son? WTF!"

Don't feel weird. We are in an age where people don't have to have talent in order to make it big in music. Many of our youth are starting to rebel and turning to other sources for good music.