or Connect
Mothering › Mothering Forums › Childhood and Beyond › Preteens and Teens › Teen's response to your music? (eta...books, movies, and art, too!)
New Posts  All Forums:Forum Nav:

Teen's response to your music? (eta...books, movies, and art, too!) - Page 2

post #21 of 60

 

Quote:

Don't feel weird. We are in an age where people don't have to have talent in order to make it big in music. Many of our youth are starting to rebel and turning to other sources for good music.

Oh and thank the GODS for that, eh? I've been listening to Mumford & Sons and Grace Potter & the Nocturnals andThe Black Keys... well you get the idea. I've turned my kids on to them too. Yay good music!

post #22 of 60
Quote:
Originally Posted by Juuulie View Post



Quote:
Originally Posted by sunnmama View Post

I'm loving all the responses and experiences shared, but I'm not sure that I've been clear about my concern. 

 

I'm not looking to censor what my kids listen to, esp as teens.  I'll admit I wouldn't play Closer uncensored in the car with kids aged 9 and 3.  As a teen, I'm not concered about my dd hearing it and enjoying it.

 

I'm not concerned about discussing the lyrics to Closer (for one example) with my teen.

 

I'm concerned about my teen finding Closer in my collection and thinking "Uh, Mom? WTF!"  blush.gif  

 

Ha ha, I have the opposite problem. My 14yo son's favorite band is The Who -- which was my favorite band when I was his age. And I must confess, even though it's fun to watch The Kids Are Alright and listen to those old albums together, it also feels sort of weird & incestuous. Teenagers aren't supposed to like the same music as their parents! I keep thinking "Uh, son? WTF!"


DH and I told DS "Get your own music!" when he first started listening to our favourites from the 70s and 80s  lol.gif . We TOLD him he was supposed to rebel with his own stuff. He excavated our old vinyl collection like it was an archeological dig.

 

He's moved on a lot since then and I can't listen to a lot of his music now. He's now way more into punk than I ever liked.  So I guess he followed our direction on one aspect of his education, at least. He still has a bigger Led Zeppelin collection than I ever did.  

 

Today he bought a turntable, something he's been wanting for a long time. Tonight he came home with a bag full of records from his favourite used vinyl and CD shop.  

 

I don't have a lot of advice for you, Sunmama. I guess it's a little like a child asking a parent if s/he's ever used recreational drugs, only less serious and more room for some laughs about what you liked.  

 

post #23 of 60

I don't think it's an issue. And I don't really expect a shocked reaction. But, we don't hide sexuality and and things along those lines from our kids anyway. 

 

DS1's first concert was Depeche Mode, and during the concert there was a video of a naked woman. DS1 didn't even bat an eyelash, I think because it didn't even occur to him that her being naked was all that unusual. It just was what it was. 

 

We also don't "censor" our music around our kids. But we don't listen to edited versions, and we don't listen to music on the radio. Depeche Mode and NIN are actually bands we consider "safe" to play around the kids. So, the bulk of what we listen to is a lot.... worse? lol. I don't know how to describe it. 

post #24 of 60
Thread Starter 
Quote:
Originally Posted by ollyoxenfree View Post


I don't have a lot of advice for you, Sunmama. I guess it's a little like a child asking a parent if s/he's ever used recreational drugs, only less serious and more room for some laughs about what you liked.  

 



Yes, I was thinking about it more last night, and that is the true issue.  I'm very comfortable talking to my kids about sex, drugs, etc from an academic pov, but get squirmy at the thought of it being more personal.  It doesn't matter if it is music, movies, or books, really, if my choice reveals something intimate about me that I'm not comfortable sharing. 

 

 

 

 

post #25 of 60
Quote:
Originally Posted by sunnmama View Post


I'm concerned about my teen finding Closer in my collection and thinking "Uh, Mom? WTF!"  blush.gif  



I can only speak to ds1, as the others are nowhere near puberty yet. This has just not ever been a problem at all. I don't think it ever occurred to him that there would be any reason why I wouldn't listen to lyrics with edgy, dark, suggestive (or whatever else) lyrics.

 

This topic seems reminiscent of a high school friend of mine who used to claim that the last time her parents had sex was when her little brother (one year younger) was conceived. I never thought that way. I'm not sure why some teens seem to just accept that their parents are individuals, complete with their own sexuality, and some teens don't, but that does seem to be the case. I'd guess your child's reaction will largely depend on whether they "get" that or not. (I got it about my parents, and so did my brother. I don't think my sister did.)

post #26 of 60
Quote:
Originally Posted by Juuulie View Post

Ha ha, I have the opposite problem. My 14yo son's favorite band is The Who -- which was my favorite band when I was his age. And I must confess, even though it's fun to watch The Kids Are Alright and listen to those old albums together, it also feels sort of weird & incestuous. Teenagers aren't supposed to like the same music as their parents! I keep thinking "Uh, son? WTF!"


Why aren't teenagers supposed to like the same music as their parents? This is one of those random "rules" that I just don't get. Teenagers are going to like whatever they like, just like adults. In any case, I grew up in the 80s, and there were very few of my classmates who liked their parent's music (mostly 50s/early 60s)...but there were a ton who liked the music of the 60s and early 70s, which was at least 10 years "out of date" by then.

post #27 of 60


 

Quote:
Originally Posted by Juuulie View Post

 

it also feels sort of weird & incestuous. Teenagers aren't supposed to like the same music as their parents! I keep thinking "Uh, son? WTF!"



I completely disagree.

 

Dd is just about to turn 9 (so barely even pre-teen), but she does like our music.  Mostly world, classical, baroque and jazz.  It's actually a fairly eclectic mix that we enjoy but it doesn't include vulgar music.  I don't think what we listen to is going to embarrass her or keep her from enjoying it in the future with us.  She does enjoy our music and probably will continue to as she becomes a teen.  For example, we were at the opera a couple of months ago and a ballet this weekend and she enjoyed that she knew the music before attending and was quite excited by that.  I'm sure she'll find some things that she enjoys that is mainstream pop of the times (just as I liked bands of the 70s), but I don't think our music will ever embarrass her or that she will ever not be able to appreciate good music... even when I occasionally listen to an old Rush album or The Cranberries, which is fairly rare these days as I've just changed my taste in music, especially in my 30s and 40s.

post #28 of 60
Thread Starter 

I assume my kids will listen to our music as teens, just as I listened to my parents' music.   My dd is musical (plays guitar and writes songs at 9), and she is already open to many genres of music.  I see her doing some serious musical exploration in her teen years, certainly to overlap with our own collection.

post #29 of 60
Quote:
Originally Posted by Storm Bride View Post



Quote:
Originally Posted by Juuulie View Post

Ha ha, I have the opposite problem. My 14yo son's favorite band is The Who -- which was my favorite band when I was his age. And I must confess, even though it's fun to watch The Kids Are Alright and listen to those old albums together, it also feels sort of weird & incestuous. Teenagers aren't supposed to like the same music as their parents! I keep thinking "Uh, son? WTF!"


Why aren't teenagers supposed to like the same music as their parents? This is one of those random "rules" that I just don't get. Teenagers are going to like whatever they like, just like adults. In any case, I grew up in the 80s, and there were very few of my classmates who liked their parent's music (mostly 50s/early 60s)...but there were a ton who liked the music of the 60s and early 70s, which was at least 10 years "out of date" by then.



Seriously. I grew up on the Beatles. I now LOVE the Beatles. And guess what? My KIDS love the Beatles. It just keeps on going.... I think it's awesome. Truly good music is truly good. 

post #30 of 60
Quote:
Originally Posted by Storm Bride View Post



Quote:
Originally Posted by Juuulie View Post

Ha ha, I have the opposite problem. My 14yo son's favorite band is The Who -- which was my favorite band when I was his age. And I must confess, even though it's fun to watch The Kids Are Alright and listen to those old albums together, it also feels sort of weird & incestuous. Teenagers aren't supposed to like the same music as their parents! I keep thinking "Uh, son? WTF!"


Why aren't teenagers supposed to like the same music as their parents? This is one of those random "rules" that I just don't get. Teenagers are going to like whatever they like, just like adults. In any case, I grew up in the 80s, and there were very few of my classmates who liked their parent's music (mostly 50s/early 60s)...but there were a ton who liked the music of the 60s and early 70s, which was at least 10 years "out of date" by then.


Okay, honestly, we just thought it was funny that DS became so enchanted with all this "old time" music when he had such a wide variety of choice of modern music that developed AFTER DH and I left our own teenage years, like rap, hip hop etc. Instead of "rule" think typical teenage stereotype. Of course everyone doesn't follow stereotypes. When they don't, it can be amusing, ironic, etc., which is what I think people here are commenting on, or at least I am.  I did not want to listen to my parents' Hank Williams albums (loved Johnny Cash and Billie Holliday though) and they disliked the Rolling Stones, the Clash etc. (although they showed remarkable tolerance for almost continuous play of Cheap Trick's Live at the Budokan on a cross-continental road trip one summer).  So yes, I find it funny that DS listens to a LOT of Stones and the Clash and can play on his guitar most of Cheap Trick's oeuvre. He also plays Bach, Vivaldi etc. on his double bass, Spanish music on his classical guitar and a whole lot of ska and punk music that he composes himself. He's entitled to enjoy and play whatever he likes and wants, and he does. 

 

Likewise, it's a stereotype that teens and adults don't wear or like the same clothes. DD plunders my closet every morning looking for something to wear. Her friends can't believe that she wears my stuff. I'm not sure what they say when they find out that some of her shirts belonged to my father - and he's been dead for 15 years. 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

post #31 of 60

My daughter is 18, and I keep my edgy music on my ipod.  Some of it is downright raunchy, and I don't want her to listen to it.  (or know that I do)

post #32 of 60
Quote:
Originally Posted by ollyoxenfree View Post



Quote:
Originally Posted by Storm Bride View Post



Quote:
Originally Posted by Juuulie View Post

Ha ha, I have the opposite problem. My 14yo son's favorite band is The Who -- which was my favorite band when I was his age. And I must confess, even though it's fun to watch The Kids Are Alright and listen to those old albums together, it also feels sort of weird & incestuous. Teenagers aren't supposed to like the same music as their parents! I keep thinking "Uh, son? WTF!"


Why aren't teenagers supposed to like the same music as their parents? This is one of those random "rules" that I just don't get. Teenagers are going to like whatever they like, just like adults. In any case, I grew up in the 80s, and there were very few of my classmates who liked their parent's music (mostly 50s/early 60s)...but there were a ton who liked the music of the 60s and early 70s, which was at least 10 years "out of date" by then.


Okay, honestly, we just thought it was funny that DS became so enchanted with all this "old time" music when he had such a wide variety of choice of modern music that developed AFTER DH and I left our own teenage years, like rap, hip hop etc. Instead of "rule" think typical teenage stereotype. Of course everyone doesn't follow stereotypes. When they don't, it can be amusing, ironic, etc., which is what I think people here are commenting on, or at least I am.  I did not want to listen to my parents' Hank Williams albums (loved Johnny Cash and Billie Holliday though) and they disliked the Rolling Stones, the Clash etc. (although they showed remarkable tolerance for almost continuous play of Cheap Trick's Live at the Budokan on a cross-continental road trip one summer).  So yes, I find it funny that DS listens to a LOT of Stones and the Clash and can play on his guitar most of Cheap Trick's oeuvre. He also plays Bach, Vivaldi etc. on his double bass, Spanish music on his classical guitar and a whole lot of ska and punk music that he composes himself. He's entitled to enjoy and play whatever he likes and wants, and he does. 

 

Likewise, it's a stereotype that teens and adults don't wear or like the same clothes. DD plunders my closet every morning looking for something to wear. Her friends can't believe that she wears my stuff. I'm not sure what they say when they find out that some of her shirts belonged to my father - and he's been dead for 15 years.

 

 


I think there's a pretty big difference between finding it amusing or ironic when a teen doesn't follow the stereotypes and calling it "weird and incestuous" that they like the same music as their parents.

 

Personally, I don't even find it amusing - I'm just glad ds1 and I can connect somewhat on the music level. But, I can see people finding it amusing. I just don't get the "weird and incestuous" stuff. Music is music. I like some classical, some old 80s pop rock (a lot better than I liked it in the 80s, for sure), some 60s/70s "classic" rock, some jazz, etc. My first love is still 80s metal, especially the NWOBHM, and most especially Iron Maiden. But, I like a lot of music, even some of ds1's...and as I type that, I realize just how freaking weird it is that we even phrase it that way...it's not "ds1's music". DS1 also likes a lot of music, including some of "mine". I just honestly don't get why this seems weird to people. I find it much, much weirder that whole generations listen to only one kind of music, and/or lay claim to a band, sound, etc. Demographics are a marketing tool, not a lifestyle.

post #33 of 60
Quote:
Originally Posted by Storm Bride View Post



 

I think there's a pretty big difference between finding it amusing or ironic when a teen doesn't follow the stereotypes and calling it "weird and incestuous" that they like the same music as their parents.

 

 

 

I figure sometimes posters use exaggerated, flamboyant language for effect. I try not to let it provoke me. Again, it's a matter of humour, which is a matter of individual taste. Since you don't see anything funny about the subject in the first place, I can see that it's more likely to miss the target. OTOH, maybe Juuulie did mean something else, although I doubt it. 

 

FWIW, I agree that there is no ownership of music. I am more than happy to leave the death metal and hardcore punk stuff to DS though. 


 

post #34 of 60
Thread Starter 
Quote:
Originally Posted by nextcommercial View Post

My daughter is 18, and I keep my edgy music on my ipod.  Some of it is downright raunchy, and I don't want her to listen to it.  (or know that I do)


ipods and MP3s do offer a bit more more "privacy" than the old vinyl collections on a bookshelf ;)

 

Maybe this conversation would make more sense if I hadn't limited it to music.  Certainly we don't assume that teens will reject books, movies, and art because it was of the parent's generation.  Anyone have a teen who was horrified when reading from mom's library?    How about teens traumatized by suddenly "seeing" the true subject matter of the paintings dad did in college?  help.gifblush.giflol.gif

  

post #35 of 60
Quote:
Originally Posted by sunnmama View Post



Quote:
Originally Posted by nextcommercial View Post

My daughter is 18, and I keep my edgy music on my ipod.  Some of it is downright raunchy, and I don't want her to listen to it.  (or know that I do)


ipods and MP3s do offer a bit more more "privacy" than the old vinyl collections on a bookshelf ;)

 

Maybe this conversation would make more sense if I hadn't limited it to music.  Certainly we don't assume that teens will reject books, movies, and art because it was of the parent's generation.  Anyone have a teen who was horrified when reading from mom's library?    How about teens traumatized by suddenly "seeing" the true subject matter of the paintings dad did in college?  help.gifblush.giflol.gif

  


I suspect ds1 would be somewhat shocked by some of what's on my bookshelf, but not because it's mom reading it...just because he'd find it really, really weird. I'm a long time SF fan, and have some truly bizarre books on my shelves. DS1 isn't quite as out there in his thinking as I am sometimes, and I think some of it would just have him going "WTF??". But, he'd find it strange that anyone wrote it in the first place, not that I was reading it. He knows I'm weird.

 

With respect to movies, ds1's taste is far more edgy than mine, but we have similar taste overall (except that he doesn't mind horror movies, and I can't stand them). Art just doesn't come up. DS1 is far more knowledgeable about, and interested in, art than I am. My taste runs to fantasy art (of the Vallejo style) and random pieces here and there. But, ds1 wouldn't be bothered if he came across something erotic or whatever in my collection of books and such. I wouldn't have been where my parents were concerned, either.

post #36 of 60

Well, I would be a bit weirded out if my kid came across some of the porn I like...  I don't think it would be the porn itself that would freak her out so much as the idea that it was something I enjoyed. I do try to keep my sexual life pretty separate from her (and I accord her the same courtesy, although I've asked her about birth control stuff). I'm not sure if that's quite the same thing, though. 

post #37 of 60
Thread Starter 

 No, not porn! ROTFLMAO.gif

 

I dunno.  I'm sure I'm overthinking.  My parents were odd when it came to music, books, movies, and art.  They were sort of personality-blank in this area, while dh and I are sort of personality-plus.  It'll be interesting..... :)

post #38 of 60

DD and I have much the same interest in books and movies, in fact even DH likes most of what we like.

 

As for porn, DD found it once and was of the opinion that grown ups are weird. (nothing hardcore mind you).

post #39 of 60
Quote:
Originally Posted by MusicianDad View Post

 

That being said... I don't think edgy themes are new thing. In fact I know they aren't. Musicians just hid it better way back in the day. We listen to a lot of older music here too and there are somethings that I didn't "get" about music both my parents listened to until I was a teen and when I finally did my reaction was generally "Wait... What?!"



I remember when I heard "Little Red Corvette" as an adult and kept rewinding it.  (cuz... yes, it was on a cassette tape) and listening to it, thinking "Now, why did I think he was talking about a car?"

post #40 of 60

We've spent "family video night" watching some stuff with pretty intense themes, quite intense R-rated sexuality, and we handled it by giving one another what we consider "city privacy" -- where everything's right in everyone's faces, and you do them the courtesy of moving past it if they don't want to discuss the subject.

 

What MusicianDad said about edgy not being a new theme -- working backwards, Cab Calloway comes to mind, then Coleridge's Kubla Khan, and Sappho.  We didn't just start being daring thirty years ago.  :)

New Posts  All Forums:Forum Nav:
  Return Home
  Back to Forum: Preteens and Teens
Mothering › Mothering Forums › Childhood and Beyond › Preteens and Teens › Teen's response to your music? (eta...books, movies, and art, too!)