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Teen's response to your music? (eta...books, movies, and art, too!) - Page 3

post #41 of 60
Quote:

I'm not concerned about discussing the lyrics to Closer (for one example) with my teen.

 

I'm concerned about my teen finding Closer in my collection and thinking "Uh, Mom? WTF!"  blush.gif  

 

A song like 'Closer'?   That would definitely be in the very uncomfortable category, so I would just avoid it altogether.  But I know exactly what you mean, and I do wonder how it will affect how my daughter sees me. I imagine the 'mom and sex in the same sentence' gag reflex will make it a little self limiting.  I certainly didn't associate that world with my mom, when I was growing up. 

 

There are some other things to consider.  One is just simple swear words. My 15 year old daughter thinks it's cool that dh and I listen to loud rock n roll with swear words.  She used to be scandalized.  eyesroll.gif  Seriously, our kids used to scold us for play that music too loud.

 

I don't always listen closely to lyrics.  Once when I was doing the rounds and picking kids up from school I had Rage Against the Machine blasting.  All of sudden ds yelled, "MOM! You might want to turn the music down!", and I realized we were at the point in "Killing in the Name" where he screams F- you, I won't do what you tell me!!! about a hundred times (maybe it's only eight times). yikes.gif lol.gif

 

The other thing is sexual explicitness (a little gentler than 'Closer').  And I kind of treat music the same way I treat certain movies, where my kids are concerned.  It's been interesting navigating certain sexually charged scenes in movies with our teen daughter.  It's just plain uncomfortable and squirmy.  So I acknowledge that it's uncomfortable and we laugh about it. We avoid watching certain movies with her, even though I don't particularly object to her seeing those movies.

 

And then there's sexually explicit lyrics that sexually degrade women.  That I don't tolerate.  And I told my kids, I don't care about swear words in music. I just would be very unhappy and disappointed if you got into music that exploits and degrades women. 

 

I think about this often, because in regards to pop music and pop culture in general, I do think there's a difference between what I experienced growing up with my parents, versus what my kids are experiencing with dh and me.  My parents were from the Benny Goodman, Frank Sinatra era.  They thought the whole hippy, rock n roll movement of the 60s and 70s was a disaster. They were of the 'turn down that damn music!' era and they didn't like that I listened to anything of a sexual nature.  So I was a rebel simply by listening to FM radio, and the divide between the generations was firmly established in my mind.

post #42 of 60

Ack! Didn't realize there was a whole 'nuther page.
 

Quote:
Originally Posted by Dar View Post

Well, I would be a bit weirded out if my kid came across some of the porn I like...  I don't think it would be the porn itself that would freak her out so much as the idea that it was something I enjoyed. I do try to keep my sexual life pretty separate from her (and I accord her the same courtesy, although I've asked her about birth control stuff). I'm not sure if that's quite the same thing, though.



No, I think you hit the nail on the head. It's exactly like that.  Or that's how I see it.  Edgy music is like other artistic mediums.

 

It's all part of dealing with and coming to terms with the fact that our children grow up to be sexual adults gradually, in our own homes.  It's weird and uncomfortable and our relationship with them changes in fits and starts.   Our perspective of them changes and their perspective of us changes. 

 


 

post #43 of 60

This thread reminds me of http://xkcd.com/830/

post #44 of 60

Dude, I must be slacking. Aren't I usually the one who quotes xkcd. I love that comic though.

post #45 of 60
Thread Starter 
Quote:
Originally Posted by sapphire_chan View Post

This thread reminds me of http://xkcd.com/830/



 That's funny....but honestly, I have no issue with my kid knowing we (her parents) have sex, or with the idea of my parents having sex.  Being open about having a healthy sexual relationship feels different to me than having my kid explore my music/movies/books/art with sexually edgy themes.  I'm not sure why. 

post #46 of 60
Quote:
Originally Posted by sapphire_chan View Post

This thread reminds me of http://xkcd.com/830/



lol.gif

post #47 of 60
Quote:
Originally Posted by sunnmama View Post



Quote:
Originally Posted by sapphire_chan View Post

This thread reminds me of http://xkcd.com/830/



 That's funny....but honestly, I have no issue with my kid knowing we (her parents) have sex, or with the idea of my parents having sex.  Being open about having a healthy sexual relationship feels different to me than having my kid explore my music/movies/books/art with sexually edgy themes.  I'm not sure why. 


It's not about parents being comfortable with the kids knowing they have sex. It's about the kids being comfortable with knowing their parents have sex. Like, I know my parents don't have sex. Ever. Not with each other (they are divorced) and not with their current spouses, because even if they do have sex (likely) I just don't need that image in my head thankyouverymuch!

post #48 of 60
Thread Starter 
Quote:
Originally Posted by MusicianDad View Post



Quote:
Originally Posted by sunnmama View Post



Quote:
Originally Posted by sapphire_chan View Post

This thread reminds me of http://xkcd.com/830/



 That's funny....but honestly, I have no issue with my kid knowing we (her parents) have sex, or with the idea of my parents having sex.  Being open about having a healthy sexual relationship feels different to me than having my kid explore my music/movies/books/art with sexually edgy themes.  I'm not sure why. 


It's not about parents being comfortable with the kids knowing they have sex. It's about the kids being comfortable with knowing their parents have sex. Like, I know my parents don't have sex. Ever. Not with each other (they are divorced) and not with their current spouses, because even if they do have sex (likely) I just don't need that image in my head thankyouverymuch!



Like I bolded--I'm different in that way.  I don't mind that.  Frank discussions about sex are my comfort zone, but the media/art thing is different for me somehow.  

post #49 of 60

Frank discussions about sex are totally in my comfort zone. Acknowledging my own parents as sexual beings is not.

post #50 of 60
Quote:
Originally Posted by MusicianDad View Post

Frank discussions about sex are totally in my comfort zone. Acknowledging my own parents as sexual beings is not.



thumb.gif  lol.gif  Yup.

post #51 of 60
Quote:
Originally Posted by MusicianDad View Post

Frank discussions about sex are totally in my comfort zone. Acknowledging my own parents as sexual beings is not.



And, these are both my comfort zone...which is weird, because I'm actually a total prude, in some ways.

post #52 of 60

This isn't about music, but a TV show (but it's all pop culture, right?). Years back, when my daughter was around 14, the Trailer Park Boys was in its 1st or 2nd season. I liked it, I watched it. She told me some kids at school were talking about this cool new show where everyone swore and ran around robbing ATMs and growing pot, etc. She said she was shocked when she figured out they were talking about the same show her mom liked! Because if her mom was watching it, it was by definition NOT COOL. 

 

It wasn't until well into my adult years when I realized that some of the books, music, and movies that my parents let us read/listen to/watch (from their collection, almost exclusively) were really not exactly age appropriate.

post #53 of 60


 

Quote:
Originally Posted by Storm Bride View Post



Quote:
Originally Posted by MusicianDad View Post

Frank discussions about sex are totally in my comfort zone. Acknowledging my own parents as sexual beings is not.



And, these are both my comfort zone...which is weird, because I'm actually a total prude, in some ways.



I don't think it's prudish... I think it's about having boundaries. For me, discussing my sex life with my kid would be crossing boundaries I think are better left uncrossed.

post #54 of 60
Quote:
Originally Posted by Dar View Post


 

Quote:
Originally Posted by Storm Bride View Post



Quote:
Originally Posted by MusicianDad View Post

Frank discussions about sex are totally in my comfort zone. Acknowledging my own parents as sexual beings is not.



And, these are both my comfort zone...which is weird, because I'm actually a total prude, in some ways.



I don't think it's prudish... I think it's about having boundaries. For me, discussing my sex life with my kid would be crossing boundaries I think are better left uncrossed.



I don't think it's prudish either. I really don't care much about other peoples sex lives (except DH's but only for obvious reasons) and I really, really don't care about my parents sex lives.

post #55 of 60


 

Quote:
Originally Posted by MusicianDad View Post

I don't think it's prudish either. I really don't care much about other peoples sex lives (except DH's but only for obvious reasons) and I really, really don't care about my parents sex lives.



Yeah. I am still traumatized over finding my dad's Viagra in his medicine cabinet when I went to look for an aspirin. And he told me to go get one from the medicine cabinet! He sent me into that dark, dark place and the mental images... oi.

 

post #56 of 60
Thread Starter 
Quote:
Originally Posted by Dar View Post


 

Quote:
Originally Posted by Storm Bride View Post



Quote:
Originally Posted by MusicianDad View Post

Frank discussions about sex are totally in my comfort zone. Acknowledging my own parents as sexual beings is not.



And, these are both my comfort zone...which is weird, because I'm actually a total prude, in some ways.



I don't think it's prudish... I think it's about having boundaries. For me, discussing my sex life with my kid would be crossing boundaries I think are better left uncrossed.



Hmmm...I completely agree from a "guess what we did last night" pov. 

 

But I disagree from a pov of discussing sexuality in different stages of life (adolescence, child-rearing years, menopause, later life...), and including personal experiences.  I've discussed sexuality (mine and my mother's) from many of these angles with my mom--my mom who has sex with my dad.   I've even heard about the little pills that dad needs post-prostate surgery, and I'm just happy there is a reason to use the pills (happy they are still having sex after 40+ years).

 

Regardless, I'm trying to say that isn't where my issue on this thread is coming from.  I accept that I am more comfortable discussing sexuality with my parents than most (and maybe more comfortable than my children will be discussing sexuality with me).  The media issue isn't about my sex life.

post #57 of 60
Quote:
Originally Posted by Dar View Post


 

Quote:
Originally Posted by Storm Bride View Post



Quote:
Originally Posted by MusicianDad View Post

Frank discussions about sex are totally in my comfort zone. Acknowledging my own parents as sexual beings is not.



And, these are both my comfort zone...which is weird, because I'm actually a total prude, in some ways.



I don't think it's prudish... I think it's about having boundaries. For me, discussing my sex life with my kid would be crossing boundaries I think are better left uncrossed.

Ya.. I still remember my friend's mom telling us "Your dad isn't getting laid any time soon".  <--she was mad at him.

 

I never, ever needed to hear that.  It wasn't even my parent.
 

post #58 of 60
Quote:
Originally Posted by Dar View Post


 

Quote:
Originally Posted by Storm Bride View Post



Quote:
Originally Posted by MusicianDad View Post

Frank discussions about sex are totally in my comfort zone. Acknowledging my own parents as sexual beings is not.



And, these are both my comfort zone...which is weird, because I'm actually a total prude, in some ways.



I don't think it's prudish... I think it's about having boundaries. For me, discussing my sex life with my kid would be crossing boundaries I think are better left uncrossed.


No - I didn't mean that I'm a prude about this stuff. I mean that I've always seen my parents as sexual beings, am not bothered by my son seeing me as a sexual being, etc. I'm also quite comfortable discussing sex, in general (although that does depend on the comfort level of the person I'm talking to). I'm a prude in other ways, and I find it strange that I'm okay in these areas.

post #59 of 60
Quote:
Originally Posted by nextcommercial View Post



Ya.. I still remember my friend's mom telling us "Your dad isn't getting laid any time soon".  <--she was mad at him.

 

I never, ever needed to hear that.  It wasn't even my parent.
 



That wouldn't faze me at all. I'd be a bit uncomfortable if it were my own mom, talking about my own dad...but more about the "I'm mad at him and he's being punished" aspect than the sex side of it. Someone else's parent? I can't even imagine caring one way or the other...although I'd have been embarrassed if my own mom said it in front of a friend, and may be somewhat embarrassed on my friend's behalf in this situation.

post #60 of 60
Thread Starter 
Quote:
Originally Posted by Storm Bride View Post



Quote:
Originally Posted by nextcommercial View Post



Ya.. I still remember my friend's mom telling us "Your dad isn't getting laid any time soon".  <--she was mad at him.

 

I never, ever needed to hear that.  It wasn't even my parent.
 



That wouldn't faze me at all. I'd be a bit uncomfortable if it were my own mom, talking about my own dad...but more about the "I'm mad at him and he's being punished" aspect than the sex side of it. Someone else's parent? I can't even imagine caring one way or the other...although I'd have been embarrassed if my own mom said it in front of a friend, and may be somewhat embarrassed on my friend's behalf in this situation.



Agreed.  

 

Since this thread has become about this, lol, I even had some friends in HS who would openly discuss how "active" their parents were--sort of in admiration, rather than horror or embarrassment.  One friend's shared a conversation she had with her mom, wherein mom was telling her it was healthier to sleep without panties, and friend responded "Mom, I'm not 'getting some' every night like you", LOL!   No awkwardness.  The friend thought it was funny enough to share, but wasn't embarrassed at all.

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