So sad and angry. Lost. (long) - Page 2

[Logan]

I haven't fully read all the posts. But the thing that jumped out at me was that you have the same cycle of asking for stuff each time, starting off kind and then slowly building up to yelling and finally snapping and enforcing what it is. So maybe your DS has learned to just tune out the nice asking and not take you seriously until you get serious about it, if that makes sense  So you could try a new policy where you ask things ONCE only and if he doesn't respond to it, then you step in right there and then and enforce it. That way he knows that when you say something you are serious the FIRST time and it needs to happen now. 

So sorry about your DH, I cant believe he could treat you that way. Its great he has a connection to your son and a desire to parent him gently...but you guys are a team in this and he cant treat you like the enemy and isolate you out as the bad guy against your son. You need to unite and support one another through all the inevitable struggles that you will both have along the way. There's a saying I like, "If Mama aint happy, aint nobody happy" 

[ReginaPhalange]

(nak) I know this is an older thread that got bumped, but I just wanted to add that OP, you are not alone. I have a 3.25 yo and 5 month old, tons of moves and changes in the last 6 months. My DP works full time from home, easily does 50% or more of the work around here, and I was still ready to flip my lid with DS a couple of weeks ago. DS has a speech delay, a hot temper, and is easily frustrated. Some days it seems like all we hear is whining and tantrums. It comes and goes, I think. 1-2 bad weeks, 1-3 good weeks, and so on. This last "cycle" I said and thought some horrible things. Way worse than you.

I agree with the PPs, esp about your husband. He needs to be more helpful and supportive (even if it feels like he already is, he still needs to step it up a little when you go through a rough patch)

A few things that have worked for us:

I agree 100% with the above post. When we use a serious tone and ask something, if DS doesn't respond he then gets a warning, then straight to time out (see below)

The Supernanny style time outs, like a PP mentioned.

Let yourself mess up. Be a little late. As a PP said take DS to school in PJs. Let the house funk over, leave the dishes for DH, Nana, Mothers helper. Use paper plates. I think most people understand, particularly when you have a new baby.

When you are having a rough patch, pump some milk and turn the kids over to DH for the evening. Even if you use the time to do other house work, taking a breather from being around DS does wonders for me. During our last rough patch, which lasted a while, DP did DS's primary care for almost a week solid because I was hanging by my last nerve (I was still around and helped, of course, but DP did bath/bed/whining about every blessed thing). We also do what we call tag team parenting when we are both home: if one of us sees that the other one is about to lose her temper, we take DS outside/on a walk.

Go for a change of scene. Take them to an enclosed park or somewhere else where DS will need minimal supervision and turn him loose. Sit and stare off into space, read a book, crochet, make faces with your baby.

Be consistent with discipline. It's not easy, but does wonders for us. Some days it feels like we put him in time out every five minutes, but he knows what behaviors warrant a time out and he gets a warning.

Perhaps look into DS doing longer days or more days at preschool?

::hugs::