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teeny tiny vent

post #1 of 14
12/3/10 at 1:54pm
Thread Starter 

X called to tell me his lawyer ran an form 14 and he could only pay xyz of cs a month. Dissapointingly low, but I can deal. In the next breath he asks if we can switch weekends so he can go out of town for a widespread panic concert new year's eve. Oh, he hasn't bought PLANE tickets or anything yet, he just really wants to. dizzy.gif

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post #2 of 14
12/3/10 at 2:29pm

Did you record the conversation? Men really can be UAV's!!

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post #3 of 14
12/3/10 at 2:54pm

did you say no?!

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post #4 of 14
12/3/10 at 7:08pm

What's a form 14 and is the child support court-ordered?

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post #5 of 14
12/4/10 at 1:01pm
Thread Starter 
Quote:
Originally Posted by Minxie View Post

What's a form 14 and is the child support court-ordered?



Form 14 is how my state figures child support. According to him and his atty, he should pay me $220/month for two dc. He told me the trip he wants to take would only cost him $500. af.gif I, of course, pointed out that $500 he wanted to spend on a weekend for himself was more than he was suggesting he pay for two months of taking care of dc. I haven't given him an answer yet. He said that he def wouldn't leave them with a baby sitter for that time, which planted the seed in my mind that he might. I'm leaning towards switching weekends with him. If nothing else, it proves in my mind that dc are my number one priority while x is more concerned with his interests. 

 

It's not even really the figure that pisses me off, it is that he wants to run around and party - I left in May and this is the fourth plane trip mini vacation that I know about though there have been other road trips - I think when you have children, your priorities need to change, you know? When I know x will have the kids, I plan errands, clean the house, feed the freezer, quiet time, get together with friends. I don't get a sitter on my time. I wouldn't even consider going away for the weekend w/o dc when it was my scheduled time for something other than an emergency or a business trip.

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post #6 of 14
12/4/10 at 1:45pm

First, don't accept a lower CS.  Second, don't worry about what he is doing outside of time with the children.  It sucks, I know, to see them spending their money on crap while not wanting to care of the kids.  Do you have the right of first refusal?  My ex can't actually "leave the kids with a babysitter" or even his mother to go out of town.  They have to come to me.  SOOOO if I wanted to be a UAV, I could in essence refuse to switch weekends and then take the kids on his. I have always switched however.  Ex hasn't given me a crappy reason to switch yet however.  Could you just do this?

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post #7 of 14
12/4/10 at 2:16pm
Quote:
Originally Posted by DeerMother View Post



Quote:
Originally Posted by Minxie View Post

What's a form 14 and is the child support court-ordered?



Form 14 is how my state figures child support. According to him and his atty, he should pay me $220/month for two dc. He told me the trip he wants to take would only cost him $500. af.gif


Wow, that ain't much. My husband pays $583 per month for his son from his first marriage, which is 20% of his pre-tax income. That is how this state calculates CS, a flat percentage of income. If he can 'afford' to save up for a trip, then he can pay more cs.

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post #8 of 14
12/4/10 at 5:08pm

I agree that it sure ain't much.  That any judge would think that's an acceptable contribution is just... nuts.  Nowadays $220 doesn't pay for very much, never mind the food, clothing, shelter and activities for two children! 

 

I'd wouldn't be happy, either, that he somehow has money for fun, but pays peanuts to "help" support the children.  If he "can't" pay more child support, I would be darn sure to make sure he covers health insurance, childcare and a percentage of extra-curricular/activity fees. 

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post #9 of 14
12/4/10 at 7:17pm

this reminds me of the time my ex begged and threatened and pleaded for me to take the kids on his night, the evening before my final exam, so he and his girlfriend could go for couples massages. they really just don't get it.

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post #10 of 14
12/4/10 at 7:31pm

So...have you filed for child support?  It sounds like a bluff honestly.

 

As for his time without kids, yeah, priorities change, but when your children don't live with you its a different story.  I wouldn't worry about the concert - just switch weekends.  I've had to ask my ex to switch weekends with me, and he's had to do the same - its really not a big deal.  Just ignore the part where he says, "so I can go to....."

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post #11 of 14
12/4/10 at 9:17pm

He's bluffing you. Google "Child Support Calculator" for his state and input the data. Most states include daycare, before and after care, and medical insurance in addition to the base child support.

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post #12 of 14
12/5/10 at 6:20am

Yep. Guys like that just don't change. And they don't get it, and they aren't even capable of seeing the needs of anyone but themselves. I'm so so so glad you found the strength to leave him.

Yes to the switched weekend, no to the less child support. Remind me, do you have a good lawyer advocating for you?

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post #13 of 14
12/5/10 at 2:50pm

Here's a link to a calculator: http://www.teamlex.com/Areas/form14.htm (Mods, is that okay to post here? It isn't my site; just one I found through Google.)

 

If you can't get to that, google "Missouri Supreme Court Rule 88.01 Form 14 - child support calculation worksheet." That will get you to a calculation worksheet.

 

I calculated $860 based on you and he both being paid $10/hr and working full-time ($20800/yr). I presumed you paid $800/mth for child care costs for 2 toddlers and $100 for medical insurance. I did not allow a credit based on overnights as I didn't know how many he had but it does affect the end result.

 

If everything else stays the same but you only pay $400/mth for child care, the child support is $676.

 

If you don't work, don't pay child care, and he covers medical insurance, he STILL pays you $539 for 2 kids.

 

Even doubling your income to $3400/mth and leaving his at $1733, dropping daycare to $0 and having him cover medical insurance at a rate of $100/mth, he STILL pays you $352.

 

If you both make $3000/mth, you pay medical ins at $100/mth and daycare at $800/mth (which is probably low), he would owe you $1053/mth.

 

I don't know your real numbers so I can't tell you how his atty got $220/mth but I think it's a bunch of monkey-poo.

 

 

Also re the babysitter: don't believe him. My (now-ex)BF did exactly that with his kids when he met me for a vacation; he lived in one state and I in another. We met in a third and he left his kids in his home state with a chick he was seeing. (I found out all of this WAY after the fact.)

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post #14 of 14
12/5/10 at 3:47pm
Thread Starter 
Quote:
Originally Posted by Minxie View Post

Here's a link to a calculator: http://www.teamlex.com/Areas/form14.htm (Mods, is that okay to post here? It isn't my site; just one I found through Google.)

 

If you can't get to that, google "Missouri Supreme Court Rule 88.01 Form 14 - child support calculation worksheet." That will get you to a calculation worksheet.

 

I calculated $860 based on you and he both being paid $10/hr and working full-time ($20800/yr). I presumed you paid $800/mth for child care costs for 2 toddlers and $100 for medical insurance. I did not allow a credit based on overnights as I didn't know how many he had but it does affect the end result.

 

If everything else stays the same but you only pay $400/mth for child care, the child support is $676.

 

If you don't work, don't pay child care, and he covers medical insurance, he STILL pays you $539 for 2 kids.

 

Even doubling your income to $3400/mth and leaving his at $1733, dropping daycare to $0 and having him cover medical insurance at a rate of $100/mth, he STILL pays you $352.

 

If you both make $3000/mth, you pay medical ins at $100/mth and daycare at $800/mth (which is probably low), he would owe you $1053/mth.

 

I don't know your real numbers so I can't tell you how his atty got $220/mth but I think it's a bunch of monkey-poo.

 

 

Also re the babysitter: don't believe him. My (now-ex)BF did exactly that with his kids when he met me for a vacation; he lived in one state and I in another. We met in a third and he left his kids in his home state with a chick he was seeing. (I found out all of this WAY after the fact.)



Wow, thanks! I'm short on time right now, but planning on checking that out more later. Ick, ick, ick about your exbf. Let's enjoy being single for a while, eh?

 

MamaJen, my lawyer is so-so. My funds have dried up and I haven't been able to use his services the way I'd like.

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