I've been lurking for at least a year now. I just need to vent to sympathetic eyes who won't judge.
I'm an untenured asst prof in the SUNY system whose program is closing. I have two year old twins, and husband dissertating and most likely ending his 6 month contract with the local AF research lab without renewal (unless he get a grant). When we moved to NY last year to start my second academic job (the last place closed their program too), we broke the bank with the move and trying to sell our house on the other side of the country - and of course the market crashed so we still own it. We are just getting back on our feet and the job situation is causing me a lot of distress. That and the end of the semester.
I'm back on the market, he's on the market. We have no idea where we will be next year or how we will pay the bills in January. The idea of moving with three year olds is not my idea of a good time, not to mention the money it takes to move. I'm frustrated because I can't seem to keep a job. The department I'm in now is supportive of me but the administration is not because they are trying to get rid of my colleague and closing the department with the budget issues is an easy out (the real reason is much worse), and regardless my husband's field is small and not in this area.
I love my kids and my husband and my job, but I'm stressed and it is taking it's toll on me and my family. A friend of mine who called right after I had to deal with a major toddler meltdown about changing a diaper accused me of not liking being a parent and I can't seem to shake it. She just has no idea of how much pressure it is to be untenured in a dual academic family in this job market. I think part of it is that i feel guilty of the kids being in daycare and the fact that I, like the rest of you, work a lot.
I wish I could find a better balance for my self as well as everyone else, but I'm the main breadwinner and don't have a choice. The hubby gets it, but the non-academic friends don't. Thanks for listening and letting me vent.