My son was abused in a daycare, but we don't believe it was molestation. He was physically abused and physical damage was caused by a female daycare teacher, but it appeared to be intended to hurt him, and DID hurt him. He had bruises all over the backs of his legs and damage to the skin of his testicles. It was basically ripped off in multiple places, and the doctor and I both thought it looked like someone pinched and twisted the skin of the testicles. Horrifying beyond belief.
I suppose you could say it was sexual abuse because it happened in the genital area, and I don't know what really happened because he was two, and obviously I wasn't there, but it seemed more like this person just wanted to hurt my son.
I suppose this could cause sexual issues for him, but I don't really think it's related necessarily to what's going on now. Though who knows. Since he is not trying to do sexual acts and has never acted out in that way, aside from wanting to show others' his body and see theirs, I just don't think this is related to that. I would say he suffered physical abuse, not molestation.
Also, when that happened, we decided not to talk to him about the abuse unless he brought it up. He was only two, so the communication was limited. For a few weeks, he would say "The teacher hurt my penis," and I would say, "I know, honey. I am so sorry you were hurt. That was not ok for the teacher to do that to you," and hug him, and talk along those lines. So aside from the talk about not looking at other kids' private areas, this was not a subject of conversation in our home at all since he was just two. He's now five.
If I didnt know that he was molested in daycare I wouldnt think this was so abnormal.
I think because of his past there has probably been much (maybe too much) talk about touching, privates, penisis............
He is curious and not shy. I am SO glad he feels comfortable to tell you what he did and hope he can always trust you with that stuff.
Some kids are sexual by nature, some are drawn to the no-no's. It could be one or the other or both for him.
I have a 5 yr old boy and a 7 yr old girl. Any curiosity about other peoples parts and touching I have always been very quick and non chalant about.
I give it the same reaction that I would for anything that I know is innocent. Besides a few random moonings, I havent encountered anything else.
Hopefully this is a short phase. It's really hard for a kid to understand why butts are not to be touched. He is only 5. He is in therapy. You know he is not being sexually abused now.
I wouldnt give this too much attention. I would say calmly before playdates that you expect him to keep his pants on, his friends to keep their pants on, and if anyone's come off- the playdate is over, and have a fun time!
If I were that mom I'd still hang out with you, but watch the kids closesly and have a talk with my DD.
Sorry to get back to you after so long.
First let me say how sorry I am that your 2 year old boy had to experience cruelty like that.
After knowing the whole story, I really dont think there is anything abnormal here. It could be anything from potty humour, to wanting to check things out, being drawn to it because its so off limits, or the little guy could wind up being a very sexual person. All regular things. Some people are just more physical and curious. He seems like he is just being gross and silly. He is also realizing what a rise it gets, which just might make it more silly and appealing.
I'm also trying to figure out if I missed something in the post. Was he diagnosed with an actual problem?
The thing Im the most worried about right now is the full staff of people trying to normalize him when he just sounds like a kid that is going through a really annoying behavioral phase that just so happens to do with butts.
He didnt hurt this girl and certainly wasnt trying to violate her. He was doing something that a lot of boys have a problem with- NOT KEEPING HIS HANDS TO HIMSELF. That is what he needs help with and so do plenty of kids.
Edited by mom2happy - 12/15/10 at 7:34pm