Screaming is all that works? - Page 2

[One_Girl]

Originally Posted by sparklefairy 

I don't think tomato staking in too extreme and had thought to suggest it. Actually, as you were talking about making dinner, I had a picture in my mind of boys sitting at the table drawing or reading while you cook :-)

I think that tomato staking is a good idea.  It sounds like they are older kids doing these things and just the threat of it, in a serious tone may help because they are probably very aware of the level of your frustration and the fact that you may well follow through.  Some of it may be boredom, I know that younger kids tend to get up to a lot of mischief when they are bored and it may be that the middle kids are just bored.  Have you thought of enrolling them in some activities through somewhere like the Y or your local community center.  Our Y and community center offer wonderful scholarships to make classes possible for families from any income level and they have a great selection of classes for homeschooling children.

[Lisa1970]

They take a few things like art. But after Christmas (I already paid for the entire fall) I am going to switch them over to everything being a physical thing, like swimming, an drop the art.

[HollyBearsMom]

Originally Posted by Lisa1970 

They take a few things like art. But after Christmas (I already paid for the entire fall) I am going to switch them over to everything being a physical thing, like swimming, an drop the art.

do you think thats a good idea?  I mean do they like art?  Do they want to take swimming? If they don't like art and have been asking for a change Ok but if they like it I wouldn't force them to drop it.

 

Can you have another family meeting, with the program guide, and get their input? It might go along way in building communication as well as building rapport. An opportunity to really listen to them and make them feel part of the process? It could go along way in getting them to cooperate on other things.

 

I think one of your kids is 6 right? How abut the other ones?  This age thru tweens are struggling between wanting independence and being scared of it.  Giving them small chances to be in control can really go a long way in building confidence, self esteem and trust.

 

just a thought, YMMV

[GuildJenn]

Here are some other ideas.

One big thing that is standing out to me is how much of their exploration is sensory. Are they getting water play time, cooking/dough making/sand/clay/playdough time? Do they have toys that emulate some of what they're doing (taking things apart for example)?

I would seriously ration things, while still respecting their need to explore. For example, with the pencils and paper - there is nothing wrong with giving them one piece of paper and one pencil at a time, and they have to "check the pencil back in" at the end of the art session.

I would definitely set at the very least a routine, if not a schedule. In the schedule I would balance out physical activity, sensory activity, reading time, quiet time, and clean-up time.  If you can get them involved with helping you with things I think you might find this easier, like cooking or dusting or cleaning - that kind of thing.

I don't see a problem with establishing consequences if they don't, at this point. I'll admit that we don't do that ourselves but my son's okay helping with tidy up time. If he weren't, I think I would have to put a lot of things in the garage or something.

I understand your DH was anti-chore, but picking up after a game or an art project is not "a chore" - it's a routine that keeps a house sane.  I would have a 5-minute clean up after each activity. I know with a baby this is really hard, but you both need them to start helping more so I think it is worth the investment of time up front.

[waiting2bemommy]

It sounds like they haven't learned how to appreciate or respect porperty. I would take all their stuff out of their rooms except for maybe 3 toys each (or whatever you feel is manageable to get cleaned up in <5 minutes) and their bed, dresser, etc. Empty bookshelves and everything. Get locks for your cabinets. Not babyproof locks but actual LOCKS. Lock your bedroom door and make them stay in either their rooms or whatever common area you are in. Let them know that you are giving them a chance to practice showing respect for their property (and yours) and that the better they get at it, the more of their stuff you'll be able to put back in their rooms. Commend them when you catch them doing something.

I second the posters who have said that it could be not engouh one on one time. I spent 45 minutes helping ds dress up like a pirate yesterday (see my pic, lol) and he was so thrilled to have that time with me. hi hehavior seems to be directly  related to whether I am giving him enough attention. Maybe when you catch them doing something good, you could say, "thanks guys for picking up that mess, I really appreciate it." Or even "thank you so much for NOT spilling juice today, it made my life so much easier and saved me time. Who would like to play hide and seek with me for a little bit" or something to that nature. combining their good behavior with instant gratification of time with you. Even if the baby fusses for a few minutes....

Maybe give them a "cleaning station" with some vinegar water in a spray bottle, a few rags and a kid sized broom and dustpan? Have them compete with each other for some small prize. I always liked using a movie as a prize when I nannied because everyone who participates wins by watching the movie and the best cleaner-upper gets to pick.

[rabbitmum]

You have gotten a lot of good advice here! I am getting a lot of input that I am sure is going to come in handy in the not too far future.

I wanted to chime in on the one-on-one idea. Whenever our two small ones (almost 5 and almost 6) get a bit like that, splitting them and doing something interesting with each of them for a few hours really works. I think it helps rebuild the contact that you need for the kids to tuned into listening to your voice. We have sometimes split into groups of two (one child, one grownup) and let each child choose an activity. They generally choose a museum trip or a long, cosy session of being read for.

As for the Christmas activities, I think you should not let the kids' unruliness ruin the holiday for everybody. I realise that you have not meant to cancel Christmas as a punishment, but simply have not been able to do anything because of all the mess, but it can easily be perceived that way. "Since we were bad Mommy said we couldn't have a nice Christmas." I think that would probably be really demotivating. It might take some effort to get to do your holiday activities, but I think it is important not to make the kids responsible for things like that. When things are a bit uphill, it often helps me to think through exactly which practicalities, in detail, need to happen for whatever activity you want to happen, and make a detailed plan for it. Then tell the kids about the plan and follow it through. Just accept that it is going to take a lot of time and patience, it will probably be two steps forwards, one step backwards, but stick to the plan, and focus on the goal and whatever they do right. (I'm not very good at explaining what I mean now, am I?)

I sometimes manage to see situations like you are describing, i.e. when things have gone a bit wild, as an opportunity for the whole family to learn communication and co-operation skills, and to work on the relationships between all the persons in the family.

Btw I agree with the rest that tomato stalking (was that the expression?) is not too extreme as a natural consequence when kids that age are not able to show that they can be trusted out of sight.