...and I need a place to vent. I post/lurk a lot here, so this is not my ''real'' screenname, just one for the sake of privacy, while I get this off my chest.
So yeah, he drinks, not tons, but enough to really, really make me resent him. He generally has 1-2 binge sessions a week, usually 10-ish beers each time, plus some hard liquor some times. Enough to make him pass out and be quite hungover the next day. He almost always drinks at home, after we've gone to bed. I co-sleep with our two kids, 4 and 11 months. Sometimes, like yesterday, he goes out and doesn't get back home until 6 or 7 am. Yesterday, he walked in at 8 am, said good morning like this was any other Saturday. The 4 y-o was quite upset when he woke up and daddy wasn't home. I told him he had been called in to work (yes, I lied, and that's why I'm soooooo angry at him right now). He then said he was sorry to our son (not to me, I didn't get any apologies or even an explanation as to where he had been...) and said they would have the best day ever together. He then proceeded to fall asleep on the couch and didn't wake up until 4 pm. I took the kids out, and we all went to bed early. This morning, he still pretended everything was fine. I usually steam for a few hour and get over it, but his drinking has never affected our kids before (at least not this directly), so I told him to go to hell when he asked why I was so grumpy. Now he's acting like I'm the one with the problem. And that's how he'll act until I apologize, and then he'll say something stupid like ''well next time just tell me what's bothering you instead of getting so mad.''
I've been through therapy because of his drinking. I'm a textbook enabler - I've even left before only to crawl back to him begging for forgiveness. In the end, I am ALWAYS the one who seems to have the problem. I am fed up, and I do not want our kids to suffer. He is an amazing dad, and never, ever drinks in front of them. But this cannot be healthy, or normal, right?
He refuses to even acknowledge that he has a problem, and is quick to remind me that I used to like to party too. I did, and I could drink anyone under the table when I was a silly student. I'm a parent now, and I stopped drinking the day I decided to try to conceive. I hardly drink at all now, except for 1-2 drinks a year (I had a glass of really good wine on my 30th, and that was 8 months ago).
He doesn't seem to understand why his drinking bothers me. He says he's home (mostly true), that it doesn't impact his work (true), or our family life (even hungover, he rarely acts it), and that he never gets abusive (true; he's a happy drunk). But I hate knowing that he's getting sloshed, that he has this love affair with booze. I wish I could leave, I really do. Thanks if you've read my rant.