My 2.5 year old says "Bi#ch"

[mamakah]

I should start with saying that my husband and I both swear. We try to clean up our language when ds is around, but things slip out. My views on swearing are this:

I think it's annoying that some words are "bad" because someone along the way dubbed them as such. I don't understand why it's acceptable to say "crap" but not "sh#t" even though they have the exact same meaning. The only words that I find offensive are words that are hateful or degrading to a certain race, gender, religion, etc.  I also acknowledge that swearing offends some people, and I'm considerate of that.

Which brings me to my problem. Ds is saying "Bi#ch" which is one of the words I don't like. We don't know where he got it, because it is not one of the words we use often.  I've noticed since he started saying it, that it's not a word that is censored out of songs, on t.v, radio, etc.  So, maybe he heard us say it once then he just had it reinforced elsewhere? I don't know.

It bothers me though and he says it a lot, especially when angry.  At first we ignored. Didn't work. Then I started getting on his level and saying "Honey that is a very mean word. Can you think of a nice word to say instead? What about "funny?" 

He goes to a parent co-op nursery school 2 days a week and last time I was co oping I heard him say it over and over again.  His teacher said "No, that's not a word we use at school."

I talked to her about it afterward and she told me to get on his level, look him right in the eyes and say "Not an ok word." I've tried this and it's not working. He loves the attention he gets for it and that's why he does it. She said when he's older I can tell him that if he wants to say those words, he needs to go to his room and say them. 

It's stressing me out, I live in a very religious area, where the dominant religion is deeply opposed to swearing. I get anxiety when we are at the playground or other place and I hear him say it because I know we are both being judged for it.

All the other threads I found on this topic involved older children. Does anyone have any helpful tips on dealing with this in a 2 yr old?

Any advice would be greatly appreciated!

[Super~Single~Mama]

My son is only 23mo, but what works for us is to completely not acknowledge that he is even talking when he uses a cuss word.  We do slip with our word choice occassionally, and since ds is an echo of all of us, he repeats some things.  We usually give very positive feedback for what he says, but when he cusses we just go about our life.  We don't laugh, smile, frown, or say ANYTHING - just pretend he didn't say anything.  THEN, as soon as he says something different, we acknowledge him speaking.  Works great for us.  I know that 2.5 is quite a bit older though, and I'm willing to bet that our method won't work at that age.  It's a good thing I'm getting good at censoring myself!

[Llyra]

My best advice would be to ignore it. All three of my kids have gone through phases like this, and I've found that offering any attention for it, even negative attention, just reinforces it. They like the reaction they get, when they use shocking words.

If you pay it no attention at all, and act like nothing unusual happened, and also work on NOT using the word yourself, chances are he'll get tired of that word and move on to something more entertaining very soon.

With my DD1, it was shit. DD2 said goddammit a lot. DS is currently in a son-of-a-b phase. All of which were picked up from me, when I inadvertently used them in front of the kids.

Don't worry too much about other people's reactions--- this is something almost all kids go through at some point. They might act all shocked, but chances are the shock is just because they've conveniently forgotten the time their sweet little one dropped the F bomb in front of the minister, or something.

[~PurityLake~]

My best results come when I first address the issue, explain why it's not an appropriate word, then ignore it. Do not first ignore it, because then he won't learn why it's not acceptable to use that word.

[prothyraia]

If ignoring it isn't working, you could try explaining why it's not an ok word.  Which I boil down as "people get sad when they hear that word".  And then possibly follow up with "I'm not going to listen to you when you use that word".

[mom2grrls]

This is straight from Playful Parenting-when he uses the word you don't want him to go up to him and say, you can say b****, but don't ever say <insert some nonsense word here>.  Then act all horrified when he repeats you, I have tried it in the past and it def. took my son's mind off of the word I didn't want him to use for a while:)

[kriket]

I have told kids that B!tch, is "Mean to mommies" no one wants to be mean to their mommy :)

Good luck! How clearly does the word come out? My very vocal niece says "Oh $hit" but it kinda sounds like "sit" or just random babble, so we can pretend it didn't happen and unless you are family, you can't understand what she said so you can't judge :)

[mamamille]

At this age. it's the adults attention that solidifies the importance of the word.  I also am a verbal pirate (though having your sweet 4 year old say f#cker is a sobering experience), but at that age, if she just happened to use one of mommies words, I would instantly rhyme with her using nonsense and real words.  Their brains are collecting vocab words like there is no tomorrow- so it's really not the sensation (though at this point he is using it as a parlor trick) of a naughty word but just trying out the household vocab.  Personally I'm not sure if at that age they can differentiate between adult words and children's words, but that is what I am trying with my dd.  That and when I swear,chances are I am being less then perfect at the time, so I frame it that when we swear, it makes us ugl; because we are feeling ugly inside, it comes out.

[One_Girl]

My dd didn't swear at that age, but she did say stupid because that is something I said a lot.  When it became a problem I told her that it isn't a nice word, it hurts feelings, and we should work together to not say it anymore because it wasn't nice for either of us to say.  I approached it calmly and with a problem solving tone and she was open to it.  When she was younger she picked up 'damn it' from my mother and said it a lot so I started using a word that I didn't mind her saying around other children frequently in situations where I was angry and might have used that word if I was a swearing person.  I also used my replacement word a few times after each time she said it and said she sounded like she felt so angry.  She quickly latched onto the replacement word.  Since you have a history of trying to stop the word I suggest ignoring it for a while and trying to fit in a replacement word or phrase "I'm angry' may be a nice phrase for you to fit in when you might say that and telling him 'you look angry, very very angry. Can I help you with something?' right after he says the word may help him latch onto the word angry which will be much more constructive.

[34me]

If it helps you any my dd at 2.5 popped out with "stupid F Bitch" often.  Although I was horrified and gave dh the look as she was putting two of his favorite phrases together, she is 17 in two weeks and has learned appropriate places to expand her vocabulary choices :)

[lookatreestar]

my dd picked up "oh my f'n gosh" she would often pair it with an "i swear " she was totally copying me and my non coping skills with ds and his higher energy levels. it was a hard couple of weeks, plus my dh works uhm...  a lot. i pretty much stopped and so has she. then she picked up stupid from a tv show and we just agree that she goes to her room to say it to get it out of her system then comes back. 

[mamazee]

Toddlers are fascinated by the power of language, so the fact that this language has enough power to shock and upset people is probably part of the appeal.  I would explain that the word makes people feel bad, but from now on try to be very matter-of-fact about it rather than give the word yet more power.  "Remember, sweetie, that we're going to try to use a nicer word instead of that one?"  And then follow through and also use a nicer word instead of that one.

[kittie313]

I don't know if it will help any, but our youngest girl, at just barely 2yo, got a toddler bed for Christmas that year with a set of satiny Disney Princess sheets (yes, we spoiled her and her big sisters rotten in some areas, and moving out of the crib is a reason for us to celebrate).  About a week later, she and her sisters were getting ready for bed when she came running out of their bedroom with the fitted sheet to her bed in hand.  She threw it at dh and yelled, "fix the f'in bed daddy" and ran off back to their room.  I was blessed with an early talker who speaks fairly clearly for her age with that one, and all we could do is stare at each other like DID SHE REALLY JUST SAY THAT?????

We found with her especially, that if we don't say a word at all or even acknowledge that she said the word, she doesn't say those words.  And trust me, she knows them ALL (partly my fault too, she likes to watch me and dh playing a certain game on the computer and although I tend to only play when they are asleep, I spend a lot of time cussing at the computer because I died or didn't grab all the gold/items I need get get a spell or item made, she usually sleeps on the sofa not too far from the computer we play that game on).

[Lisa1970]

Stop using the language yourself. Don't act shocked when he uses it, but do tell him no. Get on your dh's case to clean up his language.

My dh took some time to clean it up...but honestly, you only have to hear so many bad words out of your child (and so many calls from the school about the words your children use) to clean it up. I started to make my dh talk to the school when those calls came in. My dh decided he would rather clean up his language than have to hear from the school again.

[philomom]

Originally Posted by Lisa1970 

Stop using the language yourself. Don't act shocked when he uses it, but do tell him no.

I agree. I tell my kids it is not okay to speak this way. That swearing  won't be tolerated by teachers and co-workers. Plus, we are pretty snobbish here, I see swearing as a sign of lack of better words to say.

[chaimom]

Agree with the previous two posters.  Like it or not, those are considered rude words in our society.  If you don't want your child to say them, you have to stop.  It's asking too much of a 2.5-year-old to figure out what are "adult" words and what are kid words.